Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to all you gals out there....

False happiness in that cheery sentence up there, my mom gave me a small book September 2007, I know it was then by the date mom wrote inside, as she always did when she gave a book...

I wanted to find a poem to write in here today from it, as I have in the past, but this morning in the above page... there was a 3 leaf clover?  "Thank you for the chance to rediscover the world" by Pamela Dugdale

I know I didn't put it there... it also reminds me of the St Patrick's Day three leaved shamrock - so me being me, I am taking it as my mom saying 'hello' today, especially on Mothers Day, [St Patrick's Day being the day of mom's service, and a special day of hers and my dads].

Quiet day here today, Baz was coming down to visit but came down instead with the awful virus I have had, I made him extra happy telling him I am into my sixth week of coughing now!  What was worse really was he lost his train fare... and I got a lovely card from Tony with a cup cake on the front that looked so good I could almost eat the card itself!!!

..... Phone just rung.... it was Tony, who I was just writing about!  Spooky eh....

Well, that's it, going to phone some other mom's now.... try and stay sane, and do some pottering!

Here's another poem from my book, from my mom....

Walk gently my daughter

Through life's joys, songs and triumphs.

For my love will be there in your heart.

Walk gently my daughter

Through life's sorrows, pains and woes...

Walk gently my daughter

Through all life's great mysteries.

For my love will be there in your heart.

Linda Macfarlane 

TTFN
Marian

Mom “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” ― Thomas Campbell

I can't get on with my work today until I have written some of my heart out...

Three years ago today my mom passed on, I can't believe it,  three years, I still thank god for all of you here and your constant friendship, words of kindness, words of compassion....

Mom would say, how is everyone who reads your Blog, or who said what on Twitter! 

I just said to my son that I wish I could go back to today, three years ago, just to have one more day; I suppose that sounds sad, bad, wrong, I should be saying, one more day when she was well of course, but I want that day, first days and last days, she was with me on my first day, of course!!! and I was with her on her last, never enough words spoken, never enough love given, we can always feel we could have given more, we can, only when we're alive of course.... I just want to go back to up there.... when mom and I were in New York, or walking around town would be just as good, her pointing out a dress or clothing of some sort, which was something so not me!  Or me telling her "no pleats mom please!" for her!!!  I guess the perfect day would be the one beneath!  My first birthday, but that's just silly, nothing would, or could change, and down the line, I would be saying the same thing again, because life is like that...

I want to pick up the phone and hear her voice, I want her to phone me at odd hours of the day or night for a crossword answer.... or for either of us to say what's on TV, or coming on TV.... yes its all about me isn't it.... The last day she could speak she said she couldn't go, because I still needed her.... she was right....

I Am Not Gone
    I am not gone
          While you cry with me
    I am not gone
         While you smile with me
    I am not gone
         While you remember with me

    I will come
        When you call my name
    I will come
        When I feel your pain
    I will come
        On your final day

    It could never be
        That we
              Would never be

    We shall always
         Be together
             Forever

    I am not gone
    Michael Ashby

TTFN
Marian

Okay, now going to difficult to back track, my cold from whenever came back, as the flu, yes the real flu, not that 'man' flu thingy!

I know I went for a walk with my friend, we had a coffee in the bar right at the far end of town.... or was it the day we got chips from Franco's at Aberavon?  Not sure, that's still foggy, either way, I felt as if my cough was coming back... it was Tuesday, from last week!  On the Monday evening my bp dropped stupidly, so low with my heart rate down to only 40 beats a minute, sounds low! Its normally 48.... but that extra bit made me feel really wobbly and woosey and I couldn't talk straight for five minutes I was so light headed!

Wednesday went out during the day to get groceries etc, went into a favorite shop of mine in Fforestfach and I couldn't walk any further, had no interest, and was just so tired out and exhausted, and that night the flu came..... Whhhooooooo, it came in the night and took my mind! A high fever and crazy dreams and hallucinations!  Wednesday I slept on and off all day, totally out of it, Thursday I was awake more, but so dizzy, and that has been the same since really!

Saturday morning I was coughing so much it hurt across my chest and back, stabbing tight pains, I called the doctor, but it was either too late, or just closed, called NHSD, and spoke with someone, who spoke with someone else, then a nurse, who put me through to a paramedic, who sent another paramedic out to me!!!!  He arrived in 3 minutes, swiftly followed five minutes later by an ambulance!!!

There was me, pj's, fluffy dressing gown, no make up, pale and listless!  What a mess, from now on I am going to be like a Dallas girl, made up, dressed up, and ready for the cameras!!!  Anyway, I digress!  After some tests he wanted to send me off to hospital, so he took me, the nearest one was already full at A&E, so he took me to the next nearest, some half hour away down the M4....

I couldn't get hold of Franco, at work, no contact number.... luckily I had been able to actually get dressed, but that was it, I arrived about 12:30ish, and was released at about 4:30, I had chest xray, and bloods taken, given some strong meds for a lung infection, but nothing worse thank goodness, I felt like I was wasting all they're time, but apparently when you have heart probs you have to be careful of pneumonia and the medic thought I sounded pluristic! My friend came and picked me up, thank goodness, and got back about 6:20 I think....

Even up to this morning my head is still dizzy and woozy, but Pippa had a trip to the vets this morning, and I went out for the first time, since the jaunt on Saturday!  Took Pip out for a walk, as I hadn't given her any food and her water was gone she was running around whining for food and wondering what was going on!  So off we went bright and early, just after 7:30am!!! Ugh!  Franco picked us up about ten past eight, and off to vets on the other side of town.... we left her there for some dental treatment and picked her up about 3pm, she is now like me, dizzy and woozy!

Without her in the house earlier, it was very strange, so empty... I can't imagine her not being there at all, eight years of coming home to her welcoming barking and jumping and expecting the tickle on her tummy, and scratch behind her ears....

