photos 10, 11 and 12 of china... all so wonderful, so serene and peaceful looking, good place to put ones mind when its too busy!


this i say as my sleepless nights are not getting better, cant believe this, FM always, i think, effects sleep, but as in waking up often and going back to sleep again just as quick, never a deep sleep always dreams dreams dreams..


and now i am waking up and just staying awake, was awake about 115 this morning and i heard the clock strike 3 before i back to sleep, i got up at some point and made a milky honey drink which helped, but that was after ages of just staring up at the ceiling fan! some people say its not good to get up if you cant sleep because then the body thinks thats whats got to happen every night, so i dont know. so in all that time i lay there thinking of 'blog' stuff, and what the doc said last night, i might as well have come down and done it!

last night had an hours wait to see him, he was running very late! i had an ultra sound scan of my innards!!! liver kidneys etc, all ok, i have a calcium deposit somewhere i shouldnt! so not sure what will happen with that or why its there! maybe on a fibroid or node? but it wasnt there 3 years ago and has grown half a centremetre, so?

he gave me a cortisone injection, steriod shot to help with the inflamation, you can only have two or three, and he told me to take it easy over the next 24 hours, not sure if its made any difference yet though. and its back again tuesday evening!

while i trying to get to sleep last night all that was going on in my head, and its such a horrid time, a car drove past and i thought how horrible to be out then, and had some sort of flash back to when i would be driving home at that time, wishing i was already home, or had never even gone out! all alone in my car, was a horrible feeling, if only we could be more aware that one day everything will be alright. maybe not early on, or even half way through, but one day, all will be right with us. i wasted so much time worrying and lonely.

our life here in spain is certainly tough at times, but i am happy where it counts, inside in my heart and soul... see insomnia is getting me all philisophical now... believe me this would have been worse if i come on here in the middle of the night mis amigos!

and you know i am not drinking any more than one or two coffees at the most now... when i was on ten cups a day, no problems sleeping! T E R R I F I C!

God is always the same,
even though he may have a thousand names,
but you need to choose a name to call him by.

TTFN
Marian

this was a spectacular sky show on the way out one evening a couple of weeks ago, late posting it and just remembered i took the photo when we were driving over to la trocha.

work on monday... i didnt leave! the girls revolted! or were they just revolting!!! so i couldnt have them all leave, so i am staying for now and just not standing for too long or doing anything to akward lifting etc.

someone brought some stuff in, driving up the street parked out side and we brought it in, which is good in that we want things to sell of course all the time, the more new stock for us the better for us to sell on... but she left with us a childs buggy, one of those push chairs with a big wheel and two at the back, and a travelling cot. the first was just completly broken, the brake cable wire was torn and loose, the step for another toddler was hanging off, it wouldnt even open up anyway?! and the latter, the cot, only one side stayed locked once it had been clicked into place, the other three all folding back down into the cot!? yes great for a little baby in there! and so we had to carry the two very heavy items down and then lift into a bin in the high street... i have to ask why would someone bring two very dangerous items in to us? how much trouble we would be in if we sold things like this!

anyway i am putting off the first thing i should be saying and that is we took the results of the blood test down to the doctor monday evening and he said i do have osteoarthritis. so there we are. i am having more tests on friday on my liver etc, and am taking strong anti inflamatories twice a day, and an anti ulcer tablet once a day, to combat the effects of the inflamatories!

now i will have to see what not to eat and what might help, we eat so healthily already but have checked out a few sights surfing on here and see white rice, white bread and i cant believe this white pasta! should all be avoided1 how much pasta do i eat? tonnes! no really! although i always cook more than we eat, always have done, we could have a pasta mountain by now!

just one more thing before i go... its hard to tell what with the 'normal' pains i have with the FM, but i am sure that every single day the hip pain is getting worse, just lifting the washing from the washing machine, sitting, standing, driving, walking. i hope these tablets kick in soon.

