Oooops, not sure whats happened to these photos!!  This is the day we, Kate, Tony and I, went to Aberdulais Falls, above some of the mining works

Here the three of us had been Maypole dancing!Yes, just the three of us, Kate and I went in one direction and Tony in the other, he did the dipping and jumping bit, Kate and I just the running round bit!  Was such fun!!  And after we had wound round the maypole and made a pretty design around it! We had to unwind it, we got some funny looks from the restaurant girls, but what the hey!!

Took above and below in 3D, must be why they have more clarity...

Beautiful day, and once again wonderful weather for holidays! Short or long stay!  I think people say it rains in Wales to keep the tourists out!  Couldn't have had better weather over the last couple of months, and yes we have some rain now, but its not cold, and dare I say it? "the garden needs it!" lol

I am settling in well to my new job, last week was a shadowing week, and today I was on my own for the first time, all went well, good job too!!  I have full hours this week, I really feel I have my found my new niche, everyone is lovely and making my progression an easy one....

TTFN amiga
Marian

Started a new job today!  Had an early shift this morning, 8-12 noon, only four hours, but when I got in I felt suddenly so exhausted!  Ate a huge lunch, as had had breakfast about 6am, then fell asleep, luckily managed to lay down first, don't know how I kept my eyes open to get to bed!

Got up when the alarm woke me up half hour ago, 3pm, and have a couple of hours of R&R before I go for a 5-8pm shift, these are the hours I have tomorrow, the latter that is, and will find out my rota, get given it for the following two weeks...

My new role is something completely different to anything I have ever done before, interesting and challenging, Support Worker, told you it was something new to me didn't I!

I am still living my passion, my books!  I finished e/formatting a book last week for one author, and started an edit the other day for another!  Nearly finished, only ten pages to go and then notes to write up and send it back for finalizing!

Then.... an updated book for Peter Maddocks, one of his children's books, at present a read only story, but soon to be full of color and a great enjoyment to children, with its beautiful illustrations throughout!


Lone star up yonder shining bright, shining alone in the early light
Earthman's Airplane passes by
Red lights flashing high in the sky  
Is it close to you up there?  
Do the people from their windows stare?    
What do you think of the world down here?
Is that why you are blinking, to hide a tear?
No gems on earth with you compare.     
As I gaze up and wonder,  
Who put you there ?.   
Poem by....        Terence West.

TTFN
Marian

Above in the forest at Craig-y-nos, the fence grown into the tree,  no, reverse that, the tree gone into the fence of course!  Could just delete and change, but if I was speaking that is what I said!!

This is the Castle/Hotel there, the one I aforementioned is haunted!

A passing cloud on this beautiful day....

Above and below were taken at the top of the mountain we were on, where the information centre is....

The weather we have been having these last couple of months has been amazing, all over the rest of the UK it sounds like wind and rain and more rain.... but here?  Been lovely! We had a drop of rain yesterday?  Or the day before? A shower I think it was, a hard shower... but then that was it!  Yesterday a bit cloudy and windy, but the wind soon blew the clouds away, I am guessing its the position here, so near to the coast, five minute drive maximum, and the mountains behind us, its been warm, nothing like Spain of course, but then it wouldn't be, we still laugh at the temperatures given on the news weather, over the years when they say "and it will be warmer here in the UK than in many European holiday destinations" !!!! NO!!! In summer the Malaga temperature is taken in the airport or something, definitely in the shade!  And in Spain the heats builds up, the further into the day you go, the hotter it gets!  Until even in darkness the heat just comes back up at you from the ground...

Anyway!! Off my soap box.... Feel I have lots to say but my mind is tired and my hands all typed out, feeling in a strange mood!

TTFN
Marian

More photos from friends, family.....  visit from the other week,  above a great shot I took of a huge amount of water pouring forth from this little tree!!

Or maybe not..... below! Taken with HD does it look a better photo?  Not really sure!

Below is the underside of the plane that flew above our heads when we were in the Brecon Beacons, strange how all you see it heat!  Any ideas why!!!
 

And finally below back at Craig-y-nos.... the following week when Franco and I went already evey thing much greener! We walked the same path as previously to begin, then where we had turned back last week, we courageously [!] carried on along it...  coming eventually to a narrow road, then it was down there, turn right and right again and finally, were walking back along the main road that took us back into the main entrance of the park!!!  Was the long way, and I seriously thought at one time I wouldn't make it!

We passed by the castle at Craig-y-nos, its haunted it says, peering into a downstairs bedroom by road side, I could quite believe it!  You can stay on the haunted floor, or otherwise and visit the haunted area, dinner and breakfast thrown in for an appropriate fee of course!

While we were on the Brecon Beacons, at the visitor centre, and after picnicking, walking up to the skyline, before finding it was no quite the skyline!  I got a call inviting me for a job interview!  I had an interview a couple of weeks previously, and although being able to fulfil everything on the request they also needed a Welsh speaker and that is something I couldn't do!

