'Letting go' does not come easy to me... It is against my natural feelings ..

Against all I am.

I prefer

Hold on to 

Keep

Bury 

Wrap up and become part of me

Letting go feels like losing, and my whole life from the very beginning, literally has been losing, from my dad when I was born until recent times.

And I know that's not really, actually true, I don't lose, I haven't lost everything, most certainly not every one, but, that small child I still am cannot let go of that feeling, and letting go means ... To let go of that feeling also.. 

And that is what I feel is impossible for me.

Probably everything there I have written makes so sense to anyone else, it just flowed, because I needed to say it.

Because I am changing, always, because it is time for change, because this is the time.

M.

If you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

Erica Jong - Novelist-Satirist-Poet

Today is an important day for a very good friend of mine, she woke up to the news that her brother had passed..

I, in work, far from home, woke up to the news Pippa had passed..

Certain days have a pin dropped, sticking them forever in our hearts and minds at that very moment, and those moments stay where they are forever, and we have no choice but to move forward from there..

We we can't stay where we've dropped our pin, we have to keep on and the days turn into weeks, to months and into years.

And that pin that was dropped was four years ago and it seems an impossible amount of time has already has passed, and when we reach those dates sometimes we feel that it was but yesterday.

M.

My birthday cake for today from dear friends...

I got it home in one piece, mostly unmelted, very soon though in the kitchen it started to! Badly! So I quickly sliced it up, and half of it is in the freezer in small slivers! 

I didn't freeze the fruit.. later this evening I shall consume my first slice! 

We met up this morning in a pastelería, wonderful cake store; sat outside under their veranda and drank coffee and food was eaten.. conversation flowed, as always...

Cards and a present.. I am a very lucky girl... Not sure how I got to be 65? 

That's not even a real number is it? 

Surely not! I'm still me, still the same girl, looking out through my same eyes in awe and wonder most of the time.. still wondering what my mission is? Or did I complete it already?

Out again later for dinner, different dress! No driving though, so I shall partake of a small beverage!

There's a loose thread in the world... This was on something I was watching yesterday.. I like it, a loose thread in the world... 

My kind of thought process..

Thank you all for being in my life, sharing good and bad and nothing-much-days, for listening to me while I chatter away to you all... 

If I am next to you you can zone out... I guess if you're reading me? Not so easy! Ha!

M.

Two quotes today, just because I can!

The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.

Alan Watts - 1915-1973 - Writer

And...

Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over.

Guy Finley - Writer-Philosopher-Spiritual Teacher

 

I read very varied and diverse things! Surprise surprise! I save way too much much on my phone then have to read it all in blocks when I have time; I delete and forget! Well, maybe some sticks in those places in our brains where useless information goes to be suddenly spoken of when least needed! 

This! The earth's core which was turned in X amount of velocity in one direction, has changed speed and actually reversed it's direction now!! 

It does of course rotate independently of our planet! Or I think we might have noticed, dramatically one day as our gravity would surely have changed! Never mind the rest of other possibilities!! I better put link here now! 

The core is roughly 5,180 kilometres away from us.. I needed to get in head what distance that would be like from me, hence the map above!

Now! I need to get up and have my brekky!

Bit heavy for a Sunday morning! 

And later this evening Spain v England footy!

M.

Follow your bliss and don't be afraid and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be.

Joseph Campbell - 1904-1987 - Writer-Professor

 

I made jelly, again!

Chatting to a friend just now ...

I said the common phrase for us lucky to live, I said 'another day in paradise.'

Of course it doesn't always feel like that, and most commonly said sarcastically! 

But where is paradise? It really isn't a place is it? It's how we feel, wherever we feel our bliss, our happiness, all our very different paradises! 

Why sometime we find to hard to believe someone isn't happy when we see their beautiful home, their full wallets or bright shiny cars..

Yet, if they're not happy, it's nothing to them, and things don't make people happy in their hearts not true happiness.. 

Or does it? Not for me any way, although maybe I've just never had that so don't have a clue what I'm talking about! 

Outsides J's off to work, another good day ahead, tiring and full of awkward customers! 

Some that is, but all the nice ones too!

M.

Saturday morning having early morning coffee in town before heading to the coast.. and had a Stephen King moment! Expected Pennywise the clown to be nearby! 

Still, I made it down to Calahonda and the beach with J. we got good beach beds in the back line.. there was a strong breeze blowing and sand in the air... looked like a desert storm!

Unbeknownst to us we were joined by a customers family, so that was nice..

We left the beds about four and walked along to Andy's Bar and found some high chairs near the stage and settled in for a good couple of hours with Zac Black and Bruno, absolutely wonderful, took a bit for me to to get up and dance, but eventually I did! 

Was an absolutely beautiful day.. over-did the sun, under-did the suntan lotion, probably not enough fluids either, but a really lovely day.. I got home about eight or half past... Needed to strip my Aloe Vera plant before I went to bed!

Every now and then I think on a pen pal I used to have, his name was Eugene Kumar, from Singapore, we wrote for about fifteen years...

As well as the many letters over the years, he also sent cards and gifts for me and the boys...

We make so many friends along our path of life, many, if we are lucky, we get to keep, forever.. 

Some pass through and then, they're gone.. they come in like the old saying goes for a reason or a season .. something like that.... To help us through our lives or us to help them through theirs...

I'm still friends with school friends, some go back to when I was only four! 

And some, like Eugene, gone, completely...

Today now, Monday, met up with a friend not seen for sixteen years! The third this year, of friends not seen for far too long. So good to see her, I used to work for her here in town, time goes too fast, always reminded of this, every day now it seems... 

And this! Figs! WoW, did not know all of this! Especially the wasp bit! 

Figs are pollinated by fig wasps, they're really a flower, grown in on itself really, and the wasp enters to pollinate, and dies inside! It is absorbed by the fig!

Still my favourite fruit! Flower??? Yes!

Only now I feel like I also enjoy eating wasps!!

M.

Where have I been? 

Had Sunday lunch out at a restaurante in nearby Coín..

Been in town and had many coffees! Spent some quality time with good friends ..

Worked Saturday, but always good on a Saturday, different set of customers, and lots of tourists already heading in.. for good and bad.. 

I've finished the licorice tablets I was taking for my stomach, it feels so so now... Which is better than the agony I was in for so long ...

So I will take it easy, try not to eat too many fatty or sugary foods, just try to be careful any way, it's all I can for now, until I go back for a check-up.

It is better, but my better isn't someone else's, like my sleep, my better sleep is waking up about twenty times and falling back to sleep each time..

And I know, at least I'm sure... That isn't what is normally classed as better sleep!

Same with my stomach I suppose, but it's better than it was which if it's as good as it gets? It is better.

I had, still, two parts of my old sofa to get to the bins.. neighbor suggested I dismantle one piece more, which I did, and then I used the other bit for a headboard! 

Today at last I took the rubbish and two gas cans from near my front door and got two new cans and dumped the trash!

Looks very empty now! 

There is one more piece to go, it is so big and so in the way, but I have already stopped seeing it!

Can't find another use for it either, yet!

Went to Estepona Sunday morning, nice ride out and back.. before lunch.

M. 

Some people are fools

Some people are made fools of