Thursday, August 31, 2017

Swansea - Steps to the beach from The Grape & Olive

Dentist confusion, after two attempts into the dentist, I actually get in on the day I am supposed to go for my appointment! So three trips, one appointment and to be honest my third and final entrance into the dentist was the worse, I almost decided to go back out again!

But, I didn't and of course, I survived!  I came home wobbly, and tired, and my face hurt... I went to bed too early and then had an extra time in bed... all giving me back ache, neck ache and a headache! It also looked like I should have expected CSI on the scene any minute, or at the very least a warning tape around the bed!  This because of the amount of blood on my pillow when I looked back down!

My jaw hurts still, and I have a mouthful of stitches looking like they are holding a bunch of my upper front teeth in place... maybe they are!  Well, I guess they are if they fell out, the stitches I mean!

It feels like I have something caught in my teeth and my tongue keeps on investigating the threads then remembering and leaving well alone!

Yesterday I drank a couple of Franco's bottles of high calorie drinks with lots of added milk to each one, for breakfast I put my porridge, fruit and milk into the juicer and once completely thinned out I popped into the microwave to warm, then added cold milk to cool!

The doctor told me cold only for a few days to drink or eat... No heavy lifting or carrying! Also to eat a yogurt or two a day, probably to combat the damn antibiotics I have to take for another seven days!  I did have a yogurt yesterday afternoon, the only thing I ate yesterday after the dentist... a bit off putting seeing the bloodied spoon after each mouthful! LOL... Great eh!!

I have had two yogurts for lunch! and a repeat of my breakfast again just now, with a handful of almonds... you know... to make it a little more substantial!!

Tomorrow I am going with friends down to the coast and the best fish and chip shop there!  I am going to eat the fish carefully... and share the chips!!

And to close, on my teeth that is, I think I still have another two visits to complete this treatment, and it wasn't as bad as I imagined, of course... I was scared, the doctor put me at ease, after the numbing injections I could feel pressure occasionally, pain? the tiniest and for only a moment, once or twice... and although my fear of the dentist has not gone.. and I will not be turning up two days early again, I can say I am not as scared as I was.

I went to La Trocha this morning with a friend, had a good wander about, I managed to find a couple of things to buy and I managed to walk away!

Today is a lovely day, cooler to start, nice to walk the Pipster, just walked her again, about 4pm... Its been a lovely weather day... Last day of August...

... Which leads me to twenty years ago and today we lost Princess Diana, I cannot believe it was 20 years ago, the memory like yesterday... waking up to a normal Sunday morning... then hearing the news... thinking it wasn't what we were all hearing... Going out for lunch with family... who somehow had completely missed the news that morning...

Monday mom Tony and I got the train to London, bought flowers and took them to Kensington Palace to lay in honour of Diana...

Also then my step-dad died twenty years ago... he had only passed away a couple of weeks before.

Well, I am going to make myself a coffee.... cold!

I nearly got to send this without... I nearly didn't say... but you know me, if the thought is in my head it needs to come out...

The other day I was dusting, and as I dusted one of the many photograpsh I have of Franco here on the wall... I was up close to reach up to him... and I told him... Yours isn't a face I thought I would only ever be dusting...

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Okay okay alright already! Sorry...

I'm here, of course, didn't feel like Blogging while on this eleven days placement... A challenging one forsure, palliative care is not easy... Either way... I have been humbled to share these days with such a lovely lady, her natural fiestyness shining through on occasion, a bright spirit, a strong woman, wish I had know her long before.  She is surrounded by very good friends who really are more like family... And again I have been privileged to be part of this ladies circle of love and care...

I was supposed to leave today, 2pm... But I sit in Bristol airport departure area, having just consumed this great porridge below...

When asked 'what topping?' fresh bananas were not what I thought would be in the cup on opening! Really enjoyed it!

So what happened? On my break and the incoming support carer arrived 24hrs early! Confusion reigned, I contacted the office... It was decided someone had to go, no spare bed... and seemed silly for her to go and come back, so I left 5pm!

We did a handover, everyone called and introduced... I packed up my meagre belongings, and a neighbor very kindly took me into Bristol and the hotel I had managed to book.

Managed being the key word here! At about 3pm I started trying to book a room! The one I had said to myself the other week when I knew I was coming past it... was luckily full... Because that's the one in January I stayed in and I don't think I could have coped with that.

