So many things I need to be doing right now.. on the laptop.. keep opening it up, staring blankly at the screen click here and there and then shut it down.

Its like my mind is in shut down mode.

Things I want to do, need to do.

Just in a closed mind state of mind.

Changes turmoils around and around I go; down this road I shouldn't be travelling like this, overloading Facebook with reposts of sad sorry and meaningless nothings.

I am having to leave to do something in the UK, I on one hand feel like running away, as I do, and the other I so do not want to leave home, I hate leaving my home, my heart.

Other people's bad lives our bad lives.. what a mixing pot of crapola, still no information on how to live a life after pain, after heartache.

I just feel done with stuff, yet not.. 

I want to disappear into a movie with a pretty sunset and a happy ending.. the sound of birdsong and music from my theme tune.. a big smile a happy heart.. fade out.

I won't, I can't.. always keeping going eh... and tomorrow is another day. And tomorrow I'll be okay again.

Sorry friends, don't know what I'd do without being able to write my pain out.. overloading friends on the phone too with my constant whinging.

M.