A journey of a thousand miles begins with a first step.. don't we know that?

But we began our journeys on the day we truly took our first steps.. A parent maybe, probably, watching worriedly.. arms outstretched to catch us if we fell.. support us if we did.. 

Someone there at our first wobbly steps growing each day.. yet also we are still growing, and still taking unsure steps.. maybe only with those who we've lost beside us.. guiding us still.. catching us if we fall. Or making sure we don't.

Day off today, shopped in Las Lagunas, actually wanted a new duvet cover.. all my others are so old now... Donkies years old actually! So popped into Kiabi to buy, but they don't have home wear on the premises and came away without duvet cover... But something else instead! Have an updated card and now ordered the cover for shop pick-up.. cost me twice the amount now though hasn't it!! 

Also popped into Leroy Merlin's.. Christmas was there..

And then after Aldi I popped into Casa Flores.. a favourite spot for nearly twenty years!

I bought some plants... To not only plant them, but maybe root myself better.. 

I don't know.. but I miss regular plants and have had only suculants and catus for past few years.. so bought a rosemary, two thyme for the rock wall, a lavender near the back door and a couple of jasmine for the front planters, try and train them.. again.. this is deja vu.. because tried this before.. Fingers crossed this time!

And talking of fingers...

This plant above is the Hand of Buddha.. 

Explained a little above...  and fully here... Edible, citrus.. and if above it true, probably the very plant I should be eating!

Was nice having coffee in the sun.. and also knew I couldn't do the rest of the stuff I needed to do.. I am so not better yet, that's not true really, I do feel a bit better, but also not... Taking string pain killers is misleading, and taking the edge off the pain, this is day three of antibiotics.. so hopefully soon, I hope, I will actually feel better.. when I got home and unloaded I wanted to walk into town, went down the street, then realised I didn't have a mask on me and went back, and thought maybe I shouldn't be rushing about today.

So now I have rested, eaten, blah blah and going to get out again now, if I can get past the bags of chucking away stuff by the door! Mmm I could put some of that in the car now to dump tomorrow! Sounds like a plan!

M.

So I've been taking probiotics.. tried to give them their chance... Today no.. pain is just too much in my stomach! 

Is my stomach flora so bad? I guess it must be, walking about feels better than just sitting.. but it still hurts very badly.

I can't remember when I started this blog I think it was maybe three days ago and things have got a lot worse, now I'm talking into my phone rather than typing this so apologies for any weird words, yesterday the pain got so bad and some other odd things that I knew were not right at all and that's all I'm going to say, and so I did what we all do is I googled it and decided I would have to go to urgency. In the morning I had driven up to urgency and turned around and come back home but at 2:00 yesterday afternoon I drove up there and actually walked in.

I saw the doctor in urgency and he gave me a letter to take to the hospital the Guadalhorce hospital, I phoned a friend, and thankfully she took me there and I went in, signed in and they gave me a wrist bracelet etc, I saw the nurse quickly then I saw the doctor quickly, then I had blood etc tests taken, I was put on a drip for 20 minutes and I had an x-ray.

Results came back it's a chronic kidney infection, and somehow the infection now is affecting and causing pain down in my lower abdomen my lower back up my back and down my legs!

It's causing all sorts of issues one would never expect from a kidney infection..

He said and prescribed me antibiotics different ones, because I only stopped taking antibiotics 3 days ago for my kidney infection so now I have another 7 days of even stronger antibiotics, and paracetamol to take twice a day for the pain.

I don't feel better yet, feel exhausted.. and to be honest I do not understand how this kidney infection is causing these problems all around my insides.

Maybe this quote I also put on my blog 3 days ago is now not very well timed as the last thing I would want to do is go down the water chute!

M.

You can't be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it.

You have to go down the chute.

Tina Fey - Actress comedian writer producer.

 

 

Got to be this song today.. I'm working on another book, and my phone flashed this up to prompt me to watch.. Love Adele's voice, wonderful song, lyrics.. video.. 

Adele Go Easy On Me..

Back to book! 

And book done! Started it years ago! Life got in the way, for such a very short story.. literally, a short story!! Maybe just a novella if it's long enough to classed as such!

But after completing the last book for the other author it fired me up to finishing this tiny book of mine.. so rsn through it.. fingers crossed okay.. formatted and published in paperback and Kindle! 

And soon off to work! 

M.

