January 2021, home.

Test kit this morning faulty, so awaiting new kits to arrive today! Still feeling crappy, dizzy, weak and my right eye is so sore.

It's reminding me of the awful eye infection I had June 2020, when I ended up having a call with the eye department of Coventry Hospital and my wonderful client paying for a taxi to bring me my medication, penicillin! Doctor on the phone said I could have lost my vision in that eye had I not done something about it.. I had had two earlier infections, the two months preceding this worse one, and only been given cream for my eye... But then, who knew it was something worse.

So today, actually a poem, from one of the Pod casts about a spy in France during WW2..

It says on Google it's is now commonly used for funerals 

***

The life that I have is all that I have

And the life that I have is yours.

The love that I have of the life that I have

Is yours and yours and yours.

A sleep I shall have

A rest I shall have,

Yet death will be but a pause,

For the peace of my years in the long green grass

Will be yours and yours and yours.

Leo Marks (1920--2001) was an English poet, playwright/screenwriter (he wrote the excellent Peeping Tom) and cryptographer. He showed a fondness for codebreaker from a young age, and during World War II worked for the SOE--the British espionage agency given the task of helping resistance movements in Occupied France.

***

The kits came yesterday afternoon! I'm negative now!! 

And also now it's Friday afternoon, I went to bed about 7pm last night and woke up at 8am! Two things COVID have helped me with a) my ankles are not swelling up now! Laying down all day and night definitely helps with swollen ankles! It's my heart meds by the way!! And instead of my anklet being either close fitting or too tight, I've been able to fit three fingers under the cord, laying against my ankle together not one on the of the other!! Obviously!! 

And 2) I've slept! Not something I can normally do! 

And yes the two things a) and 2) were on purpose to make you laugh! And now I see you didn't even notice! 

Today this morning I went down to Asda, was tiring and wobbly and weird to be out in the world after six days, I felt very zombie like.. and the world looked different somehow, coming back was heavy going, it's up hill, but only just, nothing like back home.. 

Oh in Asda, I bought a Kraken (as in Kraken rum,) glass, a spare for my son, couldn't complete my purchases until an assistant came to check on a flagged product. I said the only thing I have is a glass? Is there an age limit now for buying glasses! We laughed! Apparently so she said! Saying it was for my son she said 'well, make sure he only drinks squash from it then!' I said, he's 45!! 

I've spent the rest of the day doing nothing much, but have remained downstairs all day, so that's a bonus, see if I can manage to stay awake until 8 tonight!

M.

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that things are difficult.

Seneca - BC-65 AD - Philosopher

The Pipster above, one of my favourite photographs, I suppose because I remember the whole moment in time so incredibly well.. We had gone for a drive to the lakes, the Conde del Guadalhorce Reservoir, where we went a great many times of course.. we had walked and then decided to go to the bar at the top of the mountain above Bobastro, you'll not find the bar now..

But from there you can still look down at El Chorro railway station and see the trains heading to Ronda and Seville, and from up there come face to face with eagles soaring high catching the warm thermals.. 

Anyways, we went there, and Franco had gone in to order coffees, Pip was keeping an eye on him!

And here above, is mmmm forty one or forty two years ago, Tony and I, and Elsa our beautiful German Shepherd pup.

I'm writing each new post after just posting the one I wrote before! I'm going to get confused! Lol, so it's still Wednesday, I'll test again tomorrow.. need to know when I'm safe around my family. I am thinking I could try for a walk later anyways, as long as I don't go anywhere or bother anyone at all. Just to get some exercise and fresh air, although to be honest walking around the house is stretching my abilities at the moment, I'll see...

The group of series I am listening to on Spotify is called The Spy who.. and from the there it takes us on a journey through many famous spies, and the many we have never heard of, and should have.

I'm not sure, but I think I may have already listened to four series, and I don't think I am anywhere near the end yet. They are fascinating, compelling and part of our history. 

