Monday, July 04, 2022


This was Saturday evening Algeciras .. After the longest week, and at my most exhausted.. finished myself off with a late night, amazing musicians.. 

Great tapas before concert.. wonderful evening..

Diago Amador, Pianist and Flamenco singer, born in Seville and José María Bandera, flamenco guitarist.. I have never seen a flamenco Pianist before, he hands flew across the keys like a guitarists over strings... Magical!

Today, regular day, long, but flew by.. and once home actually managed to relax .. after hosing down the terrace in preparation for a furniture build tomorrow.. 

At last, something good to sit on again on the terrace.. 

Very strange dream last night... Yeah yeah I know, mostly my dreams are strange, or nightmarish! 

As this only makes sense to someone who watched Grimm ..

I was sat with a friend in her home, it was semi dark.. inside and darkish out except for street lights.. 

Her home device piped up "wesen nearby"...!! Pronounced 'Vesen.'

And almost immediately someone passed by outside her window, on the ledge..

We were silent.. then 'he' passed back and then a third time.. then a thud on the roof above our heads.. only the thud woke me! And I waited now awake for something to walk down the stairs from the terrace and trigger my light! 

Of course it didn't!! But?!? Bloody hell!

Time to get my washing in now.. just been a small disturbance on the street, a few doors down, someone sounded like he was breaking in, but they just had a loud conversation and it seemed to settle the matter!! Nice eh!!

Little bit of excitement!

M.

Monday, June 27, 2022

Three days of work ✓ Five days to go, these are 08:45-18:15 days.. 

Not sure how I managed live-in care now, although of course I wasn't on my feet for 8.5 hours... Or with this kidney stone pain! That's the crux of it!

I couldn't do this permanently, that's for sure..

And that's it for today's writing so early, or I'll never send the bit of poem that's been sitting here in draft for a couple of days 

Just a bit of a random poem to close with, and only the last verse as it's the only verse I like!


Stopping by Woods on a snowy evening

by Robert Frost


The woods are lovely, dark and deep

But I have promises to keep,   

And miles to go before I sleep,   

And miles to go before I sleep.

M.

Wednesday, June 22, 2022

It was funny today at work, I sliced a thin layer of skin off my finger, so had to put on a small plaster and it was a very small plaster on my right index finger..  which became very prohibitive it was like it did not want to play with the other fingers on my hand, it felt shunned from the crowd, and refused to work as a team member anymore! I couldn't get money out of the till draw properly and carrying items proved ineffective! 

Plaster is now removed. And now, finger is acting like nothing happened at all...


Might be tricky to see what my mind sees here..  just down from centre almost.. 

Stairway.. To Heaven perhaps! Led Zeppelin 

M.

Friday, June 17, 2022


CT scan today! Woop woop! Had to drink this 1½ litres of Berium beforehand and then an intravenous injection during.. which had all sorts of weird effects on me!! 

It was down in Fuengirola in the area where the first appartment was I nearly bought, nearly twenty years ago(!), it's a nice little bario down there, a nice atmosphere.. I just really like it there.. 

Unfortunately the CD burner was working, but for me no! So it's going straight to doc and I can't examine it first! 

Sods law eh! 

Last night in a dream I was in deep water.. literally.. standing or maybe floating in deep water.. clear water.. and I didn't panic inwas Happy there.. enjoying the weirdness of it all.. Not at all worrying about no oxygen! 

Then I was out of the water standing near it.. and jumped back in, and again, enjoyed the strange feeling of being in the deep clear water.. 

Yes I've definitely looked up the meaning of that dream! As the obvious 'in too deep' was what came to mind...

But there were other things...

And TBH I was just happy in the dream.. in the water.. 

M.







Wednesday, June 15, 2022


So strange I half woke up and had an amazing thought, or idea? Something I thought quite world changing, if maybe only my own.. then fell back to sleep.. 

And now awake, again and it's gone.. like a whisper or snow flake.. Just plain gone.

I was only napping, siesta in this heat and not sleeping well.. 

I know I was awake when I had the most brilliant thought/idea.. and I half thought to wake up properly and write it down.. but still so tired I got comfy again and lost it.. the thought.. on a warm breeze.. 

It could have changed lives! 

Hey ho! Here's to my next world changing nap moment!

And today nine hours at work, no napping, no miraculous ideas! 

M.

Tuesday, June 14, 2022

In the doctors surgery this morning.. organising a CT Scan.. think this guy waited way too long!

Friday evening went to the feria is Marbella.. was way.. WAY!! Toooo busy, music entertainment food .. every few steps something different in all those categories! 

Way too much for me! 

