firstly, thank you all... for your kind words, your prayers and thoughts, being away from home and having you all with me, so to speak did help, i have been on a long hard journey and i know its no where over yet, in fact i know the worse bit will never be over as such, and another journey has only just begun for me... and as i am seated back in El Zoco with mucho gente about i better not get into that just now... i am raw....
.... back in Spain now, we're down at maria's apartment on the beach, the road to the coast is still closed for another ten months or so, and the short 2kilometre road that leads to it from our house is now closed for two months, the detour for this is more than the distance to the coast altogether! so we're down here for now... the house when we came home last Sunday was a nightmare... green and black mold mildew on nearly every wall and ceiling, it had started a few months ago with the amount of rain we had been having but with the house completely shut up over the last few weeks it has really taken over. we cleaned up what we could, sprayed the house with anti mold stuff... the bed was wet with it, the leather sofa green, two leather jackets green and a couple of bags and shoes.. revolting... you can see so many of the houses
just the same, at least we don't have the mold on the outside too where its really gotten hold, and some houses have huge cracks running through too! and no doubt after a short while of living back in the house windows open and air coming though it will clear up... bit like all the MSG i have eaten recently and the rash on my face!!!!
we have no home phone here so no Internet, but i will be making a more or less daily trip to local wifi hot spots to read and write...
heard something on tv yesterday, they said the worse thing about grief when someone dies is the lack of communication... so so true, all i want to do is phone mom, all the time, i have so many things i need to tell her... we spoke so often, more than once a day sometimes, just silly things... and some of the thing i have need to tell her are about how i feel about her not being here... i have even thought of ringing her phone number, how dumb is that!
leaving her home, her little castle empty and cleared and full of nothing was so awful, Franco and tony went back to collect the last of moms things, i couldn't go back again, i had said 'goodbye' to it...
i picked up to read the book i was reading the day mom passed away, i wanted to, i want to finish it, but as i began to read it, it was so strange to carry on the words of something while what has happened in between has had such an impact on my life...
a friend, who lost her mom a couple of weeks at the most, before me, said even though i am expecting her to die, the shock will be something i could never imagine... so true...
i thank God i was with her, talking to her, giving her assurances, but i cannot stop reliving the day, the last weeks and couple of months all the time, over and over. did i do everything i could? did i say the right things? is she still here with me? i know you will say yes yes and yes... and i do feel i did, but... but i cannot believe the feeling of loss...
moms service could not have been better.. i think i found the right words to say, moms story in mini graph, the songs, the Alica keys empire state song was playing when Franco and i were at luton airport... mom was given the most amazing beautiful flowers, i wish i had a photo of them now... i was worried the 'mom' flowers from me would be spelt wrong, mom would not have been pleased with that!
someones phone went off in the service... val! but it was a suitable song... mom would have laughed her head off over it! and it was the florist saying no flowers... but they came to me this week, here in Spain, so i have some of mom's flowers here for a while, while they last which was a lovely thought, maybe mom had something to do with that after all eh!
some good friends were helping with taking carpet and underlay to the dump on the Friday morning, we were sitting in the kitchen, the last of the furniture to sit on! and a light kept flashing under a cupboard.. it was mom's torch, it hadn't worked when i had tried it a couple of months before, but now it was flashing on and off! Sunday morning, very early, before leaving for the airport in Tony's kitchen... mom's torch again.. flashing in Tony's kitchen cupboard... well if that wasn't mom i would like to know who it was!!!!
i had booked two cases for me and one for Franco, well it said you could on the Thomson's web site, and when i checked out the booking reference number late the night before it said on the email, two cases, total of 20k... which is the normal weight per case! wish they had mentioned that when we were booking the flight! so i had to suddenly, late, tired, over emotional(?) sort our the cases so i was taking back what i could, so i have a whole case load missing, it would have been about a hundred pounds to take it, so that wasn't happening.
i had been so good in England with avoiding the old MSG, now i look like a victim of plague! i think
two helpings of branston pickle and some jam may not of helped, even the little magdalena cakes... well they do last about a month in the cupboard! so i better make a cake, or just eat chocolate, which i know is good... i think in my suitcase at Tony's is a packet of food allergy tablets... i need them! big time!
Pippa seems to behaving herself better here this year, a year ago we were here too, and pip was barking at everyone and every thing! but she seems better, maybe it was the two weeks in the kennels, or the nearly 3 months it was just her and Franco... she wont tell me how he did with keeping her under control?
we will check on the house every week, and the neighbors are being watchful for us, we went up today, we had forgotten a couple of things we really needed, like Franco's passport! we would lose the car if you don't have that on you when the police pull you over...
i sorted out Telefonica also when we got here, we had been cut off a couple of days before Franco came over, money in the bank, not the problem of course, they took their money in January, and march, as they did over the last couple of years, well more or less after we moved our branch from Fuengirola to AlhaurÃn two years ago, but February's bill Telefonica thought they would try to get the money from the old Fuengirola account, you see they change the account number etc here(?????) so even though it was their mistake and took marches from the right place they cut us off!
i phoned the day after we got here, but was too emotional(?) i called again the following day, we had to pay the bill cash, i cancelled the Internet for a while, we're not there at the moment so no point paying nearly 30 euros a month for that, and i also asked for a three week refund for the amount of time we were cut off due to their mistake! we will see eh.... i am not holding my breath over that one.
back to the wifi area in el zoco again for Pippa and i now, poor pip, this little machine of mine lasts
for three hours, unlike the hefty thing of Franco's i was carrying around last year which lasted an
hour! sitting there the first day was awful, it was Friday, it was also the first day i had been on
my own all day, since i was here really, when i was in England i was either on my way or coming back from travel to watford to see mom, then with her for an hour, or once in the care home, with mom for 6 or 7 hours every day, then afterwards... i had never been alone... so Friday was hard.. some friends of ours came past which was so lucky, i couldn't believe it, i had just read an email which was not pleasant, was talking to Barry on skype and trying to write a civilised letter in response, needed a friendly face, and along came two! they sat with me for a while, we had a chat, then along came someone who owes Franco a helluva load of money, so that was great, he didn't even acknowledge me, and he had called Franco and i family... how guilt changes people eh...
well, have a caught up with stuff? probably not, but this is it for today, its Sunday and i will be able to get this posted tomorrow morning...this morning now... Pippa hates it here, had to walk her a different way this morning and we have only been here twice now! never mind... get to like it girl... please...
