Monday, December 24, 2012

Woke up to the alarm this morning switched it off, as I lay there, I am sure I didn't fall back to sleep but I had the strangest awake dream thing, a dream flew by my mind, but in fast forward like a speeded up movie on the CD player, it flew past, it went as fast as real dreams do, a matter of nano seconds, dream time where a week can last a matter of seconds.... and then at the end... it went to 'real time' and there was a Santa Claus squished between two pieces of clear perspex, only his head sticking out, with comic stag head antlers perched on the top!  And I thought "time to get up!"

So that was very strange!

Yesterday morning I had a lovely experience, unlike the above!  Went out into the garden for Pips first visit into the jungle which is the garden!

And as I walked up there, a slow swoop and a whoosh of wings, and only just over the roof top flew the most beautiful eagle... just like last Christmas day, when Barry and I got out of the car up at El Choro, and as we did so an eagle few above us, about 20 feet up only, from us, but way up from the valley floor that we were then over looking... wow, it was amazing, and again yesterday.

It just amazes me, being so close to beautiful birds of prey, 7 - 8 foot of wingspan above my head, so close, such power!

And here we are Christmas Eve, my normal mixed emotions, that feeling of childish excitement, the possibilities, the wonder... then the bang, slap in the face feeling, I really try not to build up the happiness I feel for the month before, because the higher I get, the further I have to fall, again, I realise my dad still won't turn up to see me, [wishes of a child of divorced parents, still hanging in subconsciously].  And now still missing my mom so terribly...

Now, I'm going to work, and watch 'Its a Wonderful Life', to further my mood... last year the CD was in storage, now I'm going to watch the movie I always watch at Christmas!
For those I miss more than I can ever say...
You lent me a shoulder to cry on, To my darkness you gave light: A falling tear became a smile As we passed like ships in the night.   You sang a song I shall hear for ever, You showed the way to be free. Pain and loss seemed far away As we sailed the raging sea.    We crossed life's troubled water Under the midnight sky;  Memories last eternally, Though your ship has now passed by.   You gave my life a meaning, A hope that will never wane; That some day, soon, somehow,    Our ships will pass again.    

Mary Goodall 


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