Día de Andalucía

 

Felicidades todo mí amigos!

Fotografía is actually from May 4th 2010..

But today would be very similar, beautiful day.. we had one day of raining, correction, one morning of rain, Monday after I was home.

I had two visits to the clinico and only got soaked on the first visit, coat was still damp through for my second visit!

Bit of an issue with my BP before my trip and had to keep a daily record of it even while I was away..

So my Losartán is doubled! Was worrying about side effects of that, but only thing seems to be my right eye has a twitch!! 

Been a relaxing day today, into town this morning, everything closed, except bars.. and now down on the coast for the evening..

These are the days of which memories are made...

M.

Talking to a good friend yesterday about the future and he said he'll miss me.. I said "You're in my good memories case to take with me where 'er I go..."

Which is very very true .. 

And that's the same for everything here... 

Lots of amazing memories.. some bad, so many sad...

But some of the best of my life.. a huge chunk of my life has been here, before I lived here there were fifteen years of visiting, sometimes up to the four times a year.. thirty eight years..

New page, new chapter lies ahead... 

Because although my 'case' is full of good memories, there is still lots of room inside for more!

M.

Beautiful day in Nottingham, not so much today, but it's been nice .. 

Me and my ducks! 

Did take a photograph of the weir, but although I was focused on the water cascading, the phone focused on the railing!! 

I was writing to a friend this morning, we were talking about places we haven't been or would like to go to, and it made me think.. 

...and I thought I have a huge list of places I want to go... and the older I get the longer the list.

Which I thought maybe was weird, but I wonder if it's because it's just human to think that, to want to do that, because the older we get the more we think about the ticking clock.. or our end of Days.. 

And feelings of wanting to catch up with time, or lost time? 

I don't know... 

M.

Stop shrinking yourself to fit places you've outgrown.

Unknown

 

Landed!

Left Alhaurín yesterday, above waiting for my ride, I could hear a man speaking through a tannoy, and a crowd responding??

Was very strange! Don't know where he was, they were... 

As is the fact that my phone didn't recognize the word Tannoy, so googling found it is the name of a company who first built public address systems back in 1920! So thought I would link! 

Boarded a bit late, hanging around on the down ramp not quite in the building at Malaga Airport, a piece of luggage fell off the transporter.. someone came along and picked it up, looked a bit unsure as to where it was headed..  lost luggage no doubt! 

The bus took us to the aircraft, first time used a bus for years! It was parked right down in the top left-hand corner, by a road, some offices and near the San Miguel factory! I was in A so able to watch the cars and people.. very strange!! 

We were sat on the plane for age's it felt, left about 18:15 instead of 17:45, so really not as long as it felt... But we did land late then, I needed cash, I thought for a cab, couldn't find an ATM in the baggage collection area.. then the machine in arrivals didn't work!! 

But luckily the taxi office there only took card payments.. 

Was raining too when we disembarked, and for the journey to son's..

But, this morning, dry and the sun is around, albeit intermittent, we walked to the local big store and it's not cold at all ...

Laughed at the prices, the bag of groceries we bought cost under 40 pounds, it would have been nearer a hundred euros at home!

Was the other way about twenty years ago!

Randomness done for now amigos!

M.

Remnant of an aircrafts journey across the skies yesterday morning...

Beautiful day today, cool though, had early coffee with friend down at Bar Cruz then back up home and sorted things out, packed! Tidied, ready to go!

Had a Colacao with another friend up the top here, still chilly!

Valentines day my string looked like this in work, and I didn't do it... It just was... 

How high you fly is derived from how big you think.

Robin Sharma - writer

For today that will be averaging about 35,000 feet!

M.

 

Bit confusion on days of the week this week, don't know why, I worked Monday, but it felt like a Friday! Set me off not knowing what day it is! 

Yesterday went to Casa las Flores .. always beautiful there .. met up with friends, had a coffee, then a wander around...

