Was a lovely although breezy walk along the paseo until I turned towards town on my way in, the sea crashing onto the beach, must be a storm at sea! It's cloudy and I drove through rain as I came around the mountains down to the coast.

It's a bit eerie driving down here so early, few cars, fewer people, kind of spooky, like everyone is just about to get going, of just getting home from an evening out! Probably the latter being a Saturday!

Fuengirola is changing, always changing, intrinsically, visually today road directions different, building works going on and the worse thing Bar Central has closed... The bar at the entrance to Las Rampas... So many memories under its awnings...

I parked at the Sohail end and walked to the market at the feria ground, I stopped for breakfast in a nice bar, Cafeteria Valentino, which used to be my dentist 15 years ago, which is strange, ironic! As my dentist in town used to be a bar I frequented!!

I noticed here today a few of the older long-standing shops have also gone... Change will come (down the barrel of a gun! Alabama 3) quote!

At the market I was only tempted by a few things... a beautiful art deco mirror, and a pair of steam punk boots and a neon New York sign! Tempted, but not enough to purchase! The market full of everything I have managed to get rid of over the years! Quite refreshing to just see them and pass them on by!

I came back up to Alhaurín and immediately had to drive a different route!! Just past the crematorium the road to the car park is the one we have to use! Then follow down, the wrong way if feels the new road, then its an option of left or right once through the park! Left to take down Calvario or right to take you back out of town!! Then the new route leads people up Candilajas and back onto the old road to continue ones journey!!

It looks a permanent route too, the signs are firmly fixed, and for me, its better! Sorry! But it is!!

So! After parking I walked down into town, had a hot chocolate with friends, no more coffee!! And then back home!  The weather has not improved here, still cloudy and cool...

The detour road

I forgot yesterday, when I left IKEA yesterday, I came through Churriana with every intention of keeping on the main road and just going for a long drive, enjoy the countryside, enjoy the drive... I love driving, and I miss driving when I'm at work and usually unable to do so!

As I was approaching the nursery for Guzman's the traffic was parked up! Literally! And the only traffic that appeared to be coming towards us were the cars that were turning around in the line ahead!

So after a while I did too! Along with the cars directly in front and behind! So was like sycranised swimming with cars! Only a few feet drop on the edge of the carriageway either side!

I turned at a roundabout further down the road back towards Churriana, and got up to the high road from there... We, everyone from the detour, were making good progress and then in Alhaurín De La Torre, the main drive through road had a policeman stationed there, his car stopping access to everyone! And off we all went again, turning right and left right again... And down to the ring road I would have originally been on! But that took ages to actually get onto, the amount of traffic coming from the direction we couldn't get to? I am guessing they too were turning around!! And everyman and his brothers uncle from every other direction!

And eventually I was on the road to Alhaurín again!

So I got my mystery tour! Just not what I was expecting!

Today I have to go to the local social security office to get my healthcare papers in order, I may never be seen or heard of again!

Aqui en españa ahora!  Lol okay, in English! Here in Spain now! Above a pitufo with manchego cheese and a small beer! After my drive out this morning to IKEA!

And in IKEA I had coffee and Dime pie! Of course! Too early for meatballs... Maybe next time, and actually I could just eat those now!

I went with a specific purchase in mind and I stuck to it, not wanting to buy things I purely liked, but didn't need!

I was doing really well, I did pick up a few things I liked the look of, feel of or color of!

I was on the approach to the check out, when the bargain area came into view!! So, throwing caution to the wind I entered the zone! And picked up and bought a set of lights! A string of lights, heavy duty they turned out to be, so maybe for the outside! No external sockets out tgere but will be okay inside, I just need to find somewhere to hang them! I'll take a photograph when I do! And they were only five euros!

The small unusual blue dinosaur I came across yesterday when walking the Pipster!

He was already extinct by today! Or just walked off!

Plaza Alta, near our house, Monday they were cutting down the beautiful trees! It looks worse now than then, above! I'll try and remember to take the finished destruction next time I pass!