So two days after the call I went for the interview, intensive and well over an hour, asked to be seated out back in reception and on being called back was told "the job is yours!"  Brilliant!  Although having been working self-employed since September, it will be good to be out and working, my new job title is Support Worker... On Tuesday I attended a manual handling course, and tomorrow is epilepsy...  I will begin by shadowing, to observe only before I begin.  I am really looking forward to being part of a team who make such a difference to peoples lives, its nothing like anything I have done before, but very excited to make this huge change!

Yesterday I opened my dolls box suitcase, not looked inside since last opening back in Spain, strangely all my much loved, much used dolls and baby cuddly toys looked very sad... more sad than before even! There was even a couple of things I thought I had lost in the move!  But some of the dolls have changed, maybe opening in our little house in Spain it was darker, or without the lights on or persiana fully open I don't know, but the dolls eyes have discolored badly, turned white, like they have all suddenly got glaucoma! Some of the white I managed to just wipe away, but some wouldn't come off at all, they look bedraggled, lost and lonely... I actually wanted to find some small dolls clothes, for Blythe, I did find some, a jump suit on my Tressy! A pair of red leggings and brown shorts on Patch and a random blue sixties dress!  These dried on a radiator... not on.... by the way!  I refilled my toy box, gently placing doll upon doll, cuddly toy upon cuddly toy, the oldest from my first birthday.... some of them are empty now, their innards dissipated!  This would be the third use of this word!!! LOL Must admit hadn't realised 'dissipated' was used like this?  And so much for editing I hear you say....!  I am thinking though, that having used this word, a lot, that no one else knows its true worth either?

So, back to dolls clothes!!! Looking very small and out of proportion here! LOL!!!

This morning I woke with a bit of a headache, was so tired yesterday, that I had too much sleep last night!  So before it could get a hold I decided to make some cookies, have had a tab open here for about three or four weeks!  So I made the wine cookies at last!  I think next time [aha I hear you!], no, they are more than edible, but the mix needed to be less sticky, so I can roll them and shape them, this was more like a mud mix!!  Still they smelt wonderful cooking, wonderful to taste, so there we are then!

Also today, tax return completed! Perfec[t]!

TTFN amigos
Marian

Above taken in Brecon, a pretty chocolate box scene... Having a fabulous break with friends visiting for their holidays... first time I have had a moment to post, got some on fb, should be starting with last weekend, but today is Thursday and here we are...

Just liked this tree, so here it is, not long after seeing this tree and the surrounding views we came off the road quickly to try to take photos of a Hercules flying overhead, it was massive, it was low down and flying directly over the road, scared the heck out of us I can tell you!!! The photos didn't come out at all well, two came out looking like a UFO was passing by, will post that another day!!

Here are the three of us on a bridge and waving at y'all.... lol, that's a river we are over, not that you can see the water very much, we had just seen a pretty little bird, a Pied Wagtail, a couple of twitchers were bird spotting and told us it was by this bridge, nesting, and we found him.... he has only been here a little while on a stop over from Africa I think!

When we came across the twitchers they were stalking a Goldcrest so we stopped and watched him too!

This picture above is the creepiest one I took today.... see the face? whoa.... strange eh!!!

More photos tomorrow amigos!

TTFN
Marian

Borrowed piece from an author I know.... if read by said person please let me know and I will add your name, I know I have it somewhere, but this is too good to not share....

The door between life and death swings both ways, often until we have regained perfection and explore the universe. You never know when you will meet someone who holds the once lost Cultra of a loved one. It happens everyday. These human vessels are not what holds the essence of us. It is the Cultra that resides within the human body that holds are true selves. Fear not the death of your body for your body holds within the Cultra that is made up of a portion of He and She who cannot die but lives forever and ever. Amen

TTFN
Marian
 

Two pieces of my step Dads furniture above!

I seem to be moving backwards today than forwards!  Haven't started on work, spoken with friends and done the washing, hanging out now with the beautiful blue above, the sun high in the sky and a breeze making everything flap away to dry off!

Did I mention I am in the top 50 of the Authors Date Base.... AUTHORSdB.com I probably did, and this is the second week!  Brilliant stuff!  Great to be honoured by your peers and to be appreciated like this... thank you!

I am about to start work on a new book for Peter Maddocks, and hoping friend who I am helping out, will get her book live next week on kindle & in paperback too!

I went out last night!!! shock horror!!!! A friends birthday today, and just us girls went to town last evening, a local club, drinks and dancing, and more dancing.... not sure how, but I feel great today!  Couldn't hardly walk by the end of the evening, and now, already, I am looking forward to going again!

Out again tonight, not for long, same group of girls but with family too this time!  Won't be late....

We are having the best weather, more blue skies and sunshine, been a few months now, it feels anyhows, a few cloudy days here and there, but really not bad... it is cold though, yesterday morning in town the wind was bitter, everyone was hunkered down and people were complaining and moaning in the streets about it, and other matters!!  I was in a great mood though and strode out head high, and actually apart from the cold on my face felt quite toasty in my coat!

