2017 road in summary

Year in summery:

Before I begin about my year, this has been a terrible year for many people I know; too many people, we do not stand alone, and I can never say thank you enough for the continuing love and support from my family and friends and complete strangers I have had the honour of knowing.

January 2017, the ticking clock, although we all know it's there, hearing it for the one you love is a whole different matter.  It was loudest at night, when the world went quiet.  

Franco of course heard it the loudest and was why he needed the tv on, the light... needed to hear life, not the silence that brings with it too much internal noise, clatter, words... unfinished thoughts ideas wants and broken dreams.

February and March hospital, pain, pain and pain... Franco told me in his last days, laying in Malaga hospital, that he did not want to suffer any more, and he didn't want me to either...

Nearly nine months, and writing these words I am still suffering; I bet any one of you, I could write this in twenty years, God willing and the tears will flow as they are now writing these words... It is grief, I now know one doesn't move on from grief exactly, one has to learn to live with it, to live differently, it is what it is.

May through to December... Time with family and friends, home and home, and home! Lol three countries... and work, three placements, a total of eleven weeks worked; two days of flying and a week in departures! Lol

(I know I have written this already since I penned this.)

I am writing this December 18th on flight number 18! Returning back to Malaga from a weekend with Barry and his family, Tony and Kate came up for lunch Saturday...

I was adamant I would never leave Spain back in April, May... by June I couldn't imagine living there surrounded by ghosts of the lost, I swung continually like a pendulum, like in the movie! The pit and the pendulum, because each time it swings, I feel the blade, it's cold and sharp and makes deeper and deeper cuts with each swing, and from changing the tenses even in writing now the pendulum swings its heavy weight through my heart and mind...

My December trip to Cali decided me further... America land of my birth! I'm coming home! Got back and two days later woke up thinking I am out of my mind! How can I leave Spain!

The pros and cons list is undeniable! In favour of staying in Spain, of course!
I've even put a question poll on Twitter just now, results will follow! 86/14 were the results, in favour of staying in Spain.

I feel a bit empty at this thought now, but really!!! If I'd gone back home instead of Spain maybe back in 2002... but now!?! I know everyone knows (thinks), I am strong minded, and won't listen to a word anyone else says, but really people! Would you have let me go?

Or will I still go!?! I'm like two people, with two minds and stuck in the middle of someone's giant tug of war game, only its my tug of war! And I'm at either end, on a regular daily basis!

And the realisation of the fact that actually I might never live back in the states makes me feel a bit sick... and I have to tell myself it doesn't mean I can't stay there for long visits, or numerous trips... it doesn't mean never, it just means... it's too late.  We never think we'll reach the 'too late' stage do we? I'm too young for a 'too late' but maybe its only this I'm too late for, the living and working there... certainly not for the rest of my life...

Of course I have only to look into the eyes of my granddaughter and know the truth... and Pippa! Really, how could I leave my fur-baby...

And back now to the here and now that I am posting this, as I read through, make corrections and add-ons... As I reach that last paragraph a heavy weight descends down to the pit of my stomach.

But, there is light now in my world, there is laughter and positive thoughts... Every day I still have that moment where I still think bad thoughts, but no-one can live in that moment and survive.

So I am looking at Pippa, laying asleep on the floor, we went out for a late morning walk, she refused to earlier, and this is the first walk she has had since the day before yesterday...

Heading now for the end of this year, and there is no stopping it!

How many roads...

Christmas Day!

Getting through, yesterday walked the Pipster, tried to later but she refused, due to some idiot down the road was letting off rockets, what joy he found I cannot imagine, simple joy for a simple... Well! You get the gist!

I spoke with him, and he let off another... Karma will catch up with him one day...

Anyway, the day passed quickly enough in the grand scheme of things, as will today, and all back to normal tomorrow!

It wasn't even cold enough to light the fire, so see how it goes today!

Bit empty of words today, I had saved something for some reason and was emptying out so will post it here and be done.

It's a song by the way.

'One Safe Place'

By Mark Cohn

How many roads you've traveled

How many dreams you've chased

Across sand and sky and gravel

Looking for one safe place

Will you make a smoother landing

When you break your fall from grace

Into the arms of understanding

Looking for one safe place

Life is trial by fire

And love's the sweetest taste

And I pray it lifts us higher

To one safe place

How many roads we've traveled

How many dreams we've chased

Across sand and sky and gravel

Looking for one safe place

The Lost Road...

Me and Pip today...

I have found recently, some things can be lost, and never regained... A feeling, need or want even, a thought of future things, ideas... and when you realise they can never come to fruition it stops! A barrier comes down... And however much you might try to get the hope or idea back it's impossible... Something kills it, outright, and as my phone said ahead of me there... Also out of reach...

