I am sure something is seriously wrong with my head sometimes... Like a glitch in there... Yesterday, making son a cup of tea, one of those wonderful Yorkshire Tea specials.... And I thought, must get some of this to take back with me...

Back? Where?

I had been in my lock up earlier, I opened every one of my twenty four boxes, and didn't find what I was looking for, so will get back in there after Christmas..

When I was walking back here I remembered one main item I wanted to find... in fact one rather large item! It must have been in there!? Maybe behind where I had moved things out of the way, into... If you see what I mean.. and the rush through every box is why I didn't find anything I wanted...

Because when I'm in there I want to leave, but I also want to get everything out and unpacked! Unbearable to be with, but miss it all...

Mmm 'Unbearable to be with, but miss it all...'

That speaks volumes doesn't it ..

M.

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.

Oscar Wilde - 1854-1900

Saturday in town, a beautiful sunny day, Cassie and I had been to the movies to see Wicked! And it was really great...

Extra special of course because I was with her!

Son and other niblet, as my mom used to call small children had gone to a friend's birthday party .. 

We were going to meet up afterwards, but the town was heaving, it would have been nice, but way to many people, and everyone lining up for food from the many foods stands... Smelt so good!!! Yorkshire pudding wraps!? What??? 

They looked good! 

We hung around a while waiting for the boys...  then walked awhile, son messaged to say too many crowds and they'd see us back home..

So we got on the tram and when we got off, all four of us were on the same tram!! 

Friday I entered a tv competition, If the call came through this morning you had to answer with the words 'Santa Claus is coming to town.'

No 'hello' just those words!

So funny, I was holding my phone in a store, about to pay for something when my phone started to ring, it was an unknown mobile number... I said to the lady, hang on please... I have to take this.. answering with 'Santa Claus is coming to town!' 

It was Amazon, or not, as seemed more scam than real... And an automated recording...

The woman looked at me like I was mad!! So funny! I laughed all the way home on the tram and walking around Asda! 

There was something I needed to do today involving needle and thread! And I decided trying to thread a needle is like trying to get a cat in a cat carrier basket! Every which way but through the eye!! 

Don't ask me what made me think of this the other day... I was watching something on tv, I think? But suddenly from the deep dark cobwebby recesses of my mind I remembered my mom's electric clothes dryer! 

A big metal container, these rungs, attached on hinges at one end, clothes would lay over and hang down... Or occasionally fall down!

When it was on it was toasty warm to stand next to... Absolutely wonderful!

How did I forget this! Used to sit next to it for warmth... 

I Googled it, and came across this example, it was on eBay! Says about 1940's! But mom had hers about 70's I guess! 

Wish I could remind her about it too...

Friday I looked around an apartment... I liked it, wasn't hundred percent sure about the area, but inside was lovely... They were leaving everything! And I mean everything, actually like I did...

I went to bed feeling positive about it, making plans in my head... 

Then woke up feeling the total opposite! I did plan, in my mind to be able to get a house, and I know it won't be as near as this apartment to son here, and definitely nowhere near my other son! 

But still not the reason I changed my mind... Just felt so different in the morning, always believe, if in doubt, don't! So, I didn't buy an apartment today!

M.

You can, you should, and if you're brave enough to start, you will.

Stephen King - Author

 

No snow now, this is from the other week... And I am taking the opportunity of the circle of doom preventing the next part of what I'm watching to materialize on the tv!

Last few days have been mostly wet weather, Saturday I walked down to Aldi, was very, very windy! But hey ho, it is just weather! 

Today some drizzle and wind! But sun is out now, and I've already done over five miles of walking! Checked on my phone a route to cover, and did it! Passing Aldi on my way back, I popped in and purchased a few items, was limited by the fact I only had a small carrier bag! And can't overload and carry! 

For some reason felt a bit emotional in there! Something wrong with my head! I say smiling.. 

I must share something... talking of my head, and holding way too much in it! Can't delete, can't download, most certainly and wouldn't want to erase... 

But this... This is beautiful, from Macbeth, and sent to me..

