A bizarre photo today, for my Blog which more than likely may well be the last in this year 2012, not as many postings as previous years, sorry for that, strange writings from what may sometimes sound like a strange person, who now puts a picture up of herself at 14yrs old and now speak in the third person!!

Yup, that is me, aged 14 years underneath mom and 'step' dads horse-chestnut tree, sometimes wish I was only 14 again, but with the me inside now, you know the old "if I knew then, what I know now" type of thing, still we can never go back, the present only pushes us forward...

Its been some year, a change of country, again, my third, so far, although my 'foot' could still be said to be in Spain, still having the house there, my little town house, asleep there on its own, but its not only my 'foot' in Spain, my heart too... I lost my heart to that country back in the 1980's, and now its firmly fixed there and neither will, or can, ever leave... its being held in captivity!

Now here to Wales, its still hard sometimes, especially the not knowing anyone, in Ahlaurín it took only a matter of a month for me to become friends with so many people, and then working in the newsagents brought the rest of the expats to me! After arriving from the states mom and I lived near Berkhamsted, so of course, even now I can walk around there and know many many people, from school, from jobs, just from living in the area... Even in Hemel Hempstead I can usually see someone I know, because of its close proximity to jobs, homes I've in etc.  Then Aylesbury too of course, again through living and through work...

Although I can walk into town from here, I cannot walk back, up hill all the way, and I would have to time arrival at a bus stop with arrival of a bus to not have a headache the following day!  Even so, walking around on my own really isn't great fun, I know lots of people do, I've seen them, heads down, going from A to B, but not really pausing to actually take a look around...  I do have a couple of good friends here, one I already knew, and a new friend!  I suppose I just feel a stranger in a strange place!  Which would be the same I hasten to add, in any 'new' town in the world of course!

A job would do the trick, getting to know lots of new people in one place, you always make friends at work, there is always someone who wants to go for coffee, someone who you have a connection with somehow, it will just have to be a very special job right now, or one that's very giving!  I will have a cardiologist appointment in January, hopefully [she says] living with the heart probs is do'able, its the cysts on my spine that cause the pain thing which is what's more difficult!  So I need a job preferable where I can move about lots, but not standing or walking far!!!  I've been applying for loads of jobs, and I'm not saying they're being ageist, but I suppose it could be coming into it unintentionally!

I've always been very, very lucky with work in the past, so fingers crossed eh!

All the Christmas cards we received this year was amazing, especially after last year when I had to cancel cards! I've stretched lines of cord from one wall to opposite one,  and they are all full, from end to end, and card to card, apart from some which have made they're way onto the mantel piece its so nice not having them all over the ornaments etc, where I can't touch from a month or so!

The pop up Christmas tree is cool too, and will be very easy to just lift and  flatten down afterwards, not sure if it will make it to 12th night, probably not, we'll see...

We went to Franco's mom for Christmas dinner, there were ten of us for dinner!  The turkey was enormous, and we had about ten different types of vegetables, or more!!! We had one plate of food, then we all started again, with second platefuls... phew, I couldn't even rest my arms on my stomach without feeling extreme pain, over eating I think that's called!  Cleared up, washed up, put everything away, watch a bit of television and five hours later we were back to Pippa! I think I fell asleep then!

Yesterday we had a huge leg of lamb, for dinner, but had turkey for lunch!  Today, the last of the turkey, and I won't be eating again today, what with the tonnes of chocolates, Turkish delight pieces covered in the most lovely dusting of icing sugar, and still not eaten the Christmas pudding!  Probably tomorrow, with the remains of the lamb!  Well, of course, not actually with the lamb but afterwards!!!! Silly me!!!

Tomorrow is a full moon.... So I will have a quick spin around that tomorrow night!  I can't promise presents for everyone though!

Allure of a Full Moon


Shinning Silver while the sun sleeps.
The moon begins her silent creep.
A glowing disk that entice the tide.
Dancing with the sea as waves collide.
She comes to me most every night.
Bringing with her dreams of flight .
But must depart with the coming day.
She Walks in Beauty and can not stay.
Fear not We'll meet once more.
As the sun goes down She'll be at my door.