TTFN amigos, good to be home...
Marian
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
we're going off line soon, maybe before i even get a chance to up load blog....
tomorrow is Moms service, 11:45am....
below the music we are having played, the first, the 23rd psalm as we enter...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JeDgoOBrIc
the next, Rhidian Roberts... To where you are...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIxic0AbMtY
and finally Alisha Keys... Empire State....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMS5xQ_V0TQ
nothing more to say, tears are not far from my eyes all day today....
tomorrow the card on my flowers to my Mom shall read...
My Dear Mom ~
I miss you more than words can say, the pain in my heart from one unimaginable day. Be at peace now, resting in God's arms...
with love always....
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Shadow and sun; so too our lives are made. yet think how great the sun, how small the shade...
Moms service is on Wednesday, St Patricks Day... 11:45am...
i have chosen the music, checked with the boys, yes ok... although Tony said the track in the middle might break me... i am broken anyway....
i have done so much i am exhausted, and while my body has been busy keeping my mind busy too, a little, apart from coming across things like my mothers day cards to Mom... lots of strange things some that i have never seen before, and my step-Dads things i havent seen in a long time...
i seem to be keeping a somewhat huge amount of things that i have no idea where i can keep them...
Mothers Day tomorrow....
Friday, March 05, 2010
My Mom passed away last evening... she was peaceful, no pain, i was with her, actually holding her as she took her last breaths.. i would normally have gone back to her place by this late in the day but Tony and Kate were coming after work...
about 5:30pm i could tell a change in my Moms breathing, quieter and very steady, i got up and stood next to her, holding her and stroking her hair, leaning and talking to her, lots of positive things and telling her i love you Mom... at 6pm her clock chimed and she missed a breath making me scared for a moment till she took the next one, then she stopped altogether and i called the nurses, Mom took another few breathes after a few minutes and moved her mouth as if to speak... then a last breath....
they moved a chair for me to sit quietly with her, i was holding her again then Tony and Kate arrived, and we sat with Mom for a while... i talked to her some more and we tried not to cry, not wanting our tears to be the final things she heard...
earlier in the afternoon the Vicar from St Marys Northchurch came as we had arranged and after we had chatted about a bit of our history he stood over Mom and said a prayer, then a commendation prayer... i think this helped prepare my Mom...
she hasnt spoken since saturday, but i have felt, believed, that she has been listening to me rabbit on about something or nothing, talking of where we have been, places and people...
it was a difficult evening and night, and i was awake from 5am this morning, worrying about all the things we have to do today, thank goodness for Tony being here... wish Barry was too, but he is in netherlands... that was the hardest call, telling Baz over the phone his Gran was gone, even though we knew the time was imminent...
today, hope you dont mind me rambling at a time like this? but maybe its like times like this i need to more than ever?... so this morning Tony and i went back to the care home to collect Moms things, that was hard... then to Moms to hunt down her birth certificate, she had told me everything would be in the black box! ? er no?? but we found the important documents after turning her place in side out, it looks like its been trashed, sorry Mom...
still not found her passport though? i told Tony i think she has taken it with her!!!
we have been to the registry office... and its the funeral arrangements on monday... and you what? i want to call Mom! i want to pick up the phone like i do, and speak to her...
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
notes from monday 22/02/10
these weeks have been harder than any other part of my life, i know although alone most of the time, when not actually with my mom, i have not been alone with peoples thoughts, prayers and love.
seeing and speaking to franco, and pippa every day has kept me sane, just, knowing my sons are here even if i just cried and cant speak much... the time when they were both away, tonys two weeks which felt like months, i prayed again that Mom would still be 'here' on their return...
it seems like it has snowed every day i have been here.. not true i know, but a huge amount of the time it has, with days of blue sky and sunshine thrown in now and again.
today 22nd february, Mom has been in such awful pain, she had been lucky, a high pain threshold and strength,but yesterday afternoon she was in agony, they had put her on a pain killer, intravienous along with an anti sickness drug, but it didnt touch how she felt, crying out, begging for help, saying help me help me.. wont someone help me.. first they gave her a double dose of morphone orally, then half hour later an injection also. it seemed to help at last a little, i had arrived at 10am and left at 6pm, not wanting to go, fearful of leaving her.. her baby as she had called me earlier..
they had had to give her more pain killer injection this morning before i arrived and the intravenous dose has been upped.. the pain is in her neck, back, chest, she feels she cannot breathe, but is...
to hear my Mom crying for help and not being able to do a thing is pain beyond thinking...
she wanted her back rubbed... she held on and i pulled her up a bit yesterday so i could do so... her back so thin and boney, her hands so thin, reminds me so of my gran before she died...
i shouldn't have been surprised by the two day migraine i had over the weekend, and the tenderness in my head still now, not sure how i am keeping it together at all, so calm and strong, i can talk to people about it all sometimes, then i break.. and back at Moms, i cry....