But then the few nearest were also booked full! Bank holiday weekend here in Blighty, weather promising... And it is a beautiful day today!

So I booked into the Arnos Manor, really beautiful place, built back in the 1700's... A great deal of 'unexpected' history!

Including my kettle switching itself on!!! Okay a glitch maybe... but spooky all the same!

When I finish my coffee I need to park myself somewhere comfortable, I don't board until about 5pm!!!

Yes, I could have wondered around Bristol with my bags couldn't I?. But I'm just wanting to get home now...

24hrs time I'll be have surgery on my mouth! G. R. E. A. T.

To be honest I really didn't want to leave the lady at this stage... and if not for the surgery I wouldn't have done.

Friday, August 11, 2017

I have another placement coming up, just for eleven days, I'll be flying into Cardiff and flying out of Bristol... this morning booked flights, Pipster in her doggie hotel and the car in the car park!!

I've taken all the remaining food supplements of Francos to a church community office, they can give them to people who will use them, we have wasted enough and thrown away so many... So I glad they will be helping.

We have a festival somewhere in town this last few days, until the 15th the posters say... and rocket fire last night, first elsewhere, then a few from nearby... Pippa ran for the hills AKA the toilet, and all the other dogs started barking and whining!

I went out, unexpectedly the other evening with two friends... was a lovely evening, great company, great food... Talked about lots, all positive speaking, although I did say there was one thing I didn't want to do again... which is actually now linked slightly with the placement I am going on, so I am reminded once again, do not talk about what you do not want!! Only talk about what you do!  Because it was less than twelve hours later that the very thing I didn't want came to me!!

See how positive I am today, I'm reading The Secret... I know its 'just a book' but it helped me before, its either helping me again or its just a coincidence!

I am trying to focus on better memories about Franco now, good things, positive things, our happy times... I didn't think I would, I didn't think I could... I am still asking him "why???" every day, still feeling him with me, by my side each day, as he told me he would be... last night when I remembered the hoover had made the electric trip I thought to myself 'I must remember to tell Franco!'... and today I saw for the first time ever our wedding video/CD, the very first time... and it made me so sad and happy at the same time, I smiled at 'us' I laughed a couple of times and I cried my heart out like I am again now as I type... I am so thankful to the persons who have done this for me... I wish we had seen it together...

So now, time to watch a happy film! I'm still working on friends book... I've printed out my travel docs, and tomorrow must buy a few bits and bobs because then its Sunday and not open! And Monday the skylight is being fitted!!! Yeah! Before and after shots will be here soon! and Tuesday I will be too busy with too many things for friend next door... my feet won't touch the ground!

Friday, August 04, 2017

Friday already, left my placement a week ago but oddly feels like months ago!

Yesterday I went to the dentist!! I know I'm not the best at visiting the dentist... but I have had to go, because of something going on in my mouth!  Turns out its another inherited problem... what next? Already have the heart problems, the joint problems, now the type of gum disease which is inherited only... my mom didn't have it, but doesn't mean I can lay this one at the feet of my father... could have been grand or great grandparents, apparently!

Apart from five implants, titanium so the body doesn't reject, I am having something put around the roots of my teeth, to help regenerate the gum material, what I have seen on the internet it looks amazing, I'm even keeping teeth I really though stood no hope... its called Emdogain...

It'll be pain free..... hahahahahahahahaha!! OMG what the hell am I going to do about the pain!!! When have I ever come home from the dentist without spending two days in bed from a migraine??? Well, maybe not anymore??? Its going to take six months at their time scale, but as I can't just reach into a bottomless pit for money, its going to take me a little longer!!

And every single I time I go, even for the first clean on Monday, deeeeeeeep clean.... apparently all my teeth will feel loose after this cleaning session!!!! OM...G!!! I have to take antibiotics an hour before, and for the next seven days to prevent me dying!!  Because of my heart problems any of the crapola in my teeth can kill me... By the by, this is why keeping teeth healthy will help prevent heart attacks for people with dodgy hearts like mine!

It took some strength for me to even get into there yesterday, and will be same on Monday, strangely though if felt a little surreal... so maybe Monday will feel the same... not sure when I'll be able to eat again after the clean, but I have loads of Francos drinks still in the house, so I won't go undernourished..

