I am feeling better than I was last Monday, it is taking me a while, and I know I am on a slippery slope for the next couple of weeks.

Also, I think seeing this above had hurt me, because I am silly, I know.. but photograph on the left my mom's living room window, Google maps hadn't changed it, hadn't been down her road at least since she was there, those were her curtains and she always drew them when she was watching TV to stop the glare... And although it had been a bad habit when she first died, it also consoled me knowing she had been sitting behind those curtains, watching TV.. It made me feel both sad and happy.. Can't explain.

And thankfully I stopped looking all the time, just now and again; and having looked probably only a couple of times last year, I looked again.

And now it's changed, now someone else has the curtains open, the window handle open.

And now I know she no longer waits behind the curtains, watching TV.

Same curtains, no judgement.

Okay, need to change the subject.. 

Top photograph me walking along the tow path this morning! 

The Nottingham Canal below..

And just here the top is one end and the bottom photograph is the other end! 

Never walked the length of a canal before! Especially in quarter of an hour!

And did I show you this?

Yes a Peter Maddocks print at the top, followed by one of many memorability items..

Then the stick.. I got the idea from a good friend of mine back home, K., she has one by her front door to hold bits n' bobs..

Mine is a bit more special, it's my step dads walking stick.

It's been with me since 2002, always near my front door, first just leaning at the duplex down at Calahonda, then in the umbrella stand in Alhaurín, going quietly unnoticed.

Now, it finally has a resting place, seen every day, remembered every day.

M.

Sometimes you just need an adventure to cleanse the bitter taste of life from your soul.

One of those days...

Sixteen years since mom's passing.. I think because sixteen feels like it's closing into twenty I feel so much sadder...

I was going into town, but then change of plans and walked to nearby town to post a pair of shoes off!

Back and changed into my walking gear..

At the beginning of my walk I came across a man loading four or five dogs into the back of his car, I stopped for a moment as it was near a fly tipping site and I didn't want to get caught witnessing that! 

But what I did witness was by far more terrible..

He was pulling and pushing and hitting his dogs, the sound of them screaming and crying and yelping was so awful, I then realized I had to keep walking towards them because to turn would be worse.. I was only maybe 50 to 60 feet away, very close, he hadn't heard me because of the noise of his dogs.. he slammed the back door of his car, the dogs looking at me by then as close as I was ... And a last cowering old dog, came, head down, around from hiding on the driver's side to be loaded into another door.. 

The man then saw me.. I just stared at him... I can't write the feelings I had, I can't write the words flying around my mind! 

But I did start to cry when I walked off.. for his dogs for my mom, for me too I guess.. 

I had trouble with my tears the whole journey, and they're not far away now...

But keep Blogging for now, focus my mind!

So!! My earbuds were in and as I turned onto the tow path I hit my Theme tune  play list.. 

First track that came up was Patsy Gallant, New York to LA, so obviously my mom was tuning in!

My theme tune play list isn't about the up-beats or down-beats..it is THE beats of my growing years..

Of course, yes, I'm still growing I guess.. we all always are.. 

Patsy Gallant From New York to LA

In the early hours of this morning a light came on in the tall boy cupboard.. it's glow coming through the opening lid enough to wake me up.. figured that too was my mom.. just passing by!

Very long walk, needed to walk to clear my head of sadness, okay, that's not worked, but I am tired now!

Joined by a Robin here and there... Another beautiful bumble bee!

Flowers out, bright yellows pockets of sunshine on the tow path, didn't take photograph of the actual yellow flowers or the yellow primrose, but below are white primrose with delicate yellow centres.. 

First few miles very few people, but then lots more walking into the town further down... Lots of people with dogs, so I grabbed a few cwtches where and when I could! They became assistance dogs for me!

I wish I could have helped those other dogs, what an awful existence they must have.. So very sad.

Okay! So! I ended the walk, over six miles, in McDonald's!

I was absolutely starving Marvin!

On my return walk I wasn't sure if it was my glutes or my hips complaining after pushing myself so far... To be honest I probably wouldn't have turned around when I did, I just wanted to keep on walking.. but I found a small wood, with a sign by the side of the tow path, so I followed the sign, then followed my instinct and came back up to it further up river.. and decided that would be my turnaround spot today!

Now, back and with coffee, Moonstruck on tv, comfy and cosy I think it was my hips!

M.

There are no regrets in life, just lessons.

Jennifer Aniston - Actress, Film Producer

I think I didn't appreciate how lucky I was having the Med so close, so much a daily view.. 

I remember many Blogs mentioning my view to work, coming around the mountain road, sun rising on my left, the golden glow rising from the sea.. the stunning amazing view to go to work with .. 

Of looking out from the doors to the store with a friend and looking at a glimpse of the sea from through the forest...

The return likewise amazing, the many colored mountain ranges ... The sun lowering again from my left... I breathe out slowly now as I write this... That feeling of letting the day go as I drove home... 