Today a delivery came and I am trying Slippery Elm! For the chronic gastritis... Says it works quickly, but it's only two capsules once a day..

I am going to get the powered version, apparently it coats the stomach protectively, that would be amazing.. just calming that down.. 

So extremely tired, think I'll be watching tv early tonight in bed...

M.

Below written by Peter Forster

Daily missive for Monday the 12th of February.

I worry

I will lose her

In the ‘putting away’

The packing and moving

From one place to another.

The pairing down

As expectations change

As other people move on

Lost lovers cling to bric-a-brac

As if it is a liferaft. 

Holding on

Gets harder

As links break.

Mementoes look forlorn

As surroundings change.

Picture frames

Weather with age

Photographs fade

Those precious clothes

Folded neatly

In a bottom drawer

Too evocative of her

To let go

Too painful to look at.

Worried about mould 

Mildew

The betrayal

Of throwing away. 

The pain of loss

Is unrelenting

The gravitas of a life

Taken for granted.

The gravity 

Of every situation

Demanding its toll

In a remorseless shedding

Of the past

One piece at a time.

A life dismantled

A reminder of mortality

The coming of darkness 

The fear of pain

The loathing of religion

Its senseless, merciless

Boyhood grip.

When even yet

The lost child within

Cries out 

In the hope

That we will meet again.

               ****

I wrote in Peter's comments..

'Peter, you say just the right words at the right time, I am 'trying' to let go of things, that have a far greater hold on me than I care to acknowledge.. my kids said 'take photos, throw it all away' 

But it's like I am throwing away a part of myself...'

M.

Spent the last couple of days getting through memorabilia..

So many things, going back to my childhood, cards from everyone, letters and keepsakes..

Way too much, way way too much! 

Yesterday was my third day of knowing about these things they found..

I'm sure I've gone weeks without eating biscuits, maybe days, without something sweet..

But maybe I have, had, been overdoing it since working in the store, always a cake, always a packet or two of something sweet to hand..

 

So I had a headache yesterday.. did I write this already? I am guessing a low blood sugar thing, extreme tiredness and headache.. so I  thought I'd risk a biscuit, I had three shortbread biscuits, soooo good..

And boy did I suffer because of it later, in the middle of the night! The pain woke me up, trouble is now I have to work out whether it's gastric or diverticular.. 

Gastritis is no fats and sugars and I guess, with all honesty the biscuits were high in both!

The headache did go eventually, but much later..

I bought some savory biscuits yesterday, probably will have same effect..

Don't know really what I should or shouldn't do, they conflict, so much more to avoid with the Gastritis.. time I guess.. in the night I took a pain killer the doctor gave me, but found this morning its not actually a pain med at all!

Was expecting rain again today, but although cloudy and cool.. no sign at yet! 

Waiting till morning? And driving down the mountain road.. no doubt!! 

M.

 

Well! Going through my memorabilia, yet again! This card, means more this time around.. Given on my 30th birthday at work.. Key paint Euro colour, in Hemel Hempstead.. Is it still there? 

This year it's 35 years since they, my wonderful amazing work family gave me it..

Inside? 

Well, nearly eh!

But point being, where in hell did these thirty five years go? 

Who knew I'd be here? 

My baby boys now grown, older than me, and with babies of their own... 

Phew! 

Love and hate going through these things..

This time I have to be real harsh with myself, and throw more out, take photographs of stuff I must leave behind..

It's the perfect day, been raining since ten last night, windy and damp outside..

Wood burner going in here, music playing and memories filling me up..

M.

Well here it comes! And about time! 

Firstly better get serious, I am definitely, well as much as anyone else, here and not going anywhere with regards to my hospital results! 

On the other hand I do have chronic gastritis in my tum, and colon diverticulosis.. so two separate things, at the same time!! 

There are many things to stop eating with regards to both issues... But my biggest issue is that I don't actually eat most of those things..

