Going to get myself up in a minute! Been listening to a book for a couple of hours, nipped down for a coffee, but need to shake myself up, get up, have my rusk and warm milk and then get down to Asda! Need some more soup! And maybe a yoghurt, can't get much softer than yoghurts! 

Stomach is hurting again sitting so maybe getting up and moving about will help now.

You know I Googled that strange dreamlike weird thing when I couldn't sleep the other night.. had some strange meanings.. which I won't bother you with!! Lols 

Sat now, second cup of coffee, and first Farley's Rusk under my belt! I have already called City hospital, a really helpful guy is going to print out and send me my report, which the system in the Queens Med had been unable to do on Monday, and he also advised me on what other soft foods I can eat until Saturday! Very helpful...

I am dressed and ready for my short walk, wish me luck! Lols, well it'll be too late by the time you read this maybe!

It could be years!! 

Music track today, and it's John Lewis's Christmas 2025 advert.. 

I realized just now watching a Christmas Advert on TV, I have missed these adverts, not having seen the Christmas Adverts for so long, or only intermittently.. 

I guess some people may say "Christmas ads! Ooerrr again already!."

But, some of them are so beautifully thought out and made.. Small stories.. straight to the heart ..

M.

The dead don't disappear 

Not while they're loved..

Quote from an episode of Strike 

 

Mathern, a village in Wales..

But first of course I better update on surgury.. 

Went in about 10:30 Monday morning, for my 11am admission, was a bit of a deja vu feel about it all, after last week, but I was signed in, checks done, signed all the forms and trollied off to the theatre about 12:45ish..

Every one very nice, felt very cared for and looked after... In the bit before the theatre, the prep room... They put in the cannula, BP arm band, the stickers and then an injection for something and the oxygen mask... The anesthesiatist said think of a happy place .. so I put myself on the boardwalk at Calahonda.. and knew no more .. 

I can't actually remember coming back around in the recovery room, but obviously I did, because they moved me back into my ward half an hour later... Was 4:30 then...

Reclined my chair and covered me up with a blanket.. where I snoozed!

I came home about 7pm and went to bed about an hour later.. slept sort of until 3am yesterday morning, then just laid in bed listening to a book until I got up about 9ish.

Baz took the day off to look after me, I wasn't allowed to be left alone for the first 24hrs...

And also no food for 24hrs after the surgery..

So last night about six I had something? Oh soup, I had cream of chicken soup... 

Yesterday I had a very very sore throat and speaking wasn't easy... 'Yeah yeah yeah!!' and a very painful abdomen area .. All to be expected.. 

Today tummy still hurts, but not as bad, and throat getting better.. A long as I don't talk too much!! 

I didn't get my report, and I didn't get a food plan.. So that's been worrying me a bit, winging it on the soft food I can eat, today had a rusk for breakfast and three hours later another one, with warm milk .. love those things! Then three hours later I had half a can of cream of mushroom soup, the other half three hours later! So four meals today, if you can call them meals! And a Complan just now, for some goodness! 

I guess I'll sort of repeat tomorrow, if I can't get hold of anyone to answer my question about what to eat!! 

I know it's soft foods for 72 after after the non food 24hrs .. 

So a good meal Saturday, although I have to admit I'll be a bit worried as the point of soft foods is that nothing hurts the site of the operation, for obvious reasons.

Anyways, I survived it! And I was scared, it's just not a good time of the year, I know remembering dates from past painful times doesn't help... 

But I'll never forget...

Last night although exhausted, I couldn't sleep! And after waking up at 3am yesterday morning and still seeing 2am this morning!! Made yesterday a very long day! Lols 

I watched a bit of TV, played a bit of solitaire, then listened to my book, I expected sleep .. instead I had sone weird hallucination! It was as though I was floating low near the ground, and all I could see was earth and rocks and faces there in... Was horrible, and my mind kept trying to see anything else, I was trying to think of something else to stop what I was seeing... Yet on and on I floated .. just earth and rocks and faces!! 

Then I slept, woke up, broke my glass, mopped that up, picked up glass! and couldn't sleep again!!

Tired today, but can't see sleep coming easy tonight..  its usually just lots of waking up and turning over like the ever turning kebab! Falling asleep is usually easy .. hate it when it's not.

All these photographs I took on November 5th 2018.. in Mathern where I was in a placement.. end of life care...

M.

Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?

Rose Kennedy

Happy all Hallows Eve!

Highfields Park, Nottingham, yesterday... Beautiful autumnal day for a walk around here.. 

We actually went to an area of the hospital to pick up my pre surgery preparation pack.. and it's very close to this park.

