Where do you feel you truly belong? 

This question just asked on something I'm watching just now... 

But more importantly, no, just different, not more or less important..

Yesterday evening had a few really strange things happen.

I have been plowing through Doctor Who series on the BBC, and the next episode advert came up for the Special episode 23rd of November 2013, I turned to my son and said we must have watched this episode we were living in Wales then.

So I had a look on my photos and sure enough that Saturday we had gone to Swansea in the afternoon, and had a walk around the fun fair.

I then proceeded to watch that episode, the one with three or four doctors..

About an hour after I'd looked at those photographs still watching Doctor Who, I had an email saying about a code to get into Franco's email account! I thought that a bit strange as it's been eight years since he used his email and I thought accounts after two years of inactivity were closed.

So someone may have been trying to access his account, I was his extra backup, so I was notified, I went into his account and it primarily brought up photographs and videos.

One of them being when we were down in Fuengirola before Christmas, I watched and listened to it a couple of times remembering that exact moment November 2016, as though still there, held in stasis. Two ghosts forevermore.

Then I went back to watching Doctor Who, until later when I went out into the kitchen to put the kettle on, this was three hours after I had switched off the air fryer, switched it off, actually off, completely off! And as I walked into the kitchen the air fryer lit up with the word Bye and that completely threw me! I mean what! why!! my son said is not unusual for it to have a delay!! but let's be honest three hours and after checking out where we were on the 23rd of November 2013! then seeing the video in November 2016! because someone or something had been trying to access his account.. 

And then this? okay so maybe it's all just coincidence and nothing at all weird about that, or any of those three things happening at all but to me it all meant something. 

Today would have been our wedding anniversary had I not forgotten my passport so tomorrow would have been our anniversary.

M.

There is a time to live and a time to sleep

It's hard to leave when you haven't said goodbye..

These above quotes are from a Doctor Who episode last night 

 

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

Viktor Frankl - 1905-1997 - Psychiatrist and Author

I really love this quote above, I am very quick to respond, just me, always have been.

Trouble is when you have to choose to either respond or just let it go; in letting go and not saying my piece I can end up not listening and just blocking things out, sometimes ignoring to the point of.. well, nothing! 

This does not make sense now I've reread it, and for a quote at the end normally and placed therein before I even Blog, it has become the centre piece of my writing today!! (Yesterday!!)

Easter weekend.. only bit drizzley yesterday, Monday, other days were okay... And today Tuesday back to sunshine.. beautiful! And warm enough, no jacket just a T-shirt to walk to the Post Office, time to send the test off! Hides face!

I wonder how the couple in our old home managed through their first Semana Santa.. the last for me I remember so well, probably as well as the first one... Standing on my living room balcony, talking to my neighbor next door, she's also sold, month after I left... 

So much change, after so long... 

And now it's Wednesday! See how fast time flies by... 

I needed to add a photograph and wanted the one above, of a what appears to be... Random biscuit barrel in a charity store! 

But we had this!! Exact same one, either us, or my mom? But can't ask her... Of course.. it's as familiar as an old friends face.. 

Anyways! I digress... I went to attach it yesterday, the photograph, then realized I wanted to crop it first, got to my photographs then sorted out other stuff and well, before I knew it, I had forgotten about my Blog and why I was in that folder!

M.

The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.

Plutarch - Greek Philosopher

Photograph above taken up at Alhaurín Golf, ten years ago... Someone else lifes, was it mine?

Feels strange.. it came up on a memory on my Facebook.. I'm sure I can switch them off if I want to.. but I don't, want to.

Life only moves on when the terms for acknowledging all that's gone before have been reached.. Mmm need to keep that quote! 

We had very high winds today, felt like the house was going to take off! 

I luckily or unluckily have been tucked up in bed for the most part of the day, two days of a sore throat last week and mouthy me proudly exclaimed that nothing came of it! But two days later it did! And am still suffering, more as the week has progressed.

Have been up and still up and about now, on my third medicinal drink of the day, that's actual cold remedy hot drink, sounded a bit like an alcoholic beverage then didn't it!

Last weekend went for a wonderful drive through Derbyshire, and stopped in an area where barges more up, I've forgotten the name of it! 

There were stores and restaurants, and a nearby canal to walk along, which we did..

We stopped for lunch along the canal, an Indian restaurant, sitting on bench by the water, before hot day, low twenty's... I got sunburnt, just for the helluva it!

Was a very beautiful day... 

Photograph below was at Nottingham Castle.. 

M.

 "Anni, amori e bicchieri di vino, nun se contano mai"

Missed a Blog post from last week... 

So a quick bit from yesterday, which is actually still today, but posted already!! 

ps it's Thursday now!!

Today went to the Castle with son and his babes... Them and me running around on the climbing castle, it's fun, not so much even at my vertically challenged height! Having to keep low from knocking myself out, but so much fun! 

Sat on a bench, at a bench I should say! For lunch and rests, and coffee from the café on site.. 

A lady bug came to say 'hello' and flew off when I got to close with my phone for close up photographs! 

Also a Bombylius major, the fly bee... They are so amazing to watch! 

After the castle we went into a favorite shop of ours, Forbidden Planet it's called... A comic book store with everything plus more more more! 

I said to my son, 'I most certainly haven't grown up because I just want everything in here, and more or less everything everywhere else too!' He said something like, 'that's a good thing, no one wants or should grow up, that would be boring..'

Wise words indeed son.

M.

The idea is to die young, as late as possible!

Someone asked me yesterday about am I more relaxed now... and I replied yes I am, because I most definitely am, after 2024..  what a year... 

Not my worse, by any means, but still not sure how I got through it in one piece, oh hang on! That I didn't do! Not in one piece, but in many pieces!

Although still, it's a bit like PTSD, I can't think about much of my twenty three years in Spain without crumbling... And I wish I could just stop and think, remember so many amazing best days of my life, best years of my life really, age, fitness levels.

It's such a big great wonderful part of my life, but leaving it still breaks me.. I want to look back at my thousands of photographs, I want to close my eyes and go back to days and places and people, I want be relive and be happy about the happiest times...

But as soon as I begin I want to cry and I literally can't take the overwhelming feeling of loss that comes into my heart, loss of it all, especially my home, my house, my home overall. It chokes me.

I don't want to be like a client I had in healthcare who lost large pieces of her memories, not through dementia, but through stress and loss and sadness.

We live our lives to enjoy and to remember and take these amazing lives we live through with us, onwards and upwards! As Aslan says!

Funny I end my Blog today here, with these words, when the quote below I placed there weeks ago, always ahead in quotes while sometimes slow on posts...

M.

Seeing death as the end of life is like seeing the horizon as the end of the ocean.”

—David Searls