Franco is getting in good training for his sponsors bike ride for Amazon in a couple of weeks, he is cycling to and from work, which is good, although nowhere near the distance he will have to go on the day!  When he is off next week he will have to try the route maybe and I will pick him up from there.... 

TTFN
Marian

petrol station!!!

Some pics today from a trip to Aberavon beach this afternoon.... beautiful day, caught the suns rays nicely above.... men were far out picking lug worms!!!??? Don't ask, either you know or I don't!!!

Franco rode his bike to work last Saturday, so Pip and I were here at the beach at 7:30am!!!  She thought Franco was sat in the car outside the house when he left... so wouldn't go back to sleep!!  I gave up, got up, did all the usual stuff and off we went!

Later on in the day, taking advantage of the car, I drove to Swansea and the Wyevale garden centre, had a lovely walk around, sunny day, checked out all the beautiful plants, bought some herbs.... rosemary, thyme and sage.... still have to plant them out, got some pots yesterday and some mud!!!  They have so many wonderful things there, must go back for all the rest!

Sunday.... had a migraine!  All day, did get up and have breakfast, but deteriorated over the day, and eventually felt better about 10pm!!! So that was GREAT!

The end of the promenade, looking up-towards the Ferry's beach!  Nice having a personal beach, lots of people, as I have said before, who live here, didn't know of its existance!!

Doctors appointment yesterday, just BP check, and told to come back in for a recheck on a blood test from the other month!!  Had a giggle going in, a gentleman held the door open for me.... I turned and said 'thank you'.... re replied, 'no problem baby-doll'!!!  Baby-doll, that might be the last time I am called that I guess, so I am not arguing about it!!! Bless him!!!

He wasn't there today by the way.... and instead of a giggle I was at the gas station on my way back from the doctors, the fuel tank was empty, again?  Who knows where that diesel goes???  So, fuelled up, went in.... card wouldn't work???  Worked fine yesterday, checked with the cash point outside, that wouldn't work either... the man at the till said it was the fourth card that morning that hadn't worked, and all the same bank!!!  Got home checked my account which was fine by the way.... and on the way to the beach popped in and paid the man!!!  Had to fill out a form in there... terrible!!! But it looked like I was doing a stock check on their wine supplies from where I stood, mortifying?... well actually, didn't really phase me, I guess if I actually hadn't got any money in my account then I would have been!

I've been working on a book for a friend too, which has been great, really gets my mind active, only trouble is I get so focused on it, time flies by; her book is massive, nearly 400 pages, and well over 80 thousand words, I haven't worked on such a big book, no editing, so I get to read first and last lines as I go along, I am wondering if that's how my mom was such a speedly reader!!... I keep pushing Peter for his next book... he won't get the authors cut if he doesn't sort it out!  Maybe I can make a start on it and put out half the book....???

Today, after our walk, stopped and had a café latté of course, Pippa had time to take in the smells, lots of people, lots of dogs, still no snow here.... was a flurry or two yesterday, not sure where it came from, a few clouds today, but nothing yesterday!

Finally me... in a facebook page pose!!  With Pip, of course!

TTFN

Marian

Added a small video here..... on the right, child of the 70's.... will leave it there a while, or move it down a ways later on, great short movie.... I remember I remember.....

TTFN
Marian

Forgotten Victims

How can one sit and weep
For a life now gone, passed by
How can one cope, with pain
If tears that once fell, are now dry
How can one look in the mirror
And not see the child I hide
How can one cope, with living
While the torment still grows inside
How can one look at the children
And not see me in them
How can I stop them becoming
Another forgotten victim
I bare these wounds of yesterday
They bleed deep in my mind
Their scars will be here tomorrow
Not for others to see, they are blind
The crime is now dead and long buried
My childhood, consumed, and now gone
The guilty roam free, unrepentant
No remorse, for what they'd done wrong
And I cannot live, or stay living
And a river of tears, I still cry
Just one more forgotten victim
I'll remain, til the day that i die.

Written by LJBush

Another work from Lorraine... she has one book out so far The Double Edged Sword ... another two in the pipeline...

Today we have been busy, hit all the Swansea retail parks, I was in a shopping frenzy, amazing how much money you can spend with your mind without even opening your wallet!!  Can't get over the amount of people always buying in these stores, and not always with their [in]flexible friends!  Lots of notes flying about! 

When we came back to the car, a note was on the windscreen and straight away I knew someone had hit the car... they had, knocked off the wing mirror, well door mirror, you know what I mean!! So great, phone number on the piece of paper, "sorry blah blah blah"... well good thing the mirror popped back where it should  have been with a bit of extra help from a screw driver.... because the phone number was a dud!  Not sure what sort of idiot thought went through the persons mind, should have just left nothing if the number wasn't going to work, maybe they just did it for effect, of others passing by to see.... and say... "ah, that's good, they have left their number...." hahahahaha!!  Well, what goes around comes around?  I noticed their forethought too with the slip of paper they used, it was a receipt but they removed they're card details etc, not sure how I could have traced them with it, but who knows.....

