Monday, March 04, 2013

Mom “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” ― Thomas Campbell

I can't get on with my work today until I have written some of my heart out...

Three years ago today my mom passed on, I can't believe it,  three years, I still thank god for all of you here and your constant friendship, words of kindness, words of compassion....

Mom would say, how is everyone who reads your Blog, or who said what on Twitter! 

I just said to my son that I wish I could go back to today, three years ago, just to have one more day; I suppose that sounds sad, bad, wrong, I should be saying, one more day when she was well of course, but I want that day, first days and last days, she was with me on my first day, of course!!! and I was with her on her last, never enough words spoken, never enough love given, we can always feel we could have given more, we can, only when we're alive of course.... I just want to go back to up there.... when mom and I were in New York, or walking around town would be just as good, her pointing out a dress or clothing of some sort, which was something so not me!  Or me telling her "no pleats mom please!" for her!!!  I guess the perfect day would be the one beneath!  My first birthday, but that's just silly, nothing would, or could change, and down the line, I would be saying the same thing again, because life is like that...

I want to pick up the phone and hear her voice, I want her to phone me at odd hours of the day or night for a crossword answer.... or for either of us to say what's on TV, or coming on TV.... yes its all about me isn't it.... The last day she could speak she said she couldn't go, because I still needed her.... she was right....

I Am Not Gone
    I am not gone
          While you cry with me
    I am not gone
         While you smile with me
    I am not gone
         While you remember with me

    I will come
        When you call my name
    I will come
        When I feel your pain
    I will come
        On your final day

    It could never be
        That we
              Would never be

    We shall always
         Be together

I am not gone
    Michael Ashby



Anonymous said...

I didn't see this til tonight (the 6th). Wow, I can't believe it's been 3 years. It honestly doesn't seem possible, but anyway, I'm sorry for your sense of loss. I'd like to say it gets better -- it does -- but I can't say's different for each of us. Oh dear, Marian... I'll pray for you tonight.


Marian said...

Carol... Thank you, it seems days I need my mom most, are the days I need her most, you know what I mean... love m xx