Airport Road!

Well here I am, near to Bristol airport! All cosied in at a guest house! Zero facilities but absolutely lovely none the less, I was concerned about it prior to my arrival forsure! Not able to get in until 4pm, no food or anything else at all! But the room I am in couldn't be better, and the en-suite shower room looks like it was finished yesterday!

There were builders in the room next door when I arrived, so probably not far from the truth!

The bed has a beautiful soft blanket over the duvet, so I'm showered and under the covers already watching tv, drinking frothy coffee and eating jammy dodgers! Because no food, and because I wanted to sample the food at a pub in the village I was working in... I had the superb meal below in my break, the little lemon squeezer is so cute! I want one!!

Westbury Inn
Fish & Chips

I couldn't finish the plateful, but now thinking of the chips I had no room for and wondering what the desserts were!

Banana Life!

My banana!! Still there today! And now totally abandoned by me!! Who will check on its now daily decomposition!

And something else, I know over the past weeks, months, I have had constant mind changes about where to go from here... and going back to Spain has held sadness for me, but today I realized I have felt quite happy here on this placement, made easier by the man I was supporting, and everyone who supports him, family and healthcare team...

And maybe because I feel happy right now, right here, I actually feel happy I am going home to Spain!

My Banana

I wonder if when I was a child I was afraid of being lost? Or in another lifetime even? I cannot be lost now, my Blogs, Tweets, Facebook, what I add on Google Maps, Google in general I suppose! Am I afraid a big nothingness will swallow me up! Lost forever and forgotten...

Every move I make, every step I take, chronicled!

My life open and raw for the world to see, but how many people really know me, the child I really am inside... The one with the lost banana, still laying sadly on the wall... Abandoned.

And finally today, day 25 of my banana Saga! Shall I take it tomorrow?? 

"Enjoy today because there might not be a tomorrow. Sometimes, there are no next times and no second chances..."

I don't want everyone to think I am where I was in my head six months ago; sometimes it's a much worse place, but most of the time a better place, although still very mixed emotions about where my future lies, which I suppose this is normal for many of us.

I have less than a week in placement, and a week today heading back to spain...

Be glad to get back? (Yes you asked me yesterday :-) I don't really know, I feel I am wasting time there now, okay okay I hear many shouts of confusion and anger even! Wasting time in my own home, not having to get up for work each day, (wasting time), wandering down town to meet with friends for coffee, or getting in my car and driving wherever or whenever I want... All the amazing places here, yes, the white villages of Andalucia indeed!

Yes, that's correct even writing it down, all of the above only saddens my heart, what use of this if with an empty heart, no that's not fair, my heart isn't empty I know infact it's incredibly full... my cup runneth over, but I don't know if my heart is here anymore...

I sent it on ahead of me back in August 1988... I returned from Spain and realised that's where it would reside until I could join it! I did, fourteen years later... Now?

Huntington Beach, Cali

Like a wild horse running free

With the wind in my face 

And the storm at my heels

Its not quite 7am yet, feeling a little tired, had one helluva Saturday with many many phone conversations, in which I sent around and around the system until eventually getting an ambulance, three hours after my first call... a long journey to the hospital, arriving at 3pm, went straight into a booth, got seen in time, got into a ward at 6pm for either going to a bed ward or home, at 7:30 an ambulance crew came to take us, but we needed assistance to wheelchair, by way of a turner machine, there wasn't one actually in the room so they... left! We were abandoned! And had another crew take us at 10pm, we had to go via another hospital further away than that one! And the driver used a satnav to negotiate the drive, we ended up on some moor? Drove over cattle grids? and had to reverse at one point!  That day I went through many towns I have only ever heard of, and we got back just after midnight... So yes, yet again, one helluva day! The music in the ambulance on the way back, a journey of 2 hours... was love songs from the 70's and 80's... to be honest I didn't know weather to laugh, cry, or just get hysterical!! So I kind of sung along and let tears fall in the dark when I just couldn't take any more...

