One week to go and counting down days now.. 

Having a latte in Smithy's.. and new decor.. 

And below.. a wonderful book too.. this cafe has been going since 1936... I read quite a bit of the book, wonderful story about the two women who began this cafe.. 

I love the words beneath the art window.. and so very true..

A moment lasts all of a second

But the memory lives on forever..

Its another beautiful day, after last night's thunder and lightning storm.. one crash right above the house!

It's windy though and I've come back to read rest and quite possibly get some sleep!

M.

This is the wonderful cake from Smithy's Acocks Green, on the Yardley road..

Not sure if this link will work..

Was thinking the other day, I always GoogleMap all the food I have out, I review and promote places I've enjoyed good food.. but don't usually say to much on my Blog, then I see Bloggers who do! And I thought, so should I!

I am so tired, beyond tired actually and seem to have lost weight which is a first at work. A week tomorrow I'm off, and then home soon after.. 

Last few nights I've heard fireworks, they seem a long way away they sound, or it could be my nurons firing!

I feel a poem should be next, but just too exhausted.

Just heard this on a series I'm watching, Wet Hot American Summer, 10 years on.. 

Sorry if song sounds sad.. just tired..  and Eddie Brickell and the New Bohemians.. says it all!

M.

So another day.. another dime..

Can you see what's falling around here.. it's like snow the pollen from the trees..

Trying to figure out why I have such bad backache.. it could actually be sat here in this park.. no benches here have backs, they want people to sit, but not for long! And making my back muscles work .. mmm okay yes I suppose it's okay then!! 

Sunday today, getting through, unexpectedly, maybe I'm stronger than I give myself credit for, but feel more that I am doing harm to my mind, mentally this is so bad, the placement I mean..

Then quote below pops up in my inbox.. so here I am trying and trying and keeping on going. For now.

Oh and it was my birthday yesterday, probably stands high above other worse birthdays, I had two cards, one from clients and one from another support worker, who facilitates my breaks.. and I bought two cakes the day before, a carrot cake and a chocolate cake, maybe told you this already, I don't know.. the carrot one seemed most popular so I had chocolate cake yesterday after dinner, small slice eaten standing up and quickly..

Thankfully lots of messages and calls on my break..

And a song sent via Facebook, which actually summed my day up perfectly..let me get the link now..

C'est la vie by Robbie Nevil

They have my hair, or so I have theirs? And the words! Perfect!

M.

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.

Ugh! So tired, slept through much of my break, except an hour in the park reading, or trying to.. with a mind too tired and chasing elusive thoughts.. until I remembered I needed to go to the store to buy birthday cake!!

So back to work, grabbed purse and back out and then walked into town.. then came back and slept.

Up three times in night, and then had two hours of not being able to get back to sleep at all!

Too hot, no air in here, and karioki nearby until gone 1am!! 

Back to work in a few minutes now, and eyes want to close!

M.

On placement now.. that's all I can say, for so many reasons...

Still, yesterday I found a green park, not massive, but lots of tracks and a river and the canal..

Three weeks today and I'm off.. stronger and more capable than I thought I was..  Although not out of the woods yet.. 

Things are never what they seem, and wrong information can be very misleading.. 

And that's enough of the metaphors!

These photographs all taken in the park by the way.. of course.. My first day I walked to town and the supermarket.. That won't happen again will have to buy only from the local 'expensive' store..

I even got followed by a police car yesterday!? I was maybe walking too slowly in a nice street.. swinging my bottle of 7Up.. 

And gazing around.. I was tired and enjoy the air without rushing about.. 

Before I go.. again,. please read in web page now and again please.. 

Thank you..

Promoting the hell on WhatsApp.. and here now!

M.

Random cattle!

Just a quick Blog post here today..

I've been doing a lot of promotion work for my book on my stepdad and a new online store I'm trying to get up and running.. to help my income, if I can.. 

Thinking about my Blog, I think most people 'read' me on their mobile/cell phones.. and miss out on all the extra stuff one sees on the web version.. you can see the link to it at the bottom of this page..