TTFN
Marian

we went to trocha market this morning, little bit empty, i think lots of the stall holders had forgotten to put their clocks forward!

thursday i at last visited a doctor! i phoned up thursday evening about 5pm, he only works monday to friday 430 to 9pm i think, anyway, got appointed for next day, arrived early by ten minutes but went in five minutes early too! was with him for 55 minutes! cost - 30€. he examined my joints and did all the usual doctor type things with blood pressure, low as usual, etc etc, he wrote out a prescription type thing for me to take to the local blood place!

this opens early and first thing friday morning i went to the place, i arrived five to nine, went straight into the chair and was out in five minutes, he told me the results would be ready about 430 that evening, now i left it to saturday morning but the farmacia was shut, so will collect tomorrow morning on my way into cudeca.

the comparason in england... when phoning to make the appointment i would have to wait about 2 weeks to see my own doctor, or a couple of days at least for another at same surgery. he would say to book an appointment with a nurse for the blood tests in the same surgery, but it would be a few days to a week for than, then another 7 to 10 days for the result... but for free, and i am not sure how much i have to pay tomorrow so will let you know!

tomorrow i am also, wait for this, going to leave cudeca! at the moment i am just not up to standing for over 4 hours, lifting and carrying and sorting through clothes, all the bending and stretching, i am now in so much pain through the night it is keeping me awake.... so its just helping my friend out three mornings a week for a couple of hours.

i am also concerned with what the doctor said, it could be arthritis, or sciatica, or 'just' my fibromyalgia, moved into my hips, a bit he showed me on a picture of the skeleton i cant explain.

he said if its the latter then i can try the nerve ending dulling drugs i tried before, so zombie time here we go again... if its something else well we can go from the results i suppose, but we dont have any health cover here, the contract i had doing the promotions job is only valid for during the job and becomes worthless the day the job finishes.

already he says i will have an ultrasound scan, well the last one i had here cost 90€ and of course each of his visits is about 20 or 30€ by the look of things, he also wants to send me for an xray, about 50€ i think... so! hey!

ok, now i have completly shot myself in the foot by talking about this out loud and getting myself fed up, when i shouldnt have, so i am going up onto the terrace for some sunshine, which i beleive is still free???

hah this quote is great for me today eh!

God, in his infinite wisdom,
hid Hell in the middle of Paradise,
to keep us on our toes.

TTFN
Marian

yesterday morning i had an email from a cousin in new york, another of my cousins who passed on a while ago now, i never got to meet him at all sad to say, but now his wife has passed on, leaving a daughter and son and grandchildren... my thoughts are with them all, and i am so glad i got to see cathy one more time 18 months ago when mom and i went to my cousins wedding in new york.

my step mom, in california is also going through troubled times and its times like these that i wish so much i was nearer, or that it was just easier to 'be there...'

again harping on about jobs, sorry, but just a simple matter of having at least got one, all legal with a contract etc, would mean money in the bank for being where we want to be when we want to be there for others, and also of course, doctors for us too... if and when we might need one.

yet another women came into the shop today and mentioned her new job down at the place i applied at, and still they want people to work there!?! what shall i do? shall i phone, all afternoon since making the decision to phone i have been trying to find the number, for some reason its not in the phone books yet, or on any advertisments, or their web site even! i could go into the shop i suppose and just ask about my interview? or are all these blocks meant to mean its just not for me, signs i should be listening too? sometimes its like we're travelling in a maze, and at nearly every turn is a dead end and we have turn and turn again, not sure where to go next!

There is always a right moment to stop something.

(hmmmmm good quote for today eh!)

TTFN
Marian

San Jose - Fathers Day

spectacular... surreal is'nt this one above...



and the blue here in the water a reflection of the sky above and makes each small stream a wonder...



i wish i had sound with these photos... what noise would we hear here i wonder... a tinkle of small bells, the gurgle of the water and bird noises...

gosh!

today! most towns seem to have had a day off, but alhaurín el grande was all open and so was our shop, well for the most part, our supervisor turned up and was not happy about something that had changed on the saturday, so first of all we locked all the customers in... and we had lots of them, then we locked them all out! sounds a bit funny, but it wasnt at the time, we felt bad about it, and it was very confusing to the customers, especially as the start of the day we were selling a whole bag of clothes, which means as many as some people could squash into one, for only 50cents! yes you read that right, 50c! and then during and after the shut down, back up to the 2€ we had been down to last monday! trouble is its all winter clothes and by now we have usually got all the spring and summerwear out, no one wants warm wollies now! 25 degrees in the shade today and we have sweaters and cordory jeans for sale!

oh denise if your reading this... wish you had been there to see it all, you would have laughed along with us over it all, (afterwards) how is ireland? have you settled back there yet? how is the baby coming along?? we still keep ooooing and arhhhing over little pink outfits for you, as if you were still here in alhaurín...