Last night I dreamt of my mom, I know I dreamed of her before in the last eight years, nearly, since she died... but last nights dream was long, and now in retrospect how I wish I could have lucid dreams... So much I want, need, to talk to her about, so very much... I could I have spent so long, in a dream which felt like it went on for hours, with many conversations between us, so long without anything I that would like like to say... I know our dreams feel like hours and are in fact nano seconds... but in that dream I had some time with my mom...

And today we should be waking up to a frost, not seen one since I arrived here, only mild weather, sometimes rainy or drizzly, but mild non the less, no ice or frost, double figures too much of the time! Supposed to have been 0 or -1 last night, time will tell when I draw back those curtains later on the world here in the Mendips! I can hear the birds chirping their morning chorus already!

Overall, it is a very good placement, able to talk and watch TV with the customer, have incoming care also, so I am having some more interaction, which is always the hard thing when working solo.

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one life has waiting for us.
Joseph Campbell 1904 - 1987

Very rushed last second photograph above, of my banana dropped over a week ago!

It was picked up and left there on the wall for all to see, abandoned by its owner... Me.

The sad banana lies awaiting
Uneaten, unappreciated, near to feinting

To not even a bird or mammal taken as sustinance
It must end it's days alone now in penance...

Here I am in England!

Arrived late evening into placement, all okay, lovely little village in Somerset, is all I can say of course! Client confidentiality and all that!

So prior to this made a few notes! Walking the Pipster the day before I left Spain I noticed at 7:20ish that there was a subtle change in the light! That day was indeed breaking! And not only I that noticed this! The birds also, and they were beginning their song of daybreak! Was nice to hear, no, it was good to hear, an uplifting sound of promise...

Which was good after another nightmare! I was hiding, then running, stole a plane! By then we were a group on the run. And the plane small, it also didn't fly above about 50 feet!! Then we were  hiding in a house, I saw a chance of escape through a window... But woke up before I could do so!! Great! Lots of meanings there, the obvious I suppose is I want to run away! Maybe by plane? But the idea didn't get off the ground really did it!?!

Then my old thing of randomly smelling cigarette smoke again, every day for the past week actually, in the house and morning noon and night! Anytime of day!

Some great excitement also! I have actually talked to new cousin! Another new one! He lives near some of my other family in New York, but it from my mom's side of the family!!! How crazy, and what a small world in which we live...   I think he thought me a little crazy! Welcome to the family!

Yesterday I went down to the coast, to a store I do not frequent very much at all! Yes I know, no names and no disrespect meant, it is what it is shall we say!

I also went to Aldi, where I got the things I actually wanted, so a bit of a wasted journey, but the day was lovely, so lovely, I drove back dropped the shopping picked up the Pipster and we drove to Mijas Pueblo...

It is so difficult not to take repetitive photographs in Mijas Pueblo, especially after 29 years!!

Luckily the plastic bottle Christmas tree still standing was there and real quirky, another tree or two... I didn't get pictures of, were frames decorated in can tops! real pretty too!

The other photograph above and the one on the left below are of the new single track road that circumnavigates the area below the gardens... there are steps up to the village from there! Phew, not take them yet!

A different view above... with a cold looking sky... and below wild lavender.... This has changed so little in some ways and so much in others... the walls and railings safer now... no wobbly parts as there were...  steps safer too... that wall on the left that runs the whole way round, it was just rock on rock, now its cemented in place... so precise... and without the momentum Tony placed there back when we were only on holidays, and I used to look for, and find, and look each and every single time we walked the steps... and then... cement... change... It is the same but not the same.. life I suppose, the same but not the same.

Boquerones Fritos

I sat with my back in the warm sun eating the above boquerones fritos, Pippa was getting harassed by a little furry male dog...

Yes I was in a thoughtful mood our whole visit, because I didn't want to be in the house, I needed to be out and away... Because sitting here all I do is plan my escape, I want to go through things, I want to clear more things I need to do something, I know what I want to do, but the next step will be difficult, the hardest next step.