Been a glorious day here today, blue skies, sunshine, still burning now, but low, slowing setting over Swansea!  Was beautiful yesterday too, washing dried on the line etc, open doors and windows...

Now, hold onto your hats[!] well maybe eh!  I visited a hairdressers!!!! The second one in a matter of days!!! OMG!!!  I am going to get my hair colored properly... its all sorts of colors at the moment, I haven't used the same color, or brand for months, my hair grows so fast it needs doing every 3 or 4 weeks max!  So, I thought, get it done by a professional, especially as it has got into such a mess with colors!  Today they put three different color tests behind my ears to test for reaction... and are calling me back to see what happened to the samples I left behind!!! Yes, she cut my hair... of course you can see exactly where she took it from.... not, but I can still feel its loss..... I am not getting it cut, I shudder at the thought of those scissors coming anywhere near me.... its bad enough going into a hairdressers, no one has ever seen hair like mine!!!!  I think I should go to Italy and have my hair looked after, over there?  What do you think!!!

TTFN

Marian

I Win
Run away, nowhere to hide
Captured by my fear inside
Eats me up, both day and night
Fills my head, with childish fright
Turn my back on how I feel
Can't tell fantasy from real
Focus hard, on this cold brick wall
couldn't take another fall.
Dare not give, or ever take
Live a life that's almost fake
I never let them in my head
Although they may get in my bed
Reveal nothing, I don't need
Cast the ever doubting seed
Play their mind games, they can't win
Keep my answers safe within
so you all get bored, and fly away
And I'd have won for one more day

Written by LJBush

[Thank you for letting me publish this Lorraine.]

Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to all you gals out there....

False happiness in that cheery sentence up there, my mom gave me a small book September 2007, I know it was then by the date mom wrote inside, as she always did when she gave a book...

I wanted to find a poem to write in here today from it, as I have in the past, but this morning in the above page... there was a 3 leaf clover?  "Thank you for the chance to rediscover the world" by Pamela Dugdale

I know I didn't put it there... it also reminds me of the St Patrick's Day three leaved shamrock - so me being me, I am taking it as my mom saying 'hello' today, especially on Mothers Day, [St Patrick's Day being the day of mom's service, and a special day of hers and my dads].

Quiet day here today, Baz was coming down to visit but came down instead with the awful virus I have had, I made him extra happy telling him I am into my sixth week of coughing now!  What was worse really was he lost his train fare... and I got a lovely card from Tony with a cup cake on the front that looked so good I could almost eat the card itself!!!

..... Phone just rung.... it was Tony, who I was just writing about!  Spooky eh....

Well, that's it, going to phone some other mom's now.... try and stay sane, and do some pottering!

Here's another poem from my book, from my mom....

Walk gently my daughter

Through life's joys, songs and triumphs.

For my love will be there in your heart.

Walk gently my daughter

Through life's sorrows, pains and woes...

Walk gently my daughter

Through all life's great mysteries.

For my love will be there in your heart.

Linda Macfarlane 

TTFN
Marian

Mom “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” ― Thomas Campbell

I can't get on with my work today until I have written some of my heart out...

Three years ago today my mom passed on, I can't believe it,  three years, I still thank god for all of you here and your constant friendship, words of kindness, words of compassion....

Mom would say, how is everyone who reads your Blog, or who said what on Twitter! 

I just said to my son that I wish I could go back to today, three years ago, just to have one more day; I suppose that sounds sad, bad, wrong, I should be saying, one more day when she was well of course, but I want that day, first days and last days, she was with me on my first day, of course!!! and I was with her on her last, never enough words spoken, never enough love given, we can always feel we could have given more, we can, only when we're alive of course.... I just want to go back to up there.... when mom and I were in New York, or walking around town would be just as good, her pointing out a dress or clothing of some sort, which was something so not me!  Or me telling her "no pleats mom please!" for her!!!  I guess the perfect day would be the one beneath!  My first birthday, but that's just silly, nothing would, or could change, and down the line, I would be saying the same thing again, because life is like that...

I want to pick up the phone and hear her voice, I want her to phone me at odd hours of the day or night for a crossword answer.... or for either of us to say what's on TV, or coming on TV.... yes its all about me isn't it.... The last day she could speak she said she couldn't go, because I still needed her.... she was right....

I Am Not Gone
    I am not gone
          While you cry with me
    I am not gone
         While you smile with me
    I am not gone
         While you remember with me

    I will come
        When you call my name
    I will come
        When I feel your pain
    I will come
        On your final day

    It could never be
        That we
              Would never be

    We shall always
         Be together
             Forever

    I am not gone
    Michael Ashby

TTFN
Marian

Okay, now going to difficult to back track, my cold from whenever came back, as the flu, yes the real flu, not that 'man' flu thingy!

