My sadness I carry deep inside me, it used to be on the surface, nearly every day, scratch that.. most days.

Now it's further down, which is good.. but life brings it up, the sadness surfaces like an air bubble escaping from under deep water

A movie, a song, more often just life

I wonder if a day will come when the sadness lays quietly it's head down and says.. she's done, let her be.

Or if forever it will lay only dormant, simply slumbering.. rolling in its sleep to remind me of its presence.

This has come to me this morning early, awake at five.. cuppa tea at half past, watching second movie before leaving my warm bed for the cold house.. 

Need to get my head in order.. 

I'll be fine once I'm up, always better after eating and a coffee..

Had a great day yesterday, it's going to be a good day today!

Need photograph for here.. bare with! 

I laugh to myself choosing a stormy view taken the other morning going to work.. that's the view above..

The next is from Mijas pueblo last week

M.

And we have 0° .. crazy!! 

This morning again.. It's always very strange when I reach the last episode of Frasier, always feel a little bereft.. As I've already posted the Tennyson poem at least twice, my search in the top left-hand corner of the desktop version of this page, tells me.. 

Last time was September 2017, but I'm sure I've repeated myself again since then? Seems only last year?

I am prone to repeating, after twenty years Blogging, I give myself permission for that!

I usually play that last episode twice, but not today. I'm done with it! 

Just makes me sad..

And in searching for the poem I came across a different poem, from August 7 2009.. Felt strange reading that one, seeing so much change since then.

It's way too cold here, never honestly seen in this cold.. felt it this cold.. got the halogen fire on at the moment, and my hands and feet are like ice, it's 10° in here with the fire on! 

M.

Everything is about chance isn't it, when it comes down to it... 

Mom and I atop a church in Oxford about 1987.

If anything was different about our parents, grandparents, even a different moment of conception by anyone at any time those ancestors of ours.. hahaha sorry! But it's true.. isn't it.. 

Therefore we are all here by chance.. So grab those chances that come to you, they are meant for you to grab! 

Ashridge Forest about 1990

I, in this weird head of mine sometimes even wonder how my day would have been had I taken a different turn on the road, or crossed the road somewhere different.. 

Everything makes for happenings.

Yes maybe in an extra strange mind just now, spent nearly six hours going through my old photographs, which also meant going through my mom's photos! 

Yep, definitely still a hippy chick.. age 13

The majority in plastic, four photos to a page, some had two to four in and then the packets..

I have now filled the plastic sleeves with up to five or six in each, thrown away a whole bag full of photos, kept important ones.. so have hundreds.. maybe a thousand so far? At least, will have a better idea tomorrow when I finish the job! 

About 1987

Spending all that time doing this I look around and nothing to show for it! But, I have meant to sort them out for a long time, so I should be happy with that! 

This dress, a cousin bought it over from the states, it was my aunt Gloria's, I tried it on.. fitted beautifully.. 

Then he took it back home.. 

I look like I would have back in the times of wild wild West!

And lastly, don't normally put many of me, so way too many today.. 

These two were taken about 1999 I think.. from the gardens in Mijas, overlook the Fuengirola coastline.

M.

New moon

January 21, 2023: Closest New Moon Since the Middle Ages

By Graham Jones. Published 17-Jan-2023RSS

This Saturday's New Moon will be the closest New Moon to Earth in a period of 1337 years.

timeanddate's Moon phase visualization tool showing the New Moon for January 2023

The New Moon of January 2023 coincides with the point in the Moon’s orbit where it is closest to Earth.

©timeanddate

A Remarkably Close New Moon

According to our calculations, on January 21, 2023, the New Moon will be at its closest distance to Earth for the last 992 years.

The next time the New Moon is this close to Earth will be 345 years from now, making this the closest New Moon in 1337 years.

And also at this time the ZTF comet should be able to be seen all night.. 