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

Alone by Edgar Allan Poe

Source: Alone by Edgar Allan Poe, Famous Sad Poems http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/famous/poem/alone-by-edgar-allan-poe#ixzz2M7axpgpS
www.FamilyFriendPoems.com

TTFN
Marian

Went through a plethora  of photos.... these are not the first I uploaded by any means, then had to do a tonne of deleting, gone from Sea World in Benalmadina, to the mountains surrounding the Guadalhorce valley, the Grand Union canal in Berkhamsted, to the snowy mountains overlooking Coín.... but here in the end are a couple of beautiful sunsets from our roof terrace back in Spain!

Yesterday I had another headache, I need to get out more!  And did!  Walked to town to meet up with a friend and we walked back to her house, had a chat and a couple of biscuits, then off to Aberavon beach via the car wash!  We had chips from the famous Franco's fish & chip bar right on the beach, well almost!

Then back, slept for a few hours and felt a bit better, not sure why the headache, my normally high bp dropped dramatically for ten minutes the day before, and I had trouble putting my words together with hardly any blood flow! hahahaha!!!  Almost okay now!!!

Today, back to work.... hate it when I get behind, I know I'm not really, but like to be more ahead if you know what I mean, I don't seem to be making any sense today!

Lovely day again today, washing dried on the line, light when I got up, and still light at 6pm!  Spring is on its way! 

The only day this week when the weather has been bad was the day we went to Cardiff actually! It rained, it poured and the wind blew and howled!  Nightmare weather!  the train journeys were okay, but I do wish people would take down their tickets when they use the booking system, some people must just get off, and to all intents and purposes it looks like the seat it still booked, and you have to go through them, read them, and then sit.... or not!! Apart from of course, if the people didn't even use the booked seat!!! [like I did on a return journey getting an earlier train!!!] Ummm, oh well, you get my jist!

In Cardiff we went to the National Museum...

Wish this had been the weather on Wednesday!!!  Beautiful building eh!  And huge, I only managed some of the art galleries, and I think a map would have been a good idea, so many separate rooms, leading one into another, you could easily get lost, definitely a guide next time, and it won't be too long either, spectacular art, a huge amount thanks to the Davies sisters...

Had lunch in a Mexican restaurant in St Davids shopping centre, not that Franco was too impressed with his, but I had the Mexican paella, and it was great!  The options weren't great as it was late and there were queues in nearly all the other restaurants!

For some reason, although I have been there a few times I kept losing my way!!!  Went into one shop and came out onto the street by a different door and my bearings were gone, completely!  I am normally so good with directions and knowing where I am, it was strange, not helped by the fact though... that on seeing the castle Franco said, "that's not the right way!" So we turned around, then passing everything we had already seen a few times, still not going the right way!!  Ended up asking a stranger, who led us like children back into the centre and pointed the way to where the restaurants!!!

And afterwards, with my bearings back in place, I knew exactly where we were, and where we had been earlier, and the mistakes made!!!  Must have been the wind and rain, and battering by umbrellas held too low and threatening to poke my eye out!

Okay, washing up to do!

TTFN
Marian

Wow, just had an email telling me I have won 2 million pounds!  I just won't know what to do with it!  Oh woops, sent it into my spam box, heck, well there you go!!!

Snow all over the place in the UK it seems, not here, yet, I've said this so many times today I am sure to bring it here tomorrow, when Cardiff is my choice of destination for the day!  The National Museum draws me there.... never visited that one before, so here's to it!

I am still practising my dress making skills...

A fluffy sweater and a wraparound denim skirt, not looking very good yet, I keep making clothes that are either too big or too small, although sadly, I must admit, I have made more clothes for Blythe than I ever made for my boys!!!  And her poor little bare feet, in winter too! 

At this time, like the last couple of years, I have been re-reading my Blog, from when my mom, when my mom.... well, the last few months of my mom... Now, I don't want to bring everyone down, so do not visit my diary here from that time, I just really wanted to read from now, but remember when I looked that from the date mom moved into the care home, February 9th, I didn't write again until the 22nd, then after her passing, as you know the Blog runs from earlier in the month up towards the most recent, so, reader beware!  Why have I even put this here? Who knows...  Its just the first day on this page on March 2010

I am back there now, this month and next... I checked out my moms google map page, like I did every day for nearly a year afterwards too, thank goodness I got out of that!

I got another email also this morning, from the British Museum in London, where mom and I went on our trip to London and Her Majesty's Theatre,  for The Phantom of the Opera! The opener from the museum was "Hello Muriel"... we had booked a special visit and I used mom's name to do so...

I must admit too, I am a little bit concerned with the Pope stepping down, first time this has happened in over 600 years!  I know I am not a practising Catholic, one could say, but when we were there and visited a church, I know I have mentioned this before, there were circles around the walls near the ceiling, the circles were filled with Pope's heads, names with dates of birth and death beneath.... when we were there there were I think 3 empty circles, and the guide told us, that when the last circle was filled the world would end???  Well this means, that whoever becomes the next Pope, will fill the final circle!!!

And finally, for today that is!  On a TV program here in the UK on Sunday evening, I thought as I watched, that looks like the corridor in my old school, Ashlyns, in Berkhamsted.... then later in the show, they drove up the driveway.... of my old school, my sons went there too!

Call the Midwife

Couldn't believe it! Check it out if you can view it, apologies for the childbirth bits, but it is called 'Call the Midwife'!!!

A Brief Matter

Life is
Short
But death
Takes
A heartbeat

Michael Ashby

TTFN
Marian

Random purloined photo above.... a beautiful rainbow caught in the clouds during a plane flight I am guessing...

I think the reason I am working the wrong way up today is because I feel like I am having a migraine without the pain, again, did I write this the other day?  One of my symptoms of migraine, deja-vu! And my head hurts when I cough, in my left temple... I can't type without typo's by the million, and I just feel out of sync, my head is a bit swimmy, my heart beating too fast, and strange pains!!! And shaky hands!!! Blooming heck... change the subject before I faint live on my Blog....