Obstruction Road...

Random photograph above, mom and I at home in California, 1960...

I awoke this morning from an awful dream, a woman who was either my mom or my husband's mom... I could see her on the other side of a deep concrete waterway... had fallen and needed help, (she wasn't familiar to me when I woke up... Not a mom I know...). And in the dream I was trying to make my way to her, crossing the waterway by the nearest bridge didn't... You know how dreams are, so I travelled about through unknown streets, and into scary houses with scary gardens... I was nearly there, I could see the same bridge, and knew I was close to 'mom' then the alarm went off... I snoozed it, in hope of returning... But could only see the scary house I'd been in, with strange people living in the cellars...

Obviously an obstacle dream... So expected obstacles today... The last few days I am my own obstacle, and today has been no better, after what had seemed baby steps forward of improvement, this week I have been thrown back months...

I shall be glad to get back to work next week, support someone who needs me. I feel sorry for Pippa, wish she could have the stability she had before...

We've had snow, torrential rain, hailstones, high winds and sunshine! It's been three seasons in one week! Freezing cold inside and out, warm in the sun and wood burner keeping us snug in the house, when I can be bothered!

I've gone to the dentist to get the stitches out which refused to disintegrate naturally, after four weeks I thought it time!

Pippa has gone out for morning walks okay, some afternoon walks have proven impossible, and the shortest block is all we have accomplished!

I think I'll pick another photograph at random! Just opening up and stopping where I hit it!

And a quote:

Nothing changes unless you make a change...

New year new road...

We have a lot of snow on the surrounding mountains this morning, all across the tops of the Sierra de las Nieves, of course, but also on the ones right ahead... up above Alonzaina.

I was late getting up this morning, after an initial 7am alarm, I had a headache just as I have had for the past four mornings, so I got up fed Pippa but knew I couldn't get out for a walk or eat so took one of strong migraine meds and went back to bed.  Before I knew it it was 11:45am... I got up had my breakfast and have taken the Pipster out... I think it could be a cold my body is fighting, the pain is sort of down my neck and inside my right ear... maybe a bit of a sore throat also, but only now and then...

As you know I don't get colds that often, very rare, my body has so much to fight all the time it keeps the mere cold at bay!

My fur-baby.... Is this the face of love or what! Bless my little girl!

I took this the day before yesterday, are we approached I could hear them first! The camels preparing for the Three Kings parade through our town!

There are some sheep there too!  A strange view to come across in Alhaurín El Grande, three camels and some sheep!  Even Pippa was happy to stop and stare for a while while her very confused brain must have thought WTF!! Oh, well maybe not!!

Lol... can you imagine me using these expletives when I first began Blogging... how many years ago... nearly fifteen years now!

I just switched on TV to watch a movie and a different one came on its called The Call.... it is excellent... BRB... Well, I wasn't right back, it was a long movie and an absolutely excellent movie! 2013, so I am guessing most people have seen it already! Unexpected and excellent!

Feeling quite ready for action now after this! And I can't remember yet what movie I was expecting!  This happened the other day clicked on one movie and another I had never even heard of came of which was excellent! Its like someone else is choosing them for me! Weird eh!?!

So... can't think what else I was writing now!

Opened the back door to let Pippa out and banged my shin against the bed, done that a few times in the last few days! Can go for months without doing that then bam bam bam!!

This morning had I not been sleeping! Was going to go down to Miramar the sales begin today! Still, probably done me a favour eh... I was going to buy something that I can do without!

And in this time of mixed emotions where my passport[s], are ready for action I should keep every cent ready also!

Arh yes! Yesterday I had a great hour and half with a friend on video calling... was really great, almost like we were in the same room! Both having a sip of wine... It was the evening and I had reached my second glass of Cava which I had opened at 3pm ish!  I had posted about it on my Facebook page and was surprised, or not! At the huge response to drink drink drink!! Lol...

And so I am a slow drinker and a not a not very much of a drinker!  Still over half a bottle left, which I will probably add to chicken tomorrow instead of drinking neat!!