"Sleep that knits up the raveled sleave of care,

The death of each day's life, sore labor's bath,

Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,

Chief nourisher in life's feast."

M.

Hey it's 4am! Happily asleep and then bam! Wide awake and worrywart surfaces...

Yesterday I worried all the time, in fact I think I reached anxiety levels.

I get that I've really held back the stress of this year but yesterday things were getting out of the box, and that box is not only built of concrete wrapped in the world's strongest metal, chained with a padlock! It's then covered in webbing, old newspapers, a lifetime of birthday cards, unused socks and my mom's favorite scarfs! It's topped off with sixtyfive year old Christmas wrap, ribbon and a bow!

So you can maybe start to imagine, when things start to creep out through the cracks! They're very very scary! 

I walked to son's nearest supermarket, trying to fight back tears, had to force myself out and about because I felt so panicky about my situation, housing, car, what where when and mainly how in hell!!! Figures aren't matching up!

Then while trying to keep it all in, only just, I passed a girl walking a gorgeous little French Bulldog, he pulled towards me, and I said 'hello' he refused to walk on without a proper greeting! So I bent down and gave him a proper hello cuddle and then he jumped up, well, as far as his little legs to get him, soooo cute, and she apologized, said she is training him as an assistance dog... I said it's okay, I need assistance today! 

I really did need that fur baby cuddle.

And to be honest I got worse, most of the day.

Then tonight I fell asleep okay, thankfully and now, wide awake writing, because it helps.

I need to keep that box of tricks I keep under wraps buried deeper! Just don't know how... 

M.

Had to look for today's quote in my emails..

Perfect one I guess! Of course!

Don't confuse your path with your destination. Just because it's stormy now, doesn't mean you aren't headed for sunshine later. Don't lose faith.

Trent Shelton - Football Player

Above, moss on a post! And moss in a (Blog) post!

A forest walk on a misty afternoon in Bewdley.. with a small old fur baby... 

And beneath in the park also in Bewdley..

Can you zoom in and see the words?

'We are known forever by the tracks we leave'

Very true..

I am writing from a train, second of the day and off to Nottingham, it was jam packed when I got on in Birmingham New Street.. full train, we were like sheep and wolves boarding... Sadly not a wolf today, us who were waiting longest were shoved back by the rush of the sudden appearance of latecomers! 

Anyways I wedged me myself and I into this window seat .. need a better bag, bigger possibly, or just one with more capacity.

I have my brilliant headphones in, and listening depressingly to Leonard Cohen.. 

Everything I look at on the many social platforms I'm on .. probably most of what I see I shouldn't like or repost, these things hold us down, hold us back even.

I have always held onto the past with all my life as it is, without the constant feed of memories, which I have no problem remembering any way!

Delete them then? Hahahaha hilarious! 

No!! I enjoy reading my friends and relatives latest news... Being so far away from so many of them...

And Insta I like putting up photographs... Of course!

This time of year, is getting to me.. and what a year..

Selling the house ✓ I had to leave it, I was so sad there... eventually...

Leaving my job ✓ I may have complained, occasionally about the customers, but I loved going into work and my colleagues and some of the customers.

And of course moving countries ✓ again! That's three now! Leaving is the worse...

I dreamt I was in my house last week, my house as it was with my things and looking exactly as it is.

When I used to dream of my house when I lived there, it always looked more cave like! 

Anyways, although the dream was okay, it made my heart ache afterwards. Awake.

Had three lots of sad news this week, so that's my three in a row.. 

I still have the cold, which is just in my lungs now so hoping that'll budge in the next week! Haven't coughed the whole time on the train which is good! Still scared of coughing in public! COVID damaged us in many many ways! 

Can't wait to get back to son's, going to the store for chicken and other bits to make chicken soup! Always the right answer for colds! 

Have more to write I'm sure, but feeling a bit sad.

I'll buck up! Must be my hormones! Oh no! They've upped and left many moons ago I'm sure! 

Next stop mine! Well nearly! 

Adiós amigos...

M.

One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you cannot change.

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