Okay, I am a hoarder, there are a couple of things, groups of things, I just don't know what to do about, firstly my record collection, vinyl's, hundreds of singles 45's, and what are the bigger ones 33 ⅓?  Is that right?  I have 2 boxes full of those... I took them to Spain with me, and have brought them back, I haven't had a record player since.... er.... 1998!  That's fifteen years of carrying them with me, moved house five times and countries twice! I can't sell them before you suggest it, they smell damp from being stored in the cave, back in Spain, they are still looking okay... but that's about it!  I don't think there are any rare valuable items there, my Dark Side of the Moon album has seen better days, and the poster seems to have gone, although the huge amount of blue tack that used to hold it on the walls with a load of sticky tape, had long since ruined the corners before it finally disappeared altogether, if only I had known it would be valuable one day all intact!  There is one single someone once offered me £40 for... can't remember which one, must check it out, although I do know the cover has gone now!!

I managed to get rid of my tapes a few years ago, yes yes I know, why keep them!  But these records are my life's theme tune - from the first one, Don McLean's American Pie, and Vincent the second record I bought... think it was about 1985 I started buying cd's over vinyl... Anyway mis amigos!  Keep or throw?? I have seen some strange things made with old vinyls, wine racks, cake stands, my brain says "dump" my heart says "keep" my my whatever says "make something out of them!"???? 

Then the other stupid thing I have are a collection of magazines, 'The Story of Pop', from the 70's, I think I might have the full collection!!!! Along with the papery magazine that came out I think twice a month, that had the words for the records in the British music charts, and a few reviews etc, I have about a 100... a lot of those too!  This would be okay to sell, but they have been kept in so many various places, from sheds to the cave they are mostly in an awful condition, even some mice have had a go at them!!

Do I just throw these away?  Sell the good ones?? Seems they're not totally forgotten, having just googled them, and some of the History of Rock are on ebay!  Maybe I should check it out, throw away the real bad ones, and sell the good ones, nothing to lose, and space to gain!

Okay now I have caught up with where I started from[?] and feeling a bit off kilter so posting this now!


I am writing this backwards, well sort of, started with the poem at the end, and the TTFN, then working my way up the page!  Bit like when I read a magazine, I sometimes have the habit of starting at the back and working my way to the front cover!!

Doctors this morning!  bp taken, my blood is still rushing through my veins...!  It started off really high, and came down to just high, bit concerned as she had me talking while the second two bp readings were being taken, and I believe that can make a difference to the reading, she said of the last lowest reading, well that's the one we will note on the record!!  So, I am confused! As normal!  Don't know how long I have to wait for the blood test results from Tuesday...

The night is darkening round me,
The wild winds coldly blow;
But a tyrant spell has bound me,
And I cannot, cannot go.

The giant trees are bending
Their bare boughs weighed with snow;
The storm is fast descending,
And yet I cannot go. 

Clouds beyond clouds above me,
Wastes beyond wastes below ;
But nothing drear can move me :
I will not, cannot go.

Emily Bronte

TTFN
Marian

Florence, time to go back there....

Sunday afternoon went out for a great long walk with my crazy friend, well, I guess we're both crazy, so walking along laughing till we cry, looking and crossing roads in one full swoop, we went to cross one street, saw there was a car with VIP, in, so waited, not wishing to do wrong... a guy crossed without waiting, so we did too, laughing all the way, quite expected to get a warning for mis use of a crossing... but no! I guess we knew we did wrong... ;-)

I had had a headache coming on all morning, so the walk did me good, although later on the headache came back, and on Monday it came back much much worse, Sunday and Monday both, I felt like I was having a migraine without an actual migraine, spinning head, vision blurred, dyslexic writing, and overall, weirdness!!!

But to other matters..... hold on, this will be a rough ride amigos! WARNING!!!!

Last night I had no sleep... Well it seemed that way most of the night!  Franco had been in bed all day with his cold, and lots of hot lemon medicine drinks, you know the ones!!  So he got up about 9pm, and after Mrs B's Boys I went up! Pippa came with me to keep my feet warm!  A cup of tea, my kindle fire, music on, while playing games... and I did so for the next two hours!  The wind was howling, rattling the mail box and hurtling things down the street[?].

And I thought, just after midnight....'well better get to sleep, early alarm for early hospital visit'... so kindle off, on charge, mobile phone on charge.... could I sleep??? No way Jose!

First there was the light from the kindle charger... it is a small green light on the charger itself, but it made a bright white light on the ceiling, a light that filled the whole ceiling in that corner of the room, big, 6 foot from edge to edge at least... it had what looked like circles in its interior going in what looked like a vortex!  Therefore, for me, tired, and all gamed out, it looked like the tunnel of bright white light those near death experience people talk off, 3D, and seemed to be turning, what an imagination I have, [I hear ya!].  Luckily I couldn't see anyone at the end of the tunnel waving at me, or telling me to go back!  And yes, yes, I did look!!!  I even in my tiredness started making shadow puppets on the ceiling, massive birds, dogs and the funny looking gnarled man face thing I can do with my hands!!

Then... there was that blooming mail box still flapping, it sounded like there was a visitor knocking who didn't really want to come in... just knock and run, but too late for kids, so I guess it was ghouls???

And the walk in the garden with Pippa before all this started, up we went with the torch, the battery only just giving off  the light of an old yellowed candle... Pip and I went up the stairs from the back yard, through the gate with the broken bolt, [note to self, must fix it today!], made it up the dodgy flag stones, up the next flight of stairs to the top patio, now level almost, with the apex of the roof of the house, so steep the garden... and up there the wind was at its best! The dark sky, skittish clouds revealing beautiful bright stars in the blackness beyond... hint of moon light... and noises!  The forest AKA jungle, full of creaking, the palm tree making disturbing creepy palm tree noises! Pippa was just fixated... she was up on her hind legs and staring into the forest, ears primed, eyes wide, I strained to see what she thought might be there!!! A fox? a squirrel? a monster!!! I said "come on Pip - in" and she was past me and down the two flights of stairs!  I had to hold onto the washing line, so I wouldn't fall over [again], at the top of stairs I paused, just long enough for my imagination to almost land  a Stephen King type characters' icy cold hand on my shoulder, or to whisper in my ear! Pippa must have been proper frit, because she was actually clawing at the back door to get in!

