Friday, March 05, 2010


My Mom passed away last evening... she was peaceful, no pain, i was with her, actually holding her as she took her last breaths.. i would normally have gone back to her place by this late in the day but Tony and Kate were coming after work...

about 5:30pm i could tell a change in my Moms breathing, quieter and very steady, i got up and stood next to her, holding her and stroking her hair, leaning and talking to her, lots of positive things and telling her i love you Mom... at 6pm her clock chimed and she missed a breath making me scared for a moment till she took the next one, then she stopped altogether and i called the nurses, Mom took another few breathes after a few minutes and moved her mouth as if to speak... then a last breath....

they moved a chair for me to sit quietly with her, i was holding her again then Tony and Kate arrived, and we sat with Mom for a while... i talked to her some more and we tried not to cry, not wanting our tears to be the final things she heard...

earlier in the afternoon the Vicar from St Marys Northchurch came as we had arranged and after we had chatted about a bit of our history he stood over Mom and said a prayer, then a commendation prayer... i think this helped prepare my Mom...

she hasnt spoken since saturday, but i have felt, believed, that she has been listening to me rabbit on about something or nothing, talking of where we have been, places and people...

it was a difficult evening and night, and i was awake from 5am this morning, worrying about all the things we have to do today, thank goodness for Tony being here... wish Barry was too, but he is in netherlands... that was the hardest call, telling Baz over the phone his Gran was gone, even though we knew the time was imminent...

today, hope you dont mind me rambling at a time like this? but maybe its like times like this i need to more than ever?... so this morning Tony and i went back to the care home to collect Moms things, that was hard... then to Moms to hunt down her birth certificate, she had told me everything would be in the black box! ? er no?? but we found the important documents after turning her place in side out, it looks like its been trashed, sorry Mom...

still not found her passport though? i told Tony i think she has taken it with her!!!

we have been to the registry office... and its the funeral arrangements on monday... and you what? i want to call Mom! i want to pick up the phone like i do, and speak to her...

6 comments:

Carol said...

(((((I'm so sorry, Marian))))) Yes, the one person I wanted to call, the only one who would understand my pain and shock and loss, was the one who wouldn't be answering the phone. That's a pain like no other. I know. Hang in there. We're praying for you.

Christine said...

I'm so sorry Marian,I can feel your pain but it means your Mum is no longer in pain.I lost my last old blood relative a few days ago.Please be strong over the next days. I will think of you every day
Chrissie

Marian said...

Oh Chrissie, i am sorry for you too, and thank you again..xx

Marian said...

Carol... exactly...xx

Anonymous said...

(((hugs to you Marian)))

Pia

Marian said...

Pia, Nicchick - thank youxx