Okay... I have had a bereavement chat with a lady down at Cudeca... they don't have meetings for English speakers down there and I do not have sufficient Spanish to join therefore!
So I just talked, and talked... and well talked! Explained just about most of everything I am feeling, and although she said I am basically having normal thoughts and feelings, that maybe I should make an appointment with my doctor for medication!?! Not a route I want to take.
So, its normal!!?? It's normal to feel I've lost my whole world, it's normal to feel this complete and utter devastation... This feeling of nothing, blackness, emptiness... No meaning to life... Is normal!
Hey, I'm normal, no-one calls ME normal!!
And I have decided, apart from this and that as it happens or I just do my normal rambling, I am going to try to just post just stuff... try not to get myself or others feeling bad...
Before I do begin to not upset further... I am so sorry to say with a sad and heavier heart... that Francos mom has passed away... the only small light I see is when Pietrina 'arrived'... there her husband, and two of her boys! And she would have given them a right ear bashing as to why they were there ahead of her! I wish Franco was here, that he could have been with his family at this time...
And now... Stuff, just stuff....
And now... Stuff, just stuff....
A friend came to stay for a few days!
This big beetle above, totally freaked me out last week, our visitor camera in hand at all times, got a fantastic shot of him!
But to tell the tale as it was, we were sitting in Ronda, having a cold drink and I could feel something tickle my back, I moved a bit in case it was just my hair, then still feeling something there I knocked this thing off me with a click onto the ground! Small scream at this point, then relief it was off me and on the ground! But he kept on trying to fly and knocking into chairs or parasols... and just couldn't take off! I told my friend it was going to come back to me, that it was wanting to get back on me!! A few barmen had check it out, just so they knew it wasn't a roach really I guess!
Anyway, he did make it back to me! I knew it! He buzzed up to my head, I didn't know if he was in my hair or what! I flung off my sunglasses and felt something still on my temple, not my sunglasses! and putting my hand back to my face there he was on my face!!!! I just knocked him off me... he fell with another clicky noise onto the ground again! At which point a couple of guys killed him!!! One tried with his foot, another with a chair leg, I couldn't look! He hadn't hurt me! But apparently I had screamed really badly that second time, lots of waiters appearing out onto the street, thinking someone had been attacked maybe!!
Poor thing... oh and by the by his Latin name is Calcophora Mariana!
At a bar in town, Pil Pil... and stuffed peppers! A glass of wine!
The Pompidou centre in Málaga, cool white balloons!
By the old bridge in Ronda.
The great Teba fortress! A bit disappointing, but only for me, my friend said as she had never been there before it was amazing! Of course because we had been there before, Franco Tony and I, it had been open on all floors including the roof where we ventured up and out, I took photographs of course! and the lower floors had holes in them, it was dangerous, it was risky, it was exciting! Now there is a guide, well, someone taking money and telling a bit about the fortress...
There is glass in the what was empty windows! Glass is okay, I mean it stops people falling out! But come on! At least clean the glass please! All the windows could be opened and cleaned inside safely, just a small lock on the inside on each one, so would be quick and easy to do each day... not open every day, so we were lucky to go the day we did! There is also a balcony, which would have at least enabled good dust free photos... but it was also locked!
There was a celler that had been cleaned up and had information on the walls, as did the next floor, where we entered, and the floor above, and one above that! Lots of pictures on the walls of medieval men and maps etc... Trouble was it was just commercialised to me now... But as I say, my friend loved it!
Tomorrow I am off to the states, to stay with my aunt in Queens, NY... Can't wait, and Franco was with me last time we went, three years almost exactly, the day I return, is the date that we arrived last time, also with Barry, and we scattered my moms ashes...
I'm all packed, ready to go! I decided this evening to defrost and leave empty the freezer, maybe not a great move so late in the day, could have done yesterday, or the day before!!! Would have been better and not so rushed as I slipped about on the marble tile with my rubber flip-flops! Still the doorway stopped me from falling a couple of times, and I can do the splits now!