Brett http://www.fullmoon.info/en/fullmoon-poems/brett.html


TTFN amigos
Marian

Woke up to the alarm this morning switched it off, as I lay there, I am sure I didn't fall back to sleep but I had the strangest awake dream thing, a dream flew by my mind, but in fast forward like a speeded up movie on the CD player, it flew past, it went as fast as real dreams do, a matter of nano seconds, dream time where a week can last a matter of seconds.... and then at the end... it went to 'real time' and there was a Santa Claus squished between two pieces of clear perspex, only his head sticking out, with comic stag head antlers perched on the top!  And I thought "time to get up!"

So that was very strange!

Yesterday morning I had a lovely experience, unlike the above!  Went out into the garden for Pips first visit into the jungle which is the garden!

And as I walked up there, a slow swoop and a whoosh of wings, and only just over the roof top flew the most beautiful eagle... just like last Christmas day, when Barry and I got out of the car up at El Choro, and as we did so an eagle few above us, about 20 feet up only, from us, but way up from the valley floor that we were then over looking... wow, it was amazing, and again yesterday.

It just amazes me, being so close to beautiful birds of prey, 7 - 8 foot of wingspan above my head, so close, such power!

And here we are Christmas Eve, my normal mixed emotions, that feeling of childish excitement, the possibilities, the wonder... then the bang, slap in the face feeling, I really try not to build up the happiness I feel for the month before, because the higher I get, the further I have to fall, again, I realise my dad still won't turn up to see me, [wishes of a child of divorced parents, still hanging in subconsciously].  And now still missing my mom so terribly...

Now, I'm going to work, and watch 'Its a Wonderful Life', to further my mood... last year the CD was in storage, now I'm going to watch the movie I always watch at Christmas!
 
For those I miss more than I can ever say...
You lent me a shoulder to cry on, To my darkness you gave light: A falling tear became a smile As we passed like ships in the night.   You sang a song I shall hear for ever, You showed the way to be free. Pain and loss seemed far away As we sailed the raging sea.    We crossed life's troubled water Under the midnight sky;  Memories last eternally, Though your ship has now passed by.   You gave my life a meaning, A hope that will never wane; That some day, soon, somehow,    Our ships will pass again.    

Mary Goodall 

TTFN
Marian

Last night Franco and I went out on his works Christmas Party... Went to Swansea Frankie and Benny's first, I had a wonderful goats cheese and red onion pizza, seemed massive at 10", but was think crust and went down in four slices!  And an amazing desert, sticky toffee pancakes! Phuh, what a full thing I was, as I rolled myself down Wind Street, or did I wind myself some wind street!  How DO you pronounce it? Wind, like something blowing, wind, as in 'wind in the fishing line'!!!  Either way, it was windy, and wet, and after Frankie's we met up with everyone in Varsity, as above!  Most of the buildings down this long street used to be banks, so the clubs, bars and restaurants are in the most amazing old buildings, this one we were all in had a huge domed ceiling, most people seemed to be using student cards, handy!  And alcoholic jellos seemed to be the order of the night, although, oddly, I thought, most of the guys didn't have a clue as to how to actually get the jello out of the glass, so that was funny to watch!  Back in Virginia Beach with my cousin Tim, that's where I first had these things!  So long ago now! 199? Anyhows, I drove back, sin alcohol, in the rain, and the puddles and the glare of bright lights.... Nightmare!  Got in, then had to get all the bin mans stuff down onto the street!

Back in Swansea again this morning, in the shopping centre, the electronic pull down screen thingy, was banging, like the electric was both trying to close and open at the same time, opening, then closing, didn't want to hang around under that for long!

The shops were heaving, people where throwing £50 pound notes around like they had just been printed off!!! And the sales were already on on the spring collections!!!!

Back in Neath later and it was just the same, busy busy busy, buy buy buy... lets hope those people can afford it and not left out on the streets come January!  And so much food, what do they do with it all, you can only eat so much, surely???