I know I went for a walk with my friend, we had a coffee in the bar right at the far end of town.... or was it the day we got chips from Franco's at Aberavon?  Not sure, that's still foggy, either way, I felt as if my cough was coming back... it was Tuesday, from last week!  On the Monday evening my bp dropped stupidly, so low with my heart rate down to only 40 beats a minute, sounds low! Its normally 48.... but that extra bit made me feel really wobbly and woosey and I couldn't talk straight for five minutes I was so light headed!

Wednesday went out during the day to get groceries etc, went into a favorite shop of mine in Fforestfach and I couldn't walk any further, had no interest, and was just so tired out and exhausted, and that night the flu came..... Whhhooooooo, it came in the night and took my mind! A high fever and crazy dreams and hallucinations!  Wednesday I slept on and off all day, totally out of it, Thursday I was awake more, but so dizzy, and that has been the same since really!

Saturday morning I was coughing so much it hurt across my chest and back, stabbing tight pains, I called the doctor, but it was either too late, or just closed, called NHSD, and spoke with someone, who spoke with someone else, then a nurse, who put me through to a paramedic, who sent another paramedic out to me!!!!  He arrived in 3 minutes, swiftly followed five minutes later by an ambulance!!!

There was me, pj's, fluffy dressing gown, no make up, pale and listless!  What a mess, from now on I am going to be like a Dallas girl, made up, dressed up, and ready for the cameras!!!  Anyway, I digress!  After some tests he wanted to send me off to hospital, so he took me, the nearest one was already full at A&E, so he took me to the next nearest, some half hour away down the M4....

I couldn't get hold of Franco, at work, no contact number.... luckily I had been able to actually get dressed, but that was it, I arrived about 12:30ish, and was released at about 4:30, I had chest xray, and bloods taken, given some strong meds for a lung infection, but nothing worse thank goodness, I felt like I was wasting all they're time, but apparently when you have heart probs you have to be careful of pneumonia and the medic thought I sounded pluristic! My friend came and picked me up, thank goodness, and got back about 6:20 I think....

Even up to this morning my head is still dizzy and woozy, but Pippa had a trip to the vets this morning, and I went out for the first time, since the jaunt on Saturday!  Took Pip out for a walk, as I hadn't given her any food and her water was gone she was running around whining for food and wondering what was going on!  So off we went bright and early, just after 7:30am!!! Ugh!  Franco picked us up about ten past eight, and off to vets on the other side of town.... we left her there for some dental treatment and picked her up about 3pm, she is now like me, dizzy and woozy!

Without her in the house earlier, it was very strange, so empty... I can't imagine her not being there at all, eight years of coming home to her welcoming barking and jumping and expecting the tickle on her tummy, and scratch behind her ears....

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

Alone by Edgar Allan Poe

Source: Alone by Edgar Allan Poe, Famous Sad Poems http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/famous/poem/alone-by-edgar-allan-poe#ixzz2M7axpgpS
www.FamilyFriendPoems.com

TTFN
Marian

Went through a plethora  of photos.... these are not the first I uploaded by any means, then had to do a tonne of deleting, gone from Sea World in Benalmadina, to the mountains surrounding the Guadalhorce valley, the Grand Union canal in Berkhamsted, to the snowy mountains overlooking Coín.... but here in the end are a couple of beautiful sunsets from our roof terrace back in Spain!

Yesterday I had another headache, I need to get out more!  And did!  Walked to town to meet up with a friend and we walked back to her house, had a chat and a couple of biscuits, then off to Aberavon beach via the car wash!  We had chips from the famous Franco's fish & chip bar right on the beach, well almost!

Then back, slept for a few hours and felt a bit better, not sure why the headache, my normally high bp dropped dramatically for ten minutes the day before, and I had trouble putting my words together with hardly any blood flow! hahahaha!!!  Almost okay now!!!

Today, back to work.... hate it when I get behind, I know I'm not really, but like to be more ahead if you know what I mean, I don't seem to be making any sense today!

Lovely day again today, washing dried on the line, light when I got up, and still light at 6pm!  Spring is on its way! 

The only day this week when the weather has been bad was the day we went to Cardiff actually! It rained, it poured and the wind blew and howled!  Nightmare weather!  the train journeys were okay, but I do wish people would take down their tickets when they use the booking system, some people must just get off, and to all intents and purposes it looks like the seat it still booked, and you have to go through them, read them, and then sit.... or not!! Apart from of course, if the people didn't even use the booked seat!!! [like I did on a return journey getting an earlier train!!!] Ummm, oh well, you get my jist!

In Cardiff we went to the National Museum...

Wish this had been the weather on Wednesday!!!  Beautiful building eh!  And huge, I only managed some of the art galleries, and I think a map would have been a good idea, so many separate rooms, leading one into another, you could easily get lost, definitely a guide next time, and it won't be too long either, spectacular art, a huge amount thanks to the Davies sisters...