Before I remember the sadness of returning home without my beloveds there..

I've begun a new book today, well last night.. Meet Ella by James Middleton.. I'm listening on Audible, and he is reading his own book, already I know I love this book, the tears show this, already he is inspiring, already I greatly respect this man, achievements.. 

I finished the last of the Harry Potter books yesterday morning. 

Randomly it may seem posting Doozer from Fraggle Rock, early 1980's series, and of course, no need to say Arthur Fonzarelli aka the Fonzy,  The Fonz! 

I've carried these around with me for over forty years! They can go now! I've cleaned up little Doozer, he was a bit dusty, just from standing around in various draws and cupboards for decades! 

They're on eBay! Lols 

I was going to sell..

This Tango man! But #1 son has named a claim to him... We did have two, so not sure what happened to the other one..

I got them from an advert on Tango cans, back about '92 or '93? It said to phone the number on the can, listen, and a cost of two or three pounds would be taken and the Tango men sent!

I did, they were, and we had them! One each for my boys! 

One time, #2 son and I went to the Trocadero, train there and back, underground journeys.. The Nickelodeon studios were there then and viewing was from a huge glass window, anyone could watch the bits in-between the programs from there, and often the camera panned around and the viewers became the viewed! 

I had set the VCR (VCR! Lols to record specific times, and we were there! Laughing and waving the two Tango men at the cameras! 

When we got home we saw ourselves on the recordings.. unfortunately, not being something we could do, we couldn't record again on phones.. and again, unfortunately the recording became lost, probably taped over... I may have forgotten to break the plastic tab off the cassette, to prevent further recordings... 

But the memory remains.. 

A walk the other day I went out through the back gate, firstly out from the back door locked with a Yale key twice turned, out through the gate, top latch down, trying not to let the lower latch catch...

Came home and I couldn't open the back gate because the lower latch had shut!

I went through the house, luckily having the front door key but couldn't open the back door because I had double locked it from the outside!

What a conundrum! There was an answer, and luckily I found it quickly!

M.

You are not here to make others understand you. You are here to understand yourself.

Kristen Butler - Editor, Producer

Ten days again! No! Twelve days since last post... I'm just soooo tired! Okay, been walking, Monday four miles and was probably too far.. knees hurt and hips! I'm just so stubborn, as I walked in along the Erewash Canal/River, Nottingham Canal/Cromford Canal?!? Who knows the names!! I paused here and there, but just kept going, and thinking I have to stop soon and walk back! I have found a more circular route now, which is much better!

The photograph above is a point where two rivers/canals, cross...

Did I mention the saga of my Falmers waistcoat?? I have owned it for decades, literally, decades! 70's! 

I at last uploaded it to eBay, sold it, sent from the Post Office via Evri...

Notifications on its way... Then not on its way, apparently an incorrect postal code, which I have been seen as the Post Office printed out the label from a QR code...

The customer and I have had a fair few communications yesterday and the day before, good ones, nothing bad... I also spoke with eBay, and Evri! 

And finally yesterday afternoon heard it had been delivered, money came through and the raised concerns about not being delivered, were cancelled!

Great! Only it wasn't, it never arrived! The driver hadn't delivered it and told the customer she hadn't personally! 

The customer has now had a full refund, and I seem to have also kept the money?? 

What saddens and angers me so much is that that waistcoat had been mine for so long, travelling with me, living quietly amongst my other belongings and now? What? Where? 

If it ever shows up back with me I shall send it to the customer again, personally, for free, and I don't just mean the postage.. 

I've had a few rocky days this week, just been one of those obstacle weeks.. 

I started taking collagen again, took it back home then stopped when I moved.. 

I'll take it for six months before I either decide to continue or stop.. I'm taking the full one, it has every collagen needed, now where's my Roman numerals! Okay types I, II, III, IV, V and X!

For my joints primarily, I guess if nails and hair improve also will be a bonus... But it's my joints really I need to help along now.. 

I was never a one for supplements, now I'm taking a handful! Lols!

Also eating the Kefla yoghurt, no more sweet fruity ones, still adding the chia pudding I have made .. and maybe a drizzle of honey, but not every day on that..

Unfortunately I found a great food product on the shelf the other day. KTC Vermicelli, from Pakistan. It was on the shelf with other odd bits and pieces..

I say unfortunately as in the pudding recipe!! 

Kheer, Vermicelli pudding..

Three handfuls of this fine pasta, cooked in butter, (used my Olivio), then milk, raisins, almonds, bit of sugar... Finally some cream!

Very, very! Yummy! Oh and the price of the pasta? 12p! I only had to buy the 30% less fat cream...

M.

There is a voice that doesn't use words.

Listen.

Rumi - 1207-1273, Poet

 

Doors

 

Random post of door photographs, primarily because of the quote that came through in my inbox today..

