Sunday, August 29, 2010

Photo... Val, me, Mom, here, couple of years ago....

I am feeling very restless these last few days, a week even....

We, well I, am coming up to the six months since my Mom passed away, on the 4th of September, so less than a weeks time now, not sure if I will Blog again between then and now and then. Been checking out the Google Map thing on Mom's place too much again, not actually stopped but had forced myself not to look every day! Then played all the music from Mom's service... So I turned into a complete bubbling mess, again...

Cannot believe where the time is going, never looked back through my own Blog so much before either, had a few times before, just to check out dates or something, but now I keep looking what I was doing this time last year, especially as so much was about our Paris trip and what it involved.

The Belgium Grand Prix is on... I am also reading a new book I just downloaded, the 4th in the Dean Koontz series about Odd Thomas, this one called "Odd Hours", I like the beginning very much, always some anecdote [is that the right word?] or other, "It's only life. We all get through it" was how this book began... perfect!

On here... I have both my TweetDeck and Facebook pages open, this new updated version of TD means that wherever I am on here, the newest update pops up and I can read it without having to leave wherever I am! I still get the little Tweet noise, but also the pop up which I like!

But trying to read a book, and watch TV, and have pop ups popping up all the time probably isn't the best way to relax and read... well with Dean Koontz I guess relax also, probably, isn't the word one would use is it!!!

But I am trying desperately to keep my mind busy, block out what's going on in my head, I seem to be also telling myself Mom's still here, she's not gone, then I feel sick because I haven't phoned her today, yesterday, any day recently.... And stupidly telling myself the above isn't healthy, I don't need telling... I know. But I don't want to believe it.

It's too hot, and this year I'm not coping with the heat, it's a few degrees hotter than normal, a heat wave, but it's always been hot here... This year is different, I am hotter, and I cant cope with it. I feel almost panicky, well not almost, I am panicking... I hate the nights, laying there trying to sleep, both fans going so hard and so fast Franco Pippa and I have to be tied down to avoid being blown out of the window! It's like a hurricane! But still I am hot, and can do nothing about it, cold wet towels, cold spray stuff from England someone left here, years ago.... And I have to get up and get off the material, even a cushion here on the sofa annoys me if it touches me! My heart races and I have no escape....

[glad you all know Pippa is our dog, because looking back up to previous paragraph that looks strange... Franco Pippa and I...... ] Now this sounds weird too! Oh heck you know what I mean!

Well I have washing to do now, or when I finish this, that'll be dry in half hour, especially if I stand right next to it!

Franco has tomorrow off and we are going to Fuengirola, few bits to do, food shopping etc, have a coffee somewhere, and try not to think Mom has been there, or think how Mom has been there and try to make it a good memory instead of a sad memory, but I'm still too sad for that I think.

Adío amigos...

T*ime* and T*ide*FN

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