I went to Fuengirola this morning, bright and very early; I sat at Bar Central where I have sat now for nearly 29 years, lol not continually! Bright spark! On and off! They'd have moved me on by now...

At first on holidays, and the latter 16 living here, mostly, of course...

So many years...

The bar hasn't changed much... The shop opposite gone, another bar there now instead, the King Burger still there, yes that's it's name, not to be confused with another similar brand name! It's near the steps towards Las Rampas...

I parked way back, at the other end of town, walked along through the hardly changed high street, although in retrospect I guess it has changed, but we change too and don't notice so much.

After my Colacao, with its little cheeky bubbles! I headed down through Las Rampas and out onto the paseo maritimo, walked along by the sea... Beautiful blue sky above, sun on my left... Warm enough in the sunshine... Back to the car and back up to Alhaurín... Parked at home, my spot was waiting for me patiently! And I walked into town, had a chat with friends and came home!

Pipster and I have been out for our walk, photographic evidence!

This small building always makes me wonder!! The door is well below ground! So how? Why? What? When???

                         Rotting pomegranates!

Its nicer in the afternoons now, less heat than summer, and more light than the morning walk in the dark at the moment! And warmer! Contradictory lines there? But you get the gist!

The wood burner is lit... and that's it!

Christmas road... Lights and baubles...

Great weekend with my family in Nottingham, over too fast especially arriving late Friday and leaving early Monday morning! Although I saved time not having a bag in the hold I must have just missed a bus and had to wait about 45 minutes for the next one! It was freezing! Literally! And dark and a bit creepy! Few people about, I did check  on taxi prices, but at nearly £50.00 it was a NO!! 

After so many different time changes and temperature changes this was the worse!! Saturday Tony and Kate came up for lunch in the city centre, we went to Chiquitos, food was good, but we had a short wait, seemingly all the longer for being so hungry!

Sunday evening we went to an outdoor Christmas music concert at the Arboretum, the band undercover inside the bandstand, it's only open at the front and glazed around the rest...

It was dark, a slight wetness in the air, the plastic chairs were wet, it was damp and cold... And we all had a really great time! Two women on stilts dressed in silvery white made massive bubbles all evening, with hoops and things! Which made more of an impact on the children than the music I think! Especially when trying to pop them! Causing small mini showers each time!

And suddenly Monday! I got the same tram as Barry, getting off at the station, slipping and sliding on the icy path to the bus stop, looking worriedly as to which stop was mine the bus came! And an hour later I was at the airport, and in the departure lounge, again! And coffee!! I've got so professional now at security, fluids of course in their bag, but I also put all my electricals in a bag too, tipping them out into a box separating them out! Saves that last minute trying to get them all out of my bag, or trying to balance them in my arms with coat, boots, carry-on bag and fluids!!!

Then for some reason I started looking around the shops, I haven't bought anything in all these departure outlets all year! Apart from chocolate maybe and water! Thankfully! Well I think this 18th departure caught me off guard! And it was "um, smart little purse! 30% off!" And then more off at the till! £14.50 ✓ Then, in another shop ... "Oh, I like that! One left, my size! And 70% off! Would be so rude not to!" So I did!! £12.90 ✓ Lol. Finishing it off by purchasing a Bluetooth headset on board!! No discount! ✓?

My pre-ordered food was great both ways, never done that before either! So nice just being brought the food and coffee, ahead of everyone else too! I'm sure they do it to get other people to order! The two men either side of me on return flight, both got hungry smelling the Moroccan meal I was enjoying! Chocolate pudding and cheese and biscuits! Oh bread roll and butter!! 

Yesterday I went to Miramar on the coast, for coffee! Above! Wasn't really for just coffee, but turned out that way, first on the list was dropping off my broken suitcase then I was buying wood and going to Aldi...

Where I usually drop off big items the truck was there!  Then coming up to the wood merchant the sun visor fell off completely! Catching me on my right wrist... Missed the turn! So with a big case and no wood I thought I'd skip this Aldi and just go for coffee! And paid €1.60 for the privalige of a small cup of coffee with a handle too small to actually be able to safely hold!

I wandered briefly around the shops and supermarket but after Mondays whirlwind shopping spree at the airport I decided against lingering long in there!

So I drove back up into the safety of my mountains... Bought my wood from my old seller, dumped the case, bought the groceries from Aldi in Coín... And back to Alhaurín and more coffee! In the sun! Check out my bruise!! A week ago today the dentist, the bruise appeared Saturday!?! 

Today, waking up early, thinking where to go today... Fuengirola? Malaga? I'm searching... I think for Christmas, as usual, at this time of the year, and maybe this year more than ever... It's the little girl in my heart, still searching for the elusive magical Christmas...

