12.12.2022

Have to write a quick note today.. being a numbers freak and today's date equalling 3! My birth number so should have been an outstanding day for me! 

I did get my chimney swept, I did get four bags of wood and two butano gas bottles.. 

I did walk a long walk and have coffee in town.. 

That was my day... after a bad night's sleep and awake far too early.. 

I'm tired now, and just feeling like I'm missing.. not that I'm missing.. but I am just missing, missing something I'll never have? Or think I'm missing something.. 

Tomorrow's another day eh.

M.

No recent photograph, an old one from the terrace a while ago now; it's been raining here, the rain in Spain mainly falling... Everywhere!

Tough journey to work Friday morning especially, double speed wipers no help at all, and idiots behind still driving their usual speed!

Today a bit of hydroplaning surprised me! But was just a nano second, thankfully!!

You know sometimes my head is so full of words, to say, to write, then now.. I know I want to write but words fail me.. 

If I wrote truly what is in my mind not sure people could handle it, I know I can't, and I know, those of you who have travelled down my path with me have taken some blows along the way.. 

Things should be better but I seem to take more steps back than I do going forward.

I wonder if I should just turn around and go back! 

Pick up my pieces again and try a different road, another road less traveled, another path, maybe one free of stones and briar, an easier road.

Always be a little kinder than is necessary.. this quote is one I think I am using daily, especially at work, especially these days... 

M.

There are many quotes sayings poems stories written on Facebook, day and night, and probably, annoyingly I share way too many..

But this one above.. really holds in my head.

This has to be one of the best, short simple.. (like me! Ha!!).

No seriously, how often we don't say what we should and say way too much that we shouldn't..

I think if I were to have a headstone at all anywhere, this is what I want on mine.

Really not in the mind to write more, but if I don't post this now I might forget.

Above views of Sierra Gorda from both sides.. above from my terrace looking towards Zalea and the lakes behind.. and the lower image Sierra Gorda in the foreground with Sierra de Mijas behind.. and in amongst those white buildings, mí casa.

M.

Yesterday was time for colacoa... And think today my opened toed furry slippers will hit the shoe cupboard and out will come the furry boots!

This morning I let the alarm pass and after tea in bed and a bit of a series I got up, opened the persiana in the living room to this outstanding vista.. I ran up to the terrace to take this photograph.. 

To find my neighbor already appreciating this ..

We're so lucky in so many ways.. it's views like this... And so many others in this beautiful part of the world I am so lucky to live in..

I know wherever you are, we are, in this world, we have these amazing sights.. even in closed in cities.. we look around and up and see amazing horizons around us.

Yesterday helping with painting a bathroom, out a ways from Alhaurín, surrounded by mountains, the sound of trees, a dog barking, the odd vehicle or bike.. 

Then the sound of bells through the windows, goats on the mountainside, bleating and chiming, their dogs playing their own chasing game amongst the herd.. 

Although there's much we wish would catch up with the rest of the world here, especially in Andalucia, I miss even what was here twenty years ago.. goats on the roads around here every week, the knife sharpening man on his bicycle playing on his pan flute, every week on our street along with others.. bread, fish, meat, clothes! 

And yesterday, brought me back to the real Spain.. could have sat back, in the lowering sun, glass of red, some small food, maybe not even music.. just listen to the world around me.. 

Asked what I want the other day.. It's hard to put into words.. and maybe this sounds boring but it's not.. it's just the basis, just the bottom line of it..

Wish I knew what each day would bring.. not the fine details as such but the big picture... The main parts that wouldn't change, the important parts.. 

It would still leave all the mystery of each day.. that's what I want.. that's all I want.

M.

I feel like one of the angels from City of angels movie.. standing watching the sun rise.. it's amazing, feel so lucky, despite stuff .. it is truly magical..

I am actually waiting for a hospital appointment, as per the norm way too early.. but had to drive a 45 minutes drive.. somehow it didn't take that long.. don't judge!

I've drunk nearly two litres of water.. 

Drive down felt sick and in agony for having done so. Think it's a waste of time.. but the sunrise.. if nothing else from this, this sunrise is definitely not a waste of time..

M.

Worse day of my life..

Today, this day, this date.. does not get better.

It truly is the worse day of my life.. To be told by the man who is your world that his days are numbered .. that memory that feeling, can't be erased.

Maybe it should, or could? lesson in severity. But so far every year now I relive it. 

I still have the awful thoughts I had on that day.

I sit here now, where I scattered Franco..  the sun still shines, the earth still turns and I wonder 'how dare it.'

M.