I will have to stop the biscuits (high in fat), anything with nuts and butter.. 

Sort of coincides with working where I do now!! Funny eh!! 

I have six months of antibiotic type medication to take, one seven day period at a time, each month, a morning tablet, and some pain meds, follow up appointment in eight months time.

But really now it's down to me, and how much will power I have, not a lot usually, but have to try, because this option doesn't work for me, at all! Feeling sick every day, chronic stomach pain, and worrying.. That at least has now gone... Because I really was worrying.

And the weather, at last looks like some rain is coming and it's coming across perfectly to fill a little more than the other week, our reservoirs.. tomorrow will be a batten down the hatches kinda day if they've got it right, or it'll be a business as usual if they haven't!

M.

Sitting in the hospital waiting area for my 10am appointment for my biopsy results! 

Waited for ages and now wish I wasn't here! Hot wearing a mask again too.. but we have to here, again now. 

In the house I suddenly noticed it was 9:10!! And then panicked to get here .. think I need the heart department not digestive! My hearts banging away far too quickly! 

So yesterday! On our way to work, ready to exit the carretera at Calahonda a truck in front of us suddenly had to break hard, a white car in the outside lane just cut him off to exit! You can see how near to the exit we were, because I was already indicating! Can't believe the trucks quick responses, that would have been an accident we would have had no way of escaping without hitting something, the truck the barriers? So close..

Followed by a normal day, customers throwing money down on the counter and waving credit cards in the air like they are swatting flies..

But lots of fun and laughter too, I'm sure most of our customers think we're a little crazy, and the rest? They don't even see us, evident in the lack of communication, and blank looks.. many mute until they leave and mumble a word or two, bye or thank you, and we realize they're English!

And the drive home, car in front until La Cala, woman talking to her passenger head turned 90 degrees to the right, and turning the steering wheel to the right also while doing so!  Common trait/error .. then she swerved into the outside lane when she saw the police on an adjoining road and nearly crashed into the car already there!

Was bliss to leave the carretera and join the mountain road, light now for the drive home, sun setting on my left, and last night cigar clouds.. submarine clouds and they made me smile again..

Always some bliss waiting for us.

M.

Don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life.

~Robin Sharma

We do so often just press repeat, a lot we have little or no choice over.. Jobs, living situations, so many parts of our lives are impossible to change at will.. or ever.

Jobs can't be picked up and dropped when we've had enough, and homes can't he changed with a click of our fingers.

But we do still have chances though each and every day to make a small change, or enjoy a part of more, or see it differently and maybe things aren't so bad as we thought...

How we view things is up to us, we can make the change.

Open our eyes and really see, we miss some beautiful things; I remember so many times seeing things I'd passed all my life in Berkhamsted, suddenly seeing something, like there! look at that! an ancient door, been there for over a hundred years! A gargoyle peering from atop an old house, a beautiful old tree.. So many things..

I think, I hope, I've had my eyes open here for the past 22 years.. and from visiting back to '88... 

I hope my eyes have been wide, wide open!

Every moment can be the perfect moment we wish for, because every moment is the only moment we have.

We all know this, how short life can be, how fragile, this is it folks, this is the only moment you and I have, right now! 

If only we could remember that!

Don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life.

~Robin Sharma

M.

I am going to post a whole piece by another writer...

Including name and details ..

Because right now, I need to..

When you grow up, all you ever do is leave. You leave people, situations, and places. You often wonder where home is because you always feel like a fish out of water wherever you go. You make a home for yourself in the city. You decorate it with plants, posters of a treasured rock band, and furniture that you got from the flea market. Sometimes, it gets awfully quiet; other times, it's filled with the voices of your new favourite people. When it gets too silent, you call your Mother 1200 miles away and ask her about her day. You like to listen to her sometimes, but when she asks about yours, you gabble and say you're okay and then bid goodbye. You don't want to trouble her with your issues. It never completely feels like home because you are always missing something—your school friends, the old town roads, your Grandma's pickles, your cousins, evening drives, the smell of your room, and your family.