At about 2am I decided if I didn't go to the loo, that cup of tea!!! I would never sleep, so I had to run the gauntlet, down the stairs, past that rattling front door... [who was there???], and the back door.... ARH!  But once back in bed, I felt so much better, especially as I also unplugged the kindle, no tunnel of light to fall into by mistake! And even the mail box gave up the ghost!

I changed the alarm on my phone, the old one just doesn't make me want to get up anymore, if that can make sense, up by 7am and out of the house by 8am... down to the hospital, there were already about a dozen people ahead of me, before the phlebotomist's started business! So not out until nearly 9am... then at last I could eat and drink, it being what 'they' call a fasting blood test and I  call a starvation blood test!

TTFN
Marian

Okay, totally weird.... just had two calls, first one I didn't get to in time, the next one I answered... a girl, said she had lost her phone in the house, so called it, like we all do, and it was answered as she hung up!!!  So she called it again and I answered it... as it was my phone that was ringing.... she read her phone number back to me, and it was my number too!!!???? Same supplier.... this is weird isn't it, anyway the call was lost and I tried to call it, my number back, to see if 'she' answered it, I got a busy signal, of course and a missed all afterwards!!  She said she had had this number for a couple months, I on the other hand must have had it for 7 or 8 years.... Weirder and weirder...



Vets.... there is a 12 hour break between the word 'Vets' and now... a most awful 12 hours!  Took Pippa to the vets for 5pm appointment, she needed her parvo shot and a check on a gum problem I noticed earlier, [yesterday], she had her shot, we discussed the over night stay she will need to fix her teeth, my poor baby had lost a tooth, has another wobbly one, and her gums need a good sorting out, she always had such good clean pink gums, they seem to have deteriorated in a matter of months... anyway... Came home, and Pippa slept, and slept, and slept... Then about 9pm ish, she started running about crazy like, up and down the stairs, digging in her bed, trying to get under the throws, scratching, then back up stairs and making a ruckus up there, this went on for a while, she sometimes has crazy moments, so to start just thought she was having a loony moment... then about 9:30pm she ran back towards me, I looked at her and almost screamed!  Her whole head had almost doubled in size, the fur sticking out all over, her whole face was out of proportion and she looked like a whole different animal, it was awful, her eyes were like slits, and she was so distressed, I got straight onto the vets over-night line, a vet called me back and after a discussion we got ready and took her straight to the vets, it was nearly 10pm now.... he gave her a steroid shot into a vein, and an anti histamine pill, straight to the back of her throat! My poor baby, it was awful, I was so scared for her, when we got back she was still very very distressed, couldn't rest and kept running and digging about, some huge red circles appeared on her belly, the only place she has no hair, so could easily be seen of course, she slept eventually, and I kept checking on her all through the night, I was so scared she could worsen over night...

This morning she is better, her face and neck are still slightly swollen, but her eyes are looking much better,  and I threw another anti histamine down her throat... she has eaten, of course, and done all the usual dog things!  And at this very moment it tapping her foot against the kitchen cupboard where her biscuits are kept.... she is definitely feeling better!

TTFN
Marian

Happy Birthday Mom

Happy Birthday to my Mom today.... she may be out of sight, but never out of mind, like a priest once said at another funeral, "when a ship sails away, out of sight, it is only out of sight by us, and on another land, sails into view, and we know the ship still sails...."

Mom and I in Rome, what a great vacation... two weeks of flying around Italy in a coach with a bunch of strangers who became friends, mom won a bread Frascati lady with three breasts, one for white wine, one for red, and one for... milk!

1928 was a leap year....

New York 1928 and the Brooklyn Bridge...

Mom was born in a bad storm, and similarly in March when she passed away the storm came again and took her...

Missing Mom

By Claudia Lee

I awake each morning to start a new day
But the pain of losing you never goes away.
I go about the things I have to do
And as the hours pass I think again of you.
I want to call you and just hear your voice
Then I remember that I have no choice
For you are not there and now my heart cries
Just to see you again to tell you goodbye
To say Mom I love you and I always will
And hope that much of you, in me you’ve instilled.
The day that you left I just didn’t know
That you were going where I couldn’t go.
And now all my memories of you are so dear
But gosh, how I miss you and wish you were here.
Who now can hear me when I need to cry?
It so hard to tell you “Mom goodbye.”
Someday I know all will be well
And I’ll see you again with stories to tell
Of how you were missed and how we have grown
And how good it is to finally be home.
Until then my memories of you I’ll keep near
And I’ll pass them on to those who are dear.
I miss you Mom...

I am still coughing well, should go to doctors tomorrow for my bp check, see how the weather is first me thinks, slept a bit better... Yesterday evening I suddenly felt about 10% better in one hit, not sure if adrenaline can do that!!! I got up off the sofa and got my foot caught in the computer cable, lap top was off, but I always [did] leave the cable out, under but behind my feet, well, I was getting up, and reaching for a pack of printer paper as I went, so you can guess, I fell, big time, I really fell, completely fell!  I hit the coffee table, with my back, hit the floor with the rest, predominately I hit and hurt my left knee, left hip and left elbow as I hit the fireplace with it! somehow I didn't smash my head on the fire, so you could call it a lucky fall! 

Anyway it was a shock, it hurt like hell and I cried, and Pippa came to lick my face clean, I couldn't get up on my own, so had to be pulled up, can't believe it, what a plonker eh!  So I am not allowed to have the cable under my feet any more and it is now, as I write behind me on the sofa!  A little bruising, but taking its time, and I find my bones must be harder than I have been worrying about, so going skiing later, or should that be bob-sleighing!

We heard about Cardiff last night, all snowed in, and most of the area of Wales where we live, but us?  Not a sign of it!  I got up a few times overnight to check out the window, but the street outside remained calm, snow and frost free!  The second time our local friendly fox was passing by trotting [do they trott!] up our street, with a jaunty look on his face!