 

Friday morning picking up a colleague.. beautiful view of the low cloud cover over the Sierra de Mijas.. 

Looked better from further down the road but obviously couldn't take a photograph..

These two photographs are, very poor standard! And the cross light in the one above makes no sense, no sun coming in, the light emanates from the ceiling anyway, not the door way.. 

Anyways! My over active imagination seeing weird stuff! 

These are of my new lights! LED lights, they start down in the dining room and come up through the stairwell and ran out exactly on the wall above the living room door! As though perfectly measured! 

They look great! 

Easily pleased really aren't I! 

Had a good weekend, very good actually.

Saturday coffee in town, lunch in Benalmádena pueblo, Saturday evening down to La Cala and a live band which was really good.. at a great venue.. home about midnight before I turned back into my comfies outfit! 

Sunday, yesterday, coffee in the morning, lunch at a friend's with a lovely group of chicas, another coffee out and home..

Lights up and working, beautiful weather and wonderful conversations..

El fin de semana.. muy bueno..

Now another week, off today also, when I refilled my meds box I laughed to myself wondering what my world will be like by the last days meds in the box.. 

Who knows? No one knows.. least of all me.

It's a bad week, a sad week of a memory the 10th being the lowest point, day, of my entire life.

Yet I keep breathing and yes, laughing and hoping.. 

M.

Song today... Just heard it on TV and now here it is for your pleasure or otherwise..

Marmalade Reflections of my life 

Doctors appointment today, feel like I am taking steps back not forward.. 

Maybe walking backwards is preferable to forward! 

It all seems very familiar! 

Sorry, not sure if I'm being sarcastic or just plain fed up with all..

But seriously, being told I have high cholesterol and triglycerides then a doctor saying nothing wrong.. and another doctor saying something on an x-ray but not listing on the paperwork!!!??? 

All getting a bit past a joke now.

So! Terrible looking accident on the carretera today near the McDonald's turn off at Calahonda, two fire engines, two cars against the barrier and a queue of cars all the way to at least La Cañada!

Halloween approaches, my favourite celebration, clothes ready, makeup ready! 

Bring it on! 

M.

Last week not a good week, Tuesday woke up with migraine like headache, was and wasn't a migraine.. I didn't have the normal hallucinations and light sensitivity.. 

But when I moved about I was sick.. at one point coming back to bed I misjudged my angle and smacked my forehead on the cupboard! I fell back onto the bed and swore... I mean, seriously, it hurt.. but not as much as the pain already there.. although in the other side! I found the next day I had cut my head.. by the blood!!

I got up about half four, but went back to bed about half eight having slept on the sofa some of the two hours anyway..

The pain I must add when I was sick was the worse pain imaginable.. although I keep saying that, so either my threshold is getting worse, or the pain?

I missed s day in work, and luckily had the Wednesday off because I still felt bad.. then Thursday back in work but felt terrible, so off to hospital I went, three hours, twenty minutes on a drip, pain meds and a shot of something else.. who knows! They didn't tell me! 

Bloods etc and an x-ray, at last!

And home..

Was away for the long weekend.. still feeling pretty crap, and the mystery meds made matters worse...

Then my boiler stopped igniting enough to get hot water! This was fixed today, thankfully and luckily so soon.. the boiler needed de scaling.. 

And wow, it's working amazing now!

This morning I saw a woman on the main road down at Calahonda.. frightening! She was roadside, a man on the path, other side of the barrier was either holding her back from running into us! the incoming traffic.. or pushing into it! In passing so suddenly it was impossible to know... And I only hope it turned out okay..

It was about in the same place our family lost a brother and it was so awful seeing it.. was like a movie, unreal not possible to be seeing it.. 

Too many weird things happening just now.. like an episode of Final Destination, but in reverse.. 

Okay, changing subject..

Yesterday and work, felt like two days in one, went to work, then the warehouse, then the store again.. 

Day before, Monday? I got to wash the car, last time I did dirty rain fell again, but not today.. not even a quick downpour.. it was about 27° today at warmest.. and Monday night at 7pm still 28°!

That's from end of May, now nearing end of October and still hot hot hot... Been a humid summer, and neverending.. a few downpours here and there.. a few sand storms and our three days of falling ash from our beautiful mountain as it burned.. 

Today I sorted out two bags of unworn clothes, bags.. good day today.

M.

Took this a few weeks ago.. the apartments of Cabopino reflected in the stem..

Before I begin, this is a heavy Blog! 

But in no way does it mean I am down or worrying.. just sometimes I need to unload.. but hell, after nearly 20 years of Blogging I guess you'd know that!