In all the languages in the world,
there is the same proverb,
'What the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't grieve over.'
Well I say that there isn't an ounce of truth in it.
The further off they are, the closer to the heart
are all those feelings that we try to repress and forget.

TTFN
Marian

Mothers Day

the photo above from the 'china' collection... what a spiritual place, just looking at this photo opens your heart and soul...


perfectly stunning...


gods green land....

i am going to run out of descriptive words pretty quickly am i not! i shall have to learn a few more, or really just dig them out of my mind, i know all that english lit i did in school is in there someplace, hidden in dusty corners of my brain... oops wrote brian then! so maybe 'brain was being too hopefull, just in my head shall we say then?

mothers day in england today, but lots going on in the vera cruz church behind us, wish you could hear the band playing, lots of people and cars, had trouble getting ours out due to double parking up there! on our way to la trocha market this morning, left pippa at home because of all the noise up there, they have been sending up rockets since about 8am and she is a quivering wreck now, my poor little baby...

after market went up to garden centre and picked out a nice climber plant, a Wisteria, shall put a photo on here soon of what it is supposed to look like, and then a photo of ours! pippa has dug up two other plants in the site its now in, but we have put up a high wooden fence around it this time!

at the garden centre we met friends, welsh, like franco! and talked about wales winning yesterday against england in the rugby! italy did good too, ¡bene fatto!

came home and rang our moms... i returned tony's call to me from earlier when we were out, he was more awake this time, my baby, wish both my boys were here with us today... and i know i know they are not babies any more, but we are always babies to our moms, i have been told!

franco got up in the middle of the night to watch the grand prix, but our signal was zero! so couldnt watch it, thank goodness its back now so he can watch the re-run this afternoon... i on the other hand know who won cos i asked a friend!

and apart from the telly we also are having the usual problems with the old boiler.... no not me! the water boiler! dont sure if its low pressure or lime scale, but its hot one minute and then freezing the next, ok when your washing up, but not such fun under the shower...... brrrrrrrrrrr!

adios amigos!

Do not struggle against your thoughts,
they are stronger than you are.
If you want to be free of them,
accept them.....

TTFN
Marian

China

no i havent been to china! but friends sent me a load of photos and i am going to include them on here, they are too good not to share with y'all. absolutly beautiful...


stunning......


this morning we went down to the overseas shop at miramar parque.... me and friends husband had a coffee while she went in to buy a few bits of english food. i wouldnt go, no job, no purchases! i just wish i knew what was wrong with me for their job! and they still want staff??? i suppose i have the real hump with it dont i! i think this is the only job i have gone for and not got, which doesnt help, knocked my self thingy back hasnt it, put me in my place eh!

the thing thats annoyed me most is that they didnt even have the common decency to phone me to tell me i hadnt got a job! yesterday i did find their web address and wrote to the head office complaining of not getting a call, that i knew the shop had opened and that i was not getting it, but that it would be good to be told so! and why! the only thing about the interview that was odd was right at the end as we were leaving his office and he said to me ¨are you sure you dont mind working on a till?¨now that is a strange thing to say to someone applying to work in a supermarket dont you think!

The second indication of the death of our dreams is certainty.

