Open your eyes, and see what you can with them before they close forever...

Anthony Doerr

All The Light We Cannot See

This is the book I'm reading just now, I'm not one to read a book on war.. but of course the title caught my eye and I am glad it did.. 

We need to remember things we didn't live through, if you see what I mean.. 

Houses bombed and people stealing openly.. precious metals, ornaments, artworks.. more.. everything and anything carryable without impunity..

But not just in war.. I remember so well so many memories of the lady in Wales.. 

Her house went up in flames when she was away, worried sick about her parents and aunts.. getting back home and approaching up the driveway... Coming down towards her.. villagers with her families belongings! Her things.. incredible! People who knew them, who appeared as friends.. wransacking their home. Were they jealous? Bitter? Happy for the disaster? A total disregard of someone else's feelings.. To take from people who have lost the roof from their heads.. is a final knife in their hearts.. Losing something more important almost than the roof. Because trust and friendships, what they thought of people who appeared to be, if not friends but at the least good people who they had supported over decades .. 

Maybe the 'people' hadn't felt the same way, I understand that, very different levels of society.. 

But, still.. such a total indifference to people's feelings.

Photograph above just now... What a beautiful evening..

Feria starts this evening.. the celebrations moved up from the lower road about 7:30 and still at 8.. 

Seen it about ten times I guess over the years,.had memories up on my Facebook, sat on the corner awaiting the giants!

Will end with another quote from the aforementioned book..

The shell may be broken and even portions of it removed and yet after a certain lapse of time the injured parts will be repaired by a deposition of shelly matter at the fractured parts..

This quote about snails at sea, maybe land also... but also, in a way can be seen from the viewpoint of us, of our own fragility, and regrowth...

M.

Playa Luna Mar above..

And the hits keep on coming, when bad turns worse today hasn't let me down..

Had been going back to work in a couple of weeks but due to how the local authorities work, I can't take a temporary contract now after a full time one with the same company.

Another song from the movie I watched yesterday..it was Senior Year by the by.. 

But another beautiful song.. 12 years old, the other was 9 from the same artist.. 

Joshua Radin -Winter 

M.

Beautiful day today, really feels like summer is on its way..

Great walk along the boardwalk at La Cala this morning.. 

Out with friends this early evening for a glass of vino tinto and then home to sort out stuff and re-evaluate my life, feels like I am always having to re-evaluate my life.. 

I wish I could just throw out all the stuff I seem to carry; in my house, in my baggage in my head.. I'd be so light I'd float through my life without a care in the world.. 

I'm too heavy with everything.. maybe that's why I have the stones, they're a symptom of my body having to carry all the worries my mind has.. 

Sorry, I know that's not possible.. just feeling in a strange place, again, as I do.

Was going to watch a serious Netflix series but watching a comedy instead and this song came on.. not such a comedic song.. 

Joshua Radin - Falling

M.

Random photograph taken down the street from home.

"Open your eyes, and see what you can with them before they close forever..."

Anthony Doerr

'All The Light We Cannot See'

This is the book I'm reading just now, I'm not one to read a book on war.. but of course the title caught my eye and I am glad it did.. 

We need to remember things we didn't live through, if you see what I mean.. 

Reading about houses bombed and people stealing openly.. silver ornaments artworks.. more.. everything and anything carryable without impunity..

But not just in war.. I remember so well so many memories of the lady in Wales.. 

Her house went up in flames when she was away, worried sick about her parents and aunts.. getting back home and approaching up the driveway... Coming down towards her.. villagers with her families belongings! Her things.. incredible! People who knew them, who appeared as friends.. wransacking their home. Were they jealous? Bitter? Happy for the disaster? A total disregard of someone else's feelings.. To take from people who have lost the roof from their heads.. is a final knife in their hearts.. Losing something more important almost than the roof. Because trust and friendships, what they thought of people who appeared to be, if not friends but at the least good people who they had supported over decades .. 

Maybe the 'people' hadn't felt the same way, I understand that, very different levels of society.. 

But, still.. such a total indifference.. 

My mom's favourite quote was "nothing so strange as folk" So true.

Changing subject.. 

A couple more photographs from Las Casillas.. reflecting light.. reflecting sounds.. sounds not included..

And this little chap, I picked him up from the pathway, worried a cat would be off with him.. I tested out his wings all looked good, and placed him on a raised surface, hopefully safe from animals or children! 

I am thinking he arrived tired and just needed to gain strength, they come from Africa and fly to the UK and Europe above us.. so we're a stopover they usually spend a couple of weeks.. providing us with beautiful spectacular aero gymnastics.. dynamics! 

His eyes were bright and I checked on him a few times.. my last check on him at night, in the dark.. he had gone.. and I am just hoping he flew off and nothing awful was done to him.. 

Good news! I have my job back for the summer! So can relax now.. knowing this, I was so excited it's a wonder people didn't think the feria had arrived a week early! 

Not so good urgencia yesterday afternoon, I was there for three hours, longest I've ever been in there and the most people! 

More intravenous antibiotics, more intravenous pain meds.. more antibiotics, pain meds and muscle thingy meds... To aid progress and shrink the stones..

Today I am flying high on pain meds and inner arm looks like .. well, actually doesn't look good at all! Big lumpy bruise and dark red patches .. bit odd..

Still two weeks to urologist.. nearly there now.. Need to visit hospital before appointment, not been there for five years and don't want that visit to be the first, could be emotional for me.. 

M.

'We are known forever by the tracks we leave'

Listening to this now as I contemplate not having written for a month.. 

Shine on you Crazy Diamond Pink Floyd

And how this makes me feel, sad and bad both.. every day thinking of what I should be writing that is now mostly forgotten or not worth saying..

And back to being 15 and listening to Pink Floyd and how my mom knew to stay away from me if I was.. 

'Those who lose dreaming are lost'.. And for me who maybe spends too mich time 'day' dreaming.. I feel more lost for doing so.. 

'I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe' This made me smile when I read this.. so me, so so many of us.. all parked upside which way and back to front..

A month away from Blogging, where and what have I been up to.. 

 A visit to Las Casillas with dearest friends..

A walk to the top of Cabopino.. looking down at the Med.. upper photograph looking towards Marbella.. I felt lost at one point and had to check my phone .. it's nice walking up there, away from the crowds.. although, not many crowds here yet, can't say our tourists have returned just yet!

May 7 2009 the above photograph, came through as a memory a couple of days ago.. Impossible amount of changes since then.. Pippa was looking out of my sister-in-law's doors.. 

In our direct family since, two husbands, two mom's.. and Pippa herself.

At new year I spoke with a close friend, she saved me back in Wales the week I arrived.. I went out for a bag of sugar and came home with a new friend.. we stayed in constant company for the three years we were there.. several times a week in visits.. when we left it turned to messages and I saw her three years ago when I was working in Neath..

She told me at new year that she had cancer.. same as Francos.. 

And last week she passed and my heart broke a little more..

A lady I supported a few years ago told me 'never grow old, you will see all your friends pass.'

I didn't understand, now I do

M.