i want her to be safe, and out of pain, young and healthy once more, running wild around central park with my dad... i want her to forget this awfulness of illness and this pain, she is not used to this pain and asks for it to end, the drugs i think are causing her to say things that dont make sense, just silly stuff mixed up words, she is still complaining about the bed though, and being uncomfortable and why dont they fix it for her! she says she wants to get up and walk around and sit in a chair...
in the hospital they got up her out of bed using a harness, twice, for a moment or two, but her legs are painful, she hasnt sat in a chair or moved of her own free will now for 7 weeks, she has stopped living while still being alive....
the snow is still falling...big tv movie christmas card fairy flakes of snow...
i am just glad she is sleeping now, waking up occasionally to ask when i got here, how long i have been here, or to complain about the pillows...its breaking me into pieces seeing her in such pain.
this morning i went down stairs while the nurses where attending to Mom and in the reception was a someone i knew from a few years back... i think early nineties, she and her husband had a coffee shop in town... she starts work here today as a carer.. small world, and one i am glad to find so...she hasnt changed a bit! maybe she has been sent in my hours of need... my prayers are going all out for Moms hours of need now.. a prayer for release of her pain and suffering
these days are all the same, alarm, food, leave, bus, Mom, leave, food, sleep...
when i get back in the evening sometimes i think to call Mom, like i would used to do.
i am trying to put Mom to ease with words now too, telling her how everything is ok with franco and i with regard to work, money, health... that the boys are both well and doing good.
that her friends have all called to say 'hello'... the flowers are blooming, spring is in the air.
then i turn her mind towards her home town, talking of central park, our trip to paris, the London Eye, the Phantom of the Opera... Italy.. what my cousins are doing in the states.. weddings coming, babies due...
i am trying to put Moms mind to rest...to release her of any worries... that we're all good to go...
of course i may remember this façade, and never believe a word the boys tell me when, well when...
today the weather is all over the place(!) which i guess it usually is being weather ever where,
but i arrived in beautiful sun with a bit of a fresh breeze which was actually welcoming, but it
has rained, got cloudy and dark, then the sun has come out all over again.. strange weather, Mom was born in a storm back 1928 in NY city.. the storm is back, and its coming from the states!
last day of february already tomorrow, i have been here 7 or is it 8 weeks? seems like forever...
i keep running out of ebooks, i had made the mistake of downloading for 21 days and then with only 3 books allowed at any one time, its a long wait, i downloaded one for 7 days, the minimum two days ago and have just finished reading it, so have to wait 5 days before it clears, and the other two dont clear till march 7th, so its back to a puzzle magazine and another article magazine i guess for now...
last night, as most night 4 phone calls from people enquiring about Mom, but every call sends
my heart frantic, and people dont know what to say... i dont know what to say.. especially to those i dont really know, family of Mom's i dont really know, or friends from way back when i havent seen or heard about for donkeys years, my friends who call, i can say more, even if they cant, bless them...
i am having even weirder dreams than usual for me, totally extreme and strange, i try to interpret them when i awake, but some are beyond me!
Mom asks, well did, not too much talking this week at all, but she was asking about how i am doing with sorting through her books and bit and bobs, i tell her nothing has left the house, i cant, i have things sorted now, and boxes, and bags, and a list of sorts...i am finding it hard to place some furniture, well there is only the huge pine wardrobe and pine bookcase mom is really worried about, but even if people could use them, they dont want them, and i understand why, we may have lots of furniture in our homes that has belonged to persons past, well especially if brought up like me within a house full of antiques! and i dont mean the family! but its a bit different when it belongs to someone you know maybe...
so i guess everything will go to charities...apart from the family things of course...
time has passed now and its march 2nd, tuesday, Mom hasnt had any food now for almost a week i, a few spoons of soup or soft food, but non since last week at all. she is breathing out through her mouth so it was almost impossible for her to even drink from a straw or a beaker, so on sunday i started feeding her through a syringe, needle-less syringe, just pushing a little fluid into her mouth, but yesterday she didnt move at all, so no fluid, and today they have said no fluids given anymore incase she sucks it into her lungs.
today unlike yesterday though she has been in pain again, a lot, which was troubling her greatly, they gave her two injections, and upped the dose on the box they automaticly feeds drugs in, every so many minutes now. thank goodness the second injection helped, it cuts like a knife hearing my Mom in pain... she slept calmer the rest of the day...
she is just laying there... saturday, or friday? she was talking about having been bad and that God wouldnt want her, so i told her, she had been good, and not to worry, that unless she had buried someone under the back yard she really didnt have much to worry about... she gave me a strange look!!! but i reassured her, i think, and then she said how worried she was about me... so, again i tried to put her mind at rest...
i did ask for something though... and she said yes, so i pulled the table thing out of the way, lowered her bed down and went in for a hug... she wrapped her arms around me, telling me she loved me...
please pray for my Mom... to be at peace....
Marian
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
No words today for some reason... looked through my photos.. but couldn't pick anything... till after i had finished writing then added this bit!
my Mom is being moved this morning all being well, to the care home she wanted, our prayers answered... i had a call in the morning yesterday and at the hospital in the afternoon, lots of calls and form filling in... and i should be getting a call soon saying she is on her way and i will get there post haste! to be there to welcome her in...
i will be spending lots of time there, instead of hours of travelling i can be there with her instead as much nearer home...
so amigos i think this may be last you hear from me for a while... probably knowing me just a day or two....
TTFN amigos, take care, will be thinking of you all.....