I have seen good Christmases, I know, a few... But the lead up to Christmas always makes me search for that something else... I know what it is, I've said it before, and I told my brother recently... At Christmas I always hoped my dad would come for me, come to see me, anything, I just wanted my dad.

There is no such thing as a mistake; there is what you do, and what you don't do.

So many times I come here to write, to express my feelings, my fears... My dreams... I either say too much or never enough...

I leave you with words written between the lines of my ramblings... words I'm thinking or thoughts I'm feeling...

Words of wanting to change things, to move, to stay, to live here... to live elsewhere... I flutter between one place and another constantly... Long before I moved here I ordered information about relocating back to the US... I still have the brochures they sent me, back in the early 80's... Thankfully, that didn't happen of course; the course of so many people's lives although unknown, would be so very different...

Everything is meant to be as it is now.

I'm not saying that's where I want to fly to now... to flee... To make such a drastic action, to be so daring... To risk so late so much, yes, at my age...

I have important reasons for staying here, very important reasons!

But a month ago the reasons were invisible to me...

And on my last evening in LA I randomly put my resume on a local job site; I have five companies wanting to hear from me; within hours my resume had been checked out numerous times, and continues to be so.

They know where I am now, and await me to return their calls!

I know noone can make my decisions... Lol but I wish someone would!

If we don't risk something we risk everything.

I ordered some really cool hair gel.... saw the advert on Facebook, yes really I did!  It came when I was away working, I thought I had ordered purple and green, bu purple and gray came, and that was what I had  ordered, I checked!  Anyway, its beautiful, and so easy to apply, only problem was I hadn't realised the intensity of the color until today in H&M and their brighter than white light in the changing room.... and I jumped when I saw the color in my hair! Lol... the purple, its purple!!

They have the Christmas decorations in Miramar now, just enough, nothing to in-your-face... It was nearly eleven, but still quite quiet... it was nice being able to wander around without getting knocked to the ground by busy shoppers!

Today the weather is typical December in Spain, warm in the sunshine, cool in the shade = house, a strong wind a blowing... in the garden centre I bought a couple of poinsettias and trees were falling all over the place in there... a friends car in the car park also, but after searching I think he may have been using the lot as a waiting zone for a few hours!!

This photograph is way cooler on my Facebook page! It actually pans around! Lol...

Pippa is back in her two walks a day routine, the short run first thing and the longer walk later on... she had got into the habit of barking to go out in the middle of the night, so tonight I will have to take her up onto the terrace and wait with her, before bedtime! Its okay in the summer with the door open anyway, but this has to stop!

You know I have had had two conversations today that were out of this world... and makes me wonder if people actually think before they speak!  I know I can be maybe, outspoken? Have strong opinions? But the two things I can't write here blew me away! Thoughtless, unthinking... mmmm well, okay they're the same thing! And me not actually being able to write them down here isn't of any value, sorry!

Well, I could ramble here about things in my head; plans, possibilities, and then reality and... Pippa....

And oh I really wish I was dancing right now!  Just like two weeks ago in Palm Springs! What an amazing night! Absolutely fabulous!

Hunters! 

Add caption

This restroom was the funniest!  My sister-in-law and I waited until it was vacated by two giggly people, and we giggled in there too, until we giggled our way out!

Super Moon in So.Cali

Sundays super moon... Not so huge from where I was then... Looking out from my families terrace...
Was it magical? Did something happen unexpected? Yes and no I guess...

Was a strange weekend, can the moon influence us at all really? The moon belongs to my star sign, so I claim it! Along with everyone born under the same...

This just looks like a white globe... tiny little blimp on the edge is all....

I am back to my normal now I think!  Went to bed late last night, must have nearly 1am... then awake for a few hours again in the night, I read a while... changed my alarm to another half hour, then as I stayed awake I moved it twice more, eventually it went off at 8:30am, and got up then, walked the Pip after breakfast and then went to town, had a coffee at the bar with friends, then into the shop and had coffee and a sandwich... thank you! Before going to the supermarket for some real food!

Its colder here than normal, I am sure? It seems strange coming back here and feeling colder than where I have been!  But sunny warm Cali was warmer days and nights than Andalucia just now! It was 8 degrees when I got up this morning, and in the campo word was it was lots less and people had a frost on the car to scrape!! That doesn't happen here in town, or at least here!

The cupboard here in the living just made a noise, its done that now a while! Like the wood is groaning, it did it in the night, it is so quiet in this house at night, I think I need to play some kind of back ground stuff for the nights, it makes it hard to sleep in the silence...  more so because the noise in my head is so loud!!

Roads back to Spain...

Long time of travelling... See if I can get things straight...

