When all is said and done, maybe I would have been better off here with my ghosts, than living away from them ..

In Alhaurín now, home, heart body and soul.

M.

 

More from Ronda... Was a very long day, from getting the 06:35 coach .. three hours to get to Setenil de las Bodegas, then Ronda and three hours return journey... Very long journey...

But, of course, well worth it... Went with Rubena excursions from Fuengirola.. great coach guide, and driver.. 

Learnt that Orson Wells fell in love with this area and wanted to have something of his here... 

Taken, courtesy of Google:

Orson Welles (1915–1985) was deeply enamored with Ronda, Spain, spending many summers there and forging a close friendship with bullfighter Antonio Ordóñez. Following his death, a portion of his ashes was buried in a well at his friend's estate, El Recreo de San Cayetano. He is honored with a statue near the plaza de toros.

I took this photograph from inside a bar!

Today a bus ride to Benalmádena.. €1.75 each way,.not bad eh! A wander around the marina, a coffee, then a couple of hours on the beach before heading back to Fuengirola..

And tonight, dinner in the Buffet restaurant on the port.. So decidedly stuffed now! 

M.

“When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mould you, it feels damn good…”

Carl Rogers, American psychologist

Sitting here at the Don Miguel of Ronda.. 

I am drawn to thinking how amazing this beautiful county is.. 

The inner peace, the awe, the heart and soul of me feels it's life, it's heart and soul, and they match with mine.

Yet I left... Why it was time I don't know, I just knew I was sad staying, and never realized for a moment how much sadder I would be leaving..

Not forever I know, visiting is always an option..

But visiting home and leaving.. is difficult..

It was hard leaving England originally, because of my boys, and friends... But this pain of loss is worse in other ways..

And now if course I can see my son's whenever, and my beautiful grandchildren... But.. my soul remains here...

A good day, up way too early, many hours to get to Setenil de las Bodegas, a small on road train journey from coach to near calle de Sol, a fly around the loop, from calle sol to calle sombre, a coffee, and back on the little train and off to Ronda! Three and three quarter hours there... Time for walk, lunch at Don of risotto de rabo de toro, ( ox tail risotto), y un vaso de vino Ronda tinto.. very nice...

A walk, and stopped for coffee, barman easily persuaded me into adding tiramisu!

M.

Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength.

Corrie Ten Boom - 1892-1983 - Watchmaker

 

Well, you must all know by now I am a huge Frasier fan ... Having Blogged the end poem so many times, many of you must also now find those words familiar..

But now, as I sit coffee in hand prior to a good river walk, am watching the penultimate episode..

Frasier is talking with Niles and their father about his, the fathers, upcoming marriage and how he made a wrong booking date for the ceremony and party, choosing Eddie's birthday of May 15th, not that of his fiancée July 15th!

The sons say don't worry, we can do it in only eight days.. which means the date would be presumably May 7th that this conversation is taking place... As is today's date!! 

Weird eh!! Coincidence! Strange... 

Yesterday no walk, it was my eldest son's birthday, every year he gets older and older than me! It's incredible!

We had brunch in town, was a beautiful weather day, and we sat in a little hidden area of Bills in Nottingham, was really good.

Then a wander around town, beginning at a bank, I'd had a phone call whilst eating, telling me 800 pounds was being taken from my account and to do this and that .. obviously I'm savvy enough to know a scam when I hear one and hung up, I went to the bank really to see if they wanted the number that called me... He didn't! And he told me everything I already knew about the call, and why, in a very long winded way! Still.. thank you very much!! 

I do still remember the scam that befell me. That I, even worse, made happen to myself by booking and paying for a cab before I even saw it! Holds head down in shame!

Need to get out soon, fresh air and river walking does the soul good. I need that.

M.

Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.

Oprah Winfrey

 

Yes been walking this morning.. Cow parsley richly filling the tow path here.. 

Few walkers this morning, it's bright and felt chilly when I started walked, then wished I hadn't worn my hoodie that I had to tie around my hips for the majority of the walk....

Listening to an interesting book called Manners and Mischief by Ann Glenconner... It's really really good... And after The Word is Murder by Anthony Horowitz.. it's a fresh change.. As real life can be!

This is canal bridge over the river... Where the Kingfishers were last week, and the heron, and an otter, if you're there early enough, apparently, I am not!

Less than a week to go and I'm heading home to españa! Made my list, as yet to see if the items will all fit in my small bag.. just nine days .. and will not be enough.. 

I cannot emphasize enough how much I miss home, it really makes me feel physically sick.. the missing.. 