Above, the doorway in the folly at Casa las Flores.. on the way up to town from Fuengirola, we saw it being built, so very long ago now.. and still, the bar here in this garden centre, continues to serve up the best patatas fritos in the entire world!

Okay yes, it comes for me, with memories abundant, cooked by the same person, probably in the same pan! Not the same oil!! I am sure... And what fries would be perfect in the surroundings of that place.. the verdant growth, the palms, the water with the tortugas, the flowers and scents from the herbs.. the birds flying amongst the foliage, the warmth, the sounds.. of my nirvana... Twenty five years worth of patatas fritos..

Okay! Enough already eh! 

Above, I believe is in a park near Swansea, that's all your getting folks!

Above, a doorway in Mijas Pueblo.. 

And lastly, doorway in Granada province, from Christmas 2007, and our ten days in a cave house... Wonderful...

M.

Realize that if a door is closed, it's because what was behind it wasn't meant for you.

Mandy Hale, Author

Or did it close just when you were on the wrong side of it? Taken a quick peek to see by chance, was that a shade of green better than yours? 

Did the wind catch it? Or a draft was caused because you opened it? 

Did you snag your sleeve on the door handle and pull it closed by yourself!

Is it a swing door? 

Well that was handy I decided I was speaking to my phone to do my blogging today to save me typing it all out, and after I'd pressed the mic button Alexa piped up with a notification!

I walk along the canal or river and or river who knows which one is which anymore I give up I see three rivers or waterways down there so I don't know which one I'm ever on now, as I was walking along here there was a rather large Swan out of the water which I had to pass by and I'd forgotten how huge they are out of the water and stretching up like that! 

Beautiful to see but rather frightening to be next to I came past him and then then next to the lock was the partner swan, I took a small video of them getting into the water on the other side of the lock I will upload that now..

I also had a chat with a couple I saw them twice going in each direction, excuse me I just sneezed three times not that you know

Just checking that I did only walk three miles it seemed a lot longer, I was listening to music and or my book, I've ordered one of those sticks that has a pointy end to it just to help with walking around some of the muddy banks and woodland around here, I did have one in Spain which I've obviously left along with a whole bunch of my other treasured possessions!

Let it go!! Did I hear you shout!! Nope, that's not gonna happen I'm always going to remember what I've lost and I still can't believe that what I can't find were some of the most important things...

As you can see the weather isn't that great today, but it's dry, snow is forecast for later, we'll see. 

That photograph above is of a really old bridge that used to be over one of the rivers I was walking along this morning, some time ago they stopped the river just prior to the bridge, which seems really weird and only another twenty foot from this side of the bridge the river or a stretch of water is there still.. it is like the river found its way but it can't get through... It's disconnected now.. and ends again! 

There is a gap under this bridge as you can see, I tried to see what's under there... But knowing me I'll slip in and under it!! 

I have to tell you of a dream I had last night, I'll try to cut it down, in one part of the dream I was talking to a man and we went outside of a party we were in..  we walked around, I was suddenly on his shoulders like a small child and I actually felt like a small child my head really was not very far from his and I felt very small.

Then we were walking side by side again, we ordered some food from a food truck on the street, the guy said 'I'll call you when your food is ready' and we were just wandering around the area then the man I was with disappeared behind a sheet or a carpet that was hanging over a metal fence, and then disappeared!

I walked back towards the food truck and the man shouted that the food was ready and he placed a tray on a nearby table and there was only food for one person!

After thinking about my dream I wondered if the man was even there or if it had been just me wandering around talking to people, ordering food, and why was he carrying me for a small while and why was he walking by my side...

M.

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

Dale Carnegie -1888-1955, Author and Speaker
 

 

Bit drizzly today and yesterday, but nothing bad, nothing like the awful storms hitting the Iberian Peninsula.. still hitting hard.

Tried to share a little video I made in September 2017, but couldn't directly, so this is it, by way of YouTube..

I was looking for something else, and as always stumbled upon a happy memory to make me sad..

Yesterday a visit to The Range, followed by coffee in Costa Coffee with an almond croissant, of course, and then Morrison's for groceries.. updated my Morrisons card! Such excitement.

 Sorry that was sarcastic.. 

Not quite the old life is it.. Still a life I should be better at living in a better way, a calm happy contented way.. I must stop struggling and go with my flow, stop battling against the.. against a life I didn't see ahead.. I guess..

And tomorrow I shall get the bus to town!! Keep telling myself I'll do it! It's not like I haven't taken a bus before!! 

M.

You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.

Jim Rohn -1930-2009, Author and Speaker

Just posted onto Facebook and these words below showed up on my feed.. they do, indeed seem to be very appropriate for these days..

What might have been and what has been

Point to one end, which is always present.

Footfalls echo in the memory

Down the passage which we did not take Towards the door we never opened.

-T. S. ELIOT, "BURNT NORTON"