But found a lovely restaurant and ate lamb chops, the best I may have eaten in Spain for many many years..they were fat and juicy.. big chips and fresh crisp veggies!

A restaurant called Medium Rare .. bloody wonderful!

The fires burning near Pujerra, Ronda direction.. could see the smoke for kilometres around, the water planes back and forth to the coast, and coming home to land back in Malaga later each evening..

And Plaza Alta near my house, the jacaranda trees shedding their purples blossoms.. 

Saturday went to Bar Los Tony's Chiringuito down at Elveria and followed up with drinks at Cabopino Port.. 

Sunday lunch in Malaga..

The hottest June since I have been here..

Twenty years this year..

How can that even be possible? 20 years? Viente años?

Twenty years ago I left Mercedes-Benz, twenty years ago I did a short stint for Subaru before leaving the UK.. 

Yes, we had three years in Wales during this time, but our home and hearts we left here..

I might mention this twenty years anniversary again of course, or I wouldn't be me!

M.


And remember, every forever is right now! This moment, and the next.. these are our forever moments mis amigos.. 

All we really ever have is now









 

Saturday, June 04, 2022


Great day at work today, eight hours, legs and feet tingling from being on them for so long.. 

After dinner back out and at Puerta Banus..

At Dama de la Noche.. which sounds a bit bordello??? Lady of the night... 

The restaurante es Bellini .. like the cocktail..

Only my choice of cocktail is the mojito!

So good to be back to work, back where I was.. absolutely fantastic! 

M.


Thursday, June 02, 2022

Update from yesterday... 


I have a job! Back in the store I was in before!

Now for change in positivity..

Now time to get my mindset back on track..

Now.. if I can just get it into my head I might be able to drag myself out of this quagmire of .. of whatever it is, wherever it is that my head is..

 M.



Wednesday, June 01, 2022

 "Be yourself, don't try to be who you are not"

Is this harder than it seems.. when we lose ourselves and cannot find our way back?

I struggled five years to find who I was again, seem to still be struggling, sometimes think more so now than ever.. 

Or worse, is this me now.


In Malaga yesterday early evening onwards, just finding everything difficult in my head, was a lovely evening, but what with with damn pain and worrying about no work it's just brought down to a bad place I can't reach up from..


All these sunsets photographs from Monday evening, so many because after seventeen years of seeing subsets from this terrace, never one like this, ever..


So back to last evening, lots of people begging, as always, as neverending.. 

This young man walks up, skinny way too skinny, back curved by nature? Sickness? His spine was bent not him leaning forward.. 


A placard in his hands, his name Moses and that he needed food.. 

I know I'm not in the happiest of moods but this young man broke my heart.. maybe late 30's early 40's I could see the pain in his eyes.. 

And I couldn't give him anything, I would have, I would have given him my last penny.. 

I was literally in tears.. 

In town Monday evening we were having a cool early evening drink and I gave a local girl, who always comes around, 60c, she walked away staring at what I had given her.. then turned around and came back asking me for more! Unbelievable! 

When my neighbor and I walked past her to go home, she chased us for a moment asking for more again! 

Meanwhile the sun shines, summer came early and now it's June.. 

Not sure how the time goes so fast when it feels like it's standing still.

M.

'Some grief's can never be put right'









Wednesday, May 25, 2022

 

Open your eyes, and see what you can with them before they close forever...

Anthony Doerr

All The Light We Cannot See

This is the book I'm reading just now, I'm not one to read a book on war.. but of course the title caught my eye and I am glad it did.. 

We need to remember things we didn't live through, if you see what I mean.. 

Houses bombed and people stealing openly.. precious metals, ornaments, artworks.. more.. everything and anything carryable without impunity..

But not just in war.. I remember so well so many memories of the lady in Wales.. 

Her house went up in flames when she was away, worried sick about her parents and aunts.. getting back home and approaching up the driveway... Coming down towards her.. villagers with her families belongings! Her things.. incredible! People who knew them, who appeared as friends.. wransacking their home. Were they jealous? Bitter? Happy for the disaster? A total disregard of someone else's feelings.. To take from people who have lost the roof from their heads.. is a final knife in their hearts.. Losing something more important almost than the roof. Because trust and friendships, what they thought of people who appeared to be, if not friends but at the least good people who they had supported over decades .. 

Maybe the 'people' hadn't felt the same way, I understand that, very different levels of society.. 

But, still.. such a total indifference to people's feelings.

Photograph above just now... What a beautiful evening..

Feria starts this evening.. the celebrations moved up from the lower road about 7:30 and still at 8.. 

Seen it about ten times I guess over the years,.had memories up on my Facebook, sat on the corner awaiting the giants!

Will end with another quote from the aforementioned book..