Marian
Sunday, February 07, 2010
where has this week gone? been waiting all week for news of where Mom can go, and at last friday we heard its the care home she wanted to go to in Berko, the one where my step dad was...
her health visitor offered Mom two places, one in Watford with the possibility of moving on to the one she really wanted... we kept on at her to only go to the Berkhamsted one, which was best, she may have not been able to move again once in the other one apparently!
the wait may be 12 days, but then that was friday so its 10 days already isnt it!
as for me, i got a lift to the hospital on wednesday from Aylesbury, but had had to pick up package for Mom from post office in Berko, leaving at 815am, walking into town to then get the bus from there to Aylesbury... Moms been craving for Newbury Fruits! i hunted them down, along with a couple of her other favourites, crystallised ginger and turkish delight! so box was quite heavy, especially with a packet of chilli chocolate thrown in for me too!
but the list to Watford was greatly appreicated! and tomorrow monday a mate of mine has a doctors appointment in the same hospital, so i am going over early to hers by bus, then we will go together, and she is dropping me off back here afterwards...
yesterday i took along a friend of Moms, its too far for her to walk so we get a cab, as once before the guy on the way there charged 5£, he said minimum fare, yet the drive back due to the one way system is further was only 3.60£!!! you know i still feel that if the meter says a lower figure to what i am being charged... i am being robbed!!!
i am so tired, head achey, body weary and mentally tired its all i do to... i dont know what...
TTFN
Marian
her health visitor offered Mom two places, one in Watford with the possibility of moving on to the one she really wanted... we kept on at her to only go to the Berkhamsted one, which was best, she may have not been able to move again once in the other one apparently!
the wait may be 12 days, but then that was friday so its 10 days already isnt it!
as for me, i got a lift to the hospital on wednesday from Aylesbury, but had had to pick up package for Mom from post office in Berko, leaving at 815am, walking into town to then get the bus from there to Aylesbury... Moms been craving for Newbury Fruits! i hunted them down, along with a couple of her other favourites, crystallised ginger and turkish delight! so box was quite heavy, especially with a packet of chilli chocolate thrown in for me too!
but the list to Watford was greatly appreicated! and tomorrow monday a mate of mine has a doctors appointment in the same hospital, so i am going over early to hers by bus, then we will go together, and she is dropping me off back here afterwards...
yesterday i took along a friend of Moms, its too far for her to walk so we get a cab, as once before the guy on the way there charged 5£, he said minimum fare, yet the drive back due to the one way system is further was only 3.60£!!! you know i still feel that if the meter says a lower figure to what i am being charged... i am being robbed!!!
i am so tired, head achey, body weary and mentally tired its all i do to... i dont know what...
TTFN
Marian
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Ground hog day...
ground hog day indeed... did the quiet ground hog stick his fizzy whiskery little nose out of his hidey hole and see a spring coming? or do we have another month of winter? the latter i think...
or am talking *Ground hog day*.. the movie! yes more like it... yesterday when i arrived at the hospital we thought we knew where she was going... but seems not, Mom came up with Gossoms end, but thats a rehab place now, and they dont know where she got that idea from!
but.. the discharge nurse said hopefully tomorrow, tuesday we shall move your Mom to Hemel Hempstead hospital and then from there to a care home... i phoned this morning to find out Moms whereabouts! still in Watford! and theyre not sure weather to move her to Hemel now, or just keep her there and send her to a care home directly! less moving about, less hassle, which is true... but, Mom wants outta there now!
i said what about the St Francis hospice local to us? and they said well thats only for seriously ill people...?????????? hello!!!!!!!!!!!!! Moms prognosis is serious???
so waiting for news on action here or there, or who knows where.... talk about messing with our minds....
......... ok, this morning i met up with friend in Aylesbury for coffee and chat, was good morning, apart from a call to hospital to find out where i was getting off the bus... anyway, good old chin wag... and on the bus 10 to 12.00pm takes 1 hr 40 minutes mas o menos, i noticed something over these weeks on the buses, when i was a kid we always sat up on the top deck or at the back of the bus... now i am still sitting at the back of the bus and the kids come on... look longingly towards the back seats and find them full of oldies!!!! uhuuum, well and people my age!!!
the driver this morning was in such a hurry he sailed right past bus stops filled with people who were out of the way of the rain... and then a quick glimpse of their startled faces as we passed them by!
ok, time to relax, ha! ok coffee then instead had my dinner, called the Iain Rennie nurses to see if they can help, visited Aunt Linda and another neighbour... keeping everyone up to date...
i got my valentines card today from Franco... made me cry, its so wonderful... a little box inside too with bookmark with a beautiful poem i can carry with me, and cry on the move!
oh this morning.. another call, it was still dark in the room and so when the phone rang at 6:50am i thought it was the middle of the night, and was just as upset as last weeks call earlier... number withheld... i think a call to BT may be happening, but i will leave it for now, if another one happens i will...
TTFN
Marian
or am talking *Ground hog day*.. the movie! yes more like it... yesterday when i arrived at the hospital we thought we knew where she was going... but seems not, Mom came up with Gossoms end, but thats a rehab place now, and they dont know where she got that idea from!
but.. the discharge nurse said hopefully tomorrow, tuesday we shall move your Mom to Hemel Hempstead hospital and then from there to a care home... i phoned this morning to find out Moms whereabouts! still in Watford! and theyre not sure weather to move her to Hemel now, or just keep her there and send her to a care home directly! less moving about, less hassle, which is true... but, Mom wants outta there now!
i said what about the St Francis hospice local to us? and they said well thats only for seriously ill people...?????????? hello!!!!!!!!!!!!! Moms prognosis is serious???
so waiting for news on action here or there, or who knows where.... talk about messing with our minds....
