"With one hand the past moves us forward, and with the other it holds us back".

Before my apologies for not Blogging, I need to apologize if this blog reads poorly, as I am talking into my phone and it completely seems to be misreading me or rather mis hearing me!

Passing by a dog walker this morning, I always try to be very aware that they may not hear me for whatever reason, so I kind of make a scuffling noise with my boots, and then say a good morning from sort of probably still about 10, 12 foot away.. and just now a man walking with his dog, paused to pick up a stick and throw it for his little dog, which meant he was just bending down to pick up the stick again when I was alongside him and wished him a good morning, with a joke he clutched his chest and swore quietly and said his whole life flashed before him, then and I stopped and turned and said well I hope it was a good one!

So many of my past jobs have been customer focused.

And I always have tried to be caring and considerate; I try to be in my personal life, but I'm well aware there may have been times where I did not appear so, maybe I don't know I'm being so... 

But I have tried to be throughout my life, it's just me you know, I'm the first to run and help somebody or to give a smile or words of encouragement or kind words you know the normal, 'your hair looks lovely' or 'I like your skirt.'

Something I read just before I left the house this morning, about how easy it is or maybe not easy but how we can so easily be kind and thoughtful to other people, yet to be kind to ourselves is very very difficult.. or impossible.

I walked yesterday too, I had to sit down three times, the leg exercises they've given me for my knees hurt my hips and my back! But I'm determined to keep doing them because how else can I say if they've not worked, I can't say they've not worked if I don't do them so I have to keep trying you know, and maybe it will help as long as it doesn't make other things worse.. 

The photograph of me in the tree I did yesterday while I was walking, gotta love AI, love it or hate it, AI is very much like Marmite and I love Marmite!

Strange photograph above, of a hole in a piece of a tree! 

The river and canal here are full now of spring time, hawthorn in bloom, forget-me-knots, white dead nettles, lots of other random blooms, and the trees and a bright green of renewal.. bees are buzzing and people are walking..

This morning a huge group of walkers.. my continued 'hello's' as I walked through them all along the canal.. So funny.

I have been very very bad with blogging I know.. I recently had a full week with my son down in Welwyn Garden City, a really good week, he took the time off work, it was around Easter and my granddaughter's birthday.. lots of train travel and for some reason I felt a little panicky coming back on the train, I don't know why but just a bit panicky.

Zehn Mal drive about my heart shoes 

Ok my phone completely mucked up the last paragraph which is really annoying I was saying I was having trouble breathing and walking and I meant to say talking and walking, it makes it difficult for me to breathe properly and then I laughed and said that maybe it's the lack of oxygen in my brain that makes the words come out wrong!

I then looked down at my phone to see that the whole paragraph had disappeared and somebody called Zehn mal was driving about heart shoes I have no idea what that meant or who that is even!! 

But as you can see I have left that in because that's what my phone thought I said!

I had a dream two nights ago, I dreamt there was a pocket in my leg, the opening was actually on my thigh, it was a rectangular pocket so less deep more wide, and there were things inside this pocket in my leg... it wasn't bloody or gory, it was literally a pocket in my leg and below is apparently what that is all about courtesy of Google.

I shall now, as I am overdressed today, unlike yesterday when there was a really cold wind and I was freezing, I'm now far too warm, I've already taken off my hoodie and the black top underneath is a winter one. I'm so warm, so I'm gonna get off this bench, and get back and have a cup of coffee.

***

Dreaming that you have something under your skin in a pocket—often accompanied by the action of squeezing, picking, or removing it—symbolizes a need to release pent-up emotions, remove negative influences, or address hidden anxieties that are "getting under your skin". The pocket represents a hidden, personal, or private space where you have been storing emotions, secrets, or memories. 

This type of dream is a common, though disturbing, symbolic expression of the subconscious mind. 

M.

The best laid plans are no match for the winds of change 

 

No new photographs, so an old one of me, looking over my homeland as the sunsets..

Last Tuesday I travelled south to my younger son's, few days with the family and then just me, the young'un and two dogs!

All was well, then had a bit of a mishap, I wasn't taking out the older dog, bless him, but no way could I hold him and the young pup, a year old golden retriever who is already really, really big, I think if he stood on his hind legs his front legs could rest on my shoulders! and my smallest granddaughter.. 

I thought at the end of the walk I would put on his line, my daughter in-law runs with him on that, it's a long line, twenty plus foot possibly..