Fish & Chips at Sandys, Huntington Beach

I left LAX late, an hour, luckily had my phone on charge at the gate most of the time, you know there, as most US airports charger sockets are on every row of seats at the gates, with the possibility of charging four devices at a time!

We eventually boarded, and I was sat at the window with two Spanish guys next to me, who after a while of listening to them speaking I was sure they would be on my next flight also, to Malaga... we talked here and there a little, more for help in passing stuff and a bottle it was impossible for me to open!

The flight was great, these 787 Dreamliner babies that Norwegian Air are flying long haul, are the very best, amazing lighting to help with sleep and jet lag, maybe, apparently something different with the air conditioning too, to help with jet lag... comfortable, huge windows with no blinds to pull down, just a tap of a button to adjust the incoming light, I stared at the sun for ages yesterday[?] morning, then realised it was the sun!! Still, looked amazing over the silver side of the clouds...

Anyways, landed in Gatwick, and although an hour late taking off, with great tailwinds we landed on time!  So after immigration and bag collection, which took a while.. It was the shuttle tube thingy from the south terminal to the north and I self checked in my bag with Easy Jet, again, so easy, done that before at Stansted a couple of years ago... only problem, just remembered I had to get off all the stickers from my other flight before the case would clear! Oh these multi fly trips! Haha!!

Into another departures after another security check through... I didn't notice, but my case had been opened in the states, always me, always my case... so another lock broken, and my bits and pieces are checked through!  Really? Why mine?  Good thing the built in code thing hadn't been used, not sure how they would open that!!  The case is shot to hell anyway, busted up on the flight over I think, cracked and broken, I had used duck-tape to stop the sharp areas catching and breaking further... maybe they thought that looked a bit dodgy!

And so... onto Malaga from Gatwick and that left late, but also managed to land on time, off, through security, baggage collection... car collection, Pippa collection and into the house... before ten, just I think...

I unpacked everything, but left it in piles, the little there was, tried to relax, luckily I had some coffee with built in milk powder and chocolate!  Watched TV and went to bed about midnight...  Oh we also did a tour of the terrace, all okay up there!  It took me ages to get the boiler working, not sure if it was the gas can, it was full, but I changed it over anyway, and will try it again when this one is empty...

I woke up about 3am, ended up getting up, making some chamomile tea, thought it would help, although of course, I would have had coffee if I had had some milk! I read and went back to sleep about 5am ish... I switched off the 7am alarm thinking I would probably wake up about 8am... er no! Pippa didn't budge, I was warm and cosy in the duvet, bed cover, and then two blankets... bed felt damp when I got into it... The house smelled fine, clean and not damp, like in the old days... so I knew it wasn't bad, just chilled I guess... And I woke up just before 2pm!!!! OMG!!! 2pm!! 

I rushed and got ready went out... I had completely forgotten it was a holiday day here today! Nothing open as I drove about... I went to two garages for milk, the second getting lucky! Back to the house and then I took Pippa out! 

She is a bit strange, I guess it feels strange for her... being in the doggie hotel for ten weeks, and although she was excited to see me, which was good, I think it must seem funny now her being here, and on her own without her doggie pals she has been used to for all these weeks... she snuggled up on the bed with me... but this house, just isn't the same anymore, I don't know about Pippa, but I don't feel I belong here anymore, I don't feel at home... my heart has left here now; I couldn't even bear to look across the valley earlier, towards the wind turbines.. to the range that has always reminded me of California, because now more than ever before they remind me of the home I was born in, and I know now more than ever before looking across will make me sad now, not happy.

I was going to put up the tree today, or at least this week.
Shall I? should I bother? whats the point... For me? for Pippa? I think this year Christmas can pass on by, bring on 2018...

From Fat Face

I Tweeted this pic yesterday from Gatwick, waiting for my flight to Malaga... Another mug, another quote... Seems so long ago back in Malaga taking a similar photo... that quote said.. "You can't discover a new ocean until you have the courage to leave the shore."

That's all I'm saying...

It is with mixed emotions I am leaving LA, been a wonderful two weeks with my family, there has been a lot more besides, and I am out of my comfort zone!

Things to think about, choices to be made... Life changing maybe.

I am once again feeling on the edge of change, our lives are always changing, but I seem to push mine to its limits or rather beyond, always have...

I am at the gate now... That's a real gate, not a euthnisium for anything! Popular word today!

New Roads to who knows where...

Great night last night, went to Sandie's restaurant in Huntington Beach, it's under Duke's, and beside the pier... We ate, then wandered up the street, stopped and bought chocolate! And salt water taffies! I'm taking them back to Spain with me... They'll be my Christmas treat! My Christmas dinner! Lol... Chocolate and coffee!! Lol

Had a coffee in Duke's, some great live music...