They called again, the hospital, and changed my appointment again, which is better than the 10th, less bad omen feel for me, especially... 

It is now the 4th of November, Monday!

Which is great, just my body so has not sorted itself out from its last pre surgery prep. 

Stomach feels crappy, and it's all over the place! 

Added to that a bad back! Maybe a mix of stress, and, or? Sunday night I had to have easy and quick access to the bathroom, so we had a switch around of bedrooms and I was in a bunk bed, which was great, actually,  but not easy to jump into or out of in a hurry, and getting out of is a hurry, as any of you might know if you've had a colonoscopy.

Without getting into it too much, this was my fourth pre colonoscopy prep. but I've never had this after-effect before, I guess it having only been May since the last my body is not liking it! 

Whose would to be honest!?! 

And now I am putting it through it again, immediately! I can't eat for 24 hours after the surgery is only, and then only soft foods for a further 72 hours..

After Mondays disappointment, I had thought a good meal, a glass of wine .. would be a thing for this weekend, but no..

And to be honest, not next either, I am worrying myself sick that maybe I'll be too scared to eat anything that could risk effecting the surgery area, ever again!

But living on soup or other non chewable items probably wouldn't be a good onwards journey for a body!

M.

They whispered to her You cannot withstand the storm She whispered back I AM The Storm!

These strangely gathered photographs today.. I searched 'streets' in my gallery and these were there, amongst a thousand others, of course! 

Above taken in Pembrey Country Park about eleven years ago.. they had a huge ammunitions dump here during WW2.. It really is a beautiful park,.we camped there for a few nights, took me 24 hours after going cold turkey with no data signal to calm down, and basically, just get over it already!! 

Above also in Wales, Merthyr Tydfil, very spooky looking house!

And, yes, this also, an amazingly shaped tree, wind blown by the ever present sea breeze along the beautiful coast land of the Gower..

***

So, what we really need to speak about is my surgery appointment yesterday.

I went through the ordeal of Movicol, after three days of non fibre, and then no food at all.

Up at 3am yesterday morning, for second dose of Movicol, this is a one litre drink that's tastes disgusting, has to be drunk over an hour, 250 ml every fifteen minutes.. the first dose followed by a couple of litres of water to flush it through.. and at 3:30 yesterday morning, repeat the Movicol, and 500 ml of water... a thousand trips to the loo, saying no more!

And at the hospital at 9am, actually there at half eight and took half an hour to find my ward, son and his two came with me for support.. then, left me there...

I signed in, was assigned an area in my ward, and waited, had some checks done, and waited, saw someone who would be in the surgery, he told me all about what was going to happen, the good things, and of course had to tell me the bad that could; I signed the forms to acknowledge I understood what I was signing for.. was so funny when I had to put the date, I paused and looked at him blankly, he said  'the 27th' then again at month, he said 'October,' the year... My mind was completely blank I said "I can't even think of the year" and laughed, he said it's okay, that's normal, all the information about the surgery you're about to have blanks most people's minds.. he said '25'.. I said I was actually thinking 1990 something!! 

Then, I waited some more, it was a ward for six patients, all curtained off for privacy.. and as others came back they were offered sandwiches and tea or coffee, and ice-cream and I was starving!! Smelt so good!!

Then, there came two men, one from earlier and another who introduced himself as one of the surgeons.. at 4:30pm.

They told me I would not be able to have my surgery, that the first patient had had an issue, one of the things that can go wrong issue, and when patient #2 came out, he had to go back in, and that the anaesthetist goes home at 5:30.. which is fair enough, they start at 7am.. 

So! I packed up my things, took off my attractive support stockings and left for the tram..

It was the busiest I have ever been in, I didn't really need to hold on, we were like sardines in a can! Terrible, I was tired, hungry and well, felt like crying..

They had offered me a sandwich, but to be honest at that point I just wanted to come home.

After what felt like forever, got in, got into my comfies and decided KFC was dinner! Ordered it through the app and found it was saying pickup in the restaurant and no place to change it! The phone number hung up, so changed again and, in the now dark, we walked there, and brought it back... To find wrong drinks and a whole meal missing! 

WoW, what a day!

And today, on a brighter note.. well to begin with, had a phone call from the hospital to apologise for yesterday's failure to complete my surgery, but I did obviously understand and that's that really, but was nice to get that call.

Then, even better an hour or so later another call offering me another appointment! 

So it's November 10th.. we were walking to The Range and my phone rang, excellent news... Which means I have all the prep, again, the awful week before and the day before, I have to be there at 7am, so, it's a movicol at 7pm and again at 1:30!! So I guess, no sleep at all Sunday night! But I have to have it done and soon as.. 