Thank you kindly!

M.

 "No one wants you to be yourself. They want you to be the version of yourself that they like. "

Read this today.. 

Is this how it is? 

I think somehow that we are different versions of ourselves, with different people.. we mold, we change maybe to be more flexible, we have to be flexible.. If someone is all about only how they are, their likes, their feelings, their wants and needs... It's not a relationship.. be it friendship, loved ones.. any relationship.

Maybe the person who wrote this wants to only to be exactly who they are.. and someone wants them to give a little, share a difference, share a life.. 

And why does it matter.. I'll get off my soap box.. just random thoughts from my very random mind!

But it is scary to wonder how many versions there are of all of us thinking about this... Need to find self.. our own true selves and be happy with ourselves.. harder said than done..

M.

Eighth day, so second PCR test sent off to be tested then freedom on Sunday..

Not good day today and shouldn't be writing on here... 

Had a migraine today, still have.. so maybe finish this tomorrow..

And now tomorrow it is!

I am better, goodness knows what caused that yesterday.. I'm not a food triggered migraine sufferer.. yes maybe hormones, when I had them! But as my beautiful amazing aunt in Queens pointed out to me when I but in my 30's.. when the hormones have gone so will the migraines! She was correct, of course!

So who knows.. 

But better now! Still housebound, had a call yesterday during my distress from . gov, to enquire my whereabouts etc etc.. 

Now awaiting result and freedom tomorrow..or rather Monday morning, been advised against running screaming down the street at midnight plus one minute in an act of freedom!

I dreampt this morning I was a DJ.. and my Pippa was with me.. amongst my other always weird and very entertaining night-time dream life.

I have a song here to listen to.. 

Rag n Bone Man - Alone 

M.

 

Safely ensconced with family.. we are now all in a ten day quarantine..

I dropped this off in an official post box, my day 2 Covid test.. they, the government, also phoned me, to check on my location and if I understand the law.. 

And they will phone me very day of the ten days to check my whereabouts..

I also did a general lateral flow test, negative, for peace of mind.. negative.

I played with the bees

And thought how cool this fly was! Outside and sunbathing as he was.. wouldn't want him in the house or on me!

The sun has shone.. after a drizzly start, it's not cold at all.. 

We're just imprisoned here.. thanks to me.. 

M.

On board a flight to Stansted.. been on board for about 40 minutes.. 

Still waiting to taxi away..

Chatting with someone at the waiting area, walked up and went through the last control to board.. That person never appeared!! Weird!! 

Had negative Covid test paper, and paperwork for quarantine entry info.

Very odd.

Although this whole experience today has been bad.

Arrived at 9:30 had to check my bag in, that took 45 minutes and only five people in front of me! I was getting seriously stressed out!

They were training, which I understand, but what with all this extra paperwork.. it was an absolute nightmare!

Security which always stresses me was made worse by a family in front of me who brought drinks through, unpacked their trays on the conveyor belt.. arhhhhh!! Can you hear me screaming now still!

I went straight through to B. area, walking past the old T2 entrance way.. the old escalator that rose up dramatically mid-way.. looking across and up towards to old dining and shopping area.. 

Okay, we're actually pulling back now.. 

I am alone in my seats here.. nice.. 

Run out of coffee!! Ha! Of course, par for the course as they say! I'd ordered it when I booked the flight.

Got a cup of tea! 

Unusually seated on the right, think we've just gone over Vinuela.. snow still on top of some of the highest mountain ranges.. 

And I'll put my phone down now..

Missing home, didn't want to leave.

Unfinished business.. as in life...

And now in Blighty! Walking to the carpark to meet Tony, a beautiful bumblebee in the path.. so I picked him up and put him here on a leaf.. much safer!

And photographs from the plane..not great..

Photographs I mean!

Bit back to front but the coast toward Fuengirola here..

And finally... Tracking my progress across Spain..

M.

This little blighter above was on my arm.. I've left the large expanse of nothingness because that is a narrow arm of the chair .. so you can see how tiny it is..