I hooked on the line, unhooked the regular lead, stood up and puppy ran! I slipped a bit on the wet grass then went down! Flat down landing what felt headfirst.. smacked my head hard, the right side, glasses went flying, phone from my back pocket.. 

Flipping heck! My poor little granddaughter seeing me laying there, and blood too coming from a cut on my temple.

I got up, puppy had tried to tie us up in the long line, but we sorted ourselves out and went home.

Not a good day.. and what a headache.. six days later and still have a headache, even on the other side of my head.. I think where there's so much space my brain banged against the other side of my skull!! 

At times I thought of going to urgency but haven't, Tuesday I had an ECG booked in, that was okay, well, apart from my 52 bpm.. 

Then opticians on Wednesday, eyes okay, need new glasses but that's mainly because the axis on my right eye has changed, quite dramatically, she said left eye hardly changed at all in last few years.. 

Full check up on eyes, so they're not damaged by the fall, at all.

I was then supposed to be seeing my doctor for a BP reading.. and that was going to be my opportunity to actually tell a professional about my fall... But on my way back in that direction I was notified the appointment was cancelled, she hadn't turned up for work... And I should get my BP done anywhere else! I did! It was normal, for me.

My train journey back here also wasn't without its own special type of fun! 

I had decided in the early hours I couldn't face a journey into London first thing on a Monday morning, I had mistakenly booked a return journey via London!?! I never make a mistake booking train journeys, an accomplished train traveller! Lols I say laughing.. it's been over a decade of using the Trainline App. for work, or leisure! 

I got a new ticket coming down by the by.. and so, I booked a new ticket, just go back the way I know, and feel happy taking! 

Unfortunately the Trainline app. thought mistakenly, even though I had the new ticket, that I was London bound, and refused to give me platform options en route! 

In Stevenage I got off my train, wondering which platform my Grantham train might arrive on when a train pulled in, announced as a Grantham train! So I boarded carriage C and sat down in an empty seat, not mine, but said unoccupied.

I quite soon realized although it was going to Grantham it wasn't my train! The ticket inspector, distracted by a fellow passenger, missed the weird 'bleep' my code set off .. 

I got off in Grantham, and boarded a train to Nottingham, that was an 'any time of day' part of my ticket! 

When I arrived into Nottingham an hour and a half earlier than I should have, an email told me my St Pancras to Nottingham train had been cancelled due to a fatality! And long long delays ahead!

Strange how things go isn't it! I would have been in St Pancras with no way of getting back up here! 

M.

And the Joker said...

"When we understand that each day isn't one more day, but one less, we start giving more value to what truly matters."

From yesterday's walk.. no! The day before! (And as I forgot to post, it was even the day before that!!)

It was so warm walking behind this corrugated fencing I reached out and touched it, felt so toasty! 

9:30am and felt so warm there.. 

Swan above with her two young'uns!

Yesterday I called the RSPCA, to tell them about the man I saw who was being abusive to his dogs, the registration number I had taken down wasn't right, but I told them all I could.

I posted a photograph in my last Blog, of me walking along the tow path.. did you think 'how did she do that' or something..

It is amazing, and scary what you can with AI isn't it .. 

I took a photograph of the tow path from the other side of the canal

Then a photograph of me..

And asked Gemini to work it's magic..

M.

Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they’re too heavy to be broken.

Warren Buffett - Business Magnate, Investor, Speaker, and Philanthropist

I am feeling better than I was last Monday, it is taking me a while, and I know I am on a slippery slope for the next couple of weeks.

Also, I think seeing this above had hurt me, because I am silly, I know.. but photograph on the left my mom's living room window, Google maps hadn't changed it, hadn't been down her road at least since she was there, those were her curtains and she always drew them when she was watching TV to stop the glare... And although it had been a bad habit when she first died, it also consoled me knowing she had been sitting behind those curtains, watching TV.. It made me feel both sad and happy.. Can't explain.

And thankfully I stopped looking all the time, just now and again; and having looked probably only a couple of times last year, I looked again.

And now it's changed, now someone else has the curtains open, the window handle open.

And now I know she no longer waits behind the curtains, watching TV.

Same curtains, no judgement.

Okay, need to change the subject.. 

Top photograph me walking along the tow path this morning! 

The Nottingham Canal below..

And just here the top is one end and the bottom photograph is the other end! 