It hurts to look at my thousands of photographs from all those years.. but wonder if I should force myself too... Fight my way through it. I don't know..

M.

No such thing as spare time. No such thing as free time. No such thing as down time. All you got is life time. Go!

Henry Rollins - Actor – Musician

Song Morning Of My Life John Holt..

Beautiful song... Can't remember now where I heard it when I saved it here though!

Also can't remember, that's the trouble with late Blogging!! Did I mention my new new glasses? 

They're good, but it's old school, I have one pair of reactolite glasses, a pair of full sunglasses.. 

I find I have to take the regular off and put the sunglasses on and off repeat! 

My old click ones are my best ever, and next glasses I'll reuse those frames! Job done!

I also the day I went to collect them, got an unintentional pack of mints!

And from the charity shop, a couple of pretty vacation tops, 4.50 each, we're only one pound each! 

The photographs all stunning spring scenery, all green and fresh and lush.. bees, butterflies, ducks and ducklings, swans and signets, herons, those stunning kingfishers!

Beautiful time of the year here in England. I pleasure and delight walking the rivers and canals nearby.

No wild garlic here following in the footsteps of the bluebells, (or white bluebells at the start), sadly..

Certainly been a beautifully warm week, in the 20° ..

Before I close, I had an incredibly strange dream last night, I dreamt I was dead, but was still there! And that is exactly what I Googled! Very interesting! 

M.

One should live where one's soul is in harmony

"With one hand the past moves us forward, and with the other it holds us back".

Before my apologies for not Blogging, I need to apologize if this blog reads poorly, as I am talking into my phone and it completely seems to be misreading me or rather mis hearing me!

Passing by a dog walker this morning, I always try to be very aware that they may not hear me for whatever reason, so I kind of make a scuffling noise with my boots, and then say a good morning from sort of probably still about 10, 12 foot away.. and just now a man walking with his dog, paused to pick up a stick and throw it for his little dog, which meant he was just bending down to pick up the stick again when I was alongside him and wished him a good morning, with a joke he clutched his chest and swore quietly and said his whole life flashed before him, then and I stopped and turned and said well I hope it was a good one!

So many of my past jobs have been customer focused.

And I always have tried to be caring and considerate; I try to be in my personal life, but I'm well aware there may have been times where I did not appear so, maybe I don't know I'm being so... 

But I have tried to be throughout my life, it's just me you know, I'm the first to run and help somebody or to give a smile or words of encouragement or kind words you know the normal, 'your hair looks lovely' or 'I like your skirt.'

Something I read just before I left the house this morning, about how easy it is or maybe not easy but how we can so easily be kind and thoughtful to other people, yet to be kind to ourselves is very very difficult.. or impossible.

I walked yesterday too, I had to sit down three times, the leg exercises they've given me for my knees hurt my hips and my back! But I'm determined to keep doing them because how else can I say if they've not worked, I can't say they've not worked if I don't do them so I have to keep trying you know, and maybe it will help as long as it doesn't make other things worse.. 

The photograph of me in the tree I did yesterday while I was walking, gotta love AI, love it or hate it, AI is very much like Marmite and I love Marmite!

Strange photograph above, of a hole in a piece of a tree! 

The river and canal here are full now of spring time, hawthorn in bloom, forget-me-knots, white dead nettles, lots of other random blooms, and the trees and a bright green of renewal.. bees are buzzing and people are walking..

This morning a huge group of walkers.. my continued 'hello's' as I walked through them all along the canal.. So funny.

I have been very very bad with blogging I know.. I recently had a full week with my son down in Welwyn Garden City, a really good week, he took the time off work, it was around Easter and my granddaughter's birthday.. lots of train travel and for some reason I felt a little panicky coming back on the train, I don't know why but just a bit panicky.

Zehn Mal drive about my heart shoes 

Ok my phone completely mucked up the last paragraph which is really annoying I was saying I was having trouble breathing and walking and I meant to say talking and walking, it makes it difficult for me to breathe properly and then I laughed and said that maybe it's the lack of oxygen in my brain that makes the words come out wrong!

I then looked down at my phone to see that the whole paragraph had disappeared and somebody called Zehn mal was driving about heart shoes I have no idea what that meant or who that is even!! 

But as you can see I have left that in because that's what my phone thought I said!

I had a dream two nights ago, I dreamt there was a pocket in my leg, the opening was actually on my thigh, it was a rectangular pocket so less deep more wide, and there were things inside this pocket in my leg... it wasn't bloody or gory, it was literally a pocket in my leg and below is apparently what that is all about courtesy of Google.