I just hope I am absorbing what I have listened to so far.. with my foggy head, I don't want to forget..

My COVID symptoms:

Sore throat 

Extreme tiredness 

Voice gravelly 

Sense of smell

Sense of taste (animal fat, meat)

Cough and yucky stuff

Aches and pains

Dizziness 

Stomachache lower abdomen 

Right eye pain, and weeping

(Weeping as in eye not my overall tears of feeling bloody awful!)

M.

Grief is our timeless gift of love. Where there is deep grief, there is great love. If we allow ourselves to love, we must also give ourselves permission to express our grief. To continue to live well and to love well depends on it.

Laurie Taylor 

Me and my mom! Rocking it in Los Angeles California styley back in the day; tv, color camera, all mods cons that were not in the England we arrived into the following next year! 

Mom and I had full washing facilities in the apartment, obviously indoor bathroom! And arriving into England to a house with an outside toilet, a tin bath that had to filled manually! And a mangle for squeezing the water out of wet clothes!! Must have been strange for my mom, me, not so much, being totally unaware really, in the grand scheme of things... She worked for Thomas A Edison, in New York City. I am guessing a son or grandson was running the business by then. Head too wooly to check.

I know, I'm sure my random posts, full of nonsense much of the time, is my way of making sense of my world.

One that from the beginning wasn't how a life should be.. although of course who says mine is the wrong way.. but it wasn't an easy one.. oh well, okay, that too then! 

But my ramblings are my way of dealing with my thoughts, which after what? Twenty three years of Blogging? Without may well have sent me to a beautiful house in the countryside where dress code would be white, and the walls very comfy to fall against! 

Okay, okay yes, being dramatic as usual! But honestly, I need to write. Definitely a book could come out of that dramatic paragraph alone! This COVID is really in my head!! 

My small book about my stepdad, Dennis C. Randall sells a few copies a year, it doesn't make me rich, I can't write something as big as I write here, among these pages, I know I can ramble more than a hundred thousand words, but they wouldn't make a cent! 

More importantly it doesn't help me empty the continental stream of words in this head of mine, like Blogging does.

Highlight of the day!! The hospital called to say they have had a cancellation and I can have my surgery on Monday yeahhhh!! Only of course I can't booooooo..

We talked and as I might still have COVID and my immune system is presently being hacked by nasty bodies attacking my lungs and heart and other organs, it can't happen! Sods law or what!! I just knew they were going to do that, my poor troubled gut told me so! It's only troubled by the way because I'm not really eating, not, of course, because of COVID!! 

M.

Quote isn't meant in a depressing way.. I say laughing in my pit, on the morning of what will be my fifth day in bed!! Seriously!! Maybe not the best of quotes! 

Life is a great sunrise and I cannot see why death wouldn't be a greater one

Vladimir Nabokov

Above photograph taken whilst walking one morning through our Sierra de Mijas back home.

This COVID thing is really getting to me now.. I'm sure I wasn't this bad before? And last time I don't remember my taste going weird? I know it's been a long two years, a change of life two years, a monumental change actually, so some things dim in memory.. 

But last night I came down to bring down my cup and saw the babes and my son sitting there munchy through mince pies, as in the sweet Christmas treat, for those of you not familiar with this beautiful sweet pastry, crammed full of fruits and spices, sometimes warmed and covered generously in cream or warm custard or vanilla ice-cream! 

Sorry! Anyways.. I asked for one, and getting it back up to my room I prepared for the above wonderful taste.. and what did I get, what weirdly can I can still taste in my mouth?? Animal fat! It literally tasted like animal fat! It tasted so bad I haven't eaten today yet because my mouth tastes so horrible I don't think I can face it again.

Last evening I made my way through a string of movies, well string of two! Both very good, but maybe not very good for watching one after the other! They were The Map of Us and Between The Lights. Both well worth watching, separately, luckily feeling so tired and ughhh I went straight to sleep after watching.

