When all is said and done, maybe I would have been better off here with my ghosts, than living away from them ..

In Alhaurín now, home, heart body and soul.

M.

 

More from Ronda... Was a very long day, from getting the 06:35 coach .. three hours to get to Setenil de las Bodegas, then Ronda and three hours return journey... Very long journey...

But, of course, well worth it... Went with Rubena excursions from Fuengirola.. great coach guide, and driver.. 

Learnt that Orson Wells fell in love with this area and wanted to have something of his here... 

Taken, courtesy of Google:

Orson Welles (1915–1985) was deeply enamored with Ronda, Spain, spending many summers there and forging a close friendship with bullfighter Antonio Ordóñez. Following his death, a portion of his ashes was buried in a well at his friend's estate, El Recreo de San Cayetano. He is honored with a statue near the plaza de toros.

I took this photograph from inside a bar!

Today a bus ride to Benalmádena.. €1.75 each way,.not bad eh! A wander around the marina, a coffee, then a couple of hours on the beach before heading back to Fuengirola..

And tonight, dinner in the Buffet restaurant on the port.. So decidedly stuffed now! 

M.

“When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mould you, it feels damn good…”

Carl Rogers, American psychologist

Sitting here at the Don Miguel of Ronda.. 

I am drawn to thinking how amazing this beautiful county is.. 

The inner peace, the awe, the heart and soul of me feels it's life, it's heart and soul, and they match with mine.

Yet I left... Why it was time I don't know, I just knew I was sad staying, and never realized for a moment how much sadder I would be leaving..

Not forever I know, visiting is always an option..

But visiting home and leaving.. is difficult..

It was hard leaving England originally, because of my boys, and friends... But this pain of loss is worse in other ways..

And now if course I can see my son's whenever, and my beautiful grandchildren... But.. my soul remains here...

A good day, up way too early, many hours to get to Setenil de las Bodegas, a small on road train journey from coach to near calle de Sol, a fly around the loop, from calle sol to calle sombre, a coffee, and back on the little train and off to Ronda! Three and three quarter hours there... Time for walk, lunch at Don of risotto de rabo de toro, ( ox tail risotto), y un vaso de vino Ronda tinto.. very nice...

A walk, and stopped for coffee, barman easily persuaded me into adding tiramisu!

M.

Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength.

Corrie Ten Boom - 1892-1983 - Watchmaker

 

Well, you must all know by now I am a huge Frasier fan ... Having Blogged the end poem so many times, many of you must also now find those words familiar..

But now, as I sit coffee in hand prior to a good river walk, am watching the penultimate episode..

Frasier is talking with Niles and their father about his, the fathers, upcoming marriage and how he made a wrong booking date for the ceremony and party, choosing Eddie's birthday of May 15th, not that of his fiancée July 15th!

The sons say don't worry, we can do it in only eight days.. which means the date would be presumably May 7th that this conversation is taking place... As is today's date!! 

Weird eh!! Coincidence! Strange... 

Yesterday no walk, it was my eldest son's birthday, every year he gets older and older than me! It's incredible!

We had brunch in town, was a beautiful weather day, and we sat in a little hidden area of Bills in Nottingham, was really good.

Then a wander around town, beginning at a bank, I'd had a phone call whilst eating, telling me 800 pounds was being taken from my account and to do this and that .. obviously I'm savvy enough to know a scam when I hear one and hung up, I went to the bank really to see if they wanted the number that called me... He didn't! And he told me everything I already knew about the call, and why, in a very long winded way! Still.. thank you very much!! 

I do still remember the scam that befell me. That I, even worse, made happen to myself by booking and paying for a cab before I even saw it! Holds head down in shame!

Need to get out soon, fresh air and river walking does the soul good. I need that.

M.

Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.

Oprah Winfrey

 

Yes been walking this morning.. Cow parsley richly filling the tow path here.. 

Few walkers this morning, it's bright and felt chilly when I started walked, then wished I hadn't worn my hoodie that I had to tie around my hips for the majority of the walk....

Listening to an interesting book called Manners and Mischief by Ann Glenconner... It's really really good... And after The Word is Murder by Anthony Horowitz.. it's a fresh change.. As real life can be!

This is canal bridge over the river... Where the Kingfishers were last week, and the heron, and an otter, if you're there early enough, apparently, I am not!

Less than a week to go and I'm heading home to españa! Made my list, as yet to see if the items will all fit in my small bag.. just nine days .. and will not be enough.. 

I cannot emphasize enough how much I miss home, it really makes me feel physically sick.. the missing.. 

It hurts to look at my thousands of photographs from all those years.. but wonder if I should force myself too... Fight my way through it. I don't know..

M.

No such thing as spare time. No such thing as free time. No such thing as down time. All you got is life time. Go!

Henry Rollins - Actor – Musician

Song Morning Of My Life John Holt..

Beautiful song... Can't remember now where I heard it when I saved it here though!

