Our Road...

Like Franco said, yesterday it got worse...

Franco was no way going to make the consultant appointment in the hospital, he couldn't have walked far, even in the wheelchair it would have been almost impossible.

Against his wishes I had to speak to our nurse, he sent a team out to us who decided, also against Francos wishes, that he should go to A&E, get checked out, not worry about the consultant appt.

The reason I was so worried was I recognised the signs of diabetes meltdown, the craving, the tiredness, the confusion the many other symptoms and I was so worried Franco would pass out, go into a coma, lose his sight... so many things...

It took nearly two hours to get Franco out of the house, prompting, arguing, and the general process... we dropped the Pipster off at her doggie hotel and went to the hospital, I parked at A&E and booked Franco in, we were called quite quickly and I went to park the car, found a nearby space, the only good thing about the day...

It started raining then too.

Back to Franco and he was sent to a doctor, then another doctor, then into an observation room, arguing all the way because he wanted to go home... then even worse they kicked me out of the room!  Only patients allowed, about twelve people in the room on chairs, on drips...

It was awful my heart was broken, more, he didn't even know why I left, where I was, would I be back?  I sat in A&E for over four hours... at 8pm we were all allowed in to see our loved ones... Franco was frantic, where had I been? why wasn't I with him? why did I leave him....?  Then that he wanted to go home... so I knew the saline and insulin still hadn't worked enough yet, he was still confused, still not fully understanding what was happening...

So they moved him to a bed, with him arguing more with them, especially on hearing I couldn't stay with him... the nurses told me to leave for 3 minutes. I went back and there was my Franco in bed, a cover up to his waist only, he was pulling it up, turned on his side and just so dam tired... he has been sleeping so much that being in an upright chair for so many hours he must have got completely exhausted, more so than ever.. I said I couldn't stay and he seemed resigned to that fact already and Franco just said goodnight, I love you...

And I left in tears, which haven't stopped.... I walked to the car in the pouring rain, crying drove home crying... spoke with family crying... back home it was good to be here, where Franco still is, his energy, but without him, without Pippa...

The dam clock in the living room has stopped, last night at 10:44pm... keep looking at it!!

And today is seven years since my mom passed away.  Who would, or could have, ever imagined being like this today, impossible.  Impossible. Impossible.

I just want to get back to the hospital, they said the room opens to visitors at one pm... I'll leave about 11:30 and get there around noon, and wait again in the waiting area... I so scared... I hope the insulin is kicking in... they said they would do some scans too, but here we are the dam weekend again, so I'm not sure if they will.  Will they give Franco a bed in the main hospital?  I'm taking some of this things, like I did yesterday, hoping they would give us a normal room, where I could have stayed...

I wish it wasn't Franco.