I shall now, as I am overdressed today, unlike yesterday when there was a really cold wind and I was freezing, I'm now far too warm, I've already taken off my hoodie and the black top underneath is a winter one. I'm so warm, so I'm gonna get off this bench, and get back and have a cup of coffee.

***

Dreaming that you have something under your skin in a pocket—often accompanied by the action of squeezing, picking, or removing it—symbolizes a need to release pent-up emotions, remove negative influences, or address hidden anxieties that are "getting under your skin". The pocket represents a hidden, personal, or private space where you have been storing emotions, secrets, or memories. 

This type of dream is a common, though disturbing, symbolic expression of the subconscious mind. 

M.

The best laid plans are no match for the winds of change 

 

No new photographs, so an old one of me, looking over my homeland as the sunsets..

Last Tuesday I travelled south to my younger son's, few days with the family and then just me, the young'un and two dogs!

All was well, then had a bit of a mishap, I wasn't taking out the older dog, bless him, but no way could I hold him and the young pup, a year old golden retriever who is already really, really big, I think if he stood on his hind legs his front legs could rest on my shoulders! and my smallest granddaughter.. 

I thought at the end of the walk I would put on his line, my daughter in-law runs with him on that, it's a long line, twenty plus foot possibly..

I hooked on the line, unhooked the regular lead, stood up and puppy ran! I slipped a bit on the wet grass then went down! Flat down landing what felt headfirst.. smacked my head hard, the right side, glasses went flying, phone from my back pocket.. 

Flipping heck! My poor little granddaughter seeing me laying there, and blood too coming from a cut on my temple.

I got up, puppy had tried to tie us up in the long line, but we sorted ourselves out and went home.

Not a good day.. and what a headache.. six days later and still have a headache, even on the other side of my head.. I think where there's so much space my brain banged against the other side of my skull!! 

At times I thought of going to urgency but haven't, Tuesday I had an ECG booked in, that was okay, well, apart from my 52 bpm.. 

Then opticians on Wednesday, eyes okay, need new glasses but that's mainly because the axis on my right eye has changed, quite dramatically, she said left eye hardly changed at all in last few years.. 

Full check up on eyes, so they're not damaged by the fall, at all.

I was then supposed to be seeing my doctor for a BP reading.. and that was going to be my opportunity to actually tell a professional about my fall... But on my way back in that direction I was notified the appointment was cancelled, she hadn't turned up for work... And I should get my BP done anywhere else! I did! It was normal, for me.

My train journey back here also wasn't without its own special type of fun! 

I had decided in the early hours I couldn't face a journey into London first thing on a Monday morning, I had mistakenly booked a return journey via London!?! I never make a mistake booking train journeys, an accomplished train traveller! Lols I say laughing.. it's been over a decade of using the Trainline App. for work, or leisure! 

I got a new ticket coming down by the by.. and so, I booked a new ticket, just go back the way I know, and feel happy taking! 

Unfortunately the Trainline app. thought mistakenly, even though I had the new ticket, that I was London bound, and refused to give me platform options en route! 

In Stevenage I got off my train, wondering which platform my Grantham train might arrive on when a train pulled in, announced as a Grantham train! So I boarded carriage C and sat down in an empty seat, not mine, but said unoccupied.

I quite soon realized although it was going to Grantham it wasn't my train! The ticket inspector, distracted by a fellow passenger, missed the weird 'bleep' my code set off .. 

I got off in Grantham, and boarded a train to Nottingham, that was an 'any time of day' part of my ticket! 

When I arrived into Nottingham an hour and a half earlier than I should have, an email told me my St Pancras to Nottingham train had been cancelled due to a fatality! And long long delays ahead!

Strange how things go isn't it! I would have been in St Pancras with no way of getting back up here! 

M.

And the Joker said...

"When we understand that each day isn't one more day, but one less, we start giving more value to what truly matters."

From yesterday's walk.. no! The day before! (And as I forgot to post, it was even the day before that!!)

It was so warm walking behind this corrugated fencing I reached out and touched it, felt so toasty! 

9:30am and felt so warm there.. 

Swan above with her two young'uns!

Yesterday I called the RSPCA, to tell them about the man I saw who was being abusive to his dogs, the registration number I had taken down wasn't right, but I told them all I could.

I posted a photograph in my last Blog, of me walking along the tow path.. did you think 'how did she do that' or something..

It is amazing, and scary what you can with AI isn't it .. 

I took a photograph of the tow path from the other side of the canal

Then a photograph of me..

And asked Gemini to work it's magic..