The shell may be broken and even portions of it removed and yet after a certain lapse of time the injured parts will be repaired by a deposition of shelly matter at the fractured parts..

This quote about snails at sea, maybe land also... but also, in a way can be seen from the viewpoint of us, of our own fragility, and regrowth...

M.


Friday, May 20, 2022


Playa Luna Mar above..

And the hits keep on coming, when bad turns worse today hasn't let me down..

Had been going back to work in a couple of weeks but due to how the local authorities work, I can't take a temporary contract now after a full time one with the same company.

Another song from the movie I watched yesterday..it was Senior Year by the by.. 

But another beautiful song.. 12 years old, the other was 9 from the same artist.. 

Joshua Radin -Winter 

M.







Monday, May 16, 2022


Beautiful day today, really feels like summer is on its way..

Great walk along the boardwalk at La Cala this morning.. 

Out with friends this early evening for a glass of vino tinto and then home to sort out stuff and re-evaluate my life, feels like I am always having to re-evaluate my life.. 

I wish I could just throw out all the stuff I seem to carry; in my house, in my baggage in my head.. I'd be so light I'd float through my life without a care in the world.. 

I'm too heavy with everything.. maybe that's why I have the stones, they're a symptom of my body having to carry all the worries my mind has.. 

Sorry, I know that's not possible.. just feeling in a strange place, again, as I do.

Was going to watch a serious Netflix series but watching a comedy instead and this song came on.. not such a comedic song.. 

Friday, May 13, 2022

Random photograph taken down the street from home.

"Open your eyes, and see what you can with them before they close forever..."

Anthony Doerr

'All The Light We Cannot See'

This is the book I'm reading just now, I'm not one to read a book on war.. but of course the title caught my eye and I am glad it did.. 

We need to remember things we didn't live through, if you see what I mean.. 

Reading about houses bombed and people stealing openly.. silver ornaments artworks.. more.. everything and anything carryable without impunity..

But not just in war.. I remember so well so many memories of the lady in Wales.. 

Her house went up in flames when she was away, worried sick about her parents and aunts.. getting back home and approaching up the driveway... Coming down towards her.. villagers with her families belongings! Her things.. incredible! People who knew them, who appeared as friends.. wransacking their home. Were they jealous? Bitter? Happy for the disaster? A total disregard of someone else's feelings.. To take from people who have lost the roof from their heads.. is a final knife in their hearts.. Losing something more important almost than the roof. Because trust and friendships, what they thought of people who appeared to be, if not friends but at the least good people who they had supported over decades .. 

Maybe the 'people' hadn't felt the same way, I understand that, very different levels of society.. 

But, still.. such a total indifference.. 

My mom's favourite quote was "nothing so strange as folk" So true.

Changing subject.. 


A couple more photographs from Las Casillas.. reflecting light.. reflecting sounds.. sounds not included..


And this little chap, I picked him up from the pathway, worried a cat would be off with him.. I tested out his wings all looked good, and placed him on a raised surface, hopefully safe from animals or children! 

I am thinking he arrived tired and just needed to gain strength, they come from Africa and fly to the UK and Europe above us.. so we're a stopover they usually spend a couple of weeks.. providing us with beautiful spectacular aero gymnastics.. dynamics! 

His eyes were bright and I checked on him a few times.. my last check on him at night, in the dark.. he had gone.. and I am just hoping he flew off and nothing awful was done to him.. 

Good news! I have my job back for the summer! So can relax now.. knowing this, I was so excited it's a wonder people didn't think the feria had arrived a week early! 

Not so good urgencia yesterday afternoon, I was there for three hours, longest I've ever been in there and the most people! 

More intravenous antibiotics, more intravenous pain meds.. more antibiotics, pain meds and muscle thingy meds... To aid progress and shrink the stones..

Today I am flying high on pain meds and inner arm looks like .. well, actually doesn't look good at all! Big lumpy bruise and dark red patches .. bit odd..

Still two weeks to urologist.. nearly there now.. Need to visit hospital before appointment, not been there for five years and don't want that visit to be the first, could be emotional for me.. 

M.

'We are known forever by the tracks we leave'






Monday, May 09, 2022

Listening to this now as I contemplate not having written for a month.. 

Shine on you Crazy Diamond Pink Floyd

And how this makes me feel, sad and bad both.. every day thinking of what I should be writing that is now mostly forgotten or not worth saying..

And back to being 15 and listening to Pink Floyd and how my mom knew to stay away from me if I was.. 

'Those who lose dreaming are lost'.. And for me who maybe spends too mich time 'day' dreaming.. I feel more lost for doing so.. 

'I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe' This made me smile when I read this.. so me, so so many of us.. all parked upside which way and back to front..