Last night the feria started here in town, friends asked me to pop down to see the festivities, although they came long after I had got home! And as I sat there at Bar Cruz I remembered last opening evening, Franco and I sitting at a bar opposite with friends, eating and having a coffee... and Franco wasn't well... and on the Saturday, we met with friends again and walked about a bit, but Franco was very tired... and now I am sad and going to shut this lap top up...
I'll be posting photos and bits from NY next time amigos... thank you all for hanging on in here with me, sometimes I don't feel like I am going to make it on my own, but then I remember I'm not alone...
 |
| Jewel Beetle |
But to tell the tale as it was, we were sitting in Ronda, having a cold drink and I could feel something tickle my back, I moved a bit in case it was just my hair, then still feeling something there I knocked this thing off me with a click onto the ground! Small scream at this point, then relief it was off me and on the ground! But he kept on trying to fly and knocking into chairs or parasols... and just couldn't take off! I told my friend it was going to come back to me, that it was wanting to get back on me!! A few barmen had check it out, just so they knew it wasn't a roach really I guess!
Anyway, he did make it back to me! I knew it! He buzzed up to my head, I didn't know if he was in my hair or what! I flung off my sunglasses and felt something still on my temple, not my sunglasses! and putting my hand back to my face there he was on my face!!!! I just knocked him off me... he fell with another clicky noise onto the ground again! At which point a couple of guys killed him!!! One tried with his foot, another with a chair leg, I couldn't look! He hadn't hurt me! But apparently I had screamed really badly that second time, lots of waiters appearing out onto the street, thinking someone had been attacked maybe!!
Poor thing... oh and by the by his Latin name is Calcophora Mariana!
At a bar in town, Pil Pil... and stuffed peppers! A glass of wine!
The Pompidou centre in Málaga, cool white balloons!
By the old bridge in Ronda.
The great Teba fortress! A bit disappointing, but only for me, my friend said as she had never been there before it was amazing! Of course because we had been there before, Franco Tony and I, it had been open on all floors including the roof where we ventured up and out, I took photographs of course! and the lower floors had holes in them, it was dangerous, it was risky, it was exciting! Now there is a guide, well, someone taking money and telling a bit about the fortress...
There is glass in the what was empty windows! Glass is okay, I mean it stops people falling out! But come on! At least clean the glass please! All the windows could be opened and cleaned inside safely, just a small lock on the inside on each one, so would be quick and easy to do each day... not open every day, so we were lucky to go the day we did! There is also a balcony, which would have at least enabled good dust free photos... but it was also locked!
There was a celler that had been cleaned up and had information on the walls, as did the next floor, where we entered, and the floor above, and one above that! Lots of pictures on the walls of medieval men and maps etc... Trouble was it was just commercialised to me now... But as I say, my friend loved it!
Tomorrow I am off to the states, to stay with my aunt in Queens, NY... Can't wait, and Franco was with me last time we went, three years almost exactly, the day I return, is the date that we arrived last time, also with Barry, and we scattered my moms ashes...
I'm all packed, ready to go! I decided this evening to defrost and leave empty the freezer, maybe not a great move so late in the day, could have done yesterday, or the day before!!! Would have been better and not so rushed as I slipped about on the marble tile with my rubber flip-flops! Still the doorway stopped me from falling a couple of times, and I can do the splits now!
Last night the feria started here in town, friends asked me to pop down to see the festivities, although they came long after I had got home! And as I sat there at Bar Cruz I remembered last opening evening, Franco and I sitting at a bar opposite with friends, eating and having a coffee... and Franco wasn't well... and on the Saturday, we met with friends again and walked about a bit, but Franco was very tired... and now I am sad and going to shut this lap top up...
I'll be posting photos and bits from NY next time amigos... thank you all for hanging on in here with me, sometimes I don't feel like I am going to make it on my own, but then I remember I'm not alone...
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