Well I've just been on the terrace, and what with my chimney and neighbours either side all puffing out enough smoke to give Victorian London smog a run for it's money.. no chance.. the whole town is awash with smoke.. the sky has plenty of stars but the haze between them and I was pretty dense! 

Had a good day yesterday, town and lunch and home... I bought a halogen fire, for quick heat.. why I am putting up with being cold in 2023 I have no idea!! 

I couldn't carry it home, had a nice curry lunch and got a cab! It's been eighteen years here soon, and only caught a cab home twice now.. 

The first time must be over ten years ago, and cost 5€ so pulling up outside my house yesterday I was unsure what price it would be... It was 5€! 

No change in a minimum of ten years.. 

A small daffodil in my little garden area.. a miniature daff.. small but perfectly formed! 

Today I went out later in the afternoon, so with difficulty I stayed in all morning.. my time for being out usually.. 

Was colder in the house than outside! 

Lit my burner when I got home, so house is nice and toasty.. 

I am still coughing well, and whatever is in my lungs is still rattling around and making the weirdest of noises.. worse laying down, but even sitting or walking.. 

I do feel much better though thankfully!

And tomorrow I think the market! Wrap up well and head out early! 

TTFN amigos!

M.

Well friends, I've been, correction am sick with a damn cough virus thing, not covid, tested for it.. and I'm glad of that, because this has made me too sick to move much out the bed for three solid days, day four I went out for air.. 8am for half an hour, came home and spent rest of the day not moving.. 

Day five, Saturday? I walked into town but came home and slept for two hours.. 

Yesterday? Didn't go out just stayed sick.. 

And now I am out, standing by my car for air and collecting a colleague who feels mostly the same as me! 

This is, must be the worse a cough has ever in my life made me feel, so why I am eternally thankful it's not covid, my lungs can't take this attack as it is.

I got cough meds from farmacia.. I think it's helped, not sure.. and drinking lemon honey and ginger, chucking in some chilli flakes now also, just for the helluva it! 

Well, home from work, luckily a short day, coughing my way through, talking makes it so much worse! But me and silent don't walk hand in hand! 

Still, it's only a cough and will pass..

Other people are not so lucky, a friend today isn't good, but hopefully will be home and okay this evening! 

Someone else we know is in ICU.. 

And yesterday I made the mistake of checking on someone I have known since 1994, and working in Mercedes.. him and his wife lived out here, before me, in Alhaurín also as it happens. But moved back to the UK .. I found out he passed September 2022... So that's five friends passed last year. Two in their 50's three in their 80's.. but still...No time is really the right time. 

Also, I found randomly, someone I supported back in 2018 died in 2019... very young at only 72.. 

Okay amigos.. stay well! Or at least try.. trying is difficult I know... 

Oh just remembered another photograph, it's borrowed... One moment..

This is very very good.

M.

Well of course strange things always happen don't they? And I know not just to me.

Watching a bit of a horror movie just now and Tarot cards in the movie, Jessabelle it's called.. seen it before a while ago I guess.. anyway, I digress as usual.. 

Grabbed my cards and did a short reading, but a card fell out and it was the one above.. 

Bizarre, as it's the Chinese year of Rabbit which begins this year, isn't it? Of all the cards to fall out.. 

So I am guessing means something especially for me this year..

'It is even considered auspicious to start a family in 2023. Above all, though, the Year of the Rabbit is predicted to be a year of hope, largely because the rabbit is associated with peace, prosperity and longevity in Asia.'

Is a little of what I read.. well, maybe I won't be starting a family!!! But the rest reads well... 

I get info about comets and meteorites.. I love staring skywards at night.. 

This appeared today.. 

'Comet Hale-Bopp, whose long orbit brought it close to Earth during the heydey of ancient Athens and Sparta, and again in 1997 (the heyday of the Spice Girls and the Backstreet Boys). Hale-Bopp won’t visit the inner Solar System again for another 2,373 years.'

I remember so vividly looking out the back door of the house my son's and I lived in near the old Rex cinema in Berkhamsted.. and seeing the comet.. 