I used Google lens to check it, and it's never been wrong before.. if now.. says it's a tick!?? 

So kinda glad I felt him when I did..

But before! Relaxing after lunch down at the coast.. 

 

Just a macro shot.. like a bouquet of flowers.. 

My book my glass the sky and happy before travelling.. tomorrow..

M.

Artsenal Inoxis

Some photographs from last night's inaugural opening..

Most are self explanatory..

But the one above... If you go to the gallery, find this one, and let me know if you do!

I would have missed it! 

More tomorrow.. 

It's another beautiful day here in paradise.. paradise? Not always, but it's where my heart and soul are..

Meeting my vecina soon, my 8am coffee mate already gone, just laughing.. a passer-by just asked where my papi is! 

M.

Jack Savoretti The way you said goodbye..

I have to share this link.. 

There is just something.. so damn beautiful about this song.. his voice this song..

Mmm okay..

Good day, down the coast on back of a scooter.. gone down a few grades from Honda Gold wing to a scooter.. but it was just as much fun, maybe a little scarier though.. which on part more my fault, shorts and a denim jacket not as good protection as that which I wore on the bigger bike.

But lovely day, lunch in Los Boliches, Luna Bar.. ice-cream near the supermarket we used to buy our groceries from up near the N340.. also bought our dining table from there.. or near there?

Lovely weather.. great watching the world flying by and the smells of plants and foods.. 

Should I have taken a bike test years ago? I think maybe I should have..

Happy Father's Day to dad's around the world.. 

Just went downstairs to take a photograph of a photograph and as I pulled down the frame a candle holder fell and smashed.. 

Didn't know it was there which tells two stories.. 1) I haven't cleaned properly behind said frame and 2) why do I have crap and keep crap I don't need! 

Saw a jay on my way home.. I like them, but always feel they bring me something bad.. I guess that was it...

Edit: lols no it wasn't! Adding anything is pointless, so will just walk away and leave it there!

Also today coming back up after Mijas pueblo, beyond the village and driving through the mountain a deer was on the road.. 

Over the years seeing the signs for them, there he is, standing there looking at the scooter.. we stopped watched him, watching us.. lovely moment. And, he looked just like the signs of him!

Oh the photograph of me, my dad, my boys, outside the Whitehouse.. a photograph which didn't happen.. which my youngest son made happen for me, as I had no photographs of my dad and I together.

Three dad's there in this photograph.. now..

M.

"What a difference a day makes"

It's not that all is right with the world.. just feel in a happier mood.. at this moment..

And if this moment is a happy moment, then it should be cherished.

Down on my old home soil, sea air.. and the sound of the N340 droning on in the background!

But I'm reading in a garden and relaxed and happy.. and if my small world has to be made up of small happy moments I should be happier.. 

M.

So many things I need to be doing right now.. on the laptop.. keep opening it up, staring blankly at the screen click here and there and then shut it down.

Its like my mind is in shut down mode.

Things I want to do, need to do.

Just in a closed mind state of mind.

Changes turmoils around and around I go; down this road I shouldn't be travelling like this, overloading Facebook with reposts of sad sorry and meaningless nothings.

I am having to leave to do something in the UK, I on one hand feel like running away, as I do, and the other I so do not want to leave home, I hate leaving my home, my heart.

Other people's bad lives our bad lives.. what a mixing pot of crapola, still no information on how to live a life after pain, after heartache.

I just feel done with stuff, yet not.. 

I want to disappear into a movie with a pretty sunset and a happy ending.. the sound of birdsong and music from my theme tune.. a big smile a happy heart.. fade out.

I won't, I can't.. always keeping going eh... and tomorrow is another day. And tomorrow I'll be okay again.

Sorry friends, don't know what I'd do without being able to write my pain out.. overloading friends on the phone too with my constant whinging.

M.

Above the "Living the dream" moment of this morning! 

Watching to see which car will pop the tennis ball.. this highlight began way before I got to the bar, and bets were closed.. 

