Three days of work ✓ Five days to go, these are 08:45-18:15 days.. 

Not sure how I managed live-in care now, although of course I wasn't on my feet for 8.5 hours... Or with this kidney stone pain! That's the crux of it!

I couldn't do this permanently, that's for sure..

And that's it for today's writing so early, or I'll never send the bit of poem that's been sitting here in draft for a couple of days 

Just a bit of a random poem to close with, and only the last verse as it's the only verse I like!

Stopping by Woods on a snowy evening

by Robert Frost

The woods are lovely, dark and deep

But I have promises to keep,   

And miles to go before I sleep,   

And miles to go before I sleep.

M.

It was funny today at work, I sliced a thin layer of skin off my finger, so had to put on a small plaster and it was a very small plaster on my right index finger..  which became very prohibitive it was like it did not want to play with the other fingers on my hand, it felt shunned from the crowd, and refused to work as a team member anymore! I couldn't get money out of the till draw properly and carrying items proved ineffective! 

Plaster is now removed. And now, finger is acting like nothing happened at all...

Might be tricky to see what my mind sees here..  just down from centre almost.. 

Stairway.. To Heaven perhaps! Led Zeppelin 

M.

CT scan today! Woop woop! Had to drink this 1½ litres of Berium beforehand and then an intravenous injection during.. which had all sorts of weird effects on me!! 

It was down in Fuengirola in the area where the first appartment was I nearly bought, nearly twenty years ago(!), it's a nice little bario down there, a nice atmosphere.. I just really like it there.. 

Unfortunately the CD burner was working, but for me no! So it's going straight to doc and I can't examine it first! 

Sods law eh! 

Last night in a dream I was in deep water.. literally.. standing or maybe floating in deep water.. clear water.. and I didn't panic inwas Happy there.. enjoying the weirdness of it all.. Not at all worrying about no oxygen! 

Then I was out of the water standing near it.. and jumped back in, and again, enjoyed the strange feeling of being in the deep clear water.. 

Yes I've definitely looked up the meaning of that dream! As the obvious 'in too deep' was what came to mind...

But there were other things...

And TBH I was just happy in the dream.. in the water.. 

M.

So strange I half woke up and had an amazing thought, or idea? Something I thought quite world changing, if maybe only my own.. then fell back to sleep.. 

And now awake, again and it's gone.. like a whisper or snow flake.. Just plain gone.

I was only napping, siesta in this heat and not sleeping well.. 

I know I was awake when I had the most brilliant thought/idea.. and I half thought to wake up properly and write it down.. but still so tired I got comfy again and lost it.. the thought.. on a warm breeze.. 

It could have changed lives! 

Hey ho! Here's to my next world changing nap moment!

And today nine hours at work, no napping, no miraculous ideas! 

M.

In the doctors surgery this morning.. organising a CT Scan.. think this guy waited way too long!

Friday evening went to the feria is Marbella.. was way.. WAY!! Toooo busy, music entertainment food .. every few steps something different in all those categories! 

Way too much for me! 

But found a lovely restaurant and ate lamb chops, the best I may have eaten in Spain for many many years..they were fat and juicy.. big chips and fresh crisp veggies!

A restaurant called Medium Rare .. bloody wonderful!

The fires burning near Pujerra, Ronda direction.. could see the smoke for kilometres around, the water planes back and forth to the coast, and coming home to land back in Malaga later each evening..

And Plaza Alta near my house, the jacaranda trees shedding their purples blossoms.. 

Saturday went to Bar Los Tony's Chiringuito down at Elveria and followed up with drinks at Cabopino Port.. 

Sunday lunch in Malaga..

The hottest June since I have been here..

Twenty years this year..

How can that even be possible? 20 years? Viente años?

Twenty years ago I left Mercedes-Benz, twenty years ago I did a short stint for Subaru before leaving the UK.. 

Yes, we had three years in Wales during this time, but our home and hearts we left here..

I might mention this twenty years anniversary again of course, or I wouldn't be me!

M.

And remember, every forever is right now! This moment, and the next.. these are our forever moments mis amigos.. 

All we really ever have is now

 

Great day at work today, eight hours, legs and feet tingling from being on them for so long.. 

After dinner back out and at Puerta Banus..

At Dama de la Noche.. which sounds a bit bordello??? Lady of the night... 

The restaurante es Bellini .. like the cocktail..

Only my choice of cocktail is the mojito!

So good to be back to work, back where I was.. absolutely fantastic! 

M.

Update from yesterday... 

I have a job! Back in the store I was in before!

Now for change in positivity..

Now time to get my mindset back on track..

Now.. if I can just get it into my head I might be able to drag myself out of this quagmire of .. of whatever it is, wherever it is that my head is..

 M.

 "Be yourself, don't try to be who you are not"

Is this harder than it seems.. when we lose ourselves and cannot find our way back?

I struggled five years to find who I was again, seem to still be struggling, sometimes think more so now than ever.. 

Or worse, is this me now.

In Malaga yesterday early evening onwards, just finding everything difficult in my head, was a lovely evening, but what with with damn pain and worrying about no work it's just brought down to a bad place I can't reach up from..

All these sunsets photographs from Monday evening, so many because after seventeen years of seeing subsets from this terrace, never one like this, ever..

So back to last evening, lots of people begging, as always, as neverending.. 

This young man walks up, skinny way too skinny, back curved by nature? Sickness? His spine was bent not him leaning forward.. 

A placard in his hands, his name Moses and that he needed food.. 

I know I'm not in the happiest of moods but this young man broke my heart.. maybe late 30's early 40's I could see the pain in his eyes.. 

And I couldn't give him anything, I would have, I would have given him my last penny.. 

I was literally in tears.. 

In town Monday evening we were having a cool early evening drink and I gave a local girl, who always comes around, 60c, she walked away staring at what I had given her.. then turned around and came back asking me for more! Unbelievable! 

When my neighbor and I walked past her to go home, she chased us for a moment asking for more again! 

Meanwhile the sun shines, summer came early and now it's June.. 

Not sure how the time goes so fast when it feels like it's standing still.

M.

'Some grief's can never be put right'