Had lunch in a Mexican restaurant in St Davids shopping centre, not that Franco was too impressed with his, but I had the Mexican paella, and it was great!  The options weren't great as it was late and there were queues in nearly all the other restaurants!

For some reason, although I have been there a few times I kept losing my way!!!  Went into one shop and came out onto the street by a different door and my bearings were gone, completely!  I am normally so good with directions and knowing where I am, it was strange, not helped by the fact though... that on seeing the castle Franco said, "that's not the right way!" So we turned around, then passing everything we had already seen a few times, still not going the right way!!  Ended up asking a stranger, who led us like children back into the centre and pointed the way to where the restaurants!!!

And afterwards, with my bearings back in place, I knew exactly where we were, and where we had been earlier, and the mistakes made!!!  Must have been the wind and rain, and battering by umbrellas held too low and threatening to poke my eye out!

Okay, washing up to do!

TTFN
Marian

Wow, just had an email telling me I have won 2 million pounds!  I just won't know what to do with it!  Oh woops, sent it into my spam box, heck, well there you go!!!

Snow all over the place in the UK it seems, not here, yet, I've said this so many times today I am sure to bring it here tomorrow, when Cardiff is my choice of destination for the day!  The National Museum draws me there.... never visited that one before, so here's to it!

I am still practising my dress making skills...

A fluffy sweater and a wraparound denim skirt, not looking very good yet, I keep making clothes that are either too big or too small, although sadly, I must admit, I have made more clothes for Blythe than I ever made for my boys!!!  And her poor little bare feet, in winter too! 

At this time, like the last couple of years, I have been re-reading my Blog, from when my mom, when my mom.... well, the last few months of my mom... Now, I don't want to bring everyone down, so do not visit my diary here from that time, I just really wanted to read from now, but remember when I looked that from the date mom moved into the care home, February 9th, I didn't write again until the 22nd, then after her passing, as you know the Blog runs from earlier in the month up towards the most recent, so, reader beware!  Why have I even put this here? Who knows...  Its just the first day on this page on March 2010

I am back there now, this month and next... I checked out my moms google map page, like I did every day for nearly a year afterwards too, thank goodness I got out of that!

I got another email also this morning, from the British Museum in London, where mom and I went on our trip to London and Her Majesty's Theatre,  for The Phantom of the Opera! The opener from the museum was "Hello Muriel"... we had booked a special visit and I used mom's name to do so...

I must admit too, I am a little bit concerned with the Pope stepping down, first time this has happened in over 600 years!  I know I am not a practising Catholic, one could say, but when we were there and visited a church, I know I have mentioned this before, there were circles around the walls near the ceiling, the circles were filled with Pope's heads, names with dates of birth and death beneath.... when we were there there were I think 3 empty circles, and the guide told us, that when the last circle was filled the world would end???  Well this means, that whoever becomes the next Pope, will fill the final circle!!!

And finally, for today that is!  On a TV program here in the UK on Sunday evening, I thought as I watched, that looks like the corridor in my old school, Ashlyns, in Berkhamsted.... then later in the show, they drove up the driveway.... of my old school, my sons went there too!

Call the Midwife

Couldn't believe it! Check it out if you can view it, apologies for the childbirth bits, but it is called 'Call the Midwife'!!!

A Brief Matter

Life is
Short
But death
Takes
A heartbeat

Michael Ashby

TTFN
Marian

Random purloined photo above.... a beautiful rainbow caught in the clouds during a plane flight I am guessing...

I think the reason I am working the wrong way up today is because I feel like I am having a migraine without the pain, again, did I write this the other day?  One of my symptoms of migraine, deja-vu! And my head hurts when I cough, in my left temple... I can't type without typo's by the million, and I just feel out of sync, my head is a bit swimmy, my heart beating too fast, and strange pains!!! And shaky hands!!! Blooming heck... change the subject before I faint live on my Blog....

Okay, I am a hoarder, there are a couple of things, groups of things, I just don't know what to do about, firstly my record collection, vinyl's, hundreds of singles 45's, and what are the bigger ones 33 ⅓?  Is that right?  I have 2 boxes full of those... I took them to Spain with me, and have brought them back, I haven't had a record player since.... er.... 1998!  That's fifteen years of carrying them with me, moved house five times and countries twice! I can't sell them before you suggest it, they smell damp from being stored in the cave, back in Spain, they are still looking okay... but that's about it!  I don't think there are any rare valuable items there, my Dark Side of the Moon album has seen better days, and the poster seems to have gone, although the huge amount of blue tack that used to hold it on the walls with a load of sticky tape, had long since ruined the corners before it finally disappeared altogether, if only I had known it would be valuable one day all intact!  There is one single someone once offered me £40 for... can't remember which one, must check it out, although I do know the cover has gone now!!

