Four year memory on Facebook.. from today, 2021, Mijas Pueblo, it's like another lifetime.. So many lifetime's wrapped up in a being, how many do we get? That's a question we don't know, live each one with the greatest feelings, live each one as though it's our last.. 

Stay in the moment.. I spend so much of my time in the past, I can't help it.

It's not that I'm not happy now, I am... but it's that I was a different happy then. I felt different, I thought that was me.

And when our lives change because of others, we lose who we were, I still haven't found me yet? 

Does that ever happen.

Okay, this was a couple of days ago!

Went for a wonderful walk yesterday..

Quite a muddy walk! That wonderful smell of earth and mulch I missed so much.. lichen everywhere, beautiful.. 

I had on my waterproof walking boots, unfortunately, of course, only actually waterproof up to a certain point! And walking through an exceptionally deep lake, aka a puddle! The water unexpectedly came over the laces! Still, my feet were warm and soon so was the water that my boot-socks soaked up!

After I got home, actually a few hours later, it started raining! And today the sun is here, and the sky a beautiful soft blue.. 

Thoughts of Christmas bring me down, but a trip booked for home revives me...

Yesterday evening's meal although tasted very good, within half an hour wasn't good in my stomach, well, not stomach as such.. And it's still bad, I checked again, as I have before, Dr Google says that colorrectal surgery can trigger diverticular disease symptoms.. So I guess this will be off the menu, maybe leave it a longer time, I felt I was at last, nearly two months post surgery, feeling that I was getting better... 

Still some pain every day, but less than at first, obviously, but still pain none the less ..

Now really bad again.. fed up with it all!

M.

Music track today also! Styx, The Best of Times

We are all that we have seen and done

I found my reusable face pads! My wash and use again face pads! And their bags, for before and after use! Something made me check a draw!! After checking a couple of other places first..

But it's okay! Found them! And knew I had them, somewhere because I'd actually see them this year!! 

But my mom's china doll, and two other freaky dolls of mine, nope, nada, NEIN!

They, along with my Klimt statue have gone. I haven't seen them since my return, and it is now impossible for them to be in any other boxes.

I am devastated.

Not sure how to jump to a different subject from here.. 

I guess, just leap and hope for the best! 

So! I went to Asda, could have been an extremely expensive shop if I'd not had my wits about me! 

I self scan, using my phone, bag up as I go into my own bag, so all normal there, twelve items, and checking my purchases before paying, don't always, but now again, in case I've scanned something I've not bought! It happens! 

So, it says roll, like a bread roll? I guess, and the value? 646 pounds! Yep, £646.00 for a roll!! 

Two things? That's pricy! And also, I didn't even go to the bakery isle! Never mind but.. what how much is one roll? Let's say it's 50p so that's twelve hundred rolls!! 

So I raised my arm and someone came over to help me out! I had to empty out my bag, to check it! Like my small bag could even hold that many rolls, but in case I'd picked something up with a red discount sticker, they, another woman came out to help! Called a few people, but no help, so after having put everything back, I had to checkout through a regular machine! 

Crazy eh! I do think I know what happened though... I was looking through the discount area, for some shampoo, my phone in my hand, maybe it scanned something, somehow? A discounted item, that has been wrongly priced up? As a 649 pound roll!!! 

M.

Make peace with your past. All of your experiences have brought you to where you are right now.

Wayne Dyer - 1940-2015, Author and Speaker

A zoomed in photograph from my old living room.. those mountains looked different at every different moment of the day, and time of the year..

I wish I'd stood on those mountains and looked back at Alhaurín El Grande, although I have from Casarabonela and Gibralgalía.. oh and more villages of course!

I wrote this earlier, and am definitely up and about now!

I need to get up; watching a good movie in bed.. it's warm under the covers, black out curtains makes it feel like night, and I can hear the rain against the window... 

I was watching the third in the Knives Out movie series, absolute the best! Fantastic! 

