Friday, April 02, 2010

Pippa and i did go with the hope of the internet this morning, but, as i approached the bar is was going to use i found it shut! well it is holidays here after all i suppose eh! my plan had been as pippa is so scared at the sports bar to use the one beneath and hope to catch the signal from there, although i had also misjudged its whereabouts from below, so too had Franco, we both felt it to be in the same wrong place! so i did go to sit at the little bar near super sol, had just sat down when some friends came along, and joined us for coffee, i didn't try to internet so still dont know if it will work from there, will try again tomorrow... or try leaving pippa for longer tomorrow and just go on my own to the regular bar, although the lure of the euro coffee will be strong...

had a bad day yesterday, all i wanted to do was cry... i suppose this is normal? who knows... cant believe Mom passed away four weeks ago today, and that its April now already... a good friend of mine died March 31st 1995, where did those 15 years go? 'they' say time heals all things? time changes things i guess, but i cant see how this pain of loosing my Mom will ever heal...

ok... lets have a moan shall i! and as usual here in Spain so much to moan about!!! last week Franco and i went to pay a bill for a friend, we were told the bill was too late to be paid! and we had to get a replacement bill, which of course, you can only get from the office in the town that the bill payer resides, well the house anyway! so off we went with vague ideas of where to go to get this replacement bill, vague because the people in the office in Alhaurin didn't know where to pay it in a neighbouring town, so we went to the main town hall, which isn't where you would pay this bill in Alhaurin by the way, but we went anyway, joined a queue of people waiting... as you do... there were two doors and three women serving at regular desks, sometimes people would come from behind, and just walk in and get served??? so our turn, and she printed off a replacement bill and said there was another needing paying, for may! cant be bad, paying ahead of what you will use??? and of course you cannot pay a bill in there, silly, so we went to the BBVA bank next door, queued up to use the machine by the doorn, the handy bar code reader machine, and after 20 minutes tried the first bill, put in the 50Euro note, and it said NO, cant take 50's! so joined the line for the cashier, i was a little concerned as i reached the counter by the many signs saying use the machine for bills... luckily a couple in front wanted what we did and were told no, you can only pay the bills with the machine, just imagine a bank that wont take money!!! C R A Z Y! so we went out, got a coffee, and change, back into the bank and paid both bills at the machine!

the day before in our local bank we had had trouble too, i was trying to tell the cashier the problems we were having with telefonica, a girl who was there before called them for me, this man looked at the telefonica bill and said "is this your address?" pointing at the address of the banco de andalucia in fuengirola??? i said er... no, its your bank down in fuengirola!! the phone rang, so of course he answered it even though he was dealing with me!! Pepe? are you never coming back to Alhaurin!!!!


now i cant remember if i have written this or not? and not being on line means i cant check... so... our telephone problem, as in being cut off just before Franco came over to England, because Telefonica had tried to take the money from our old bank account? i know this is a computer, but how can this keep happening? its stupid and ridiculous... these are things that shouldnt be happening in the 21st century any more! but then most things here are just the same! you dont appreciate the ease of paying bills by computer or in any bank at any time in England, banco de Andalusia for instance bill payments can only be done between 830am and 1030 Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday, and that's it! again, how ridiculous? and that old cherry over car registration, its free and just a case of sending off your part of the document back in blighty! they have just allowed Mijas pueblo to open their shops every day, all day! just allowed Mijas pueblo to be acknowledged as a tourist attraction! after what 30? 40? years... everything here is one step forward and at least 20 back, in years... the fun hasn't started yet on sorting out the house, being in both my Moms and my name, i expect by the end of it we will have nothing! and you cannot sell the house to pay the tax, and after 6 months the fines you incur are just go up and up! seeing the lawyer on tuesday to begin the end!

i have misplaced my rose tinted glasses as you can see, i dont know where i put them, and i may never wear them again...

thank goodness the sun is shining now, it came out at last last friday, we had had to odd little bit of sun interspersed with rain, but since friday its been sun all the way... back to heat, back to the wavering mirage along the road or on the beach, there is usually a breeze down here on the coast, so feels cooler in that for now, its more welcome when its really hot, when those of us inland only have the heat!

the tractor was out on the beach yesterday clearing some of the debris, and there is lots of it, tons of rubbish, bamboo, plastics and just plain junk! we were late walking pip yesterday evening and she was having a mad moment, running like crazy and i was flying along behind her, feet hardly touching the ground, then we were up to the rocks that were invisible 4 or 5 years ago, then up a grassy bank and off towards the back on mcdonalds! franco had picked up a near deflated foot ball which he and i kicked up the street, with pippa taking no notice of us at all! her main interest down here are the cats, so so many of them! just whisper the word 'gatito' and she is off like a rocket!

i was playing café world on facebook while i was in england, i got hooked a couple of days before i went over, and it might seem strange but it was something that kept my mind busy, or blank maybe? while i was there, the worry, the stress, the worry (again), was blanked out when i was playing that game, it was an addiction too, there were things you had to do and they had to be done at certain times or your restaurant was ruined!!! it was a distraction i needed then, and for me now, i dont need it, its something i can leave because i have other things i need to do just now... that and not having the internet too i guess ;-) so i have left the building, or at least the street, i have cancelled the app. not sure whats happened to me from others points of view... my little chef character might be asleep over a stove somewhere!!!

ok... its today now! copied and pasted above... sorry for any errors, want to be quick today... just had a chat with friend on skype, 11 years since her mom died, still wants to phone her... there is no hope for me then... its not a case of forgetting i know, but maybe i need to know its a case of this is how i will feel now, just a change of feelings... oh i dont know, i know nothing...

thank God the sun is shining... pippa is in the apartment alone... hope she has stopped barking, hate leaving her, but know i have to, there is another dog here today at the bar, she would have had company... me? i dont...

shadow and sun; so too our lives are made. yet think how great the sun, how small the shade...

adío amigos,
TTFN
Marian

2 comments:

Carol said...

((((Marian)))) I can only say that the first year without my mother was very hard (all the holidays/birthdays without her, but also, just seeing something she'd like in a store, like a porcelain doll, and realizing with a fresh thud that she wasn't around). Very early on, and only once, I had very distractedly called her. It was so horrendous to hear the recording that the number was no longer in use.

But in the second year, I began to be able to think or hear of some of our history without my insides seizing up. By the 5th year, it was simply reality-- there was no way I'd wish her back to this world, and certainly not into her suffering! As much as I and her first two grandchildren missed her, she was indeed in a much better place--a wonderful place.

After 15 years, the pain is long gone --truly, long gone, but oddly enough, knowing now even more what she had lived through, I can only wish I had done more for her, and be her friend. I find myself full of gratitude toward her, and toward God for her.

Once you get all your mom's estate settled, a pressure will be gone, and even then it will seem a little more bearable. The memories never stop, but you will in a few years find something of hers that you wish to carry forward in your own life.

I know this isn't helpful. I guess we can only take such things one day at a time, but it does get better. It does. Your mom is Home, now, where she was awaited and welcomed, and is now waiting with great happiness. You will see her again.

Marian said...

Carol... thank you so much, what you say does help, believe it, and it makes me cry... i just feel so *in shock*, i do want to call her number... i so do... thank you, bless you, marianxx