Just I've been thinking, which is either a very good thing or a very bad thing.. I'm speaking into my phone to do this blog so forgive errors.

It was an episode this morning of a series that I'm watching and a ghost said how he realised at a point in his life that he had been wasting his life on nothing.. things that didn't matter in the grand scheme of things.. or not taking as much notice of the things that really do matter in his life so he changed his ways.

And it reminded me of somebody that I love and care for very much, who said that on their deathbed the last thought would be of wasting time that could have been better spent elsewhere.

We can never go back, we can never get that time back to spend with someone we love, we can't change what was.

And I know my last five years have certainly not all been wasted, of course not, I have had some wonderful amazing times..  treasured moments I will keep with me always..  but now I feel different, now I feel I am biding my time... But why? What for?

Maybe we all have this thought now and again, and maybe it's because I'm here in Spain 20 years, in my house on my own, maybe missed opportunities and I would not have been on my own now.. still... Franco told me not to be alone, but I guess I have also fought that hard, because of him.

I reckon I'm probably two-thirds through my life that would make sense, I'm 63 and I reckon I can do until 93! So yeah I've got 30 years left and I don't want to be looking back and saying the last 30 years of my life have been wasted.

I think change is coming, change needs to come.

I know I need to grab it and I need to move on, and I need to stop re-posting rubbish on Facebook that makes me think too much, I need to just stop looking back, I need to think of today today.

And I need to think of how I want to look back at myself in 30 years time if I'm lucky.

A woman died in a car crash on the outskirts of Alhaurín recently, she was 42, a car was on the wrong side of the road, head on collision and it took her life.. we never know what's ahead do we, and none of us should waste a moment.

M.

Yesterday morning parked up to pick up colleague.. all the way down to work is wanted to take photographs of a scenery so surreal... A sea mist had made it way through every ravine and valley and made Islands of each mountain and hilltop.. 

But only when I parked could I take a photograph..

This strange pic above, oil in tomato.. just a quirky thing to see..

My bottle of Cruz Campo the other evening..

 And this shot above I took a bit longer ago, maybe a few weeks? If you soon in.. left of the sun beam.. busy below half way up.. a glow.. very strange.. it almost looks like a fire... And when the sun rose a little further it flickered out.. 

I can't work out what caused the illusion of light there... Well below any chance of natural light.. didn't look like reflection, took the photograph through an open car window.. 

Just very odd.

M.

From the terrace the other evening..

And today ust a song, just lyrics..

Michelle Featherstone

I'm There too

I see myself in you
In everything you do
And when you’re all alone at night
You know I am by your side
'Cause I’m there too

I see me in your eyes
And I’m tears you cry
And when you fall apart
And I’m dying from a broken heart
I’m there too

I see your footsteps in the sand
As you journey on across this land
But if you should fall on your way
Then I will carry you that day
'Cause I’m there
I’m there too
Yeah I’m there too

I see your face in mine
And I know there’ll come a time
When you will take my hand
And I will understand
That you’re there too
When you will take my hand
And I will understand
That you’re there
You’re there too

*****

I guess it's a bit like footsteps in the sand.. 

But a twist on it...

M.

And summer becomes Christmas!

Driving to work this morning there is a police car on the outskirts of town, and so everybody is obviously cautious and you think this probably proceeds a police stop at a roundabout one of the many that's around our town, and yes low and behold there is a police stop vehicle there and that makes us all aware that probably the whole journey down there will be police cars waiting.

And although I'm sure the vast majority of us leaving town like me are not doing anything wrong, have never done anything wrong, and are unlikely to do anything wrong! it still makes you feel like you are running the gauntlet, and it's so funny I mean the majority of cars behind me normally are held back by my speed because they want to do 80 or 90 in a 60 and I'm trying to keep my speed down and therefore anger everybody behind me, and it's funny to see them all having to tow the line when it's not me responsible for once!

This last quote I saw probably on Facebook..

I love this ..

M.

A question I posed earlier today to a friend..

"I'd like to ask you when will life be simple again? But at least for us, was it ever simple? They weren't the lives we were born into were they? We weren't destined for simple . .. and somehow that would never have been enough for us either"

Its not at all that I want normal, whatever that may be.. and realize beyond any doubt that that would never be me!

Wanted a positive Blog!! 

I am in a positive frame of mind... Positively positive! Had a great few days... Relaxing down at La Cala... Coffee's and watching the world go by from the cheringuito on the beach.. 

Next day down at Fuengirola, walk along from the Fahala end, coffee in Luiz's bar... He only works evenings now.. deserves a better lifestyle than six days a week dawn to nighttime..  