And I watched the rest already! Took longer than it should, pausing to hang paintings, pausing to string pictures with no wire or hooks... Pausing to call a registration for something for the house.. Spent about quarter of an hour doing that! Not because it took a long time to do, but because we were talking about ancestors, archaeology, and family...

And pausing, of course, to make coffee!

Saturday went to a great centre in Ilkeston, Armstrongs Mill, near the railway station.

Went to have a look around Armstrong Antiques, I didn't know all the other things were there! 

Basement has ex high street brands, womenswear floor, menswear another floor, furniture, carpets, other floor, and floor four? I think? Yip floor... The antiques area.. filled with so much!! Was like being back at my mom and stepdads, familiar things.. always wondering if I'll ever come across one of my step dads paintings.. could have spent hours, and hours there.

Lovely restaurant too, where we stopped for coffee, and a toasted teacake, for me, of course, seemed only right.. 

And now the paintings are up, like seeing old friends once more...

Before I leave; that rain against the windows earlier... That sound always makes me feel sad.. My sister from another mister is leaving work, and her home, and returning to this country, I think I am feeling her sadness also.

All those emotions; leaving your homeland is massive, then living somewhere else and taking on that country as home, and heart is a very big deal... Then leaving, another leaving, for whatever reasons, like being pulled apart, physically removed and yet one's heart and mind remains.. 

M.

Don't be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.

Roy T. Bennett - 1939-2014, Politician

Nice little trip into town, Nottingham, this afternoon, appointment for my boob screening! Or as a friendly calls it, boob press!! 

Sorry, saying is all! Too much info? Deepest apologies but my life, as you know, is mapped on my pages, bled out sometimes among the lines, between the lines most often.. afraid of giving it all here, yet, hopeless to keep it in.. or too helpless not to! 

Good at confusing every one with words and plot twists and turns! 

Anyways! I was early, in and out before my appointment time, and time for a KFC, Christmas special! Thank you very much KFC! Been longing for the Christmas special, watching the same advert night after night! Now I've had my yearly taste of it maybe I'll stop saying, 'I want that!' or maybe not!

Was pretty in town, sky a beautiful blue, with red tinges from the setting sun, the Christmas market lights sparkling, people happy.. 

Was lovely journey home ...

This evening the tree! At last? Yes, better late than never I guess! Simple, not too a great many ornaments, not sure if I've lost any, I know I had only bought a new tree the year before I moved, and I think a few more baubles, they're on the tree, and my few tree decorations.. I buy something most years, to add to the tree.. Treeeeee, why have I said it so many times! Leaving it as I've written it now! 

Not speaking into my phone, writing!

Yesterday after I wrote, I opened a Christmas box, and there were only a few Christmassy things in there, the rest were all ornaments! 

Things I had thought lost, but also not the special things I still can't find! 

I think my head is so messed up over the move, that somehow I also keep thinking that I've left stuff in my lock up!! Which is impossible!

How could I have taken to the charity shop the things most precious to me? I'll stop saying this soon, I'll go through everything, one more time, obviously I hadn't, or the things I found yesterday wouldn't have been such a surprise.. 

But, when all is said and done with the boxes, I'll stop, I'll mourn yet more things I have lost, and just have to let go, move on.. kick myself hard, beat my head against a wall and cry yet more tears... 

Change the subject!

This morning I finished watching a great movie, Bride Hard .. watch it! Great movie! Love the Die Hard connection with the name... 

It'll be a keeper on my list!

Now, time for TV, relax, then sleep, fingers crossed; and, perchance to dream.. 

M.

We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter. 

Denis Diderot

Nice day yesterday, sky was mostly blue, sun was mostly out, very mild for this time of the year! 

Was train and tram into Nottingham, visit with my son, catch up and back to town... Had a wander around, crazy busy! Mayhem was already ensueing! 

I am talking into my phone again to write my blog, it just seems easier as long as I keep an eye on what is being sent out on here and not miss heard by Google. Lols it wrote 'herd' Oh dear!! 