I managed to get rid of my tapes a few years ago, yes yes I know, why keep them!  But these records are my life's theme tune - from the first one, Don McLean's American Pie, and Vincent the second record I bought... think it was about 1985 I started buying cd's over vinyl... Anyway mis amigos!  Keep or throw?? I have seen some strange things made with old vinyls, wine racks, cake stands, my brain says "dump" my heart says "keep" my my whatever says "make something out of them!"???? 

Then the other stupid thing I have are a collection of magazines, 'The Story of Pop', from the 70's, I think I might have the full collection!!!! Along with the papery magazine that came out I think twice a month, that had the words for the records in the British music charts, and a few reviews etc, I have about a 100... a lot of those too!  This would be okay to sell, but they have been kept in so many various places, from sheds to the cave they are mostly in an awful condition, even some mice have had a go at them!!

Do I just throw these away?  Sell the good ones?? Seems they're not totally forgotten, having just googled them, and some of the History of Rock are on ebay!  Maybe I should check it out, throw away the real bad ones, and sell the good ones, nothing to lose, and space to gain!

Okay now I have caught up with where I started from[?] and feeling a bit off kilter so posting this now!


I am writing this backwards, well sort of, started with the poem at the end, and the TTFN, then working my way up the page!  Bit like when I read a magazine, I sometimes have the habit of starting at the back and working my way to the front cover!!

Doctors this morning!  bp taken, my blood is still rushing through my veins...!  It started off really high, and came down to just high, bit concerned as she had me talking while the second two bp readings were being taken, and I believe that can make a difference to the reading, she said of the last lowest reading, well that's the one we will note on the record!!  So, I am confused! As normal!  Don't know how long I have to wait for the blood test results from Tuesday...

The night is darkening round me,
The wild winds coldly blow;
But a tyrant spell has bound me,
And I cannot, cannot go.

The giant trees are bending
Their bare boughs weighed with snow;
The storm is fast descending,
And yet I cannot go. 

Clouds beyond clouds above me,
Wastes beyond wastes below ;
But nothing drear can move me :
I will not, cannot go.

Emily Bronte

TTFN
Marian

Florence, time to go back there....

Sunday afternoon went out for a great long walk with my crazy friend, well, I guess we're both crazy, so walking along laughing till we cry, looking and crossing roads in one full swoop, we went to cross one street, saw there was a car with VIP, in, so waited, not wishing to do wrong... a guy crossed without waiting, so we did too, laughing all the way, quite expected to get a warning for mis use of a crossing... but no! I guess we knew we did wrong... ;-)

I had had a headache coming on all morning, so the walk did me good, although later on the headache came back, and on Monday it came back much much worse, Sunday and Monday both, I felt like I was having a migraine without an actual migraine, spinning head, vision blurred, dyslexic writing, and overall, weirdness!!!

But to other matters..... hold on, this will be a rough ride amigos! WARNING!!!!

Last night I had no sleep... Well it seemed that way most of the night!  Franco had been in bed all day with his cold, and lots of hot lemon medicine drinks, you know the ones!!  So he got up about 9pm, and after Mrs B's Boys I went up! Pippa came with me to keep my feet warm!  A cup of tea, my kindle fire, music on, while playing games... and I did so for the next two hours!  The wind was howling, rattling the mail box and hurtling things down the street[?].

And I thought, just after midnight....'well better get to sleep, early alarm for early hospital visit'... so kindle off, on charge, mobile phone on charge.... could I sleep??? No way Jose!

First there was the light from the kindle charger... it is a small green light on the charger itself, but it made a bright white light on the ceiling, a light that filled the whole ceiling in that corner of the room, big, 6 foot from edge to edge at least... it had what looked like circles in its interior going in what looked like a vortex!  Therefore, for me, tired, and all gamed out, it looked like the tunnel of bright white light those near death experience people talk off, 3D, and seemed to be turning, what an imagination I have, [I hear ya!].  Luckily I couldn't see anyone at the end of the tunnel waving at me, or telling me to go back!  And yes, yes, I did look!!!  I even in my tiredness started making shadow puppets on the ceiling, massive birds, dogs and the funny looking gnarled man face thing I can do with my hands!!

Then... there was that blooming mail box still flapping, it sounded like there was a visitor knocking who didn't really want to come in... just knock and run, but too late for kids, so I guess it was ghouls???

And the walk in the garden with Pippa before all this started, up we went with the torch, the battery only just giving off  the light of an old yellowed candle... Pip and I went up the stairs from the back yard, through the gate with the broken bolt, [note to self, must fix it today!], made it up the dodgy flag stones, up the next flight of stairs to the top patio, now level almost, with the apex of the roof of the house, so steep the garden... and up there the wind was at its best! The dark sky, skittish clouds revealing beautiful bright stars in the blackness beyond... hint of moon light... and noises!  The forest AKA jungle, full of creaking, the palm tree making disturbing creepy palm tree noises! Pippa was just fixated... she was up on her hind legs and staring into the forest, ears primed, eyes wide, I strained to see what she thought might be there!!! A fox? a squirrel? a monster!!! I said "come on Pip - in" and she was past me and down the two flights of stairs!  I had to hold onto the washing line, so I wouldn't fall over [again], at the top of stairs I paused, just long enough for my imagination to almost land  a Stephen King type characters' icy cold hand on my shoulder, or to whisper in my ear! Pippa must have been proper frit, because she was actually clawing at the back door to get in!