So, great chat with friend, and then later another half hour video call with another friend... thank the lord for the internet! Or for the assistance from the inventor!

Mmmmm okay! Ciao amigos!

Need a little something here to follow.... let me look!

Steady steps on the road...

Above photograph taken on New Years Day... Beautiful day... up there in the blue beyond is a person paragliding... Lol, honestly there is, you may have to zoom in, he is about centre!

I took a zoomed in shot, but only with my phone so blurry... will leave it up to you!

Another nice shot from in front of the town hall here in Alhaurín El Grande...

I had had to take myself for a walk, Pippa was refusing to leave the street, its been hit and miss, sometimes she gets ten or twenty feet away from the house, she goes down to the house where they're working, and she goes in if they are there, for a cwtch... Pippa checks out three houses, her favourite places to stop by! Lol...

This tree, now bare... was in flower when Franco died... last year... It of course, gets to be reborn each year... as do we in a different way...

I have felt happier here recently, happier in a different way, because its all I can, its all anyone can do; and therefor now, back to wanting to go back home! I always have said, always say.... If you're not happy where you are you cannot be happy where you want to go, because we take ourselves with us... don't we!  So now, here I am feeling happier and now want to leave here again!  I might sound slightly crazy you know, most of the time! You should be in my head!

The other day someone called to see if the house was still for sale because she had a buyer!! Then today as if in conspiracy someone else said, what are you doing here still!! You should go home! Everything will be so much better!! Lol...

And suddenly everything and everyone is pointing me back to America!  So I am going back to work soon! Been a month and need to focus!

Talking to a friend the other day, had to laugh when I read these words that came after whatever I had said!

"Excuse me, but how, in the seven realms of Hades, are you confused?  You're a California Girl hun.  Confusion is not an option."

This says it all!

Life can be beautiful in different ways... #Alba

2017 road in summary

Year in summery:

Before I begin about my year, this has been a terrible year for many people I know; too many people, we do not stand alone, and I can never say thank you enough for the continuing love and support from my family and friends and complete strangers I have had the honour of knowing.

January 2017, the ticking clock, although we all know it's there, hearing it for the one you love is a whole different matter.  It was loudest at night, when the world went quiet.  

Franco of course heard it the loudest and was why he needed the tv on, the light... needed to hear life, not the silence that brings with it too much internal noise, clatter, words... unfinished thoughts ideas wants and broken dreams.

February and March hospital, pain, pain and pain... Franco told me in his last days, laying in Malaga hospital, that he did not want to suffer any more, and he didn't want me to either...

Nearly nine months, and writing these words I am still suffering; I bet any one of you, I could write this in twenty years, God willing and the tears will flow as they are now writing these words... It is grief, I now know one doesn't move on from grief exactly, one has to learn to live with it, to live differently, it is what it is.

May through to December... Time with family and friends, home and home, and home! Lol three countries... and work, three placements, a total of eleven weeks worked; two days of flying and a week in departures! Lol

(I know I have written this already since I penned this.)

I am writing this December 18th on flight number 18! Returning back to Malaga from a weekend with Barry and his family, Tony and Kate came up for lunch Saturday...

I was adamant I would never leave Spain back in April, May... by June I couldn't imagine living there surrounded by ghosts of the lost, I swung continually like a pendulum, like in the movie! The pit and the pendulum, because each time it swings, I feel the blade, it's cold and sharp and makes deeper and deeper cuts with each swing, and from changing the tenses even in writing now the pendulum swings its heavy weight through my heart and mind...

My December trip to Cali decided me further... America land of my birth! I'm coming home! Got back and two days later woke up thinking I am out of my mind! How can I leave Spain!

The pros and cons list is undeniable! In favour of staying in Spain, of course!
I've even put a question poll on Twitter just now, results will follow! 86/14 were the results, in favour of staying in Spain.