TTFN
Marian

thursday again? impossible!

friday last week i went into malaga with friend from shop to another warehouse to buy some more goodies for her shop, it was the place where the 'bizarre' shops fill up from too, there was so much stuff, it was like a shop of sparkly shiney 'come and get me' goodies, our little chinese shop down the road X'd by 100! shelf upon shelf of things you dont really need, but look so much like things you do!

sunday franco pippa and i went to trocha market, good to see so many of our friends there, my every day coffee mate was even there with her husband, first time thy had gone.

weather has been good enough, bit cooler in the shade the last few days, sunday the market was freezing, well felt like it to me, bit of a breeze blowing through the car park its held in, probably was 20 degrees in the sun, but felt chilly inside!

yesterday i opened up the shop, got the computers all up and running switched on everything else and got the papers all out etc! ran the phone credit machine out of credit on the first customer! and then a lady wanted me to photocopy a print she had, blow it up to A3 fromA4 which i hadnt done and managed to do it! that machine frightens the life outta me, give me a computer any day rather than that photocopier machine with all those buttons and stuff!

tomorrow we're going down to the miramar parque, my friends want to shop in the new iceland store, the one i went for the job at and neve even had the decent call back from! humph! i'm going down with them so they can get some driving experience in and find the place, but thats it, i'll go have a coffee next door!

two trips to the post office yesterday to pick up the mail box mail for shop, first time i missed a delivery note and had to go back, after a first conversation where i made them laugh me saying en español it would take a hundred years to speak spanish, i then said 'no lo veo' (i dont see it) which of course wouldnt make sence would it, as i needed to use past tense, so she taught me the right thing to say 'no lo ve' i didnt see it!

had bad headache yesterday, took a strong ish tablet that didnt work in the morning, then a real bad guy tablet later, which took an hour to work... and then it was gone, the headache i mean! and it works that suddenly, aparently works on the blood flow at the back of the neck? and i was laying down in the dark, and suddenly... pain gone! got up and carried on with the day! the tablets are nearly 18€ for four, but worth every cent.

i also phoned another doctor in the afternoon, but didnt get any further than a receptionist i think, he wasnt there, i will try again, just sitting her these few minutes is agony! oh well keep smiling!

weird dream last night, part of it i was jumping on the spot, yes i know very strange, but the strange bit was, was that whilst up in the air i kind of hovered! so every jump i stayed in the air longer and longer, it felt so good just floating there... very very odd, i know what your thinking, it must have been those stronge tablets, and yes maybe your right......

There is no need to climb a mountain
in order to know that it is high

TTFN
Marian

Blue Bells

these two photos are amongst my favorite i have taken, because i love blue bells, they are so glorious... these were taken in england, of course! i think in 2002, in ashridge forest, just up the road from where we used to live... at every turn they were picture perfect i think, millions of them... wonderful...

theyre out april/may, i think! used to seeing them there every year, now i havent seen them at all for nearly 5 years and cant be certain! maybe they will still be out when i am over early may, hope so.

it will be too late for the poppys that may be out now(?) they are out here, but we dont live where we can see fields of them.... when mom and i were doing a tour of italy we came across fields of sun flowers, fantastic, i will look for any photos of got of those, if i did, took six rolls of film and the tour was so much in so little time if it wasnt for the nearly two hundred photos we wouldnt remember what we saw in what order!

helluva wind last night here, the persianas were rattling at the windows and anything that wasnt fixed down was flying about the streets! i was amazed at some washing i had hand washed last night, put it out dripping wet at about 10pm and was bone dry by 7 this morning, one thing was a long heavy knitted coat thing that needed a final wash before putting away for the summer, and even that was dry, just them still being there was amazing though considering!

i am going to put a web link over there... beneath 'dads site' its a web cam down on the coast in torremolinas, i think its near to one of the estancos i was working in last year, and i will be checking it out soon, and if it is i'll let you know, i will enjoy waving like a crazy women at it in the hope that someone somewhere is laughing back at me!

Man can never stop dreaming.
Dreams nourish the soul
just as food nourishes the body.

TTFN
Marian

not much going on really just now.... well life is of course! work as usual in my two little spots! walking pippa every morning in the light now even! at just gone 7am, so having to make sure i look almost presentlable to leave the house, my hair is usually the bed head look during the day, but first thing! oh my goodness, so have to watch out for that now, dont want to scare the other early morning risers do i!

and not even a coat now, just a sweater and that bring me out in a 'sweat' if we go to fast!

i have given up trying to do without, but the healthy tablets my mom got me and that were helping out, are just not doing it for me any more, so i am back to taking pain killers big time, two every four hours to the max allowed.

