Thank you.
It is hard, if not impossible to get my feelings my emotions spoken, out loud voicing them and I am I tears immediately, shaking, sick to my stomach. This is no uncommon happening I realise... but this is us, it is different, everyone is different.
I feel like I am unravelling, I can see only a black wall, nothing ahead, Franco and I always do and go everywhere together, there has been no 'I' in our together... So I can see nothing ahead.
Thankfully I can see to the end of this placement, thankfully I will not be here for the upcoming funeral because quite honestly I don't think I would have been able to stay, I couldn't of. Period.
I was asked to stay on a further week to be there to support the lady, believe you me the support I would have needed afterwards would have outweighed hers by a million times...
Only three complete days now, (four really), but anything that sounds less is fine by me...
Ironically wanting time to speed now, is the very last thing I want when I get home...
I am so overwhelmed by peoples love and generosity, by everyone... I think I would have run from here as soon as I realised the situation in this placement, without constant emotional back up, messages, phone calls, emails...
Keep 'em coming...
I think... well I keep thinking of all the things we always do, the places we love to go, all the plans we make all of the time, just like everyone does of course. We might be in the car, or watching t.v. or walking hand in hand, as we do... and we are always saying we're going here and there, we always have always do... and we always go where we say we're going to... not especially out of the normal places, but our places, around where we live... and bigger stuff, back Vegas where we got married, my niece is getting married in a month, we would have gone to California for the wedding. Visit with my aunt again in Queens was very high on our agenda...
We want to go to Portugal! Well, really its so close isn't it! And Morocco... We plan to stay in a cave house again, like that Christmas before...
And to Málaga each Christmas for the lights, to Fuengirola because we love it there together, to the Mijas pueblo we love, to the parks to walk our Pipster, to live in our home together until we grow old because Franco said on our second date that he wanted us to grow old together...
It is hard, if not impossible to get my feelings my emotions spoken, out loud voicing them and I am I tears immediately, shaking, sick to my stomach. This is no uncommon happening I realise... but this is us, it is different, everyone is different.
I feel like I am unravelling, I can see only a black wall, nothing ahead, Franco and I always do and go everywhere together, there has been no 'I' in our together... So I can see nothing ahead.
Thankfully I can see to the end of this placement, thankfully I will not be here for the upcoming funeral because quite honestly I don't think I would have been able to stay, I couldn't of. Period.
I was asked to stay on a further week to be there to support the lady, believe you me the support I would have needed afterwards would have outweighed hers by a million times...
Only three complete days now, (four really), but anything that sounds less is fine by me...
Ironically wanting time to speed now, is the very last thing I want when I get home...
I am so overwhelmed by peoples love and generosity, by everyone... I think I would have run from here as soon as I realised the situation in this placement, without constant emotional back up, messages, phone calls, emails...
Keep 'em coming...
I think... well I keep thinking of all the things we always do, the places we love to go, all the plans we make all of the time, just like everyone does of course. We might be in the car, or watching t.v. or walking hand in hand, as we do... and we are always saying we're going here and there, we always have always do... and we always go where we say we're going to... not especially out of the normal places, but our places, around where we live... and bigger stuff, back Vegas where we got married, my niece is getting married in a month, we would have gone to California for the wedding. Visit with my aunt again in Queens was very high on our agenda...
We want to go to Portugal! Well, really its so close isn't it! And Morocco... We plan to stay in a cave house again, like that Christmas before...
And to Málaga each Christmas for the lights, to Fuengirola because we love it there together, to the Mijas pueblo we love, to the parks to walk our Pipster, to live in our home together until we grow old because Franco said on our second date that he wanted us to grow old together...
No comments:
Post a Comment