A month away from Blogging, where and what have I been up to.. 


 A visit to Las Casillas with dearest friends..



A walk to the top of Cabopino.. looking down at the Med.. upper photograph looking towards Marbella.. I felt lost at one point and had to check my phone .. it's nice walking up there, away from the crowds.. although, not many crowds here yet, can't say our tourists have returned just yet!



May 7 2009 the above photograph, came through as a memory a couple of days ago.. Impossible amount of changes since then.. Pippa was looking out of my sister-in-law's doors.. 

In our direct family since, two husbands, two mom's.. and Pippa herself.

At new year I spoke with a close friend, she saved me back in Wales the week I arrived.. I went out for a bag of sugar and came home with a new friend.. we stayed in constant company for the three years we were there.. several times a week in visits.. when we left it turned to messages and I saw her three years ago when I was working in Neath..

She told me at new year that she had cancer.. same as Francos.. 

And last week she passed and my heart broke a little more..

A lady I supported a few years ago told me 'never grow old, you will see all your friends pass.'

I didn't understand, now I do

M.











Saturday, April 09, 2022


A small video, but too big to load without downloading to YouTube first..

I had never been to see the Harry Potter experience at Warner Brothers before.. and been there about ten years..

Was amazing, I honestly though, could have stayed another two hours.. at the least! 

And now more photographs! 








Not easy to choose just a few! 


Okay, now I need to get the Harry Potter books.. seems they are a bit different from the movies.. much more content.. and if my oldest granddaughter is reading them, makes sense it's about time I did also!

And by the by.. it is perfect weather here now.. absolutely wonderful.. feels good to feel the sun on my skin.. it leaves a wonderful smell on my skin.. the outdoors I guess it's called..

And reading a book today.. a quote.. 

We don't get to choose the memories we remember the most.. something like that, I think already my memory has changed it a little.. 

But still, worth remembering to make moments 'in the moment' maybe they are the ones we remember the most... 

M.


Friday, April 08, 2022


And sitting here happiness all around.. and an email prompts me to read it's contents then load an image .. So I, of course, flick through the many, many photographs of the Pipster and the latest are the worse, ones of her before she died in her foster care.. and then I see the huge amount I took the week before she was taken.. 

I look ashen, I look like I have lost the will to live.. and I know, actually this wasn't so far from the truth.. 

And seeing Pip and me and this remembering makes me feel physically sick, I still don't know how I made it through those days, hakenharfe without good friends warmly Allee finnlines Storkow Anfänger der wahrhafte liv3 Fausto kinderfotograf.at me makes me think of lifes..

Lols I was talking into my phone.. shall leave the words that came out.. lols Hooked harp is apparently the hakenharfe!!

So... This isn't going to stop my words.. 

Seeing Pip and this remembering.. I could not have survived without family and good friends, but also made me think of the inevitability of life.. 

Now! I have had two wonderful weeks in the UK.. and this should be my focus just now.. Not this issue of always looking back into what was and what will never be ..

Top of the page a hint of where we went when I was at Tony's.. and above taken in a park in Nottingham..

More mañana..

M.

Thursday, March 24, 2022



And today we have sand again! Another sand cloud! Car looks like I have driven the Dakar Rally!

Also my house has locked me out again, not in yet!


By chance, fluke.. saw a jewel beetle pop up on a pop-up.. 

It was little though, just a couple of centimetres, not like the 4/5cms gorgeous bug that I had on my back five years ago up in Ronda, in the photograph... before a waiter gleefully killed it right in front of my friend and I, to our horror! But now I read he is a destructor!  This one too big to be the ash tree killer! But he's still a borer! 

So beautiful, so deadly, so still a killer of trees and trees we need for our planet.. 


Yesterday a trip to Malága.. and Colacao.. this came after.. the coffee and Dime cake in Ikea! 


Now, need to gain access to my house, and give it a damn good telling off!

M.



Tuesday, March 15, 2022

Today's weather: Mostly sand will fall

The world here is covered in sand..


It's hanging low over us, the Sierra de Mijas behind and the Guadalhorce Valley beneath..


The streets and pavements and everything on them, covered by red sand..



Come to town for groceries and coffee at Bar Cruz.. yesterday was rain, torrential, rained in my living room and down beneath in my dining room, it rained in my back patio.. and a stream formed in the cave! 


It did stop and I made a break for freedom to a friend's then we had a quick walk to town and back.



Okay, enough already of the sand..

It's not a phenomenon and it isn't an Egyptian mummy's curse!

It's weather! And today is just a yellowy sandy colored day.. reminding us that one day this Spain of ours will also be a dessert.. 

M.