Then, here it stops being good news... The November 10th thing...

I opened up my calendar, clicked on the date to make the appointment, and there, already the headline I see every year.. 

When Franco told me his diagnosis.. 

I can't believe the coincidence, the fate.. The chance of my surgery being cancelled and given this date?

Worse Day Of My Life... I placed those words on November 10th 2016.

The day Franco had asked me to go get five tins of Quality Street from Iceland (Overseas), and when I messaged him to say I was on my way to the hospital, where he was under investigation for his pain and sickness.. 

And he said he'd meet me outside the front, by the steps, where patients seemed to gather for fresh air... Or cigarettes!! 

I walked up with a tin of Quality Street for the nurses, others were for other people Franco wanted to give to as Christmas gifts..

He told me sit down, I refused.. and he told me the prognosis, the result of the many tests, and the worse possible news.

So, what a date they've given me, again, the chance, the coincidence, the fate... An omen? I hope if so, it's a good one, because the way my mind is.. I am not feeling it at the moment.

M.

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."

Buddha

Some photos I took the week the Caminito Del Rey opened it's new walk... Can't remember when now, off hand, if you're on the desktop page of my Blog use the search bar, top left-hand corner to find it.. if you want! Of course! 

Was amazing, and definitely safer than the old broken and dangerous walk for mountain climbers, and those of us who could only get close and look across! Or risk life and limb as we did and walk over the narrow path over the Ravine, below.. we walked from the left-hand side to the right, at that time, maybe 20 years ago? There was nothing much to stand on on the right! 

Been a stressful week, and been on a non fibre diet for last three days, white bread, white rice blah blah blah..

And today at 7pm I start the awful drink, a litre to be drunk over an hour, then lots of water, two litres or so... Try to sleep later, then about 3am, the second drink, repeat process, no more liquids from 7am.. into hospital for 9am and .. well, there we go! 3 to 4 hours surgery and hopefully all well afterwards.

Got my head in a bad place, being positive is only something I can be for others...

M.

 

Cabopino Beach..

Today someone said he thought he had seen me on beach, back home, I guess my spirit or soul sometimes goes a wandering...

Had my flu shot this morning, arm aches already! Usually the next day but this was quicker.. then few hours later blood test taken, different arm!! If that even makes a difference eh! 

So tired again today, I was out for an hour and a half this morning, also defrosted and cleaned the fridge freezer, and cleaned the bathroom floor, whoever put black mirror type tiles down on a bathroom floor never intended to have to clean them! Nightmare!

Been having bad dreams as well, adding insult to injury with my bad sleeping.. 

Had one of those weird moments this morning, listening to Harry Potter on my ear buds, just coming home from flu shot and Asda, and the narrator is saying 'October 16th.....' and I stop in my tracks!! Today is October 16th!! Weird eh? Coincidence.. yes!

Been trying to decide whether to get a car or not! I miss driving, I want a car, but do I need a car?? 

M.

Fall in love with moments..

Not really a quote, but, certainly something to think on...

Moments like when I took the photograph above.. snapshots of our lives

 

I'm sure one day I'll stop posting photography from back home.. or at least old ones, new ones are better ...

People from England who live abroad and still call England home, so I am allowing myself that privilege now, with Spain, my heart will always be there.. among the Málaga and Cadiz mountains and across the plains between them..

Down on the Costa del Sol beaches and flitting from best remembered bars and chirinquitos..

Ghosts of loved ones and friends shall always remain...

Yes, I am better, quite suddenly yesterday afternoon, better! Just my normal tired, which is fine, been dealing with that for decades, so just pleased my antibodies have won the war on COVID that was attacking me so vehemently!

Just in time for my flu shot tomorrow, I hope! And blood test tomorrow, another one! 

I ventured out last night too, into town no less, in the evening in the dark! Beware the dark ... Stay clear of the forest, sorry I mean beware the moors, stay on the path!

Had a nice evening, a non alcoholic gin y tónica, and was home by 20:45!!

It is most definitely autumn now, that wonderful autumnal smell, feeling, the promise of Halloween, of log fires, frost on the hedgerow, pimping out the spiders webs in silver frosting.. the sunlight glistening on melting frost.. 

Ooops sorry, Waxing lyrical! 

M.

Need a quote and searched my notes, this isn't really a quote, and I may have published this before, but it caught my eye and shall now reside here .

Boundaries we make for ourselves, too scared, some of us, to break free, to realize our own selves, to be brave enough to just be us and not feeling caged by own self-made electronic fences.