So I am now pottering around and moving things around until things find their home, which made me laugh when just telling a friend, because I have been moving around for 66 years and I'm still not sure where I'm supposed to be! Well, that's not strictly true, I did feel home, as soon as my feet touched the tarmac August 3rd 1988, en suelo español. And yes, that's still where I am with that. But where I am supposed to be? Is that a different thing?

I found a little plastic tub that I'd obviously filled up with items as I left home, I thought it only had thread and needles in there mostly, but it seems I had placed other odd items in there... It's very annoying today talking my Blog..  as I speak it doesn't understand the difference between they're there and their! See Y eso me ha dicho and in Spanish! That means 'and that's what he told me!' Not sure who 'he' is, and it's not what I said!

And so inside my little plastic box, I found my collection of Costa Coffee badges that I had collected from the Costa Coffee in Aylesbury!

I bet if I walked into Costa anywhere now wearing them no one working there would even remember them! Mostly not even born then! 

Also in there which expectedly would be quite a few buttons, I have a huge collection of buttons in a button tin, have I mentioned that before? They belonged to me my mom, my grandmother and my great-grandmother at least! 

I keep meaning to take them all and get them to my daughter-in-law, she will make much better use of them than I ever have.

There was also Pippa's first collar which was a bit sad to see, and the smallest tiniest little silver pot with a mother of pearl lid and a black elephant on the top, I was fairly buoyant, fairly happy just going through these things, then I opened the pot and the world stopped, did anyone else notice? Did anyone fall off the planet when gravity ceased to exist? No!?! Just me then, it has a very small amount of Franco's hair inside. 

Is our family weird collecting hair? I have mourning jewelry with hair, dating back generations. My mom's baby hair, my own, my boys... 

I think it's time for me to get back to my movie I started watching, and paused about half an hour ago it's a horror film I'm watching, needed a break from Christmas movies, chick flicks, and or any other movies that can be a bit sad this time of the year. 

M.

I wonder if the only way this world will work is if we learn to coexist with the past as well as the future

A few words on a Facebook page, purloined here, has prompted my photograph taken at Cabopino a few years ago.. 

Christmas makes me spike high with expectations and down with loss, missing, broken dreams.. 

Childhood hopes mainly I think... 

Haven't got the tree up yet, but it's here and waiting, delivery man asked when he dropped something else off yesterday!! I wonder if he remember everything he has delivered to everyone!! WoW! That would be impressive! 

Maybe at Christmas going far far away would work! Of course, I'd only be there when I got there, so I am guessing not! It's good having my things around me, but they do feel as though they're not where they should be, where they were, for twenty three years.

Nothing to report today! Rained a little last night, sunny now! And this isn't a weather report Blog! Although I have noticed last couple of weeks they've had snow down south twice already! Not seen any up here, want to say up north! Bit I'm in the East Midlands! Phone wanted to say East Islands... Sounds nice! 

Needing a new Tattoo, sorry aunt Rita! Thinking little scarab beetle? 

Okay,. get a little bit random now, just chittering on now! 

Update on knee? Still bruised, still a lump and still hurting! Post surgery.. still have issues!

Funny how even when I'm not feeling too great myself I can still lift others, still raise positive thoughts. We never do listen to ourselves do we.

It occurred to me yesterday, also, I spent fifteen years feeling as though Spain was my home, while I waited to move there, then lived there until last year, apart from the short break in Wales, still had my home there... And visited as much as I could. Thirty-six years is a long time to feel at home somewhere, to feel in the right place, to see what I used to see every day.. and feel at peace... Until I didn't.. 

Although when I visit, it truly feels like coming home.

M.

Things we lose always have a way of coming back to us again

Harry Potter 

Our new Christmas mugs! Spruced up for my blog! Does look much better with that foamy cream

Ok friends I am going to speak my blog today as I have been gone for well over two weeks, not gone gone, just gone from blogging!

On the Tuesday following my last blog I'd gone out for a walk along the canal and on my return not far from home I took a step off the curb and fell onto the road, both my knees and both my wrists and hands took a really hard knock, and as it was the weekend after I built 5 or 6 items of furniture from IKEA, I was already feeling the effects of that.

