Before I begin, this is a heavy Blog! 

But in no way does it mean I am down or worrying.. just sometimes I need to unload.. but hell, after nearly 20 years of Blogging I guess you'd know that!

Just I've been thinking, which is either a very good thing or a very bad thing.. I'm speaking into my phone to do this blog so forgive errors.

It was an episode this morning of a series that I'm watching and a ghost said how he realised at a point in his life that he had been wasting his life on nothing.. things that didn't matter in the grand scheme of things.. or not taking as much notice of the things that really do matter in his life so he changed his ways.

And it reminded me of somebody that I love and care for very much, who said that on their deathbed the last thought would be of wasting time that could have been better spent elsewhere.

We can never go back, we can never get that time back to spend with someone we love, we can't change what was.

And I know my last five years have certainly not all been wasted, of course not, I have had some wonderful amazing times..  treasured moments I will keep with me always..  but now I feel different, now I feel I am biding my time... But why? What for?

Maybe we all have this thought now and again, and maybe it's because I'm here in Spain 20 years, in my house on my own, maybe missed opportunities and I would not have been on my own now.. still... Franco told me not to be alone, but I guess I have also fought that hard, because of him.

I reckon I'm probably two-thirds through my life that would make sense, I'm 63 and I reckon I can do until 93! So yeah I've got 30 years left and I don't want to be looking back and saying the last 30 years of my life have been wasted.

I think change is coming, change needs to come.

I know I need to grab it and I need to move on, and I need to stop re-posting rubbish on Facebook that makes me think too much, I need to just stop looking back, I need to think of today today.

And I need to think of how I want to look back at myself in 30 years time if I'm lucky.

A woman died in a car crash on the outskirts of Alhaurín recently, she was 42, a car was on the wrong side of the road, head on collision and it took her life.. we never know what's ahead do we, and none of us should waste a moment.

M.