On the list is scraping!! Sorry, I know this word is not a good word in relation to teeth, or blackboards... or chair feet... etc etc... but there are a few of this 'scraping' thing on the list, then the filling.... then the implants!!

After I left the dentist I popped into my friends shop nearby, I'd been in on the way and in shock returned with the news!  While I was in there a woman came in who I used to work with, years ago here in Alhaurín, it was nearly a year after my moms passing, and still trying to come to terms with losing my mom... and that morning had awoken with a strange feeling of a slight shift in how I felt, that tiny bit of light... I was working in the shop and this lady, (from yesterday) although not on shift, popped into the store, we spoke and she popped home and came back with this book... The Secret by Rhonda Byrne... So, yesterday I told my friend about what had happened back on that day, and how it was strange I had felt better that morning then the lady had gone and got me the book to read and how it really had helped me, when I really needed that help... and my friend went out the back, and came back to me, holding out another copy of The Secret.... well, time to read it again eh!  Must mean something...

Like today, another strange happening, well I think so!  I had an appointment at the doctors!! To check a mole which seems to have arrived from nowhere and is itchy!!! So I booked the appointment on Wednesday evening on my phone and today the appointment!  At some point this morning I decided I wouldn't go, that I didn't need to, that I am worrying about nothing!  So at the last minute I walked into town instead, friend said to me about doctors, I said I wasn't bothering.... lol... not a great thing to say, so needless to say I had turn tail and head up to the clinico!!! And head up is the only way to get there from town, almost straight up! Could do with a button-lift at the bottom to assist, not sure how I made it up, couldn't breathe when I got there!! Still, good place to be if you can't breathe!  A&E and all of that!

I arrived exactly at 11:40, my time, there were a few others there already, only the doctor was missing! Today her schedule was 11:30 to 12:30, but she was a no-show, for whatever reason... more and more people came though, and none of us left... We just sat there in the air-conditioned waiting area... eventually a man came and put a notice up saying we all had to go downstairs and wait at another door! So we did, sitting in exactly the same seats as before!! Lol... and then I went in, third in line, 12:15 and came out 12:17! Nothing wrong with my mole, I apologies for wasting her time, she said no! Better to ask a professional than not ask at all!!

Oh the strange happening? Haven't got to that bit yet!! I was going home from the clinico, which I wouldn't have done had I gone directly!  I was passing a bar and saw a girl that looked like a friend from six years ago... one who had moved to the states... as I drew along side, she spoke to me! It was her!! Unbelievable, shes just here for a couple of weeks... so good to see her, albeit for a short moment... I got really emotional when I walked away...

So many people come into our lives, and go again....

Anyways!! Enough already!!

Yesterday I started working on a book for a friend, the lady from just over a year ago I met on a bus, which should have been a train... the train from Builth Wells to Shrewsbury that never was.... Wales playing rugby or football or something!  I so should have got my money back for that whole journey!! Just didn't think about it... too late now...

Anyway, she sent me the remainder of the book before I left to go back to work the other week, so yesterday I got the rest typed up, I have to go into it now and rearrange, edit, and get it publish ready, good to have a book to work on.

And yesterday, I got a call from work, I have 24 modules to get through, 100% pass only, I have done 11 of those, yesterday afternoon!

It was 113F on the terrace an hour ago.... in the shade... thats 45C.... hot hot hot!!

Was ending there, in fact I hit the publish tab...

I just wanted to add... on my way home from Fuengirola Wednesday, I seemed to go from bad day to worse day... Cher came on the radio... Believe.... Do you believe in life after love?

Wednesday, August 02, 2017

I am like one of those pennies thrown in the air "Heads!" "Tails!"

Spinning around and around, over and over, all the time headed for the inevitable ground to hit on!

... and while I'm spinning? What shall I do? Where shall I go? How do I move forward, because I know I can't stay in this... in this mind set...

I had photographs of Franco on my solitaire game I play before going to sleep, the game puts me to sleep it's so boring I guess! I had Franco as the back drop and on the cards... I know it wasn't healthy... Barry suggested I change the photos to more positive ones... So I have. I'm not thinking any less of Franco just not the last image I see as I close my eyes...

I'm Blogging from Fuengirola just now, sat having coffee in Las Rampas... I am almost opposite where mom and I lived for six months too...