If you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

Erica Jong - Novelist-Satirist-Poet

~~~

This is very true; I've taken risks in my life, many I suppose.. 

Moving countries being the biggest, twice! Although the first time I was, apparently kicking and screaming all the way over the US over the ocean.. stopover in Greenland.. guess the plane needed to refuel?? 

And landing into London city airport!

I'm still kicking and screaming! 

Still taking risks? 

Most days probably not, life passes by and the risks become less?

But they shouldn't.. we should risk and live and this keeps us here and now, keeps us feeling alive.. Doesn't have to be mad crazy risks.. but a little more than just getting out of bed and having tea instead of coffee.. or taking a different route to the store or work.

Life is a risk, we survive it in different ways on different days.

M.

I haven't walked here since before 2012.. 

Down at Cabopino.. happy sad melancholy..

Somewhere I've visited since 1989.. with the boys and mom firstly..

It's changed so much, but I've not included photographs of the big bars.. preferring the look here so like it was.. 

There were no big chiringuitos on the beach 32 years ago.. small bars next to the boats.. no sunbeds on the beaches.. just people, and not many of those either.. 

Selfish I guess wanting things to still be the same, be what they were.. 

Especially because for people who come now.. this is what they will fall in love with.. 

Is this how it is with people, I'd not thought of it before writing this.. 

When we meet friends to be.. They are who we fall in friendship with isn't it.. how they are now.. All their history, their lives their loves... 

We're none of us who we once were.. we're changed by love by losses.. by life.. 

M.

Video of Cabopino..

Had to load to YouTube.. too big a file for here... 

 

Still reading the book on trauma.. It's actually called Overcoming Trauma by Allison Smiley.. 

"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere." Agnes Repplier

I wish I were the type of person who can let traumas pass them by, let the thing happen and not be moved by it.. 

To be able to say, hey, oh well.. that's life.. move on and get over it.. 

I wish I didn't feel every bump in my path, every word or look or broken piece of me.

My mind jumps from one thing I need to do to the next, unable to settle and focus on the one thing, I feel my mind moving onto the other stuff that needs to be done, or even maybe it doesn't.

Right now I have two things to do, one for someone else, important, of course; and one for me which could change the quality of my life. Yet still procrastinating! My middle name!

It's a holiday today here in Spain, Hispanic Day, or National Day, commemorating Christopher Columbus's arrival in the Americas.. 

Yes he did so on behalf of Queen Isobel and King Ferdinand of Spain.. but let us not forget he was Italian! I say sotto voce..

And now, to others things if I can.. maybe some TV time first...

This is when I miss the Pippster.. 

M.

Beautiful day.. a very pleasant 27°.. 5pm in the afternoon...

I'm in the bar next to the garage we bought our car.. it's being serviced.. I had a full medical yesterday.. with work. And my every two year mammogram is next Friday! 

All this stuff has to be done I guess doesn't it, I know, just wish it could happen without me worrying about it somehow..

I'm reading a book about trauma did I tell you? It's very good, most of us have been effected by traumatic situations, some of us take them harder than others? Or when added up make more of an impact on our lives.. I continually get flashbacks, some thing or some vision comes back to me like a punch to my stomach, and I can hardly breathe, I need to get this fixed. I can't imagine these things happening for the rest of my life? 

And as I sit here, a human meal for the common fly, I have to remind myself how very lucky I am, here, my family, my friends.. yet still I sigh and contemplate a different life.

My coffee..

And the translation..

I like it.. Sadly.

M.

 

Dark looming view of Gibraltar from Puerto Banús.. the sun was shining and a wind brewing, a little rain later but just a sprinkling.. only enough to dirty the cars, again.. Sunday.

Beautiful days now, reminded to watch the sunset... Forget all too often the amazing sun sets from the terrace.. and as the song says.. below, in its way.. One shouldn't waste time, days, years.. single moments lost forever, we never get any of them back, ever.

John Mellancamp & Bruce Springsteen.. Wasted Days.. Great piece of music and important lesson..  Well worth a listen to.. 

M.

Here I am in Puerto Banús, I am sorry, I know I am sure people like to visit here.. But after thirty three years of visiting it, it really doesn't get any better.. maybe in the old days you saw real people who might have been worth people watching.. now it really is the flotsam and jetsam.. All wanting to be seen and really who would want to see them.

It's hard for a people watcher like me not to look, but then they see you looking and I think damnit! Only noticed because you have unusual dress or trousers etc.. or too much Botox and I thought you looked over worked.

The beautiful cars have gone, the slow paseo of the rich and genuinely beautiful people are long gone.. 

Granada yesterday..

A beautiful city, but didn't visit the Alhambra or see any great and beautiful old palaces.. Did what friend had to do and that took about four hours.. 

Slept too long .. and that never benefits me.

Oh dear I am sorry Puerto Banús.. please get your old self back.. deepest apologies.

M.