M.

Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they’re too heavy to be broken.

Warren Buffett - Business Magnate, Investor, Speaker, and Philanthropist

I am feeling better than I was last Monday, it is taking me a while, and I know I am on a slippery slope for the next couple of weeks.

Also, I think seeing this above had hurt me, because I am silly, I know.. but photograph on the left my mom's living room window, Google maps hadn't changed it, hadn't been down her road at least since she was there, those were her curtains and she always drew them when she was watching TV to stop the glare... And although it had been a bad habit when she first died, it also consoled me knowing she had been sitting behind those curtains, watching TV.. It made me feel both sad and happy.. Can't explain.

And thankfully I stopped looking all the time, just now and again; and having looked probably only a couple of times last year, I looked again.

And now it's changed, now someone else has the curtains open, the window handle open.

And now I know she no longer waits behind the curtains, watching TV.

Same curtains, no judgement.

Okay, need to change the subject.. 

Top photograph me walking along the tow path this morning! 

The Nottingham Canal below..

And just here the top is one end and the bottom photograph is the other end! 

Never walked the length of a canal before! Especially in quarter of an hour!

And did I show you this?

Yes a Peter Maddocks print at the top, followed by one of many memorability items..

Then the stick.. I got the idea from a good friend of mine back home, K., she has one by her front door to hold bits n' bobs..

Mine is a bit more special, it's my step dads walking stick.

It's been with me since 2002, always near my front door, first just leaning at the duplex down at Calahonda, then in the umbrella stand in Alhaurín, going quietly unnoticed.

Now, it finally has a resting place, seen every day, remembered every day.

M.

Sometimes you just need an adventure to cleanse the bitter taste of life from your soul.

One of those days...

Sixteen years since mom's passing.. I think because sixteen feels like it's closing into twenty I feel so much sadder...

I was going into town, but then change of plans and walked to nearby town to post a pair of shoes off!

Back and changed into my walking gear..

At the beginning of my walk I came across a man loading four or five dogs into the back of his car, I stopped for a moment as it was near a fly tipping site and I didn't want to get caught witnessing that! 

But what I did witness was by far more terrible..

He was pulling and pushing and hitting his dogs, the sound of them screaming and crying and yelping was so awful, I then realized I had to keep walking towards them because to turn would be worse.. I was only maybe 50 to 60 feet away, very close, he hadn't heard me because of the noise of his dogs.. he slammed the back door of his car, the dogs looking at me by then as close as I was ... And a last cowering old dog, came, head down, around from hiding on the driver's side to be loaded into another door.. 

The man then saw me.. I just stared at him... I can't write the feelings I had, I can't write the words flying around my mind! 

But I did start to cry when I walked off.. for his dogs for my mom, for me too I guess.. 

I had trouble with my tears the whole journey, and they're not far away now...

But keep Blogging for now, focus my mind!

So!! My earbuds were in and as I turned onto the tow path I hit my Theme tune  play list.. 

First track that came up was Patsy Gallant, New York to LA, so obviously my mom was tuning in!

My theme tune play list isn't about the up-beats or down-beats..it is THE beats of my growing years..

Of course, yes, I'm still growing I guess.. we all always are.. 

Patsy Gallant From New York to LA

In the early hours of this morning a light came on in the tall boy cupboard.. it's glow coming through the opening lid enough to wake me up.. figured that too was my mom.. just passing by!

Very long walk, needed to walk to clear my head of sadness, okay, that's not worked, but I am tired now!

Joined by a Robin here and there... Another beautiful bumble bee!

Flowers out, bright yellows pockets of sunshine on the tow path, didn't take photograph of the actual yellow flowers or the yellow primrose, but below are white primrose with delicate yellow centres.. 

First few miles very few people, but then lots more walking into the town further down... Lots of people with dogs, so I grabbed a few cwtches where and when I could! They became assistance dogs for me!

I wish I could have helped those other dogs, what an awful existence they must have.. So very sad.

Okay! So! I ended the walk, over six miles, in McDonald's!

I was absolutely starving Marvin!

On my return walk I wasn't sure if it was my glutes or my hips complaining after pushing myself so far... To be honest I probably wouldn't have turned around when I did, I just wanted to keep on walking.. but I found a small wood, with a sign by the side of the tow path, so I followed the sign, then followed my instinct and came back up to it further up river.. and decided that would be my turnaround spot today!

Now, back and with coffee, Moonstruck on tv, comfy and cosy I think it was my hips!

M.

There are no regrets in life, just lessons.

Jennifer Aniston - Actress, Film Producer