So much has happened since then yet still feels like yesterday...

After work on the 5th I brought two work friends home with me, we went into town, had a really great evening.. we walked along with the camels.. and got hit by high velocity sweets! Sparing with children and adults all trying to catch them! And got covered with confetti!

We had a curry, then a drink in a bar on the way home, changed into our comfies and had a few shots watching three movies...or two movies? One twice! 

We talked and laughed and talked some more.. said goodnight about half past two.. 

Got up late and carried on talking.. we then walked into town for lunch, or brunch? Back up to the house and I drove them back to the coast and their respective homes.. 

Made a really lovely change from the normal, and getting out to see the Three Kings.. was good. Very good.

M.

Other conversations we've had, my colleague and I, he asked me, if I could when would I like to be able to suddenly appear, unseen and unable to communicate with, or change anything..

My first thought, being me? Was to revisit someone I've loved and lost.. but that wouldn't help me when after a moment I'm back in the present would it..

So in retrospect I thought the dawn of time.. see how it really began, how we really began.

But then, do we really want the truth.. we have so many varied beliefs and all are the truth to us, and we live, mainly, happily within those truths.

For some the truth would be what we already thought we knew, but to others, total destruction.

And I don't think I want to see the future.

So given all possibilities, maybe just see what today holds, and look at it from a different perspective.

M.

 

I bought a hat! Needs pimping.. will do that now! 

From last night:
I wanted to write my Blog this evening on my laptop... seems the B  isnt working, so will have to add that from my phone!! Terrific!! She says sarcastically!! 

Ive pulled off the key pad for the B but nothing changed!! The pad beneath is fixed tightly and not moving a bit!

Today went to the warehouse for work, and chatting to my colleague on the  way and way back... interesting conversation, the sort I almost have on my own actually, especailly the life and death conversations...

For instance as I pulled out, suddenly and quickly from a side road we had een waiting for sometime, the thought crossed my mind, had we actually made the turn or had the truck struck us.. and if we hadn't would our minds still think we had... 

And reading a piece from an online item, and Sophia's ideas about death only the day before.. 

Okay can't do anymore on here... what with the key just skating around on the keyboard now as I've destroyed it in my 'fix it' or break it! mode!

Back to today! And the article.. 

Copying and pasting here.. hoping I am not infringing on anyone, anything!! 

©Sophia Dembling

Widow's Walk

GRIEF

Grief and the Passage of Time

Personal Perspective: Time brings healing, but also heartbreak.

Posted December 29, 2022 Reviewed by Tyler Woods

KEY POINTS 

• In grief, we must come to terms with leaving our loved ones behind in time.

• The passage of time is necessary for healing, but at the same time can be painful.

• Some physicists suggest that time is an illusion -a controversial but soothing theory.

The power of time has its limits

Admittedly, this is still cold comfort to me. I wish Tom were here, next to me, passing the time with me, aging alongside me, moving into the future with me. But whatever we be- lieve about time, two facts are indisputable: One is that our loved ones are no more or less gone today than they were the day they died. And the other is that no matter how much time passes, we will not forget them. Days, weeks, months, years, decades, can elapse, and the person we loved and lost will remain in our hearts, no closer or farther away than they were the moment they drew their last breath. Our memories, love, and connection did not die with them. Those are within us and will be for as long as we live. No length of time can erase our loved ones from our hearts; time doesn't have that power.

The distinction between past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."

In physics, there is a theory called the "block universe," which posits that time is merely a construction mankind created to make order of our universe and that, in reality, past, present, and future all exist simultaneously. Some physicists vehemently dispute this the- ory, but that it not my battle to wage. I don't pretend to understand the physics behind it -that's way above my pay grade and intellectual capacity-but it is a soothing thought, isn't it? Perhaps we are not moving away from each other in time but living together in this block universe, simply out of sight of each other.

A piece of missed out and can't find it now.. but hope it still makes sense.

M