When I fished my Blog, just now .. I finished my coffee also, and looking down into my cup, a feather .. signs eh! Last night, I was watching the New Snow White film .. it's lovely... Maybe not for everyone... But my inner child loves these movies .. fairytales, hopes and dreams ..
Anyways!! So I was watching above movie on my Kindle, and stopped... Thinking back to when Franco and Barry and I were here, and we were out front one evening late, enjoying the warm evening and running around like crazies trying to catch fireflies...
So I got out of bed, it was around 11:30pm maybe.. crouched down and looked out of my bedroom window into the dark outside.. and there! Immediately! A firefly! Just for me, down where we chased them before, and just the one. Courtesy of Franco, I felt.
I waited about ten minutes, but no more .. I always look out of window, but hadn't seen one for years...
And like the feather in my coffee grounds above.. just small gifts, just for me.
Now I am getting around to what happend the Sunday before last.
I knew we were going to visit where I grew up, I was looking forward to walking around where I was used to walk..
I thought, I'm going to see what's for sale around there, so I Googled properties for sale! And I clicked on a house down our street, they were all laid out pretty much the same when I was there, two up, two down! We had a mangle house out the back, two story!
I clicked on street view to see which house it is.. I hadn't zoomed in on the front door, it was, after all, just one of the houses in our street ..
Not sure if you're ahead of me by now? I'm sure some of you are ..
It isn't just one of the houses down our street, it is our house!
WoW!
Our house, my house! My grandmother, my great grandmother.. it's our family home.
And now I am digging myself a big pit of despair and disappointment as all I want is to be back in there again, wrapped up in warm memories and familiar places...
The chances of my house being for sale? Right when I go to look on property for sale there?
It's meant to be right?? I am laughing in my head!
I can dream, and I do love to dream, to plan, to imagine..
But I am well aware I'll be upset when it sells, if not to me...
And the big, big thing about being there, later, parking up near my house, walking around the small parade of stores, walking up our street.. I actually, since coming back in October, I actually felt like I was home.
You know how I have happy days and those sad days, I spill them here regularly don't I..
Today I woke up sad, maybe the firefly from last night? Now the feather in my coffee cup, the tale of Snow White has it's ups and downs, as fairy tales do...
It's my birthday tomorrow! That's it! Retirement! It's a big stepping stone in life isn't it? I hadn't really thought about it, only in a joking way, as my countdown app on my phone told me the years ticking off, I put the app on about four years ago! Now it's down to hours ..
Less time, as I screenshot and place here, than I realized! Also confused about the actual countdown time!?! Should be more than that, a few hours more!?!
As for me here it's 10:55am here, as I write.. 13 hours to go until my birthday! And if I'm being exact... Plus 3hrs more for being born in Cali!
Not posting until later, when I'm sure my birthday will have arrived in the UK before I do!
And now, need to re-set my mind!
Look where I am and with whom. Only as my eyes well up... I guess, it's really what's missing is what hurts isn't it.
M.
But know this - despite the distance and time put behind me, whenever I glance at the rearview mirror
I still hope to see you.
J. Raymond
A part of a poem from The Kindred Project