I think he could have been running his bar 25 years? He was definitely there well before I moved out here.. 

Been a good week at work too, always lots of laughs and good conversations at work, with colleagues and with customers... Yes true, lots of eye rolling also... 

Still on 40hrs a week and down to 25 in October...

M.

We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.

Konrad Adenauer - 1876-1967 - Former Chancellor of Germany

Think I missed telling you I called 111 from Barry's in Nottingham the first week..

Ad as today is September 22!! Seems I missed posting this post until today also!

The kidney pain was so bad, so anyway, paramedics took me to the hospital in an ambulance!

Which I didn't expect, just pain meds would have been good.. but they wanted to do tests.. and after six hours I was out, about 9pm.. 

Was a long long day..

And... obviously I can't be quoted on this! 

But a girl waiting to be helped had the largest blisters on her arm.. some already split.. and some huge size of 2€ coins, massive.. blisters.. didn't seem like rocket science to me, looked like monkey pox!

Bench from Highfields Park in Nottingham..

And Southend pier with train..

I'm home now.. felt like I was away for ages..

Tony and family dropped me at Stansted airport, nice relaxing wait for flight..

Stress on plane as usual while boarding.. I like to sit on the aisle seat and get my shoulder and head bashed by other travelers as pass by holding their bags backpacks etc at awkwardly!

But yesterday a woman stood behind my seat resting on it... elbowing my head and pulling my hair.. all got a bit too much .. I was getting so stressed...

The flight was freezing.. but still got me home, and then cab and home..

It was late when I got in, about ten maybe? So I unpacked quickly, no milk but had a hot drink.. was starving but too late to eat.. went to bed fell asleep... Woke at half twelve and stayed awake until five!! Incredible!! 

But anyway, got up at 8... Early tomorrow after two weeks of getting up around 8 spanish time!

Good day today, really good day, coffee, catch up.. food shopping.. hiccup there though, forgot to unblock my card and it wouldn't work in Aldi!! 

Fixed now, floors swept and mopped.. terrace also.. plants moved and watered.. 

All tidy.

M.

"What you can see is only half of what there is.."

The greatest thing is, at any moment, to be willing to give up who we are in order to become all that we can be.

Max De Pree - 1924-2017 - American Businessman-Writer

Had a good day yesterday in Southend ..

Two gorgeous little beavers all snuggled up head to toe..

In the sea life centre..

'What you can see is only half of what there is...' 

Few 'shorts' videos from sea life centre.. We went in there twice.. 

First above is in the butterfly enclosure..

And below, took a few photographs of the piranha fish, thought I'd take a short video as they don't really move.. just awaiting their prey... 

Weather wasn't too bad... Cloudy and a bit breezy at times, blue sky was there and some sunshine.. 

But just before leaving the centre it started raining... Heavy!! 

Still we were lucky.. Good journey down and back..

Last night after getting to bed was a thunderstorm.. lightening lit up the bedroom and I thought it was a flash of car lights... Till the boom!

Today, is a little more on the damp side and I feel like I want to wrap up in warm cosy comfies and drink warm chocolatey drinks... 

Trying to keep from online shopping, which is why I'm here.. 

I can feel my resolve fading and know when I click send here I'll be right over to the page burning a hole in my phone!

M.

The greatest thing is, at any moment, to be willing to give up who we are in order to become all that we can be.

Max De Pree - 1924-2017 - American Businessman-Writer

Thoughts from just before landing on Sunday morning.. 

A beautiful uneven patchwork blanket of fields divided by hedgerows and trees of so many variations.. filled by nature's ever changing colors

Colors changed by seasons and also from dawn to dusk and all the time between.. 

And I must find the photographs I took ages ago when in the air.. did I post them I wonder? I was randomly looking at maps and it still showed my progress.. even though my phone on flight mode.. 

Ducks.. eating from my hand and pidgeons a little moor pecky and sharp beaked! The ducks bills although not pointy very hard and insistent to get the grains of food.. leaving a very funny feeling on the palm!

Never done that before.. something new and strange ..

Above from the Nottingham Arboretum

Above, the stepping stones and a bench at the park at Highfields.. walk around the lake and woods, an over the stepping stones.. 

I was focused on the Lions head when I noticed the shield bug beneath.. it's amazing how much life goes on where we're not looking..

Ice cream in Yumi's on Thursday afternoon after we'd rested a little!

And before leaving Nottingham we had breakfast in M&S before leaving for the train station.. a very nice bacon roll!!

Now at Tony's.. 