Above our s'mores from the other night, and tonight! Very nice! Crackers, with melted chocolate and melted marshmallows squished inbetween! Yum yum yum!!

Tomorrow I leave here... and I really do not want to leave... I feel home, feel I've been home forever now...

Cali roads...

A local reservoir... A nice walk around, quite a few walkers, and a few cyclists, plenty of dogs too!

It's been such a long time since I actually walked anywhere! Every single muscle in my legs and adjoining are aching, real bad! Even those muscles at the front of my shins!!! Crazy eh!?!

That photograph above could be the view from the terrace! The mountain bit I mean...

The information at the reservoir, I, not intentionally! followed a woman onto the entrance to the area, I turned right at the gate, she went left, we past eachother on the route around and she left just before me, but I stopped a few times to take photographs, and stopped for a drink!

This photograph I took yesterday on my way down to the local shops, climbing back up to here was challenging! Lol... For eight weeks on placement, the furthest I walked was around the supermarket! Nothing up or downhill! I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest climbing back up here!!

Last Saturday we went to Palm Springs, what an amazingly fabulous evening! Met up with a cousin I hadn't seen in far too many years... And I had one too many Screaming Zombies!

Popped into a casino on the way home too!

Cali - my first road...

I am here, I arrived okay, tired, but okay. I did a Blog draft on my Kindle on the flight over but haven't even checked it out!

As I write now, I am tired! I woke up at 4:30am! I don't think it's jet lag now, just my normal head being busy and too much thinking crapola!

Because yesterday although I woke initially at 3am I slept through to 6:30 and got up feeling more refreshed than I had in what felt like years!!

So? Yes I arrived into LAX, my brother and his wife came and picked me up... It was a drive-by dash and grab for me and took a couple of drive-by's to find me! Whilst waiting I people watched... So many men with bouquets of flowers! Small, large, impossibly grand (looked like a window display!!), to the potted variety! And some guys had teddy bears!! So sweet...

Once back to their house I got a second wind as 'they' call it and managed to stay up and awake for quite awhile, but when I did go to bed I had been up for 25 hours! Blah!!!

That was Monday... A good flight, a couple of short naps on board, but with a new born and a toddler in front, not a quiet one! Even LAX was a breeze, caught it just right, passport control, baggage and final check...

Leaving Gatwick my only conversation at the gate was in Spanish, a guy returning to LA, but he originally came from Torremolinos! And then at LAX my first conversation was in Spanish! A couple of guys traveling with all their gear, a heavy metal rock band!! And waiting outside the doors for my brother... A Spanish couple asked me, in Spanish where the taxi rank was!!

Why does anyone teach any other language than Spanish! It's just not necessary!

Okay! Tuesday? Bro worked, and we, went to a burger place and Target for shopping... Wednesday? We had a fright-fest on TV day, just chilling... Metaphorically, it's been in the high 90's here!! Yesterday, Thursday, my very first Thanksgiving here in the states since I was a baby! Crazy eh! And we went to my sister-in-laws mom's, only a ten minute drive, was lovely to be invited... A great family... I was a bit nervous beforehand..  so many new people, but of course everyone made me feel at home, and I did...

Today we're having lunch with my brother's brother!

Insomnia! Ugh! Last night was bad, I am too tired for insomnia, I am used to waking up lots, turning and falling back to sleep, and on last nights in placements okay, maybe normal for then too... I am past tired, as I may have mentioned before and I am sorry for any typos, I am just too tired and not noticing!

It didn't help early hours of this morning as I started to draft a Blog! I then I wake up and can't remember, if I don't make notes! Which would be okay if I didn't have to get up! I even thought maybe I am getting my body ready for West coast time! Because I will be having a 23 or 24 hour day next Monday!  Thought I would try it out last night!?!

I actually wrote this yesterday morning, but too tired on my break to finish it!

And even today typing on my phone I have a bit of tired tic blinking thing going on in my right eye! Great, looks like I'm winking!!

I did also write this below yesterday, a thought in my head during my sleepless night...

***

Family who are friends and friends who have become family... And spread far and wide to say the very least!

***

I guess I was thinking about if I moved again, how distance doesn't keep our love and friendship parted...

Don't ask me what I'm thinking; my road ahead is misty, I can't see the edges, there could be precipices on either side to let me fall...

I can't even see a light at the end, but then maybe there never is one.  As I've said before, life is the journey, not the end, my Ithaca holds the light and all I can do is really what we all do isn't it? Live.

Well, odd selection of photographs forsure!

Firstly a new hoodie! I left mine in the house, I can see it there, in my mind's eye, on the coat rack so I don't forget it!

We looked for one a couple of weeks ago and none of them had zippers, well maybe one or two, that I didn't like!