was chatting to another dog walker monday morning and she knows of an english doctor in the next town and is going to get the numer for me, i know i am always against english things here, but i think on this one occasion i might give in. the local farmacy gave me the address of another doctor a couple of weeks ago as my time, and money is up, with the last one nearly, and not someone i want to go back to as i might as well of just thrown the money into the air, or at the least given it to someone who actually needed it (apart from us that is!)

and what with this and that and the other i hadnt got round to paying him a visit, and now i have heard of this new chap i'm glad i didnt, but i really do need to see someone about the pain in my hips, its ridiculous, although i guess i should be used to the fibromyalgia pain this is so much worse and makes all the previous stuff fade into nothingness.

ok nuff of that!

tomorrow i must post our mothers day cards off to wales and england for our moms, its a week on sunday, different day here in spain. strangely enough in england mothers day is nine months after father has had his day! what do you think of that!?! strange conection there do you think :-)

We are responsible for the Universe
because we are the Universe

TTFN
Marian

here are a couple of interesting photograhes taken from the window at work at Cudeca, amazing how close to our window the new building is, isnt it! i man how on earth could the building plans have allowed this new library to be built right up to the windows in our building? ok we're 'just' a shop, and have no real need as such for this window, but there are peoples balcons up above, people who live and well, would also like to breath up there on them! with this right up close and very much personal!




the orange? i dont know i guess one of the builders thought we would appreciate it! who knows!

anyway.... we now have 12 hours of daylight again! yipeeeee! walking pip at 730 its light and at 730 in the evening the sun is just setting over the sierras, beautiful... i heard my first of this years cicadas singing in the evening the other day, and also same eveing i saw one of those awful processionary caterpillars! only one and i nearly did something really daft... tread on it! and then i would have spread it all over the street making the chance of a dog or cat get a taste and being very very ill, or dying, and i am quite sure pippa would have licked it too at home!

this morning we, friend and her husband, went to coín to sort out his social security paperwork, so he can see the local doctor etc as a pensioner. we just went into the town and parked, had a walk around, asked a few people, got back in the car and drove to where its moved to now! which is really easy, the instructions for it should read, take a left by Dìa supermarket and there it is! even more strange no one was waiting in the beautiful new building and they went straight up, sat down, and did what they had to do!

into lidl on the way past and home!

(read up on the terraza again today, in the sun - sorry it has to be done!)

The more you understand yourself,
the more you understand the world.

TTFN
Marain

St Davids day

here is the letter to read from yesterday

The "Letter" in part:

"You are to know that those many, many times that you struggled through the
tears of pain and confusion were the times that the Angels from the very
highest realms sat by your side on your living room couch. For you came
back here to this very negative dimension to conquer all self-doubt, and
you were determined to blossom into the bright God-Light/Self that you are.
The Hierarchy of Heaven stands in awe of you.

The trail that you blaze is a yellow brick road, paved in the gold that
shimmers with Heavens Light. And when the people of the Earth look back on
their release from the chains of negativity and fear, they will feel your
passion and know that the tears you once shed so long ago, have watered and
fertilized the seeds of hope that blossomed into Love's most divine Eden."

Dearest hearts, remember who you are, especially when you feel like you are
being 'whacked' around. Know that you are always being watched over, walked
next to and held in the arms of grace even when it seems otherwise. You are
heroes, living in a transition stage and by your very presence upon this
earth you are bringing a species and a planet back into Light. The entirety
of Heaven honors you.

We have taken on the most monumental of tasks and the pain is a result of
the dying off of the old complex human nature. My friend Jean Houston said
it this way "we are the parenthesis closing the end of an era so another
can begin." Bless our hearts!

We have been blessed to stand on the shoulders of many great ones that came
before us. Believe this, many here now, and those to come will stand on
ours. That very truth is humbling while motivating at the same time. For
me, it reminds me of my responsibility to be the best me I can be, to
compare myself to no other and "to live UP to the Light I have."

We, you and I, are complex in our natures, however if we remain in our
hearts and not our minds, our complexities will simplify immeasurably. Let
everything out of your grip, wipe the sweat from your palms and open wide
to the infinite possibilities that live and breathe and have their very
existence within you. Live UP to your precious selves in spite of the often
not so graceful circumstances.



TTFN
Marian