M.

 Quote:

You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are

Eckhart Tolle

Yesterday the first thing I did when I got off the coach in Nottingham was go to Gregg's.. I had been craving a bacon and cheese wrap, turnover? I think turnover.. So this is what I had to have.. It was just after 10am.. so that and a flat white coffee eating in! It was soooo good!

Randomly the map above.. I was on the main road here in the coach and laughed because of the name of this adjoining road... Bye pass road! Not Bypass.. actually bye pass road! So had to check it out on maps immediately.. how odd!

Yesterday afternoon we went to The Range, I had also missed this store and as soon as I walked in I could have bought a thousand things! Halloween and Christmas had both started in there!! Bizarrely, or not, depending on one's way of thinking! 

So many things there and really only looked around a third of it! 

We walked there and back, I was fairly tired by then! 

I then popped into Asda and the family went on home ahead of me.. I needed a few bits, I bought a three pack of my now favourite Desperados, couldn't find that, and at the self service an alarm went off, you know, just in case I was under age! Guy came along and just put in his pin to clear the sale.. I said, "okay okay, I know I'm old enough but give me a glance first eh!" He laughed! 

I had an early night, slept well, what with the early morning start, travel, walking and strong pain meds at bed time! 

Today, we walked to The Range again, nothing to do with me!! Just had to go back.. 

And later on around the Forest park.. quite a wind picked up, but it was so good to feel the cool breeze..

Although I heard it rained back home yesterday! 

All in all not a bad weather day for a bank holiday!

M.

As I leave the house this morning walking down to town, the day before my trip... there is a different smell in the air feels just that tiny little bit cooler, but yesterday was 28 degrees down outside work and then I got home it was still 32 degrees 7 in the afternoon.

Walking down now as clouds in front of me over Malaga and a red glow in the sky thankfully it's just the sunrise, or rather the reflection of the sun rise.. because I last time I saw a red glow over there it was the fire.

Work has been really busy so many tourists which is good to see... I've absolutely exhausted.

Still waiting for the MRI in September.. although at least I know know no from the CT scan it's nothing to worry about.. and then come October the appointment with the urologist which will be one year from my original enquiry.

I had a course of antibiotics from my doctor, then a week later a second two day extra strong antibiotic.. the later ruined my bodys health..

And now this afternoon I can feel the infection back.. no time to go to urgencia, no time to go to coast to buy antibiotics.. 

I feel sick and pain is bad.. tramadol is my only answer and it will help me sleep early.. but nothing else now can I do.

Although I haven't been blogging although I do think constantly of what I would write.. I should speak into my notes as I am now, would be a much better thing to do I could just talk into my phone copy and paste..

At least I would forget what I plan on saying all the time.

Did I put these on last post? 

I wonder how many photographs of the corner of the ayuntamiento I have taken over the last seventeen years .. 

And now, eat, sleep, wake, fly..

M.

Ps I think mine is a little tired.. it needs a reboot! A waking up, an injection of something, my old something, what was it Austin Powers had? Oh yes his Mojo! 

Apologies for errors and mis-grammar too tired to check for stuff...

Sometimes I feel like a different person, someone without worries, or sadness.. someone positive, someone still with hopes and dreams..

Today this is me.. from watching that damn last episode of Fraser with the damn poem and his last damn words! 

But today for the first time I saw it, years it differently.. How many chances how many risks do we take, miss.. have ans should take, every single bloody day!

Okay, maybe shouldn't be cursing but really this isn't bad is it?

I came home from work, well, home to a friend's, had two bottles of Desperados beer tequila y Ginger.. only 5% .. 

Stuck in my ear buds and hit play.. walked down to the beach.. along the beach past Cabopino port and onto 'our' beach.. Always a mix of memories and emotions there.. always.. 

Took my shoes off and just stood in the sea... Picked up random beautiful shiny shells and sea worn stones.. 

I looked at them, appreciated them and threw them back.. too long I have picked up collected saved and kept these beautiful stones.. 

Too soon they lose their luster and beauty they shouldn't be taken from where they shine.. 

This could be used as a proverb I'm sure for many things..

Now I've come back past the port and found a table amongst the heaving masses of vacationers.. at La Lonia Chiringuito...

And drinking a tinto verano.. because, well, quite honestly.. I can! 

And I guess with the two mild beers still causing through my veins I don't care I'm on my own..

No one is looking at me like I have two heads!

To be honest I probably look very relaxed!

I could quite honestly just sit here forever and just keep writing to you..

But mis amigos can't post photos so saving and putting this down...

And now posting!

M.