And when you return to your hometown, you miss the comfort of living in your own place, Sunday brunches, your new friends, going on random trips, meeting strangers, and the view from your balcony. The silence that used to bother you in your new home is something that you crave when you return. You realise that this will never be over, the way that you are feeling. Maybe, you will get used to it when you get older. But right now, you are in your 20s, and life is already hard. And no matter how much you want to feel at home, you often end up missing things you're far away from.

You think that maybe the romantics are right. Maybe, you will find home in some other person, a better half. But the truth is that you will find a piece of you in every place you have ever been, in every person you have ever loved. You paint your nails the way that senior in your school did when you were 12 years old. And there's an album in the corner of your room that your first kiss suggested for you to listen to, and that's how you discovered your favourite rock band. You find your habits lingering in the way your brother arranges his books—separating hardcovers from paperbacks and organising them by colour. Nobody does that, you think.

You realise that blueberry yogurt on toast and little flowers of butter and orange jam isn't your recipe; it's the way your Mother used to make toast for you when you were five. You notice that your best friend still plays your road trip playlist when she drives, and you cook chicken the same way your roommate in college taught you. You share your habit of clicking pictures of flowers by the roads with your Dad, and like your ex, you always check traffic on maps before leaving. Even if you don't talk to them anymore, you will always have tenderness in your heart for people. You will realise that so much of them is you, and so much of you is them.

You realise that's why you can never feel completely at home because a part of your heart is always wandering in some other memory, in a different place that you used to call home. Your love spreads endlessly, and you realise that this is what happens when you have the joy of experiencing so many different kinds of loves and friendships. As you mature, you learn that departing isn't merely about leaving; instead, it's about carrying a piece of others with you and leaving a part of yourself behind. It transforms you into a magnificent collage, a gem woven from the threads of all those you've loved, of all those you are ever going to love.

And someday, that feeling will be home enough. 

-Rae Pathak

Very good isn't it... It says it all really, although there's stuff there that's not me, not something I've done and missed...

The gist of it rings true with me..

I've always missed everything, my family in the states, missed not growing up with them, missed my family when I came here, but no one forced me, missed here when we were in Wales, came back and missed new friends I'd met in Wales..

Missed my dad, who I never got to know.. 

Is that it then I wonder, that last paragraph? That knowing that, you find home..

M.

Photograph from.. Mmm maybe about I'll just say 1990's.. Yes that's my mom, standing beyond . Like the original Photo-Bomber!

So strange! Just going through my old children's books, I went through them twice actually, and just now, decided to be more ruthless, and The Dairy of Anne Frank book took the long walk..

Now, changing channels .. what's on TV now, beginning right now? Yes, of course, The Diary of Anne Frank! 

Life is stranger than fiction, is that what they say? But dreams what the hell are they about or where do they come from? If it's something lurking in the deep dark recesses of my brain I should be very, very afraid!

M.

Weird experience just now... well, yesterday now!

I've come into La Cala and having some lunch, a few people kept looking at me.. like I'm a Celeb or something.. I say laughing inside so as not to appear a complet weirdo! Although I think a smile is showing... Laughing at myself for even thinking that!! I'm hilarious!! 

The lady serving me asked me, where does she knew me from, or was I a doppelganger.. 

After short conversation we realized it's where I work!

And another person who had been recognizing me, realized he knew me from the store also!

Well, fame... For a brief moment eh...

Had that in Vegas though, twenty years ago April.. Now that was fame! 

Was going to link to my Blog at that time, but it was on my old original Blog, and I don't think it's live now..

That's sad, my first two years of Blogging may have been deleted... 

And they were hard work, had to write in HTML code! 

Maybe a short recap to follow then, 2002 to April 2006! 

Can I remember all that!! 

M.