Gave up today and bought one without the zipper! Hoodie good size for hiding in on long flights... It's warm, and instead of two pockets, I can put my hands in and they can warm up together!!

Only problem is it's difficult to get back off, so should be fun on a plane!!!

Bit of a far away shot above but the pair of crows I had been watching were being so tender, checking eachothers feathers, prodding and rearranging feathers... Cute!

And at M&S in Stratford this morning, toasted tea cake and latte! Plastic knife! Lol... Not so cool?

Five days to go, and I had a test run with my suitcase, it's just for some reason I didn't think things would fit! Although I hadn't brought much, and haven't bought much! But even so I worried... Well all is well! Of course!

Nothing much more I can add... I am exhausted, my eye sockets are black in places! And when I went back to my car in the carpark I wondered if someone had moved the car!! Who the hell parked it like that!!! Lol

Japanese Saying

I saw a Tweet, the Japanese say we have three faces.

The first is the one we show to the world

The second is for close friends and family

The third is the one you never show anyone and is the truest reflection of who you are

***

To love and be loved in return, a true real love; I think to give the real reflection must be the greatest gift

Grief is the price of Love

Grief is the price of Love...

The pain of grief is just as much part of life as the joy of love: it is perhaps the price we pay for love, the cost of commitment. To ignore this fact, or to pretend that it is not so, is to put on emotional blinkers which leave us unprepared for the losses that will inevitable occur in our own lives and unprepared to help others cope with losses in theirs.

Dr Colin Murray Parkes

The sky is a beautiful winter blue, and I said how it's amazing because it's not really blue, it's reflections of stuff... But I forget in school I learnt things previously undiscovered, just as kids do now compared to us! Although we have the tech now so I keep up with the weird science stuff because I enjoy it!

Anyways! Customer didn't believe me, I said shall I look on here... The phone? "Yes please." 

So I read out the facts that it's blue because of molecules etc etc... therefore an illusion!! And then I said, but then we're just molecules too arnt we! 

I wonder if that's why when we meet certain people, find lifetime friends, fall in love...

It's our real selves that love, our souls... That I think live on without physical constraints because outside is mere illusion...

My foot, lionesses foot!
Whipsanade Zoo

Yesterday afternoon was a documentary about the Born Free movie from back in the '60's I think they said.

It was a bit emotional to say the least, I've only seen the movie twice, once was the day we picked our pup, a German Shepherd, back in... about 1983/84. We called her Elsa... And then the second time was when Elsa was being driven away by the same people we bought her from... Because we couldn't keep her where we were... Ironically Born Free was on the TV and our Elsa left us.

I hadn't known the full story of the couple that ultimately lost their lives because of the lions they loved...

So tears! All over the place in that!

Then! A Christmas movie!! And tears again, happy endings eh...

Yep, me, three years ago today, don't ask why the dot by my mouth, because I don't know and it says it's the original, wondering if I took it with a direct site like fb and went to write on it? Who knows, it's not the point...

The point I suppose is this... That that woman above, that me... I don't know her anymore, life changes us, people, so much has changed that I am now not who I was then... I guess I'm not anyone I have been before, and that's what we do we evolve during our lifetimes don't we... We have to to complete ourselves...

To become... to grow...

I am coming to the end of six weeks here, two to go and the adventure continues...

What would I do if they removed the ... Lol I use too many I know! I just have trouble ending sentences don't I!

Endings are final. I can't do them;

Beautiful light mist rising at the back on the garden today... ethereal.... I half expected a spirit to take form, always just like in the old movie, The Amazing Mr Blunden!

Gorgeous day today, blue skies and sunshine, yesterday a bit grim... but it turned around this morning, a slight frosting on the grass... I see the fox most days now, running past the back door from the roadside to come out back and into the fields and his den I guess... Huge fox, but no wonder the amount of food he puts away each night!! Hmmmm!! Also a resident squirrel, he sits and nibbles at the red berries by the back door...

Roads were okay, thankfully, short drive to somewhere today for a couple of hours... then back!!  As you can tell, nothing more to say really...

I'm sleeping okay, but very lightly... so I am getting real tired now... Ta dah!!

We are torn between nostalgia for the familiar and an urge for the foreign and strange. As often as not, we are homesick most for the places we have never known.

Carson McCullers

Sunrise on the road...

A beautiful sunset... Always the sunsets... Never the sunrises... I can't see them from the terrace in Spain, and here not so much either... I have always wanted to see the sunrise in Petra, not a safe place now I guess, but something I have always wanted to do... on the bucket list!

I haven't fiddled with the photograph above, the way the picture is in the roof of the hay barn? That just happened, and I don't know how, so don't ask me... fluke!