......... ok, this morning i met up with friend in Aylesbury for coffee and chat, was good morning, apart from a call to hospital to find out where i was getting off the bus... anyway, good old chin wag... and on the bus 10 to 12.00pm takes 1 hr 40 minutes mas o menos, i noticed something over these weeks on the buses, when i was a kid we always sat up on the top deck or at the back of the bus... now i am still sitting at the back of the bus and the kids come on... look longingly towards the back seats and find them full of oldies!!!! uhuuum, well and people my age!!!
the driver this morning was in such a hurry he sailed right past bus stops filled with people who were out of the way of the rain... and then a quick glimpse of their startled faces as we passed them by!
ok, time to relax, ha! ok coffee then instead had my dinner, called the Iain Rennie nurses to see if they can help, visited Aunt Linda and another neighbour... keeping everyone up to date...
i got my valentines card today from Franco... made me cry, its so wonderful... a little box inside too with bookmark with a beautiful poem i can carry with me, and cry on the move!
oh this morning.. another call, it was still dark in the room and so when the phone rang at 6:50am i thought it was the middle of the night, and was just as upset as last weeks call earlier... number withheld... i think a call to BT may be happening, but i will leave it for now, if another one happens i will...
TTFN
Marian
Monday, February 01, 2010
not sure the time is going, but its going fast... Mom is still in hospital, still trying to break out! she just wants out now, and i mean now! which after four weeks is understandable...
after all the meetings and the many people we have talked to over the past week Mom and i have now decided 100% that she needs 24hr medical needs, and only have nurses 4 times a day would do her no good at all, so the bed and other 8 items were all cancelled, the discharge nurse did mention that it had taken 3 hours of paper work to sort out, but never mind! well ok, never mind then eh!!!
Mom is moving to a place much nearer here, so all her family and friends can visit easily, so much better, at one point an option was miles and miles away! but it still has to be confirmed so fingers crossed...
this morning i seem to be having a bit of a panic attack which is why i am writing with such haste and .... panic! after something Mom said yesterday i suddenly thought i will have to vacate here soon! and the thought of going through all Moms belongings has thrown me into a state of shock!
there are things Mom wants me to have, all the old family books and china, this and that... then there is all the furniture, she wants that to go somewhere else, i need boxes! i need paper to wrap! i need help!!!! mentally i think more than phisical! then... what on earth am i going to do with all the things i am keeping, there are two small tables, the couple of boxes off things and all of my Dads paintings!
ok thought writing this down would help, but now just seem to be shaking and a pain is starting to reach up into my head from my neck, i think i must be cutting of my blood supply to my brain!!!!
Moms birthday cards are still there too, on the floor... i suppose i will have to start with them, now i am sad as well as shaky... oh heck all Moms clothes too? i must ask today what she will need where she is going... ok panic is set in now and the tesco man is about to deliver the groceries... he may meet a mad woman if i dont sort my self out soon....
where do i start? what shall i do? yes boxes and paper.... boxes and paper, boxes and paper....
TTFN
Marian
after all the meetings and the many people we have talked to over the past week Mom and i have now decided 100% that she needs 24hr medical needs, and only have nurses 4 times a day would do her no good at all, so the bed and other 8 items were all cancelled, the discharge nurse did mention that it had taken 3 hours of paper work to sort out, but never mind! well ok, never mind then eh!!!
Mom is moving to a place much nearer here, so all her family and friends can visit easily, so much better, at one point an option was miles and miles away! but it still has to be confirmed so fingers crossed...
this morning i seem to be having a bit of a panic attack which is why i am writing with such haste and .... panic! after something Mom said yesterday i suddenly thought i will have to vacate here soon! and the thought of going through all Moms belongings has thrown me into a state of shock!
there are things Mom wants me to have, all the old family books and china, this and that... then there is all the furniture, she wants that to go somewhere else, i need boxes! i need paper to wrap! i need help!!!! mentally i think more than phisical! then... what on earth am i going to do with all the things i am keeping, there are two small tables, the couple of boxes off things and all of my Dads paintings!
ok thought writing this down would help, but now just seem to be shaking and a pain is starting to reach up into my head from my neck, i think i must be cutting of my blood supply to my brain!!!!
Moms birthday cards are still there too, on the floor... i suppose i will have to start with them, now i am sad as well as shaky... oh heck all Moms clothes too? i must ask today what she will need where she is going... ok panic is set in now and the tesco man is about to deliver the groceries... he may meet a mad woman if i dont sort my self out soon....
where do i start? what shall i do? yes boxes and paper.... boxes and paper, boxes and paper....
TTFN
Marian
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
i thought today photos... above the hymn sheet for St Paul's Cathedral... as aforementioned the other day...
the beautiful silk bookmark....
the Palm sunday cross and the smaller reed one...
***********************
another meeting this morning at the hospital with Mom, district nurses, health visitor and discharge nurse... more of the same talk as yesterday, but saying they as yet do not have the funding sorted out nor people to cover the four visits needed every day, and the problems that could arise if Mom needed someone just after they had gone and would not be back for another four hours...
so we were both left confused by this, Mom does not want to wait in hospital for the care package to get sorted out, but cannot come home if it is not, so other option in the offing Mom has been saying no too, a care home, but then after everyone had gone she said she might consider it... so i have told her nurse... but then Mom may change her mind again, and i am more at a loss than before as to what where and when... Mom is sometimes positive about all this and then you see she is just... not....