Play the music, sings our songs,
Dance with me, around the room;

Across the grass and round the pond,
Dance with me under the light of the full, full moon...
M Bonelli

TTFN
Marian

Before I write my occasionally mundane, or even meaningless Blog, I want to share something my cousin sent me this, and I want to share it with you; it cannot take away the awfulness of what happened to those poor children at their school, of their fear and terror in their last moments, but for those left to feel their fear....

Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38

When 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.

Their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.

They could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.

They were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say.

They remembered nothing of what had happened, earlier that day.

"Where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.

"This is heaven." declared a small boy.

"We're spending Christmas at God's house."

When what to their wondering eyes did appear,

But Jesus, their saviour, the children gathered near.

He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.

Then He opened His arms and He called them by name.

And in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring

Those children all flew into the arms of their King.

 

And as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,

One small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.

And as if He could read all the questions she had

He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."

Then He looked down on earth, the world far below

He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe

Then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,

"Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"

"May this country be delivered from the hands of fools"

"I'm taking back my nation.  I'm taking back my schools!"

Then He and the children stood up without a sound.

"Come now my children, let me show you around."

Excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.

All displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.

And I heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,

"In the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

This was me yesterday... Actually, greener.... I thought I would have a migraine yesterday, well by the time the pain travelled up my neck, I thought I would!

It started early on, so I went over a friends for a coffee, try to leave it behind, it didn't work, and just got worse and worse, and it turned into a big time baddie! Everything, it could be, it was!  I lost about 4lbs, great just before Christmas, the amount of treats I've packed away hidden in the cupboard!  Calling to me on occasion!

Just had notification a package I sent to Spain has not been delivered, they were out, well that's okay, but the company says they left a note, they didn't, so now I am having to get the Dad to check for me when he can!

A whole line of Christmas cards is now adorning the wall, I am not putting a single card on a surface this year, I am stringing them along the wall, in what  may be two or three lengths, I hate not being able to get to stuff while the cards are there.... Yes yes, I want the cards, but now they look good up there, will take a photo!

I am very random today, my head is still not on straight, and I have had tonnes to catch up on on here today, what with Twitter, Goodreads, the T-shirt shop has another design there now too, a Christmassy one, too late maybe now for this year, but been difficult getting the dpi sorted out!  It really doesn't make a difference and I think its mostly their "computer that says NO!"

Weather today has been okay... went to Fforestfach shopping centre, checked out an item I want in one of the shops, its still there!!!  Lots of sales on already, lots of Christmas stuff already being put away, or shoved over to one side!  And had a lovely cup of costa coffee, Cremé brulé latté... perfect!

Going now, pins and needles!

Latin Proverb 

Man is not where he lives, but where he loves.

TTFN
Marian

My Marmite face was up above Oxford Street in London last night between 10:00pm and 11:00pm... How funny!!! Shame there's not many people about, on a Sunday night in London! Never mind, nice to have my face 'up in lights'

TTFN
Marian

Well, here we are 12.12.12 I remember 7.7.77, & 8.8.88 holidaying in Spain, 9.9.99 Unhappy... 10.10.10, also not gr8, 11.11.11 musing about! That's it, here we are now, and there can't be a 13.13.13, we have to wait until....? Will it be the 1.1.1 First of January 3001??? That can't be correct, please comment, I must have missed some out, this can't be the very last day I will have this weird date thing I have always carried with me since, 7.7.77.... I may have to add to this later when I have woken up a bit more!!!

Its been very frosty the last few days, first thing in the morning, but the sun has come out, the sky been blue, and the frost melted, where not in the shade that is!  Its been about zero degrees, day and night!  Pippa seems to have taken to the crispy crunchy grass underfoot, she raises each paw and places it carefully down, like out cats in the snow, from years ago...

Don't ask why the photo today, I know its one I have used before, its just such a restful place, I think I would like to go here... NOW!

Leo Tolstoy

He felt now that he was not simply close to her, 
But that he did not know where he ended and she began.

TTFN
Marian