Our Planet

A program on TV last night, a woman exclaiming over a 4000 years old punt!

How often do we think about the fact we are walking around on a plant billions of years old! Stop, walk barefoot, touch the earth with your hands... Centre yourself... Every thing we have comes from what already is, and one day, however changed it will return!

I reworked a bowl of stuff here in the kitchen, just rearranged and processed a bit!

And below a tiny berry from outside, also processed!

Four weeks through now (nearly!), half way!

I'm a bit tired, had neck ache since... Four or five days I think! Not sure if I've scrunched it somehow; someone said something about their flu shot effecting joints!?! But it's a week tomorrow I had it, the pharmacist said it takes three weeks to work, so maybe it takes three weeks to get through the body?

I guess I can go check tomorrow or later, on my break...

I'm glad I have a night in the hotel before my flight to LA, a night to completely rest, although it doesn't always work like that, and after eight weeks of not sleeping properly... it will probably take a few nights to relax... Lol... But I'll be in a different time zone! My born natural time zone!! I so can't wait! Who am I kidding!! I haven't slept properly since I can't remember when!! I always wake up anyway!

This Bonelli eagle is coming home!

Difficult Roads

I can't really just put a quote on here can I? I better fill some space between it and here then!

Today, Ophelia has passed on, trees here intact, apples aplenty fallen to the ground, we've had blue skies and full sun, yellow! The Saharan dust cloud has passed on by... I wonder in thirty years, when this storm is remembered, if it is, if the orange sun shall also be?

The nights are drawing in, six thirty this evening it was almost dark, the clocks change here in the UK in a couple of weeks, a week before they do so in the US.

Purloined quote from Twitter:
Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations...

Ophelia

There is a weird calm before the storm outside.. the sky is red... the wind is starting to build up... At the shopping centre today when I came out of a popular clothes store whose TV advertisement had drawn me in, and I thought what Next!?! So got some food shopping completed too!

But the car park there was eerie... a strange quietness, trees blowing and people rushing about quietly! It was, is, very warm out, and as I speak the color outside is changing again, almost an orange glow! I've just added this bit... I've realised too, in the car park, and here.... no birds!

I know the hurricane Ophelia is headed towards Ireland, but that is some way from here... wondering if the great storm of '87 which happened exactly 30 years now... could be on a re-run!

Sorry, had to get coffee... hah! Like you knew... and also!! ah ha! I just ran back down again to answer the door! Package for next door!

So... here is a photograph of the sky when I got back at 11am...

This is not stylised, this is as is! I also know, Do Not Look At The Sun! Mwwwhh!

The sky is more orangy now...

Last night, lasted a while, so when I got back here after shopping, I laid down for an hour, couldn't really sleep, but rested a while knowing I didn't have to keep an ear open!

So when I got up I felt more refreshed! And now only concerned I will have fallen trees ahead of me to collect my customer later!

Traveling Road

Wow! This week flew by! Blogging from my phone so apologies ahead of time for errors to be quite honest, I am not going back to look for!

As in life as in Blogging!

Just eaten my breakfast, coffee going down well, thought I would write to you...

Weather is still great, had a two minute downpour yesterday as I was walking, change to running! into a supermarket yesterday after morning in a centre.

My Parker remains unworn!!! Three weeks, no coat in England, sometimes just the t-shirt! I am sure by mid-November I will be all hugged up in my favourite winter coat!

And so yes, three weeks gone, four weeks to go then a week of days! Lol

Last night I couldn't sleep properly, thinking I'm already moving into US time zone! Was talking about this last night... Which means every morning I wake up tired from bed, it's because that's where I should be going!

I have often wondered over the years the path my life would have taken had my mom not flown me as a toddler, across the world... Where would I have settled, what work, what life... lol what accent!

I am truly blessed that this is the path I'm on, because of a life filled with richness of family, friends, my life so far... my amazing sons both with beautiful and amazing wives, my granddaughter, the most remarkable baby girl in the world, of course. Nothing, not one single thing would I change... I have such amazing bonds of friendship, which will never break, I have such gratitude for everyone I've met along my path, for good or bad, people make us who we are...

But, and it's a big but! But what of the wheel I imagine our lives run along, like an old wagon wheel, or maybe spiders web, with the links across? I am guessing the middle would be birth... then coming out, jumping from line to line... Towards Ithaka...

But what of the lines we lived on in our lives? Do they continue somewhere? I know I've said before but when I'm back in the states, I see glimpses of a life I feel I'm in...

And how many times have I bumped into people I know, somewhere I wouldn't normally see them!??? Okay, well maybe that's nothing to do with anything!

Couple of photographs from the other week... Above an excellent capture of two flying saucers! Must be one of those areas for UFO's just here...

And apples!