I feel a bit empty at this thought now, but really!!! If I'd gone back home instead of Spain maybe back in 2002... but now!?! I know everyone knows (thinks), I am strong minded, and won't listen to a word anyone else says, but really people! Would you have let me go?

Or will I still go!?! I'm like two people, with two minds and stuck in the middle of someone's giant tug of war game, only its my tug of war! And I'm at either end, on a regular daily basis!

And the realisation of the fact that actually I might never live back in the states makes me feel a bit sick... and I have to tell myself it doesn't mean I can't stay there for long visits, or numerous trips... it doesn't mean never, it just means... it's too late.  We never think we'll reach the 'too late' stage do we? I'm too young for a 'too late' but maybe its only this I'm too late for, the living and working there... certainly not for the rest of my life...

Of course I have only to look into the eyes of my granddaughter and know the truth... and Pippa! Really, how could I leave my fur-baby...

And back now to the here and now that I am posting this, as I read through, make corrections and add-ons... As I reach that last paragraph a heavy weight descends down to the pit of my stomach.

But, there is light now in my world, there is laughter and positive thoughts... Every day I still have that moment where I still think bad thoughts, but no-one can live in that moment and survive.

So I am looking at Pippa, laying asleep on the floor, we went out for a late morning walk, she refused to earlier, and this is the first walk she has had since the day before yesterday...

Heading now for the end of this year, and there is no stopping it!

How many roads...

Christmas Day!

Getting through, yesterday walked the Pipster, tried to later but she refused, due to some idiot down the road was letting off rockets, what joy he found I cannot imagine, simple joy for a simple... Well! You get the gist!

I spoke with him, and he let off another... Karma will catch up with him one day...

Anyway, the day passed quickly enough in the grand scheme of things, as will today, and all back to normal tomorrow!

It wasn't even cold enough to light the fire, so see how it goes today!

Bit empty of words today, I had saved something for some reason and was emptying out so will post it here and be done.

It's a song by the way.

'One Safe Place'

By Mark Cohn

How many roads you've traveled

How many dreams you've chased

Across sand and sky and gravel

Looking for one safe place

Will you make a smoother landing

When you break your fall from grace

Into the arms of understanding

Looking for one safe place

Life is trial by fire

And love's the sweetest taste

And I pray it lifts us higher

To one safe place

How many roads we've traveled

How many dreams we've chased

Across sand and sky and gravel

Looking for one safe place

The Lost Road...

Me and Pip today...

I have found recently, some things can be lost, and never regained... A feeling, need or want even, a thought of future things, ideas... and when you realise they can never come to fruition it stops! A barrier comes down... And however much you might try to get the hope or idea back it's impossible... Something kills it, outright, and as my phone said ahead of me there... Also out of reach...

I went to Fuengirola this morning, bright and very early; I sat at Bar Central where I have sat now for nearly 29 years, lol not continually! Bright spark! On and off! They'd have moved me on by now...

At first on holidays, and the latter 16 living here, mostly, of course...

So many years...

The bar hasn't changed much... The shop opposite gone, another bar there now instead, the King Burger still there, yes that's it's name, not to be confused with another similar brand name! It's near the steps towards Las Rampas...

I parked way back, at the other end of town, walked along through the hardly changed high street, although in retrospect I guess it has changed, but we change too and don't notice so much.

After my Colacao, with its little cheeky bubbles! I headed down through Las Rampas and out onto the paseo maritimo, walked along by the sea... Beautiful blue sky above, sun on my left... Warm enough in the sunshine... Back to the car and back up to Alhaurín... Parked at home, my spot was waiting for me patiently! And I walked into town, had a chat with friends and came home!

Pipster and I have been out for our walk, photographic evidence!

This small building always makes me wonder!! The door is well below ground! So how? Why? What? When???

                         Rotting pomegranates!

Its nicer in the afternoons now, less heat than summer, and more light than the morning walk in the dark at the moment! And warmer! Contradictory lines there? But you get the gist!

The wood burner is lit... and that's it!

Christmas road... Lights and baubles...