Also can't remember, that's the trouble with late Blogging!! Did I mention my new new glasses? 

They're good, but it's old school, I have one pair of reactolite glasses, a pair of full sunglasses.. 

I find I have to take the regular off and put the sunglasses on and off repeat! 

My old click ones are my best ever, and next glasses I'll reuse those frames! Job done!

I also the day I went to collect them, got an unintentional pack of mints!

And from the charity shop, a couple of pretty vacation tops, 4.50 each, we're only one pound each! 

The photographs all stunning spring scenery, all green and fresh and lush.. bees, butterflies, ducks and ducklings, swans and signets, herons, those stunning kingfishers!

Beautiful time of the year here in England. I pleasure and delight walking the rivers and canals nearby.

No wild garlic here following in the footsteps of the bluebells, (or white bluebells at the start), sadly..

Certainly been a beautifully warm week, in the 20° ..

Before I close, I had an incredibly strange dream last night, I dreamt I was dead, but was still there! And that is exactly what I Googled! Very interesting! 

M.

One should live where one's soul is in harmony

"With one hand the past moves us forward, and with the other it holds us back".

Before my apologies for not Blogging, I need to apologize if this blog reads poorly, as I am talking into my phone and it completely seems to be misreading me or rather mis hearing me!

Passing by a dog walker this morning, I always try to be very aware that they may not hear me for whatever reason, so I kind of make a scuffling noise with my boots, and then say a good morning from sort of probably still about 10, 12 foot away.. and just now a man walking with his dog, paused to pick up a stick and throw it for his little dog, which meant he was just bending down to pick up the stick again when I was alongside him and wished him a good morning, with a joke he clutched his chest and swore quietly and said his whole life flashed before him, then and I stopped and turned and said well I hope it was a good one!

So many of my past jobs have been customer focused.

And I always have tried to be caring and considerate; I try to be in my personal life, but I'm well aware there may have been times where I did not appear so, maybe I don't know I'm being so... 

But I have tried to be throughout my life, it's just me you know, I'm the first to run and help somebody or to give a smile or words of encouragement or kind words you know the normal, 'your hair looks lovely' or 'I like your skirt.'

Something I read just before I left the house this morning, about how easy it is or maybe not easy but how we can so easily be kind and thoughtful to other people, yet to be kind to ourselves is very very difficult.. or impossible.

I walked yesterday too, I had to sit down three times, the leg exercises they've given me for my knees hurt my hips and my back! But I'm determined to keep doing them because how else can I say if they've not worked, I can't say they've not worked if I don't do them so I have to keep trying you know, and maybe it will help as long as it doesn't make other things worse.. 

The photograph of me in the tree I did yesterday while I was walking, gotta love AI, love it or hate it, AI is very much like Marmite and I love Marmite!

Strange photograph above, of a hole in a piece of a tree! 

The river and canal here are full now of spring time, hawthorn in bloom, forget-me-knots, white dead nettles, lots of other random blooms, and the trees and a bright green of renewal.. bees are buzzing and people are walking..

This morning a huge group of walkers.. my continued 'hello's' as I walked through them all along the canal.. So funny.

I have been very very bad with blogging I know.. I recently had a full week with my son down in Welwyn Garden City, a really good week, he took the time off work, it was around Easter and my granddaughter's birthday.. lots of train travel and for some reason I felt a little panicky coming back on the train, I don't know why but just a bit panicky.

Zehn Mal drive about my heart shoes 

Ok my phone completely mucked up the last paragraph which is really annoying I was saying I was having trouble breathing and walking and I meant to say talking and walking, it makes it difficult for me to breathe properly and then I laughed and said that maybe it's the lack of oxygen in my brain that makes the words come out wrong!

I then looked down at my phone to see that the whole paragraph had disappeared and somebody called Zehn mal was driving about heart shoes I have no idea what that meant or who that is even!! 

But as you can see I have left that in because that's what my phone thought I said!

I had a dream two nights ago, I dreamt there was a pocket in my leg, the opening was actually on my thigh, it was a rectangular pocket so less deep more wide, and there were things inside this pocket in my leg... it wasn't bloody or gory, it was literally a pocket in my leg and below is apparently what that is all about courtesy of Google.

I shall now, as I am overdressed today, unlike yesterday when there was a really cold wind and I was freezing, I'm now far too warm, I've already taken off my hoodie and the black top underneath is a winter one. I'm so warm, so I'm gonna get off this bench, and get back and have a cup of coffee.

***

Dreaming that you have something under your skin in a pocket—often accompanied by the action of squeezing, picking, or removing it—symbolizes a need to release pent-up emotions, remove negative influences, or address hidden anxieties that are "getting under your skin". The pocket represents a hidden, personal, or private space where you have been storing emotions, secrets, or memories. 

This type of dream is a common, though disturbing, symbolic expression of the subconscious mind. 

M.

The best laid plans are no match for the winds of change