Nice little trip into town, Nottingham, this afternoon, appointment for my boob screening! Or as a friendly calls it, boob press!! 

Sorry, saying is all! Too much info? Deepest apologies but my life, as you know, is mapped on my pages, bled out sometimes among the lines, between the lines most often.. afraid of giving it all here, yet, hopeless to keep it in.. or too helpless not to! 

Good at confusing every one with words and plot twists and turns! 

Anyways! I was early, in and out before my appointment time, and time for a KFC, Christmas special! Thank you very much KFC! Been longing for the Christmas special, watching the same advert night after night! Now I've had my yearly taste of it maybe I'll stop saying, 'I want that!' or maybe not!

Was pretty in town, sky a beautiful blue, with red tinges from the setting sun, the Christmas market lights sparkling, people happy.. 

Was lovely journey home ...

This evening the tree! At last? Yes, better late than never I guess! Simple, not too a great many ornaments, not sure if I've lost any, I know I had only bought a new tree the year before I moved, and I think a few more baubles, they're on the tree, and my few tree decorations.. I buy something most years, to add to the tree.. Treeeeee, why have I said it so many times! Leaving it as I've written it now! 

Not speaking into my phone, writing!

Yesterday after I wrote, I opened a Christmas box, and there were only a few Christmassy things in there, the rest were all ornaments! 

Things I had thought lost, but also not the special things I still can't find! 

I think my head is so messed up over the move, that somehow I also keep thinking that I've left stuff in my lock up!! Which is impossible!

How could I have taken to the charity shop the things most precious to me? I'll stop saying this soon, I'll go through everything, one more time, obviously I hadn't, or the things I found yesterday wouldn't have been such a surprise.. 

But, when all is said and done with the boxes, I'll stop, I'll mourn yet more things I have lost, and just have to let go, move on.. kick myself hard, beat my head against a wall and cry yet more tears... 

Change the subject!

This morning I finished watching a great movie, Bride Hard .. watch it! Great movie! Love the Die Hard connection with the name... 

It'll be a keeper on my list!

Now, time for TV, relax, then sleep, fingers crossed; and, perchance to dream.. 

M.

We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter. 

Denis Diderot

No reality here folks! Please...

Feliz Navidad... Christmas last night in Málaga city for Franco and I.... had a wonderful time, making wonderful memories, although I had to stop him from time to time to just stop and hold him... while I tried to stop time and reality from breaking into my perfect little world...

The small church down at the marina still seems a strange sight amongst all the shops and the hundreds of people filing past taking almost no notice of it... a place of calm surrounded by bedlam.

The main street in the city, Calle Larios.... before the lights and music began!

I will try to get one of videos on here, but my camera on phone, didn't do well, and I am having trouble loading the vids from Francos camera... blah!!

At the end of the street in the main square, after the first 'lightening up', the huge old building there had its own display with music and lights, took way too many photographs of this!!

It was packed down there, the street... waiting for the start of the festivities, and I must have got bashed several times!!!

We had doctors appointment today down at the Cudeca Hospice, visit went well, it was for Franco and I was also included... We chatted about how things were left when we left the hospital, and that Franco will be having some complementary therapies, and some x-rays to check his shoulder pain, also some different pain meds and she said we can change them until we fix the pain problem... very nice visit, no hurrying, no rushing about, and the centre is calm and relaxed, I think Franco was expecting something else, so he was pleasantly surprised, if one can be pleasantly surprised in a hospice, or in this situation.

I know one thing forsure, everyone there seems very surprised at just how fit Franco is; driving, walking, shopping, you know, all the usual things!! We said about having spent hours in Málaga city last evening enjoying the lights and music... We are just living normal lives, doing what normal people do, and in my little world all is rosy and happy... and if I don't stop and think too much...

TTFN
Marian

Woke up to the alarm this morning switched it off, as I lay there, I am sure I didn't fall back to sleep but I had the strangest awake dream thing, a dream flew by my mind, but in fast forward like a speeded up movie on the CD player, it flew past, it went as fast as real dreams do, a matter of nano seconds, dream time where a week can last a matter of seconds.... and then at the end... it went to 'real time' and there was a Santa Claus squished between two pieces of clear perspex, only his head sticking out, with comic stag head antlers perched on the top!  And I thought "time to get up!"

So that was very strange!

Yesterday morning I had a lovely experience, unlike the above!  Went out into the garden for Pips first visit into the jungle which is the garden!

And as I walked up there, a slow swoop and a whoosh of wings, and only just over the roof top flew the most beautiful eagle... just like last Christmas day, when Barry and I got out of the car up at El Choro, and as we did so an eagle few above us, about 20 feet up only, from us, but way up from the valley floor that we were then over looking... wow, it was amazing, and again yesterday.

It just amazes me, being so close to beautiful birds of prey, 7 - 8 foot of wingspan above my head, so close, such power!

And here we are Christmas Eve, my normal mixed emotions, that feeling of childish excitement, the possibilities, the wonder... then the bang, slap in the face feeling, I really try not to build up the happiness I feel for the month before, because the higher I get, the further I have to fall, again, I realise my dad still won't turn up to see me, [wishes of a child of divorced parents, still hanging in subconsciously].  And now still missing my mom so terribly...

Now, I'm going to work, and watch 'Its a Wonderful Life', to further my mood... last year the CD was in storage, now I'm going to watch the movie I always watch at Christmas!
 
For those I miss more than I can ever say...
You lent me a shoulder to cry on, To my darkness you gave light: A falling tear became a smile As we passed like ships in the night.   You sang a song I shall hear for ever, You showed the way to be free. Pain and loss seemed far away As we sailed the raging sea.    We crossed life's troubled water Under the midnight sky;  Memories last eternally, Though your ship has now passed by.   You gave my life a meaning, A hope that will never wane; That some day, soon, somehow,    Our ships will pass again.    

Mary Goodall 

TTFN
Marian

My Marmite face was up above Oxford Street in London last night between 10:00pm and 11:00pm... How funny!!! Shame there's not many people about, on a Sunday night in London! Never mind, nice to have my face 'up in lights'

TTFN
Marian