When I fished my Blog, just now .. I finished my coffee also, and looking down into my cup, a feather .. signs eh! Last night, I was watching the New Snow White film .. it's lovely... Maybe not for everyone... But my inner child loves these movies .. fairytales, hopes and dreams .. 

Anyways!! So I was watching above movie on my Kindle, and stopped... Thinking back to when Franco and Barry and I were here, and we were out front one evening late, enjoying the warm evening and running around like crazies trying to catch fireflies... 

So I got out of bed, it was around 11:30pm maybe.. crouched down and looked out of my bedroom window into the dark outside.. and there! Immediately! A firefly! Just for me, down where we chased them before, and just the one. Courtesy of Franco, I felt.

I waited about ten minutes, but no more .. I always look out of window, but hadn't seen one for years...

And like the feather in my coffee grounds above.. just small gifts, just for me.

Now I am getting around to what happend the Sunday before last.

I knew we were going to visit where I grew up, I was looking forward to walking around where I was used to walk.. 

I thought, I'm going to see what's for sale around there, so I Googled properties for sale! And I clicked on a house down our street, they were all laid out pretty much the same when I was there, two up, two down! We had a mangle house out the back, two story! 

I clicked on street view to see which house it is.. I hadn't zoomed in on the front door, it was, after all, just one of the houses in our street ..

Not sure if you're ahead of me by now? I'm sure some of you are ..

It isn't just one of the houses down our street, it is our house!

WoW! 

Our house, my house! My grandmother, my great grandmother.. it's our family home.

And now I am digging myself a big pit of despair and disappointment as all I want is to be back in there again, wrapped up in warm memories and familiar places...

The chances of my house being for sale? Right when I go to look on property for sale there? 

It's meant to be right?? I am laughing in my head! 

I can dream, and I do love to dream, to plan, to imagine..  

But I am well aware I'll be upset when it sells, if not to me... 

And the big, big thing about being there, later, parking up near my house, walking around the small parade of stores, walking up our street.. I actually, since coming back in October, I actually felt like I was home.

You know how I have happy days and those sad days, I spill them here regularly don't I..

Today I woke up sad, maybe the firefly from last night? Now the feather in my coffee cup, the tale of Snow White has it's ups and downs, as fairy tales do...

It's my birthday tomorrow! That's it! Retirement! It's a big stepping stone in life isn't it? I hadn't really thought about it, only in a joking way, as my countdown app on my phone told me the years ticking off, I put the app on about four years ago! Now it's down to hours .. 

Less time, as I screenshot and place here, than I realized! Also confused about the actual countdown time!?! Should be more than that, a few hours more!?! 

As for me here it's 10:55am here, as I write.. 13 hours to go until my birthday! And if I'm being exact... Plus 3hrs more for being born in Cali!

Not posting until later, when I'm sure my birthday will have arrived in the UK before I do! 

And now, need to re-set my mind! 

Look where I am and with whom. Only as my eyes well up... I guess, it's really what's missing is what hurts isn't it. 

M.

But know this - despite the distance and time put behind me, whenever I glance at the rearview mirror

I still hope to see you.

J. Raymond 

A part of a poem from The Kindred Project

Above Thursday evening, back in Alhaurín... 

Beautiful sunsets.. memories abound.. 

Yesterday, Friday 13th June, the Botanical Gardens of Málaga.. all these years meaning to visit.. never too late! 

We got the fast bus from Alhaurín to Málaga bus station, us three girls, stopped for breakfast at a bar near the bus station.. it was busy but we nabbed a table and three chairs..

The botanical gardens on built above Málaga, above the A45 to Cordoba..

It is about 13 minutes from the hospital.. There really are no excuses for not going over these decades!! 

The bus from here is fast, and cheap, and the bus from Málaga bus station took about half an hour, and cost 1.40€ very cheap... 

We had coffees, twice, and a little food from the cafe on site, was clean and well stocked.. the many bathrooms were all clean..

Sorry, laughing to myself, I'm giving a review here!! I leave it to Google maps for that! 

We walked, and walked.. remember the gardens are on the side of a mountain! Was easy and okay to walk, but maybe not when it gets hotter.. we didn't get everywhere, saving a little for next time.. and cooler weather..

We imagined, different times of the year everything would be different, of course, like any garden.. ever changing, ever growing.. 

So incredibly beautiful, and the air, although right next to the A45, and you could hear it.. the air amongst the trees was beautiful.. refreshing..

The house! Stunning! I'll put a link here to the Botanical Gardens of Málaga.

Some photographs today, more in the morning.. 

Two nights ago I dreamt about many holes in the road ahead of me...

Dreams about holes in the road often symbolize life's challenges and obstacles, suggesting the need for caution and perseverance. The holes can represent unexpected difficulties or situations that require careful navigation. It may also reflect a sense of being lost or facing uncertainty in one's life. 

Interesting eh! Sorry dream out of context, but I'd already left this here from yesterday morning.. and let's be honest, much of life is out of context!

So yesterday! 