TTFN
Marian
Monday, January 25, 2010
yesterday, Mom's birthday Tony and Kate came to pick me up and we drove to Watford to see Mom, she was happy to see us and i opened all her cards for her, read them out, and put them on her table... we were with her about an hour i think... we left when Mom said she wanted to sleep, we also took all her cards with us... she said she wanted them in her home and not have them taken down and maybe lost... so there they are now in front of the tv...
today we had a meeting with her doctor, Macmillan nurse, discharge nurse, physiotherapist and health visitor... so was a bit of a crowd in the little room! the out come... Mom wants to come home, i will be her primary carer, we will have a team coming in throughout the day, involving carers, district nurse and Iain Rennie nurses...
first thing will be the hospital bed to come, so this evening i have moved the book case to make way for Moms bed, i had to move all the books and photos out first and in order! theyre heavy and old and each one makes you stop to read a little... so was a long process... one, a bible with an inscription to one of our ancestors dating back to christmas 1913, contains little flowers been pressed within its pages, and news paper cuttings.. one of which was a hymn sheet handed out in St Paul's Cathedral Oct. 30th 1881... amazing... also amazing a small hand made cross made out of a reed...
a beautiful cross with Jesus upon a donkey and on the reverse a prayer with beneath *Palm Sunday* 1941...
then the most beautiful book mark silk and i think machine woven by a T. Stevens f Coventry..
it reads from the top in a wonderful flower garden the words ~
Ever dearest, ever nearest, naught from thee my love can part
(and below that!)
The Look of Love
Tis is not the lily brow i prize,
Nor roseate cheeks, nor sunny eyes,
Enough of lilies and of roses!
A thousandfold more dear to me
The gentle look that love discloses.
The look that love alone can see...
the book mark was in two pieces though, and half a book apart! but i have placed them where i found them...
so enough house moving for today, Mom's room in prepared for her arrival, and the living room looks like a bedroom!
looking forward to tomorrow meeting Sarah up town... in Aylesbury, then its the bus all the way to Watford! on the look out for slippers for Mom, bought her a pair today in Watford, she tried them on, didn't fit so i took them back and got the later bus home... the quickest returns of an item to the shop maybe!
so... mañana amigos... y adieu and ciao! ok enough, getting tired and rambling like a crazy thing... who feels slightly numb at the same time... take care...
TTFN
Marian
today we had a meeting with her doctor, Macmillan nurse, discharge nurse, physiotherapist and health visitor... so was a bit of a crowd in the little room! the out come... Mom wants to come home, i will be her primary carer, we will have a team coming in throughout the day, involving carers, district nurse and Iain Rennie nurses...
first thing will be the hospital bed to come, so this evening i have moved the book case to make way for Moms bed, i had to move all the books and photos out first and in order! theyre heavy and old and each one makes you stop to read a little... so was a long process... one, a bible with an inscription to one of our ancestors dating back to christmas 1913, contains little flowers been pressed within its pages, and news paper cuttings.. one of which was a hymn sheet handed out in St Paul's Cathedral Oct. 30th 1881... amazing... also amazing a small hand made cross made out of a reed...
a beautiful cross with Jesus upon a donkey and on the reverse a prayer with beneath *Palm Sunday* 1941...
then the most beautiful book mark silk and i think machine woven by a T. Stevens f Coventry..
it reads from the top in a wonderful flower garden the words ~
Ever dearest, ever nearest, naught from thee my love can part
(and below that!)
The Look of Love
Tis is not the lily brow i prize,
Nor roseate cheeks, nor sunny eyes,
Enough of lilies and of roses!
A thousandfold more dear to me
The gentle look that love discloses.
The look that love alone can see...
the book mark was in two pieces though, and half a book apart! but i have placed them where i found them...
so enough house moving for today, Mom's room in prepared for her arrival, and the living room looks like a bedroom!
looking forward to tomorrow meeting Sarah up town... in Aylesbury, then its the bus all the way to Watford! on the look out for slippers for Mom, bought her a pair today in Watford, she tried them on, didn't fit so i took them back and got the later bus home... the quickest returns of an item to the shop maybe!
so... mañana amigos... y adieu and ciao! ok enough, getting tired and rambling like a crazy thing... who feels slightly numb at the same time... take care...
TTFN
Marian
Saturday, January 23, 2010
today some shots Barry took while he was over with us on holidays for christmas... above Malaga airport while we were waiting for Franco to come and pick us up, at this point Baz was thinking of returning back to the UK, where it wasn't raining... but snowing instead! maybe a lighter option?
here a strange looking snail.. we thought a one off, but as there were two, we guessed there would be thousands somewhere else! this little chap was crossing our small street, we hoped there wouldn't be any cars for a considerable amount of time!!!
a wonderful shot above including a rainbow!
and above some fantastic cloud formation...
and so to today, i am having a day of rest today, well sort of, Mom is having my cousins visiting, and tomorrow we will be going over as its her birthday.... i am told Mom is having an accessed on monday, while i am there during visiting hours? with her consultant, a Macmillan nurse, Mom of course, and me... we will find out where she is going next, home of course Mom wants, with the help of district nurses, the Iain Rennie nurses and me... i have found out the renal failure was due to the cancer, and some of her other problems she is having now....
but now to this morning, i walked down town and then stupidly walked back again! why do i do it? should have been taking it easy, so feel as exhausted as usual, didn't sleep well, the bed deflated somewhat!!!!
got Mom's birthday card, and the most beautiful Valentines card for Franco....
i also got the last thing i needed on my list for a rhubarb and custard cake i have just finished baking, and some fish for dinner tonight!
as usual with my baking i have to use slightly different ingredients than on a rescipe for some reason or other, non of which by my choice! as in i used canned rhubarb, not fresh, an instant custard powder mix instead of the *real* custard powder! and just a small question... the measuring jug my Mom has is a blue plastic type, not see through, the measurements are only on the outside and you still have to guess where the level is by looking inside it???? doh!!!
better leave here for now, had to take a pain killer, head ache coming on, and have an awful pain on my lip, really weird, i have never had a cold sore, dont think its that but there is a lump *in* my lip... that hurts like whatsit!
adÃo amigos...