Great weekend with my family in Nottingham, over too fast especially arriving late Friday and leaving early Monday morning! Although I saved time not having a bag in the hold I must have just missed a bus and had to wait about 45 minutes for the next one! It was freezing! Literally! And dark and a bit creepy! Few people about, I did check  on taxi prices, but at nearly £50.00 it was a NO!! 

After so many different time changes and temperature changes this was the worse!! Saturday Tony and Kate came up for lunch in the city centre, we went to Chiquitos, food was good, but we had a short wait, seemingly all the longer for being so hungry!

Sunday evening we went to an outdoor Christmas music concert at the Arboretum, the band undercover inside the bandstand, it's only open at the front and glazed around the rest...

It was dark, a slight wetness in the air, the plastic chairs were wet, it was damp and cold... And we all had a really great time! Two women on stilts dressed in silvery white made massive bubbles all evening, with hoops and things! Which made more of an impact on the children than the music I think! Especially when trying to pop them! Causing small mini showers each time!

And suddenly Monday! I got the same tram as Barry, getting off at the station, slipping and sliding on the icy path to the bus stop, looking worriedly as to which stop was mine the bus came! And an hour later I was at the airport, and in the departure lounge, again! And coffee!! I've got so professional now at security, fluids of course in their bag, but I also put all my electricals in a bag too, tipping them out into a box separating them out! Saves that last minute trying to get them all out of my bag, or trying to balance them in my arms with coat, boots, carry-on bag and fluids!!!

Then for some reason I started looking around the shops, I haven't bought anything in all these departure outlets all year! Apart from chocolate maybe and water! Thankfully! Well I think this 18th departure caught me off guard! And it was "um, smart little purse! 30% off!" And then more off at the till! £14.50 ✓ Then, in another shop ... "Oh, I like that! One left, my size! And 70% off! Would be so rude not to!" So I did!! £12.90 ✓ Lol. Finishing it off by purchasing a Bluetooth headset on board!! No discount! ✓?

My pre-ordered food was great both ways, never done that before either! So nice just being brought the food and coffee, ahead of everyone else too! I'm sure they do it to get other people to order! The two men either side of me on return flight, both got hungry smelling the Moroccan meal I was enjoying! Chocolate pudding and cheese and biscuits! Oh bread roll and butter!! 

Yesterday I went to Miramar on the coast, for coffee! Above! Wasn't really for just coffee, but turned out that way, first on the list was dropping off my broken suitcase then I was buying wood and going to Aldi...

Where I usually drop off big items the truck was there!  Then coming up to the wood merchant the sun visor fell off completely! Catching me on my right wrist... Missed the turn! So with a big case and no wood I thought I'd skip this Aldi and just go for coffee! And paid €1.60 for the privalige of a small cup of coffee with a handle too small to actually be able to safely hold!

I wandered briefly around the shops and supermarket but after Mondays whirlwind shopping spree at the airport I decided against lingering long in there!

So I drove back up into the safety of my mountains... Bought my wood from my old seller, dumped the case, bought the groceries from Aldi in Coín... And back to Alhaurín and more coffee! In the sun! Check out my bruise!! A week ago today the dentist, the bruise appeared Saturday!?! 

Today, waking up early, thinking where to go today... Fuengirola? Malaga? I'm searching... I think for Christmas, as usual, at this time of the year, and maybe this year more than ever... It's the little girl in my heart, still searching for the elusive magical Christmas...

I have seen good Christmases, I know, a few... But the lead up to Christmas always makes me search for that something else... I know what it is, I've said it before, and I told my brother recently... At Christmas I always hoped my dad would come for me, come to see me, anything, I just wanted my dad.

There is no such thing as a mistake; there is what you do, and what you don't do.

So many times I come here to write, to express my feelings, my fears... My dreams... I either say too much or never enough...

I leave you with words written between the lines of my ramblings... words I'm thinking or thoughts I'm feeling...