Our car amazingly had a sprinkling of snow on its roof when we went out about 9am'ish, but that was it!  In Swansea this morning everyone was speaking about the snow in the surrounding villages, people couldn't get into the city centre.... and then we got back, and half an hour later, look at it!

We went from none, to a road that has turned into a bob-sleigh run! And downhill is where most of the vehicles are ending up!!! Blooming heck 2nd gear!!!! Do I have to spell it out!!! SECOND GEAR!!!!

The garden, is so pretty!!! Pippa loves it, she has been out about a dozen times since it started!!

The neighbourly fox was walking up the street as we drove in, and about an hour ago, a walker on the path suddenly froze as 'he' came out of a neighbours driveway, and over the path and made a run for it up the road!!  Shock! I am getting used to see his friendly face!

Okay now don't go crazy on me... there has been a gap of about an hour, Franco took Pippa out, harness, lead, the lot, well all bar wellington boots, on her!  They came back after a few minutes, the snow was okay, so I joined them and went for a wonderful walk, not slippery on the paths, watching cars, which on the otherhand, were all over the place, like a bunch of drunks after a good night out, and then left abandoned!  I seriously can't get over how much Pippa loves the snow, running through it, raising her nose and sniffing and barking into it!  She got out of breath and was panting through sheer joy of it!

Can't believe how much snow fell in such a short time, goes to show when I last saw it, I suppose it was three years ago really, when I was here, and saw snow nearly every day for over two months!!!  It's stopped now, but the sky still shows a promise of gifts yet to come...

Snow
Now
O'ribble
Weather

TTFN
Marian

There are things in life we know nothing of, don't worry I am not getting all deep and meaningful, just for a change, although thinking ahead the last bit will be somewhat melancholy...

I am talking about just normal stuff I suppose, you just don't think about it unless you come across it, "for instance?" I hear you say... Well Blythe has arrived, do you think she looks like me? The photo is maybe not taken in a very good light, her eyes in this pic are red! [although at the moment I think mine are too!]

Anyway, of course now I am thinking, can't leave her laying about, like a lay-about! And Pippa is already showing an interest in her, and I doubt very much she knows the difference between one of her toys and one of... No!!! stop there, Blythe is not a doll[y]!!  Anyway, I thought, well I can get a box, plastic shop front kind of thing, lid etc, used to make 'homes' like these when I was a kid, mom's groceries came delivered on a Friday, and during holidays I couldn't wait to get a hold on the box and make a room or a whole house out of it!  Anyway, as per the norm I digress, I have just googled Room displays, and all the other names I could think to call them, and what I have come up with!!!

Bare with, I will show you! Why not eh?

In fact here is the link to far too many to show... http://miniatures.about.com/od/dollhousecommunity/ig/Roomboxes-Seattle-Fall-2010/The-Hatmaker-by-Kristine-Hill.htm

How incredible is this!! and who would have known!  I know all about dolls houses, having had two already, a beautiful bungalow I designed and we had made by a guy in Covent Garden Market, that poor thing, the dolls house I mean! ended up with real lives being born inside it... field mice as it happens! And I guess is still somewhere in the UK, I hope so, I gave to a charity.

Then a few years later I bought another one, in kit form, and painted it an horrendous flamingo pink, the color of our bathroom, which also, looked horrendous by the way!

So I know about dolls houses, and I know about display stuff, but had never realised the depth and brilliance of some of them, true works of art in themselves, never mind what they're displaying!

And me? Had a sore throat the week before last, then last week a cough started, and since, has just become worse and worse, its a real chest infection type thing, I make the most attractive rasping gurgling noises directly from my lungs, without even opening my mouth!  "How very unladylike" I, once again, hear you say!  Its keeping me awake, its irritating and I just can't breath!  I have to see the doc one day this week, so if it, and I, am still here I might tell him about it!!

Now the melancholy thing... it was on Call the Midwife, from Sunday night? A young woman had a baby, [well of course, that's what the blooming program is all about, you stupid woman!] I said that!!

So, young woman gave birth, and told the midwife a few days later...

"As soon as I knew I had had a daughter, I knew I had a friend for life...."

And that made me cry then, as now... My mom must have felt like that, there she was in LA, my dad going, then gone, and it was just she and me... its my mom's birthday in two days...

And on this note, I'm off, to blow into my hankie, and not just because of my cold...

TTFN
Marian

It's ShNOW time!!!  Apparently our snowfall hasn't been that bad, compared to rest of the UK, well, its still snowing and we're in a rare Red Alert area, the only in the UK!!! A foot of snow is expected, although not holding out much hope of that!!!

The sky above the house, pretty much the color of slush, and I don't mean, raspberry flavour!

The wood [our garden jungle], looks quite pretty I think, maybe if I further in, I will find the lamp post, and see the light through the wardrobe full of fur coats, then further in the spare bedroom of an uncles house, and all the time I have spent in this world will miraculously disappear! 

Oh, well not everything of course, do we have the option for picking and choosing... has the snow got in my head, sounds like it!  Not snow blindness, snow madness.....

 Even the palm tree is covered in snow!  Its falling much much heavier now, the snow I mean, although the state of the palm tree I wouldn't be surprised if it collapsed under weight, I don't think, until I trimmed it properly in the summer, that it had ever been trimmed in its life!

View down over the valley, can't even see the mountain beyond!!

There was no snow last night, but about 4 or 5am it started and was about an inch or so by 6am!  Franco went off to work about that time, not too bad out there, about an hour later, I could hear a van trying to get up the road, I got up and peered out the window, he was right out side, and sliding about all over the place, I thought for a minute he was going to slide into our neighbours cars!  He let it go back a bit, then kept trying to make it up the hill, I went back to bed and could hear his clutch wining, I'm surprised he didn't burn it out!  I wanted to go out there and tell him to just stop, hand brake on, put it into 2nd gear, and slowly pull away up the hill... nice and steady!  I remember on a driving lesson in Hemel Hempstead, we got to the bottom of a really steep hill, and my instructor said he would get us up the hill, I wanted to do it!  So passing by all the people sliding about or just given up, I did the above and got us to the top of the road and on we went!  I had spent a long time driving with Dave! And I remember another day in the snow, again in Hemel, just before Baz was born!!! pushing a white van up a steep incline!