TTFN
Marian
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Sorry everyone... been away a while havent i! no fault of my own, when i switched on my little note book here monday morning had internet but *windows* wouldn't recognise it!?! i spent the whole morning trying... and three hours of the evening trying too... till i reached breaking point, not so much the machine breaking but me... so i just shut it off and calmed down before i blew a fuse!
so recap... sunday a beautiful sunny day, first day of sun i have seen since arriving here!
a day to relax a bit and just chill out.... phone calls and web calls to Franco and that was my day...
monday, fun with this little baby then off to see Mom, no change since saturday, in fact no change since really, she is better than she was, but still not eating proper foods, apart from breakfast yesterday morning, but nothing today.... she has the protein drinks she drinks what she can of... and is trying to get more water down, not easy... still not been out of bed, or even sitting up, she is just at an incline... awkward to drink or eat for anyone...
she doctors are coming in and just saying blah blah blah... so not sure what they mean by that!! she is coming out with some weird things which i hope are not reality!!! a mix of dreams, meds and tiredness i think...
i try and ask questions every day, but i must be asking the wrong persons everyday too as no one wants to give me a straight answer... i know she is only in because of the kidney failure, but it would be good to know how that is going, and how the cancer is, what stage we are at etc.. Mom wants desperately to get home to her own place, her own bed, tv... etc, just get home!
tuesday i started the day going in the completely other direction to meet with friends in Aylesbury, we had some lunch and then they drove me all the way to the hospital, took half the time of the bus, but was twice the distance!
then on leaving i was staying at mates in Hemel Hempstead, so got the bus there and she picked me up in town... where she deposited me for my bus this morning!
the promised snow did not materialise thank goodness, just a drop of drizzle! but its turned colder again, mental note, another couple of layers tomorrow!!!
i am now very familiar with the streets, shops and houses on route and even lots of the other bus travellers now! almost first name terms.. well no actually, no one says boo!
there has been shouting by passengers, shouting by drivers... SIT DOWN WHILE THE BUS IS MOVING... a popular one! one driver even stopped where we were till people did!!!!
cold buses, hot buses, wet buses.... they have all been green buses!!
i have a ticket which arrived today which will last me four weeks, one which will allow me to get on and off any Arriva shires bus going anywhere.. within the Shires and Essex! this one starts next tuesday...
got a bit of a headache now, probably all the catch up on here, well and Café World on FB (maybe?) or the nearly whole bar of Cadburys Fruit & Nut! ( or is it Kraft now???? i hate change!) i have just demolished nearly all of it anyway!! well... its there and i am here... and now its nearly gone, what a girl gonna do!?!
tomorrow, very fortuitous but my mate from yesterday has an appointment with a doctor at Mom's hospital at the very time i am there to see her! so its only a return to Hemel tomorrow and we will have a coffee and little relaxing look around town before we go to Hospital..
so amigos, good to be back...
TTFN
Marian
so recap... sunday a beautiful sunny day, first day of sun i have seen since arriving here!
a day to relax a bit and just chill out.... phone calls and web calls to Franco and that was my day...
monday, fun with this little baby then off to see Mom, no change since saturday, in fact no change since really, she is better than she was, but still not eating proper foods, apart from breakfast yesterday morning, but nothing today.... she has the protein drinks she drinks what she can of... and is trying to get more water down, not easy... still not been out of bed, or even sitting up, she is just at an incline... awkward to drink or eat for anyone...
she doctors are coming in and just saying blah blah blah... so not sure what they mean by that!! she is coming out with some weird things which i hope are not reality!!! a mix of dreams, meds and tiredness i think...
i try and ask questions every day, but i must be asking the wrong persons everyday too as no one wants to give me a straight answer... i know she is only in because of the kidney failure, but it would be good to know how that is going, and how the cancer is, what stage we are at etc.. Mom wants desperately to get home to her own place, her own bed, tv... etc, just get home!
tuesday i started the day going in the completely other direction to meet with friends in Aylesbury, we had some lunch and then they drove me all the way to the hospital, took half the time of the bus, but was twice the distance!
then on leaving i was staying at mates in Hemel Hempstead, so got the bus there and she picked me up in town... where she deposited me for my bus this morning!
the promised snow did not materialise thank goodness, just a drop of drizzle! but its turned colder again, mental note, another couple of layers tomorrow!!!
i am now very familiar with the streets, shops and houses on route and even lots of the other bus travellers now! almost first name terms.. well no actually, no one says boo!
there has been shouting by passengers, shouting by drivers... SIT DOWN WHILE THE BUS IS MOVING... a popular one! one driver even stopped where we were till people did!!!!
cold buses, hot buses, wet buses.... they have all been green buses!!
i have a ticket which arrived today which will last me four weeks, one which will allow me to get on and off any Arriva shires bus going anywhere.. within the Shires and Essex! this one starts next tuesday...
got a bit of a headache now, probably all the catch up on here, well and Café World on FB (maybe?) or the nearly whole bar of Cadburys Fruit & Nut! ( or is it Kraft now???? i hate change!) i have just demolished nearly all of it anyway!! well... its there and i am here... and now its nearly gone, what a girl gonna do!?!
tomorrow, very fortuitous but my mate from yesterday has an appointment with a doctor at Mom's hospital at the very time i am there to see her! so its only a return to Hemel tomorrow and we will have a coffee and little relaxing look around town before we go to Hospital..
so amigos, good to be back...
TTFN
Marian
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Was better day today, less wet! met Mom's friend at her place and we walked to bus stop and onto the 500 when it came, bit late, and was drizzling by then, had been pouring in the morning... long ride to Watford and then into a cab to hospital.... Mom was so pleased to see her mate, not seen her since last year!!!