I picked myself up off the road and continued over I stopped by a car wash and the girl that works there came over to check I was okay, she asked me if I wanted a cup of coffee but I said as I was so near to home I would just get back, but thanked her.

So still two weeks and a day after falling I still have a bruised left knee and a lump I can't kneel on my left knee at all and I do feel I should have gone to urgency, but there is no way after my recent visits to urgency but I plan on going anytime soon. 

I realise I may have seriously damaged my patella, but I'm just going to leave it for a while longer. 

I have which you will not have noticed on here as you only get to know what I write that, I have moved into a house not too far from my sons, it is just a short train and tram ride away and can be there within an hour, I am in Derbyshire now just over the border literally just a few minutes from the M1 motorway.

I am watching all the Christmas crap, sorry I mean wonderful Christmas movies that I watch every year, and last few days watching Harry Potter movies, I am listening to all the books on Amazon audio what's it called, Audible of course that's what it's called! 

I am missing home home home, nope saying it's three times does not get me back I thought I would try! 

The weather hasn't been too bad a few days of rain here all there but still really mild 12 degrees the other day, maybe this house is quite warm. 

On Sunday at at sons, we all went into town three grandparents and three children, I am including my son in the children section!

We had a great time wandering around the shops, we had lunch at McDonald's and I now am a proud owner of the Grinch socks, as advertised on TV! They are odd socks which works perfectly for me as I always wear, odd socks!

We got back home thank Cassie and I had an hour before we headed back out on the tram, and back into town, we had tickets for Wicked two, we popped into a nearby Tesco's supermarket and picked up sweets and water comma and still early, as my son had predicted! We then wondered into a store not far from the cinema that Cassie wanted to go in, it's a great store quite goth filled with jewelry unusual clothes unusual bits and pieces, we wondered around on the ground floor then Cassie said let's go downstairs, so I followed her down. 

She was ahead of me on the stairs and at the bottom of the stairs looked in front of her and to the left at the shelving there, I was still walking down and looked across to my right where I saw a man behind the counter, he looked at me and I immediately read his expression I hadn't realized quite how psychic I am! I looked to the right of him, and the shelving there! I said to my granddaughter come on let's go, and she complained but turned around and headed up the stairs in front of me, the guy at the counter nodded and I nodded back. 

My granddaughter complained that I hadn't allowed her to carry on looking around the shop, and I said to her that it would be another 10 years before I would go in that shop again with her at least downstairs, or even tell her why! 

As I tried not to laugh out loud I couldn't help smiling, when I thought of the interaction between the shopper assistant and myself as he tried and succeeded in getting me to see, the huge array of adult toys that were on the shelf down in that corner!!! 

So funny, a real memory moment, then of course we headed into the cinema, we were screen two of the Broadway Cinema in Nottingham and the seats were plush comfortable didn't fold in half when Cassie moved around, a year ago when we went at a different screen the seat kept trying to swallow her up! 

No I don't know if I have caught up yet really with everything, I have left my lock up, I have at last retrieved all my belongings, there seems to be some things missing although I haven't actually opened all of the wrappings yet. 

Time will tell, and it seems strange to see my things somewhere other than home I think, it's not just been falling over, but my head has been in a strange place, still is. 

I sometimes just wish , I just wish so much that life hadn't forced my path to change, and saying this out loud now, makes it so much more difficult, because I feel like I'm talking to friends and therefore my eyes are now leaking! 

Let's change the subject! Christmas is nearly upon us we have advent calendars to open, we have the wonderful Christmas adverts on the TV, and I genuinely mean that actually. 

I had missed the Christmas adverts which also break the heart, I am enjoying I'm a celebrity get me Out of Here, it is really the only thing that I watch like that on TV.

I am wandering how many mistakes have been made whilst I speak into my phone, it doesn't always pick up exactly what I'm saying, and maybe, it never picks up what I'm thinking. 

Time to end for today, apologies for my lateness, must try better! Now it's time for another cup of coffee and back to Harry Potter! 

M.

I wonder, How much love in this world Hides behind silence?

-THE RANDOM STORIES