Never walked the length of a canal before! Especially in quarter of an hour!

And did I show you this?

Yes a Peter Maddocks print at the top, followed by one of many memorability items..

Then the stick.. I got the idea from a good friend of mine back home, K., she has one by her front door to hold bits n' bobs..

Mine is a bit more special, it's my step dads walking stick.

It's been with me since 2002, always near my front door, first just leaning at the duplex down at Calahonda, then in the umbrella stand in Alhaurín, going quietly unnoticed.

Now, it finally has a resting place, seen every day, remembered every day.

M.

Sometimes you just need an adventure to cleanse the bitter taste of life from your soul.

One of those days...

Sixteen years since mom's passing.. I think because sixteen feels like it's closing into twenty I feel so much sadder...

I was going into town, but then change of plans and walked to nearby town to post a pair of shoes off!

Back and changed into my walking gear..

At the beginning of my walk I came across a man loading four or five dogs into the back of his car, I stopped for a moment as it was near a fly tipping site and I didn't want to get caught witnessing that! 

But what I did witness was by far more terrible..

He was pulling and pushing and hitting his dogs, the sound of them screaming and crying and yelping was so awful, I then realized I had to keep walking towards them because to turn would be worse.. I was only maybe 50 to 60 feet away, very close, he hadn't heard me because of the noise of his dogs.. he slammed the back door of his car, the dogs looking at me by then as close as I was ... And a last cowering old dog, came, head down, around from hiding on the driver's side to be loaded into another door.. 

The man then saw me.. I just stared at him... I can't write the feelings I had, I can't write the words flying around my mind! 

But I did start to cry when I walked off.. for his dogs for my mom, for me too I guess.. 

I had trouble with my tears the whole journey, and they're not far away now...

But keep Blogging for now, focus my mind!

So!! My earbuds were in and as I turned onto the tow path I hit my Theme tune  play list.. 

First track that came up was Patsy Gallant, New York to LA, so obviously my mom was tuning in!

My theme tune play list isn't about the up-beats or down-beats..it is THE beats of my growing years..

Of course, yes, I'm still growing I guess.. we all always are.. 

Patsy Gallant From New York to LA

In the early hours of this morning a light came on in the tall boy cupboard.. it's glow coming through the opening lid enough to wake me up.. figured that too was my mom.. just passing by!

Very long walk, needed to walk to clear my head of sadness, okay, that's not worked, but I am tired now!

Joined by a Robin here and there... Another beautiful bumble bee!

Flowers out, bright yellows pockets of sunshine on the tow path, didn't take photograph of the actual yellow flowers or the yellow primrose, but below are white primrose with delicate yellow centres.. 

First few miles very few people, but then lots more walking into the town further down... Lots of people with dogs, so I grabbed a few cwtches where and when I could! They became assistance dogs for me!

I wish I could have helped those other dogs, what an awful existence they must have.. So very sad.

Okay! So! I ended the walk, over six miles, in McDonald's!

I was absolutely starving Marvin!

On my return walk I wasn't sure if it was my glutes or my hips complaining after pushing myself so far... To be honest I probably wouldn't have turned around when I did, I just wanted to keep on walking.. but I found a small wood, with a sign by the side of the tow path, so I followed the sign, then followed my instinct and came back up to it further up river.. and decided that would be my turnaround spot today!

Now, back and with coffee, Moonstruck on tv, comfy and cosy I think it was my hips!

M.

There are no regrets in life, just lessons.

Jennifer Aniston - Actress, Film Producer

I think I didn't appreciate how lucky I was having the Med so close, so much a daily view.. 

I remember many Blogs mentioning my view to work, coming around the mountain road, sun rising on my left, the golden glow rising from the sea.. the stunning amazing view to go to work with .. 

Of looking out from the doors to the store with a friend and looking at a glimpse of the sea from through the forest...

The return likewise amazing, the many colored mountain ranges ... The sun lowering again from my left... I breathe out slowly now as I write this... That feeling of letting the day go as I drove home... 

Before I remember the sadness of returning home without my beloveds there..

I've begun a new book today, well last night.. Meet Ella by James Middleton.. I'm listening on Audible, and he is reading his own book, already I know I love this book, the tears show this, already he is inspiring, already I greatly respect this man, achievements.. 

I finished the last of the Harry Potter books yesterday morning. 