Its very strange I don't normally get lost for words...
Maybe I can think of an old story from my 'way back when'...

I remember picking a decade once before to pick random happenings? It was a while ago! Wonder where I got to with it?

The only day I skipped school! It was the games lesson, and my best friend and I decided we didn't want to run around the playing field all afternoon, so we walked to her house, which was... I can actually check now with maps... 46 minutes, 2.5 miles! and then I had to walk home!!! 1hr 3 minutes, and 3.1 miles!!! I think I drew the short straw there!! And of course the moral of this story is do not avoid games to walk other people home first!!!!

I had my flu shot yesterday! Unlike the one I witnessed last week, mine took ages and was covering me for four strains of flu, which is handy as I had to call the paramedics last time I got the flu and the shot I'd had didn't cover that strain!! She said my arm would ache, and to stay in store for five minutes in case I went into anaphylactic shock! I did, stay in store, but no problems... apart from the arm ache!

Spiders web...

Hello, been a while, difficult posting from a placement... can't talk much about places or day to day activities... I guess I can say at one activity on Monday we had an opera singer entertain us, she was amazing!  Music no mic the room did the job wonderfully, she walked about us as we sat at our tables, it almost felt like we were on the stage with her as she sung her part... felt very part of the whole experience... She sung a selection from many of the old and new shows... sadly nothing from the Phantom or Les Mis... Lol the only two I have actually seen of course, and only the Phantom was live at Her Majesties in London with mom many moon ago now...

We've been out and about shopping in the car to nearby towns! And a farm shop!

We've gathered apples from the garden and adjoining paddocks...

I feed a fox every night!!

And there we have it really! I'm in the Cotswold's! Guess I say that! So you know this is a very pretty area, very chocolate box!

And I am about three weeks into the placement, kind of five to go, but the last week is only days isn't it... when you break it down, so I am going to say four weeks when I get to Saturday! I know it will be four weeks and seven days... but its days!! Me and my positive thinking... well, who'd have thought it eh...

I feel a poem should be going here again... Shall I write my own again!! Or look for something... let me think a moment...

Well, I wrote a poem then decided not to post it here, yet....

So just posting this amigos...

A fallen apple... heart shaped... I should fill the centre with cinnamon sugar, wrap it up in sweet pastry, brush with melted butter and bake!

If I were at home!

It is difficult sometimes to write whilst on placements, I cannot say how my day really is, or nights... I can't give location details of pretty villages, quintessential English locations...

Snippets and random thoughts only... And very random I am too with some of my thoughts of course... So much I could say and can't! Now I feel I'm being cryptic and I really having nothing to say!

Maybe a poem? I stopped writing them here didn't I... Let me go steal... erm.. no purloin I mean!

Well that was weird the first poem that came up was in the LA Times! And now I haven't bothered looking for another I have written my own.

Take me away... Bring me home
To leave a life of knowing to choose a life of unexplored unknown
Time to reconnect my feet on home home ground
To live a life anew and another way around...
©MarianBonelli

Country Road

Yes I'm here.... about ten minutes from Stratford upon Avon... Very pretty village, two pubs and small shop and a massive maypole!!

Above a photo taken in Alcester, also very close by and where my initial training was for the company I work for!

The flight left over three hours late, we spent over two hours actually sitting on the plane, after boarding on time, we just never left! We were taken off for fueling and re-boarded! Crazy! So getting into Birmingham airport and then here to placement and only being an hour late, I did okay, reason being of course I would have had a couple of relaxing hours... I thought I'd go around the Birmingham Bull Ring, but it didn't happen... oh well!

We have a rental car so I am able to take the customer to centres and shopping which is great, long days and normal challenges of course, with a few extra surprises thrown in for good measure, its a long placement, and the countdown on my phone will take a while to look like I am making any progress at all!! Maybe I should move it away from the home-screen and only look at it if I think of it! Good plan!

I have got soaked through a couple of times, and although I know not responsible for it... but probably not helped... I picked up a cold from my travels, I guess plane or trains.... I had the usual sore throat, that left as soon as the cold begun to come out and today we have just walked up the shop for some hot lemon powders!! Oh the joys!  I haven't had a cold for at least two years... at least like this I am guessing because my glasses are in the way! And I got them two years ago in December!

These photographs!  Anyone know where they were taken?

Should we tell the world??

I am guessing the top of the blue church in Alhaurín is a bit of a give-away!

Yes a stunning, beautiful roof-top terrace in Alhaurín El Grande.... We went up to the terrace on Friday night, before my 'early' night and early flight... ha ha! They have done the best ever job of a roof terrace! All the decking the beds, sun-loungers, pallet seats... cushions... swing chair! The bar... just amazing!

Where? Oh Bar Sardina por su puesto!