Words of wanting to change things, to move, to stay, to live here... to live elsewhere... I flutter between one place and another constantly... Long before I moved here I ordered information about relocating back to the US... I still have the brochures they sent me, back in the early 80's... Thankfully, that didn't happen of course; the course of so many people's lives although unknown, would be so very different...

Everything is meant to be as it is now.

I'm not saying that's where I want to fly to now... to flee... To make such a drastic action, to be so daring... To risk so late so much, yes, at my age...

I have important reasons for staying here, very important reasons!

But a month ago the reasons were invisible to me...

And on my last evening in LA I randomly put my resume on a local job site; I have five companies wanting to hear from me; within hours my resume had been checked out numerous times, and continues to be so.

They know where I am now, and await me to return their calls!

I know noone can make my decisions... Lol but I wish someone would!

If we don't risk something we risk everything.

I ordered some really cool hair gel.... saw the advert on Facebook, yes really I did!  It came when I was away working, I thought I had ordered purple and green, bu purple and gray came, and that was what I had  ordered, I checked!  Anyway, its beautiful, and so easy to apply, only problem was I hadn't realised the intensity of the color until today in H&M and their brighter than white light in the changing room.... and I jumped when I saw the color in my hair! Lol... the purple, its purple!!

They have the Christmas decorations in Miramar now, just enough, nothing to in-your-face... It was nearly eleven, but still quite quiet... it was nice being able to wander around without getting knocked to the ground by busy shoppers!

Today the weather is typical December in Spain, warm in the sunshine, cool in the shade = house, a strong wind a blowing... in the garden centre I bought a couple of poinsettias and trees were falling all over the place in there... a friends car in the car park also, but after searching I think he may have been using the lot as a waiting zone for a few hours!!

This photograph is way cooler on my Facebook page! It actually pans around! Lol...

Pippa is back in her two walks a day routine, the short run first thing and the longer walk later on... she had got into the habit of barking to go out in the middle of the night, so tonight I will have to take her up onto the terrace and wait with her, before bedtime! Its okay in the summer with the door open anyway, but this has to stop!

You know I have had had two conversations today that were out of this world... and makes me wonder if people actually think before they speak!  I know I can be maybe, outspoken? Have strong opinions? But the two things I can't write here blew me away! Thoughtless, unthinking... mmmm well, okay they're the same thing! And me not actually being able to write them down here isn't of any value, sorry!

Well, I could ramble here about things in my head; plans, possibilities, and then reality and... Pippa....

And oh I really wish I was dancing right now!  Just like two weeks ago in Palm Springs! What an amazing night! Absolutely fabulous!

Hunters! 

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This restroom was the funniest!  My sister-in-law and I waited until it was vacated by two giggly people, and we giggled in there too, until we giggled our way out!

Super Moon in So.Cali

Sundays super moon... Not so huge from where I was then... Looking out from my families terrace...
Was it magical? Did something happen unexpected? Yes and no I guess...

Was a strange weekend, can the moon influence us at all really? The moon belongs to my star sign, so I claim it! Along with everyone born under the same...

This just looks like a white globe... tiny little blimp on the edge is all....

I am back to my normal now I think!  Went to bed late last night, must have nearly 1am... then awake for a few hours again in the night, I read a while... changed my alarm to another half hour, then as I stayed awake I moved it twice more, eventually it went off at 8:30am, and got up then, walked the Pip after breakfast and then went to town, had a coffee at the bar with friends, then into the shop and had coffee and a sandwich... thank you! Before going to the supermarket for some real food!

Its colder here than normal, I am sure? It seems strange coming back here and feeling colder than where I have been!  But sunny warm Cali was warmer days and nights than Andalucia just now! It was 8 degrees when I got up this morning, and in the campo word was it was lots less and people had a frost on the car to scrape!! That doesn't happen here in town, or at least here!

The cupboard here in the living just made a noise, its done that now a while! Like the wood is groaning, it did it in the night, it is so quiet in this house at night, I think I need to play some kind of back ground stuff for the nights, it makes it hard to sleep in the silence...  more so because the noise in my head is so loud!!