I also didn't want to play this 'game'!

Few spots of rain early but passed quickly away.. hoping my paintwork from yesterday was okay.. I haven't checked but I'm sure it is.. 

It's a Greek blue, beautiful color just a few shades different to the one up on the terrace already.

Painted the living room wall also, but the strange brown color bled through almost immediately, so I did what I did a few years also when we had this. I bought a can of silver metallic spray paint and covered it all up today.. no bleed through yet, will leave it, if I can! until Friday and paint over with white again.. fingers crossed it works.. again!

I've made a lasagne to feed me for about four meals.. maybe five? And a lovely chocolaté orange pudding! 

Last night I woke up before 3am.. and didn't get back to sleep until about 6:30am.. just enough time for my alarm to wake me!

But a beautiful dream.. walking through a multi colored forest.. puddles at my feet, shimmery and shining.. reflecting the amazing trees and colors around me.. then led to a table to celebrate my birthday!! Rockets and Lazer display.. the whole biz! Very strange, but nice to sleep and have this dream.. trees normally signify obstacles for the day ahead.. but I walked through easily and very happily, and the birthday? Celebrating!? Who knows... Was only me at the table and I knew it wasn't quite my birthday, but seemed happy enough!

Haven't managed a nap yet today, tried.. but been busy cooking and chatting on the phone, my eyes are very heavy.. maybe just a few minutes.. now.. need to make a list of the things that kept me awake in the night, parking my car when I'm away! Travel to the airport! Strange stupid things that I've done dozens.. and dozens of times... Time to practice mindfulness again me thinks! Or just not give a damn!

M.

Went visiting a friend down in Calahonda this afternoon.. made me sad... walking amongst shadows of the dead... Yeah, I know dramatic, but it always feels that way there, lived there nearly three years.

I try to make new happy memories, I really do, but it's not easy. Still the past lives with us.. does that ever change? I tell myself we have to live differently, accept the past and let it be, like a graphic designer, using overlays, wrap arounds, lay new memories over past.. see them still, but let the new be above the old.. remember to live and breathe and accept.

I say the right words I know, but to listen to my own words is the hardest part.

~~~

Mmmm okay, what else.. I had a lovely relaxing weekend.. was nice, was good.

Today also, if I can move forward.. Although way too many tiger mosquitos for my liking! Itching like... an itchy thing now.. need to cover myself with bite cream!

Watching Start up.. series on Netflix.. Martin Freeman... seen in a whole new light!! is all I am saying!

I bought blue paint today to redo the corner pillars on the terrace and some white for in the living room.. this I shall complete tomorrow.

And for now I bid thee adieu..

M. 

Some photography today.. above and below.. the Deaths Head moth..

This delightful specimen, dead sadly.. and laying on the street last week..but still scared me.. I am not a lover of the moth!! 

But how amazing is this!

Sadly no photograph but visiting with a friend last week also.. and a scorpion by the back door!!! Crazy.. small yellowy color.. and very much scorpion!

Yes just my foot and a small lizard who was flitting about!

Spent last Sunday on a bike ride.. not a bicycle.. a big bike.. was amazing!

Over five hours on the bike, final destination was Ubrique.. 

Two coffee stops on the way and direct home.

I did not want to go home..

M.

 

 

There are no guarantees in love

No guarantees in life

Risks

But then our whole lives are risks, from dawn to dusk and every second therein.

We mustn't look for happy endings we must look for happy moments, happy times and days.. 

Ends are over.. isn't it always about our journeys.. my tattoo Ithaca.. 

If we're about endings what's the point of a life.. it has to be lived..

So many of us are so very lucky; yes we've had the worse of the worse times, the end of roads times.. Times where we don't see the point.

But we're still here.. so let's make our point in this life of ours.. or .. what.

M.

Had a lovely few hours down at La Cala on Monday afternoon.. very quiet on the beach.. 

I read, watched a surfer.. surf.. kept turning like a kebab! Very nice.. then a cool drink at a Chiringuito and home...

M.