Lost Road .

To be blatantly honest, I don't know what to write, only that I must write.

I must say something for my friends who are sharing my journey...

And this is ultimately also my feeling on waking this morning... Just replace the word 'write' for 'do' maybe.

I eat, I walk to town & meet with friends, I go for walks, I clean the house, and me!... I watch Netflix the rest of the day. Why? What for?

I just feel, something, or rather nothing but sad.

And our poor Pippa is still suffering from the dam rocket fire, throughout this week, Monday May day, then it's also been Dia de la Cruz, although not so much a day, the whole week, I thought Wednesdays explosion of fireworks next to our perimeter fence was the final! But yesterday the rockets started again, then the bands and the marching and more intermittent rocket fire. I shut us in the back bedroom and turned up the music; I think they may have come past our house, didn't get the light if they did.

I was not aware of any celebration in town, must have missed the flyer!

Pippa has only gone for two walks in last six days, we've left the house and she has turned to the left then to the right, then back to our door, and only by me picking her up has she even gone on the terrace, I am having to shut her out, which has been awful for both of us, but if I don't she doesn't pee etc! A dog 'going' once in 24hrs is not healthy.

This morning on the terrace, while Pippa stood cowering by the back door, I watched the swallows, one group were flying in a distinct pattern, between the street, an ally and someones' back terrace which was very narrow, they had been doing the same acrobatic route a dozen times, when one bird missed the narrow terrace, to avoid the wall and then turned to look for his group and rejoin... I waited, but the whole group had dispersed!

One bird had effected the whole group, and he hadn't been upfront, he was way way back, and seemingly minding his own business!

I drove to Fuengirola on Thursday, walked and had a coffee, and cried while I walked.

Today, this morning, I'll drive to La Trocha and go to the car boot sale there.  Franco and I didn't go every week, always the same stuff.

Tomorrow I have to go to local SS in Coín to take some paperwork in, then the doctors here in Alhaurín to change yet more paperwork.

Just seems my word of the day is 'why' why bother, what for? Although I don't feel ready for work, maybe once I am back and supporting someone else I will get some reasons back for my 'why' what for?'