Wednesday we went to the Rheola market again, it was till quite, hopefully more people will come when they know its there, the Clydach market closed so you would think people would drive to this one instead, they had to drive to that anyway, so it's not too different!  It was cold, and the car park was like an ice rink, but soon they're moving to a nearby location and it will be much warmer!!!  More closed in and no windows!

TTFN
Marian
 

Love this quote above, purloined [favourite word] from Rhonda Byrne's The Secret...

I am so pleased with most book I have published, check out my book Blog site... got the book in my hot hands today, and couldn't believe how great it is, the size, the quality, the whole sherbang! If I do say so myself!

Been working away all day, busy with work, and then loads to do with books sites, promotions etc, getting a bit of a headache now, not sure if its from computer work or a forthcoming cold, hopefully not the latter, have taken pain killers, either way!

My cousin sent me a link to a short video from the travel channel in the states, showed a barbers where a gangster got shot, a barbers shop belonging to our family!!  Ooops!  I wonder sometimes how different my life would have been if I had remained in the states, and then, how different again if my mom and dad had stayed in New York rather than moving to LA where I was born... Sorry many different paths in life eh!

I feel a poem should be living here,
Which one? I fail to see...
So there will be none I fear,
Next time my friends, there shall be!
[phah, there better be, because that was c**p!]

TTFN
Marian

 

I am obsessed with finding one of these, Blythe Dolls!  How cute she is!  To put with my 50yr Birthday Barbie doll!  Yes this is me talking, or the small girl inside maybe!!!

I came across these Blythe Dolls completely randomly.... and now, the search is on!

Went to Resolven, to the Rheola market, its a car boot sale now on a Wednesday, and today was the first one, so a bit quite, but still enough to have a good look around, the meat market was there and 4 or 5 eateries!

In the afternoon I went for a walk with a friend to Aberavon beach, we parked at one end, walked along the promenade [posh], then walked all the way back to the other end of the beach on the beach side, was such a beautiful day today after the last couple of grey days...

I am going to try to walk, if not every day, then every other day, wearing my trainers and stepping out!  I saw a cardiologist today, and he says the meds I am on, I will have to take for the rest of my life, hopefully he meant, another 50 years eh! lol... he doubled the strength of one med, and took me off another one that is real strong, and had been given to me in Malaga hospital, but were not meant for long term... So back to the two again now!
Also I should be having another halter heart monitor test sometime soon.  Now I know what to do with it, I'm afraid I was unaware of the instructions last time!

Okay amigos, need a poem, and I know just the one!

I once had a sweet little doll dears,
The prettiest doll in the world,
Her cheeks were so red and so white dears,
And her hair was so charmingly curled.
But I lost my poor little doll dears
As I played on the heath one day.
I searched for over a week dears,
But I never could find where she lay.

Oh, I found my poor little doll dears
As I played in the woods one day.
Folks say she is terribly changed dears
For her paint is all washed away.
With her arms trodden off by the cows dears,
And her hair not the least bit curled,
Yet for old sakes sake she is still dears -
The prettiest doll in the world.
The Lost Doll by Charles Kingsley

TTFN
Marian
 

Rhosilli beach today, weather wasn't especially sunny, but the day was bright, and mild, first we walked down along the beach, quite a walk down, then watched the surfers at play!  Back up was harder, made worse by an incoming phone call, I was already breathing hard as it was!  I had to say 'goodbye' and speak to you later.... it was either walk up the mountain, or talk, couldn't do both, yes yes yes, unusual for me I hear you say!!

As we reached where the causeway should have been, had the tide been out, I looked around the corner and spied these sheep hanging on by their hooves! is it hooves?? Yes it is! And as Pippa saw them she went on tippy toe, to have a better look!

 

 

The rock formation here is amazing, it looks like it has been built by a giant child out of building blocks!

These sheep who look they are Baa Baa'ing our way... were actually coming up behind us, an escort of sheep!  They wouldn't come past, because of Pip, and were there because the sign on the gate saying All dogs to be kept on leads was not being adhered to, by people who think its one rule for them and one rule for the rest of us!  So everywhere they and they're jack russel and oddly, sheep dog, went, the sheep ran away from!  And I must now get off my soap box about it!!! Drives me crazy!

And on this note, I will be bid you adieu!

Old walls, secrets and moss, in moonlight bathe.
Leaves blanket the ground and whisper softly in the night breeze.
Columns of branchless trees, cut on an ancient lathe.
A Sanctuary in my mind, to return to whenever I please. 

Old Walls
by Robert Stagemyer

TTFN
Marian 

Well, here it is the most expected 2013!  Happy New Year everyone.... Glad you can't hear me saying this, still trying to get over my negativity over Christmas!

Still the sun is shining, the sky is blue, and and at last the fireworks are over, "they better be!!", started about 6pm last night, for some people they didn't seem to know it wasn't midnight yet?? Or they were celebrating New Years Eve in a different country!!  So poor ol Pip had to put up with random rockets from then until about 2am!

This isn't a very good way to start the year is it, I'm sorry folks, other things on my mind, which will be revealed in due course, or course!

So, I wish you all, good health primarily, wealth, and much much happiness in this coming year, we will ride it out together, the highs the lows, and the adventures ...


New Year’s Reflections   Looking back on the months gone by,
As a new year starts and an old one ends,
We contemplate what brought us joy,
And we think of our loved ones and our friends. Recalling all the happy times,
Remembering how they enriched our lives,
We reflect upon who really counts,
As the fresh and bright new year arrives. And when I ponder those who do,
I immediately think of you. Thanks for being one of the reasons I'll have a Happy New Year!   By Joanna Fuchs  

TTFN

Marian

A bizarre photo today, for my Blog which more than likely may well be the last in this year 2012, not as many postings as previous years, sorry for that, strange writings from what may sometimes sound like a strange person, who now puts a picture up of herself at 14yrs old and now speak in the third person!!