After our long wonderful day in Málaga, I had a brief reprieve and then off to Bar Monika at the other end of town, my old end, so to speak! 

After a glass of wine and the world's largest burger to share! Would not, could not be eaten alone, and still both left some!

A good laugh, good conversation and in my old local.. 

My walk back, still light, about 9pm, back the way I walked, we walked, too many times to count.. was beautiful and sad..

To live here nineteen years, and now not, to feel my heart cry, bleed.. It hurts.. still, how long for? Always...

And back once more at K.s... 

M.

You were born with the ability to change someone's life, don't ever waste it.

Dale Partridge - Author

Everything is about chance isn't it, when it comes down to it... 

Mom and I atop a church in Oxford about 1987.

If anything was different about our parents, grandparents, even a different moment of conception by anyone at any time those ancestors of ours.. hahaha sorry! But it's true.. isn't it.. 

Therefore we are all here by chance.. So grab those chances that come to you, they are meant for you to grab! 

Ashridge Forest about 1990

I, in this weird head of mine sometimes even wonder how my day would have been had I taken a different turn on the road, or crossed the road somewhere different.. 

Everything makes for happenings.

Yes maybe in an extra strange mind just now, spent nearly six hours going through my old photographs, which also meant going through my mom's photos! 

Yep, definitely still a hippy chick.. age 13

The majority in plastic, four photos to a page, some had two to four in and then the packets..

I have now filled the plastic sleeves with up to five or six in each, thrown away a whole bag full of photos, kept important ones.. so have hundreds.. maybe a thousand so far? At least, will have a better idea tomorrow when I finish the job! 

About 1987

Spending all that time doing this I look around and nothing to show for it! But, I have meant to sort them out for a long time, so I should be happy with that! 

This dress, a cousin bought it over from the states, it was my aunt Gloria's, I tried it on.. fitted beautifully.. 

Then he took it back home.. 

I look like I would have back in the times of wild wild West!

And lastly, don't normally put many of me, so way too many today.. 

These two were taken about 1999 I think.. from the gardens in Mijas, overlook the Fuengirola coastline.

M.

Memory:

A man from the farm, he used to water down the milk, they watched him from an upstairs window, and later asked him 'why did you water down the milk' he said not enough for the calves otherwise... He once went to Aberystwyth, about fifty miles from there, he was old, and had never seen the sea... When he came back he said to them "You should see the size of the lake there!! and there was a 'uman there, looking out towards the sea, she was throwing something, 'arf naked too she were!"  'She' was a statue there, casting a wreath out to sea... Still there I guess.  Must have been there when I met up with my cousin there last year... Seems hard to believe someone wouldn't have seen the sea nearly all their lives so close to it...

'We' went out yesterday for lunch which was wonderful, an old place that used to belong to a local Lord and Lady, and one where the lady I support used to visit as friends... must feel strange going in there now, with the flotsam and jetsam!

The Wye

Blossom Time

 The other day I walked down to the Wye, climbed over a very dodgy stile, it didn't have foot rests either side, so was more of a waist high fence, with the other side being lower than the roadside by about a foot!  Which proved more difficult for the climb back over... and I waited for no passing cars, just in case I fell!!!

The Wye

The river twists and turns just here, so not a great view from either way... There was a train line running parallel to the river and road here, can't work out how they all fitted in, time to Google!!

TTFN
Marian

Mom “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” ― Thomas Campbell

I can't get on with my work today until I have written some of my heart out...

Three years ago today my mom passed on, I can't believe it,  three years, I still thank god for all of you here and your constant friendship, words of kindness, words of compassion....

Mom would say, how is everyone who reads your Blog, or who said what on Twitter! 

I just said to my son that I wish I could go back to today, three years ago, just to have one more day; I suppose that sounds sad, bad, wrong, I should be saying, one more day when she was well of course, but I want that day, first days and last days, she was with me on my first day, of course!!! and I was with her on her last, never enough words spoken, never enough love given, we can always feel we could have given more, we can, only when we're alive of course.... I just want to go back to up there.... when mom and I were in New York, or walking around town would be just as good, her pointing out a dress or clothing of some sort, which was something so not me!  Or me telling her "no pleats mom please!" for her!!!  I guess the perfect day would be the one beneath!  My first birthday, but that's just silly, nothing would, or could change, and down the line, I would be saying the same thing again, because life is like that...

I want to pick up the phone and hear her voice, I want her to phone me at odd hours of the day or night for a crossword answer.... or for either of us to say what's on TV, or coming on TV.... yes its all about me isn't it.... The last day she could speak she said she couldn't go, because I still needed her.... she was right....

I Am Not Gone
    I am not gone
          While you cry with me
    I am not gone
         While you smile with me
    I am not gone
         While you remember with me

    I will come
        When you call my name
    I will come
        When I feel your pain
    I will come
        On your final day

    It could never be
        That we
              Would never be

    We shall always
         Be together
             Forever

    I am not gone
    Michael Ashby

TTFN
Marian