Friday, March 04, 2011

Well amigos, so the world has turned, a year has passed... I cannot believe it is so, I am writing this Thursday, yesterday. It is really today I feel it is a year ago since Mom passed away, it was Thursday March 4th... I feel I am reliving every hour from last year and its only mid afternoon so far... I bought Mom in some beautiful daffodils, in the shop it said two for one pound! I picked up two bunches, got to Moms by about 10am and realised there were two bunches in each packet! Can't remember now if I only paid for one or both, I remember the girl at the cash desk was confused as well! I bought some beautiful blackberries, well hoped they would be tasty, they were from Ecuador, and didn't taste like any blackberries I had ever tasted before, and not in a good way!

Anyway, I shan't repeat everything that I know I have already written from a year ago, or I shall go into melt down...

... and maybe I should leave this here, don't know what to do, feeling empty, and a lost little girl... my hand held out to be held and led...

Let me talk about today instead, as this is where I am now... let me drag myself here! This morning, felt cooler, and after last night which was also colder, was good to be out in the sun, then the cloud came over the Sierra de Mijas, and settled there while I was still out, I carried a few heavy things back from Mercadona, so that heated me up coming back up the hill! At the boardroom this morning, we had a couple of guests... A couple who live here from Liverpool, they know the road well where my Granddad was born in Rice Lane... Oh and I have more news too! What am I thinking! I am in such a sad place I nearly forgot to tell you fantastic news! To add to our growing family of newly found cousins in England, and here in Spain [wish they were nearer!], I have found more cousins in Canada, yep, me, I did it!! Felt like I was stalking the person first, on Twitter, an in-law of a cousin, then after a few weeks I gathered myself together and thought, might as well write to her, if she isn't in our family, then I am wasting time wondering if she is!!! So I sent an email, and she forwarded it to a cousin, and yes yes yes!!!! What an amazing ride since November last year, when I was found, thank you Emma and

Moms last request to find the family.... I have, and am, fulfilling, something I really never believed I could ever do... I hope she knows, I believe she does, in fact, I think she has helped to make it happen! I mean, how else after all these years of trying????

Ok this is getting a bit mixed up and confusing, bit like how I feel just now...And I am trying to more positive, I really am, and is positively not helping...

So this is it for now, and I will copy and paste this tomorrow, no words tomorrow, only thoughts and prayers...

It is still Thursday and I have opened this up again to write some more... a friend who lives nearby called me quarter hour ago, and I went down to the bottom on my road, which meets the bottom of her road, she gave me a plateful of freshly made lasagne... I brought it home, plated it up, and enjoyed every wonderful mouthful of it! Thank you amiga... meals on wheels? Nope meals on foot I think... Funny we were both wearing our slippers, well fluffy boots, its colder today remember!I looked a bit dishevel'd, my hair a mess, and I think a hint of mascara a little further down my face than it should have been!

Pippa, of course, enjoyed some, but only a little!

I have been playing the Phantom of the Opera, for me, on behalf of Mom... Every single time I do play it, which actually hasn't been for quite a while, maybe six months, I can visualise Mom and I there, in Her Majesty's Theatre in London, our front row view from the Royal circle! Well where else would be have sat! Mom loved it, I loved it! And when I go and see the follow up, 'Love never dies'... I hope Mom is with me in spirit...

Anyway... after eating my lovely and so unexpected dinner, I turned back to here, to Tweet and fb, and to add to here of course, as I Tweeted though, the Tweet below was from 'Love Never Dies', which was a coincidence of course, as was the one that came up immediately after my Twitter, it was from Eurostar[Paris trip with Mom]... So yes, of course I follow them, so that's why their Tweets came up, but at that moment? While I am playing the CD? Oh ye of little faith!

Okay... I'm done! For now amigos... unless something else strange happens before I get to post this Blog in the morning of course???

Of course something did... A friend sent me this wonderful piece below... I have deleted all the quotes I had prepared earlier. They are nothing in comparison to this... I cried when I read it, and will again I know...

I will be surprised if you don't shed a tear....

If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.

When GOD looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today for life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There is no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven,
And now at last you are free.
So won't you take my hand.
And share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we are far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

And now it is tomorrow, March 4th, and I feel its Groundhog day, I feel today, as I felt yesterday, only its pouring outside, thunder and lightening, now that's Mom forsure! I am going to go out and get soaked through to the skin, have to get out of the house, Pippa and I got out after the 6am storm passed, got back in just before the next wave arrived!

Just after 8 this morning a friend from England called to talk to me, which was lovely... thanks mate...

ok.. going now.... before I ....


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