Yup, that is me, aged 14 years underneath mom and 'step' dads horse-chestnut tree, sometimes wish I was only 14 again, but with the me inside now, you know the old "if I knew then, what I know now" type of thing, still we can never go back, the present only pushes us forward...

Its been some year, a change of country, again, my third, so far, although my 'foot' could still be said to be in Spain, still having the house there, my little town house, asleep there on its own, but its not only my 'foot' in Spain, my heart too... I lost my heart to that country back in the 1980's, and now its firmly fixed there and neither will, or can, ever leave... its being held in captivity!

Now here to Wales, its still hard sometimes, especially the not knowing anyone, in Ahlaurín it took only a matter of a month for me to become friends with so many people, and then working in the newsagents brought the rest of the expats to me! After arriving from the states mom and I lived near Berkhamsted, so of course, even now I can walk around there and know many many people, from school, from jobs, just from living in the area... Even in Hemel Hempstead I can usually see someone I know, because of its close proximity to jobs, homes I've in etc.  Then Aylesbury too of course, again through living and through work...

Although I can walk into town from here, I cannot walk back, up hill all the way, and I would have to time arrival at a bus stop with arrival of a bus to not have a headache the following day!  Even so, walking around on my own really isn't great fun, I know lots of people do, I've seen them, heads down, going from A to B, but not really pausing to actually take a look around...  I do have a couple of good friends here, one I already knew, and a new friend!  I suppose I just feel a stranger in a strange place!  Which would be the same I hasten to add, in any 'new' town in the world of course!

A job would do the trick, getting to know lots of new people in one place, you always make friends at work, there is always someone who wants to go for coffee, someone who you have a connection with somehow, it will just have to be a very special job right now, or one that's very giving!  I will have a cardiologist appointment in January, hopefully [she says] living with the heart probs is do'able, its the cysts on my spine that cause the pain thing which is what's more difficult!  So I need a job preferable where I can move about lots, but not standing or walking far!!!  I've been applying for loads of jobs, and I'm not saying they're being ageist, but I suppose it could be coming into it unintentionally!

I've always been very, very lucky with work in the past, so fingers crossed eh!

All the Christmas cards we received this year was amazing, especially after last year when I had to cancel cards! I've stretched lines of cord from one wall to opposite one,  and they are all full, from end to end, and card to card, apart from some which have made they're way onto the mantel piece its so nice not having them all over the ornaments etc, where I can't touch from a month or so!

The pop up Christmas tree is cool too, and will be very easy to just lift and  flatten down afterwards, not sure if it will make it to 12th night, probably not, we'll see...

We went to Franco's mom for Christmas dinner, there were ten of us for dinner!  The turkey was enormous, and we had about ten different types of vegetables, or more!!! We had one plate of food, then we all started again, with second platefuls... phew, I couldn't even rest my arms on my stomach without feeling extreme pain, over eating I think that's called!  Cleared up, washed up, put everything away, watch a bit of television and five hours later we were back to Pippa! I think I fell asleep then!

Yesterday we had a huge leg of lamb, for dinner, but had turkey for lunch!  Today, the last of the turkey, and I won't be eating again today, what with the tonnes of chocolates, Turkish delight pieces covered in the most lovely dusting of icing sugar, and still not eaten the Christmas pudding!  Probably tomorrow, with the remains of the lamb!  Well, of course, not actually with the lamb but afterwards!!!! Silly me!!!

Tomorrow is a full moon.... So I will have a quick spin around that tomorrow night!  I can't promise presents for everyone though!

Allure of a Full Moon


Shinning Silver while the sun sleeps.
The moon begins her silent creep.
A glowing disk that entice the tide.
Dancing with the sea as waves collide.
She comes to me most every night.
Bringing with her dreams of flight .
But must depart with the coming day.
She Walks in Beauty and can not stay.
Fear not We'll meet once more.
As the sun goes down She'll be at my door.


Brett http://www.fullmoon.info/en/fullmoon-poems/brett.html


TTFN amigos
Marian

Woke up to the alarm this morning switched it off, as I lay there, I am sure I didn't fall back to sleep but I had the strangest awake dream thing, a dream flew by my mind, but in fast forward like a speeded up movie on the CD player, it flew past, it went as fast as real dreams do, a matter of nano seconds, dream time where a week can last a matter of seconds.... and then at the end... it went to 'real time' and there was a Santa Claus squished between two pieces of clear perspex, only his head sticking out, with comic stag head antlers perched on the top!  And I thought "time to get up!"

So that was very strange!

Yesterday morning I had a lovely experience, unlike the above!  Went out into the garden for Pips first visit into the jungle which is the garden!

And as I walked up there, a slow swoop and a whoosh of wings, and only just over the roof top flew the most beautiful eagle... just like last Christmas day, when Barry and I got out of the car up at El Choro, and as we did so an eagle few above us, about 20 feet up only, from us, but way up from the valley floor that we were then over looking... wow, it was amazing, and again yesterday.

It just amazes me, being so close to beautiful birds of prey, 7 - 8 foot of wingspan above my head, so close, such power!

And here we are Christmas Eve, my normal mixed emotions, that feeling of childish excitement, the possibilities, the wonder... then the bang, slap in the face feeling, I really try not to build up the happiness I feel for the month before, because the higher I get, the further I have to fall, again, I realise my dad still won't turn up to see me, [wishes of a child of divorced parents, still hanging in subconsciously].  And now still missing my mom so terribly...

Now, I'm going to work, and watch 'Its a Wonderful Life', to further my mood... last year the CD was in storage, now I'm going to watch the movie I always watch at Christmas!
 