Only now feeling so extremely sad!! Like impossibly sad.. I guess being in bed for four days does nothing for us mentally, not leaving the house, I have the window wide open, but not exactly out and moving about, not that I have the energy or capability right now, having to talk into my phone half the time because it seems confusion reigns with regards to sentences and words.

Last night I woke up thinking about a couple of my old penpals.. wondering what happened to them... and wish I could just pick up a thread, pick up a line.. Alan Andre from Mauritius and Eugene Kumar from Singapore.. Cannot remember at all what the former did in Mauritius, for some reason the army comes to mind now.. and the latter worked offshore for a French company! Lols that narrows it down at lot!! No?

Watching another movie now, when I'm not feeling sorry for myself! 

It's called Jane Austen Wrecked My Life.. it's also very good, subtitles though, so have to concentrate more .. I'll add a quote from it now..

Me and my quotes eh! 

Being held prisoner by this thing I suppose does mean I'm Blogging more!! 

Oh and I tested positive again today! Will test again Thursday, why am I testing? Because I can't give this virus to someone, anyone, vulnerable, I managed to work through COVID here in England, and not a single one of my clients caught it.. I am grateful for that.

And I still feel this way. It's not a gift to give. Was looking for a phrase there, but only found sad things so stepping away from that will post now and get back to the movie, but maybe another cup of tea first.

M.

The best portion of a good man's life is his little nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love

Wordsworth

 

We often take for granted the very things t

 

Asked my telephone for sunsets, so two of these today from my Gallery.. skies from home ..

Alex Roe finally Home

Don't feel very much better, yet, I'm drinking as much as I can, teas and water of course! 

Breathing is an issue but as long as I'm not talking it's okay, my voice messages will be brief today... Strange wheezing noise coming out of me, earlier on I was wondering where it was coming from, then I realized it was me! 

I did make an order for a quick delivery but it was cancelled?!? Bit strange.. 

Tomorrow morning I'll do a COVID test again, fed up feeling like this.

I've been bingeing on series yesterday and today.. can't remember yesterday's? But then yesterday was very foggy in my head... 

Today's is Hotel Costiera, great series, it's based around a fantastic hotel in Positano on the Almalfi Coast, it has a comedy edge as they unravel mysteries.. such a beautiful area, stunning scenery, and they go into Naples which makes it even better for me...

Been awake since around 4am though and spent the first four hours listening to more spy podcasts! 

Above just an abstract photograph I took the other day in The Range.. when I guess I already had COVID!

M.

All you need is the plan, the road map, and the courage to press on to your destination.

Earl Nightingale - 1921-1989-Author-Radio Personality

Another nice evening along the river from the other day... starting to feel a bit chill now of an evening and first thing ..

At last I heard from the hospital today about my surgery, it will be October 21st or 27th!! (This was last Monday! I forgot to post then didn't feel well... Excuses excuses!)

So, yes okay, not quite exact yet but almost!

Nothing to report, I can post another photograph of course, and at the weekend the Goose Fair! 

Should have posted this last week... As aforementioned.

There was a day the week before last that I just couldn't move, was so totally exhausted, it made no sense.. Now it does, I have COVID, and again no Goose Fair, it ended yesterday, the fair, probably not the COVID... I woke up Saturday morning feeling more crappy than the day before..

It was only when my granddaughter asked me to smell some strong mints and I couldn't smell them I worried! I have some test kits so gave it a shot! Within seconds, again just like two years ago, November '23, I couldn't believe it when it immediately registered as COVID.

And also can't understand how I have had at least ten days, between the the day I couldn't move and the symptoms coming out?? How many places have I gone, trams taken, exchanges of possible infection.

Anyways, I am now hopefully in recovery, I'll test again tomorrow, Tuesday, see how it comes out. This post is all over place, blaming too much sleep and too much awake through coughing in the night, and pod casts about spies!

M.

Especially beautiful words here beneath..

If I had a flower for every time I thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever

Alfred Lord Tennyson.