At about 2am I decided if I didn't go to the loo, that cup of tea!!! I would never sleep, so I had to run the gauntlet, down the stairs, past that rattling front door... [who was there???], and the back door.... ARH!  But once back in bed, I felt so much better, especially as I also unplugged the kindle, no tunnel of light to fall into by mistake! And even the mail box gave up the ghost!

I changed the alarm on my phone, the old one just doesn't make me want to get up anymore, if that can make sense, up by 7am and out of the house by 8am... down to the hospital, there were already about a dozen people ahead of me, before the phlebotomist's started business! So not out until nearly 9am... then at last I could eat and drink, it being what 'they' call a fasting blood test and I  call a starvation blood test!

TTFN
Marian

Okay, totally weird.... just had two calls, first one I didn't get to in time, the next one I answered... a girl, said she had lost her phone in the house, so called it, like we all do, and it was answered as she hung up!!!  So she called it again and I answered it... as it was my phone that was ringing.... she read her phone number back to me, and it was my number too!!!???? Same supplier.... this is weird isn't it, anyway the call was lost and I tried to call it, my number back, to see if 'she' answered it, I got a busy signal, of course and a missed all afterwards!!  She said she had had this number for a couple months, I on the other hand must have had it for 7 or 8 years.... Weirder and weirder...



Vets.... there is a 12 hour break between the word 'Vets' and now... a most awful 12 hours!  Took Pippa to the vets for 5pm appointment, she needed her parvo shot and a check on a gum problem I noticed earlier, [yesterday], she had her shot, we discussed the over night stay she will need to fix her teeth, my poor baby had lost a tooth, has another wobbly one, and her gums need a good sorting out, she always had such good clean pink gums, they seem to have deteriorated in a matter of months... anyway... Came home, and Pippa slept, and slept, and slept... Then about 9pm ish, she started running about crazy like, up and down the stairs, digging in her bed, trying to get under the throws, scratching, then back up stairs and making a ruckus up there, this went on for a while, she sometimes has crazy moments, so to start just thought she was having a loony moment... then about 9:30pm she ran back towards me, I looked at her and almost screamed!  Her whole head had almost doubled in size, the fur sticking out all over, her whole face was out of proportion and she looked like a whole different animal, it was awful, her eyes were like slits, and she was so distressed, I got straight onto the vets over-night line, a vet called me back and after a discussion we got ready and took her straight to the vets, it was nearly 10pm now.... he gave her a steroid shot into a vein, and an anti histamine pill, straight to the back of her throat! My poor baby, it was awful, I was so scared for her, when we got back she was still very very distressed, couldn't rest and kept running and digging about, some huge red circles appeared on her belly, the only place she has no hair, so could easily be seen of course, she slept eventually, and I kept checking on her all through the night, I was so scared she could worsen over night...

This morning she is better, her face and neck are still slightly swollen, but her eyes are looking much better,  and I threw another anti histamine down her throat... she has eaten, of course, and done all the usual dog things!  And at this very moment it tapping her foot against the kitchen cupboard where her biscuits are kept.... she is definitely feeling better!

TTFN
Marian

Happy Birthday Mom

Happy Birthday to my Mom today.... she may be out of sight, but never out of mind, like a priest once said at another funeral, "when a ship sails away, out of sight, it is only out of sight by us, and on another land, sails into view, and we know the ship still sails...."

Mom and I in Rome, what a great vacation... two weeks of flying around Italy in a coach with a bunch of strangers who became friends, mom won a bread Frascati lady with three breasts, one for white wine, one for red, and one for... milk!

1928 was a leap year....

New York 1928 and the Brooklyn Bridge...

Mom was born in a bad storm, and similarly in March when she passed away the storm came again and took her...

Missing Mom

By Claudia Lee

I awake each morning to start a new day
But the pain of losing you never goes away.
I go about the things I have to do
And as the hours pass I think again of you.
I want to call you and just hear your voice
Then I remember that I have no choice
For you are not there and now my heart cries
Just to see you again to tell you goodbye
To say Mom I love you and I always will
And hope that much of you, in me you’ve instilled.
The day that you left I just didn’t know
That you were going where I couldn’t go.
And now all my memories of you are so dear
But gosh, how I miss you and wish you were here.
Who now can hear me when I need to cry?
It so hard to tell you “Mom goodbye.”
Someday I know all will be well
And I’ll see you again with stories to tell
Of how you were missed and how we have grown
And how good it is to finally be home.
Until then my memories of you I’ll keep near
And I’ll pass them on to those who are dear.
I miss you Mom...