For those I miss more than I can ever say...
You lent me a shoulder to cry on, To my darkness you gave light: A falling tear became a smile As we passed like ships in the night.   You sang a song I shall hear for ever, You showed the way to be free. Pain and loss seemed far away As we sailed the raging sea.    We crossed life's troubled water Under the midnight sky;  Memories last eternally, Though your ship has now passed by.   You gave my life a meaning, A hope that will never wane; That some day, soon, somehow,    Our ships will pass again.    

Mary Goodall 

TTFN
Marian

Last night Franco and I went out on his works Christmas Party... Went to Swansea Frankie and Benny's first, I had a wonderful goats cheese and red onion pizza, seemed massive at 10", but was think crust and went down in four slices!  And an amazing desert, sticky toffee pancakes! Phuh, what a full thing I was, as I rolled myself down Wind Street, or did I wind myself some wind street!  How DO you pronounce it? Wind, like something blowing, wind, as in 'wind in the fishing line'!!!  Either way, it was windy, and wet, and after Frankie's we met up with everyone in Varsity, as above!  Most of the buildings down this long street used to be banks, so the clubs, bars and restaurants are in the most amazing old buildings, this one we were all in had a huge domed ceiling, most people seemed to be using student cards, handy!  And alcoholic jellos seemed to be the order of the night, although, oddly, I thought, most of the guys didn't have a clue as to how to actually get the jello out of the glass, so that was funny to watch!  Back in Virginia Beach with my cousin Tim, that's where I first had these things!  So long ago now! 199? Anyhows, I drove back, sin alcohol, in the rain, and the puddles and the glare of bright lights.... Nightmare!  Got in, then had to get all the bin mans stuff down onto the street!

Back in Swansea again this morning, in the shopping centre, the electronic pull down screen thingy, was banging, like the electric was both trying to close and open at the same time, opening, then closing, didn't want to hang around under that for long!

The shops were heaving, people where throwing £50 pound notes around like they had just been printed off!!! And the sales were already on on the spring collections!!!!

Back in Neath later and it was just the same, busy busy busy, buy buy buy... lets hope those people can afford it and not left out on the streets come January!  And so much food, what do they do with it all, you can only eat so much, surely???

Play the music, sings our songs,
Dance with me, around the room;

Across the grass and round the pond,
Dance with me under the light of the full, full moon...
M Bonelli

TTFN
Marian

Before I write my occasionally mundane, or even meaningless Blog, I want to share something my cousin sent me this, and I want to share it with you; it cannot take away the awfulness of what happened to those poor children at their school, of their fear and terror in their last moments, but for those left to feel their fear....

Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38

When 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.

Their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.

They could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.

They were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say.

They remembered nothing of what had happened, earlier that day.

"Where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.

"This is heaven." declared a small boy.

"We're spending Christmas at God's house."

When what to their wondering eyes did appear,

But Jesus, their saviour, the children gathered near.

He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.

Then He opened His arms and He called them by name.

And in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring

Those children all flew into the arms of their King.

 

And as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,

One small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.

And as if He could read all the questions she had

He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."

Then He looked down on earth, the world far below

He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe

Then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,

"Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"

"May this country be delivered from the hands of fools"

"I'm taking back my nation.  I'm taking back my schools!"

Then He and the children stood up without a sound.

"Come now my children, let me show you around."

Excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.

All displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.

And I heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,

"In the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

This was me yesterday... Actually, greener.... I thought I would have a migraine yesterday, well by the time the pain travelled up my neck, I thought I would!

It started early on, so I went over a friends for a coffee, try to leave it behind, it didn't work, and just got worse and worse, and it turned into a big time baddie! Everything, it could be, it was!  I lost about 4lbs, great just before Christmas, the amount of treats I've packed away hidden in the cupboard!  Calling to me on occasion!

Just had notification a package I sent to Spain has not been delivered, they were out, well that's okay, but the company says they left a note, they didn't, so now I am having to get the Dad to check for me when he can!

A whole line of Christmas cards is now adorning the wall, I am not putting a single card on a surface this year, I am stringing them along the wall, in what  may be two or three lengths, I hate not being able to get to stuff while the cards are there.... Yes yes, I want the cards, but now they look good up there, will take a photo!

I am very random today, my head is still not on straight, and I have had tonnes to catch up on on here today, what with Twitter, Goodreads, the T-shirt shop has another design there now too, a Christmassy one, too late maybe now for this year, but been difficult getting the dpi sorted out!  It really doesn't make a difference and I think its mostly their "computer that says NO!"

Weather today has been okay... went to Fforestfach shopping centre, checked out an item I want in one of the shops, its still there!!!  Lots of sales on already, lots of Christmas stuff already being put away, or shoved over to one side!  And had a lovely cup of costa coffee, Cremé brulé latté... perfect!

Going now, pins and needles!

Latin Proverb 

Man is not where he lives, but where he loves.

TTFN
Marian

My Marmite face was up above Oxford Street in London last night between 10:00pm and 11:00pm... How funny!!! Shame there's not many people about, on a Sunday night in London! Never mind, nice to have my face 'up in lights'

TTFN
Marian

Well, here we are 12.12.12 I remember 7.7.77, & 8.8.88 holidaying in Spain, 9.9.99 Unhappy... 10.10.10, also not gr8, 11.11.11 musing about! That's it, here we are now, and there can't be a 13.13.13, we have to wait until....? Will it be the 1.1.1 First of January 3001??? That can't be correct, please comment, I must have missed some out, this can't be the very last day I will have this weird date thing I have always carried with me since, 7.7.77.... I may have to add to this later when I have woken up a bit more!!!

Its been very frosty the last few days, first thing in the morning, but the sun has come out, the sky been blue, and the frost melted, where not in the shade that is!  Its been about zero degrees, day and night!  Pippa seems to have taken to the crispy crunchy grass underfoot, she raises each paw and places it carefully down, like out cats in the snow, from years ago...

Don't ask why the photo today, I know its one I have used before, its just such a restful place, I think I would like to go here... NOW!

Leo Tolstoy

He felt now that he was not simply close to her, 
But that he did not know where he ended and she began.

TTFN
Marian