Randomly it may seem posting Doozer from Fraggle Rock, early 1980's series, and of course, no need to say Arthur Fonzarelli aka the Fonzy,  The Fonz! 

I've carried these around with me for over forty years! They can go now! I've cleaned up little Doozer, he was a bit dusty, just from standing around in various draws and cupboards for decades! 

They're on eBay! Lols 

I was going to sell..

This Tango man! But #1 son has named a claim to him... We did have two, so not sure what happened to the other one..

I got them from an advert on Tango cans, back about '92 or '93? It said to phone the number on the can, listen, and a cost of two or three pounds would be taken and the Tango men sent!

I did, they were, and we had them! One each for my boys! 

One time, #2 son and I went to the Trocadero, train there and back, underground journeys.. The Nickelodeon studios were there then and viewing was from a huge glass window, anyone could watch the bits in-between the programs from there, and often the camera panned around and the viewers became the viewed! 

I had set the VCR (VCR! Lols to record specific times, and we were there! Laughing and waving the two Tango men at the cameras! 

When we got home we saw ourselves on the recordings.. unfortunately, not being something we could do, we couldn't record again on phones.. and again, unfortunately the recording became lost, probably taped over... I may have forgotten to break the plastic tab off the cassette, to prevent further recordings... 

But the memory remains.. 

A walk the other day I went out through the back gate, firstly out from the back door locked with a Yale key twice turned, out through the gate, top latch down, trying not to let the lower latch catch...

Came home and I couldn't open the back gate because the lower latch had shut!

I went through the house, luckily having the front door key but couldn't open the back door because I had double locked it from the outside!

What a conundrum! There was an answer, and luckily I found it quickly!

M.

You are not here to make others understand you. You are here to understand yourself.

Kristen Butler - Editor, Producer

Ten days again! No! Twelve days since last post... I'm just soooo tired! Okay, been walking, Monday four miles and was probably too far.. knees hurt and hips! I'm just so stubborn, as I walked in along the Erewash Canal/River, Nottingham Canal/Cromford Canal?!? Who knows the names!! I paused here and there, but just kept going, and thinking I have to stop soon and walk back! I have found a more circular route now, which is much better!

The photograph above is a point where two rivers/canals, cross...

Did I mention the saga of my Falmers waistcoat?? I have owned it for decades, literally, decades! 70's! 

I at last uploaded it to eBay, sold it, sent from the Post Office via Evri...

Notifications on its way... Then not on its way, apparently an incorrect postal code, which I have been seen as the Post Office printed out the label from a QR code...

The customer and I have had a fair few communications yesterday and the day before, good ones, nothing bad... I also spoke with eBay, and Evri! 

And finally yesterday afternoon heard it had been delivered, money came through and the raised concerns about not being delivered, were cancelled!

Great! Only it wasn't, it never arrived! The driver hadn't delivered it and told the customer she hadn't personally! 

The customer has now had a full refund, and I seem to have also kept the money?? 

What saddens and angers me so much is that that waistcoat had been mine for so long, travelling with me, living quietly amongst my other belongings and now? What? Where? 

If it ever shows up back with me I shall send it to the customer again, personally, for free, and I don't just mean the postage.. 

I've had a few rocky days this week, just been one of those obstacle weeks.. 

I started taking collagen again, took it back home then stopped when I moved.. 

I'll take it for six months before I either decide to continue or stop.. I'm taking the full one, it has every collagen needed, now where's my Roman numerals! Okay types I, II, III, IV, V and X!

For my joints primarily, I guess if nails and hair improve also will be a bonus... But it's my joints really I need to help along now.. 

I was never a one for supplements, now I'm taking a handful! Lols!

Also eating the Kefla yoghurt, no more sweet fruity ones, still adding the chia pudding I have made .. and maybe a drizzle of honey, but not every day on that..

Unfortunately I found a great food product on the shelf the other day. KTC Vermicelli, from Pakistan. It was on the shelf with other odd bits and pieces..

I say unfortunately as in the pudding recipe!! 

Kheer, Vermicelli pudding..

Three handfuls of this fine pasta, cooked in butter, (used my Olivio), then milk, raisins, almonds, bit of sugar... Finally some cream!

Very, very! Yummy! Oh and the price of the pasta? 12p! I only had to buy the 30% less fat cream...

M.

There is a voice that doesn't use words.

Listen.

Rumi - 1207-1273, Poet