Happy all Hallows Eve!

Highfields Park, Nottingham, yesterday... Beautiful autumnal day for a walk around here.. 

We actually went to an area of the hospital to pick up my pre surgery preparation pack.. and it's very close to this park.

They called again, the hospital, and changed my appointment again, which is better than the 10th, less bad omen feel for me, especially... 

It is now the 4th of November, Monday!

Which is great, just my body so has not sorted itself out from its last pre surgery prep. 

Stomach feels crappy, and it's all over the place! 

Added to that a bad back! Maybe a mix of stress, and, or? Sunday night I had to have easy and quick access to the bathroom, so we had a switch around of bedrooms and I was in a bunk bed, which was great, actually,  but not easy to jump into or out of in a hurry, and getting out of is a hurry, as any of you might know if you've had a colonoscopy.

Without getting into it too much, this was my fourth pre colonoscopy prep. but I've never had this after-effect before, I guess it having only been May since the last my body is not liking it! 

Whose would to be honest!?! 

And now I am putting it through it again, immediately! I can't eat for 24 hours after the surgery is only, and then only soft foods for a further 72 hours..

After Mondays disappointment, I had thought a good meal, a glass of wine .. would be a thing for this weekend, but no..

And to be honest, not next either, I am worrying myself sick that maybe I'll be too scared to eat anything that could risk effecting the surgery area, ever again!

But living on soup or other non chewable items probably wouldn't be a good onwards journey for a body!

M.

They whispered to her You cannot withstand the storm She whispered back I AM The Storm!

I must have blogged this already? Below I mean, I wrote it in 2023.. I was in my aunt's house.. 

'Nothing here has changed... In her house..

It's a time warp I will forever remember.. and always wish I could step back into

Sorry I feel sad.. I am thinking if I leave it too long again.. there won't be a next time here.'

I always feel this loss when I leave her, and I've booked a visit to her again now... If I had a TARDIS I'd be over every day for a cup of tea..

Every single day.. No matter what.

Last night in a half sleep moment I knew Pippa had come into the bedroom, I could hear her paws and then the weight of her as she jumped onto my bed and moved up towards me .. then her cold nose and whiskers tickling my face as she checked my breathing... As she used to do! Then I started to wake more and said 'Pippa! And laughed and woke myself up completely.. then realized she wasn't there, and it was only .. what? A dream? A visit from my puppy love? Who knows, I believe the latter.. 

Went to my Lockup this morning, collected a few summer things, and buried my head in my clothes and material stuff there... Breathing in the smell of my old home, breathing in memories and feelings... And missings... I know its not a word, missings, but it's my word.. I'll have to save something and keep it in an airless bag, to open, rarely, to keep forever... With my missings... 

The reason for my lateness in posting the last post and why I said I was distracted, was because of worries.. and a silly accident, sort of thing.. actually..

The weekend after the London trip, the Saturday, two weeks ago now already..  I had to have a colonoscopy, I've just checked as I actually thought I had written this down, but it's not anywhere? I had sent of the poop test thingy we all get to check for bowel cancer, and within a couple of days of sending it, received a letter for an appointment phone call, followed swiftly by the colonoscopy.. they removed three polyps, and saw the Diverticular and a small area from an internal hemorrhoid, in the area of the Diverticular, which may have bleed causing the test to come back positive.

There was another polyp which needs to come out, but it couldn't be done then, too big and in an awkward area. So I have to have that delt with. I have a telephone appointment date, where I'll learn what and when. 

I'm in Spain what happens, and then a small window of opportunity before I'm off again to my aunts .. 

So apologies for being a bit out of my head, or out of my mind! Been a lot going on.. and bad sleep at night leading to being (even more) tired during the day! 

Oh the accident! So it's the Thursday before the colonoscopy on the Saturday, I've started the fibre-free diet, haven't had to do that before, rice or potatoes, chicken or white fish, no milk in drinks.. very limited, very hungry! 

Anyways!! So I'm walking downstairs and before I knew it I was flying! Only not very well, I used my right ankle to turn awkwardly as I landed, that sent me into a right-handed spin so I used my head to stop me, hitting a coat hook on the dining room door and landing badly on my right side in the dining room! 

I stayed there a while, did a self assessment! Knew nothing was broken, got up and wobbled into the living room and sat down, sort of was going to leave it at that, just take it easy, you know, it's just a headache, it'll be okay... But I got up to get a cup of tea after a couple of minutes, and saw the lump on my head! Nice big already bruising lump! So I messaged Barry, he came home from work, had ordered me to call 111, they got a hospital paramedic to call me, and was told to come to hospital, it's a head injury and I had to go.. So we got a cab, and spent from about 11am to 4pm in hospital.. I sprained my right ankle, and was given information about the head injury and what to look out for, oh, and to stay awake! 

Filling out the preliminary forms on Saturday in City hospital, had to mention I'd only just been in the Queen's Med! And why!

Wasn't expecting that!

I have to say though also, I couldn't have had better care in either hospitals, Saturday, a team of four caring, considerate and knowledgeable people, the specialist was Spanish, everything explained throughout.. 

And on Thursday, under extreme pressures in A&E, everyone was happy caring and doing their best at all times... Despite a woman kicking off, literally, headbutting the screen, walls, doors, swearing and shouting, people complaining, a prisoner with his two guards! A couple of people who were challenged for different reasons, but both kept getting up and trying to get out, wandering around.. 

It's been a other day since I wrote earlier here... Last night's dream was on and off trains and two funerals! So the excitement goes on!

M.

That's what fear can whip people into. You make people afraid enough, of something completely manufactured. And you can drive them to become murderers. Cold blooded murderers.

Lisa Kudro