Mom was as yesterday, has some strange tales to tell of raining coming in through from the ceiling! and small mice??? i wonder, well i hope, its the drugs! although before she went into hospital apparently she told her friend the doctor had prescribed cocaine!!! it was actually morphine! she is having lots of weird dreams i think!
Iris and i got a cab back to the town centre... and got caught! i gave the driver Iris's £10.00 note, who then said did i have any change? i looked and gave him a £5 note and 50p... he gave me £5.00 change?? which i gave to Iris... so we gave him £15.50 and we got a fiver change! the fare was £5.30 by the way!
the ride home took longer too, we got back to Northchurch at 5:30, bus ride home was an hour and 3/4 !!! so i got fish n' chips, which when i got home with couldn't eat much off, felt a bit queasy... what an awful waste of money.
my Aunt Rita in New York sent Mom card on the 13th which arrived today, 3 days only! Iris sent a card to Mom in Watford, over a week ago, not arrived yet!
the card had a beautiful gift in side... a card with a key ring fob of St Anthony of Padua, Mom and i were in Padua a few years back, there were short prayers for "thirteen tuesdays" in the card, and a Novena Prayer to St Anthony... Mom was so pleased... we were amazed the card arrived so quickly, until we opened to find what was within... i have it here with me, i think i might carry with me till Mom gets home...
ok, time to relax now, its nearly 7pm already!
TTFN amgios
Marian
Mom was as yesterday, has some strange tales to tell of raining coming in through from the ceiling! and small mice??? i wonder, well i hope, its the drugs! although before she went into hospital apparently she told her friend the doctor had prescribed cocaine!!! it was actually morphine! she is having lots of weird dreams i think!
Iris and i got a cab back to the town centre... and got caught! i gave the driver Iris's £10.00 note, who then said did i have any change? i looked and gave him a £5 note and 50p... he gave me £5.00 change?? which i gave to Iris... so we gave him £15.50 and we got a fiver change! the fare was £5.30 by the way!
the ride home took longer too, we got back to Northchurch at 5:30, bus ride home was an hour and 3/4 !!! so i got fish n' chips, which when i got home with couldn't eat much off, felt a bit queasy... what an awful waste of money.
my Aunt Rita in New York sent Mom card on the 13th which arrived today, 3 days only! Iris sent a card to Mom in Watford, over a week ago, not arrived yet!
the card had a beautiful gift in side... a card with a key ring fob of St Anthony of Padua, Mom and i were in Padua a few years back, there were short prayers for "thirteen tuesdays" in the card, and a Novena Prayer to St Anthony... Mom was so pleased... we were amazed the card arrived so quickly, until we opened to find what was within... i have it here with me, i think i might carry with me till Mom gets home...
ok, time to relax now, its nearly 7pm already!
TTFN amgios
Marian
Friday, January 15, 2010
Evening all! *sad laugh*... what a day, snow clearing but lots of slush on the roads here let me tell you, and i found this out to my dismay!
i suppose it would by funny to some people(?) but not for me, i was walking into town along the old A41 and a truck sent cold muddy slush all over my back! and i mean all over, my bag which was on my included, soaked through i was, apart from the small rectangle of bag...
my coat retains water as did my jeans and hat! i went into the shops i had to, and one i didn't to see in a mirror the damage... mug splashed all over my coat and legs, i was freezing, supposed to be a bit warmer today, well you know 7degrees, but i certainly wasn't, and after waiting at the bus stop for hour the bus was cold, little if any heating on and by sitting down i could feel the damp come through my clothing to my body... it was blooming great...
and to Mom in hospital in Watford, i had another talk the doctor, Mom has been saying about coming home, seems its not quite yet, and her kidney count has to come way down yet for it to be safe, and she needs to get up and move about a bit with a phiso, and eat!!!
she only being given drinks now, and a thick yoghurt thing, they all contain something to help her, and i passed this info on to her as the more she has of it the quicker she will be home!
i did warm up in her room forsure, and then it was back out into the cold.
i had a really bad ache in my stomach all day, a cramping ache coming and going, i wont tell the neighbour in case it was her pie!!!! and i stayed well away from Mom even though i had used the hand wash thing.
the walk to hospital too proved harder than before? my legs ache something awful, as though i been exercising?? yeah right!
but ride back to Berko was a bit of a nightmare, i just wanted to sleep, i feel absolutely exhausted, and then the tummy ache! and i am so emotional, dont know whats happening, the slightest thing i am upset... i stopped off back in Berko to pick up a new duvet and cover set Mom wanted, i'm to get it on the bed pronto as she wants to see what it looks like tomorrow! so i will!!
got a cab home, too much to carry, with the above and a load of jellies for me to sneak in to Mom, did check with the doctor and its fine for her to eat them by the way!
got in changed and slept, i feel completely knocked out, even know, certainly not hungry and slightly head achey...legs still telling me i have gone round the gym ten times in one day!!!
thank goodness for the spell check on here is all i say, well apart from some of my quirky words which i wont change!
so early night tonight i think, although not too early or i will have a bad head in the morning!!!
h e l p..... oh how i wish Franco and Pippa were here, they make me stronger...
TTFN amigos..
Marian
i suppose it would by funny to some people(?) but not for me, i was walking into town along the old A41 and a truck sent cold muddy slush all over my back! and i mean all over, my bag which was on my included, soaked through i was, apart from the small rectangle of bag...
my coat retains water as did my jeans and hat! i went into the shops i had to, and one i didn't to see in a mirror the damage... mug splashed all over my coat and legs, i was freezing, supposed to be a bit warmer today, well you know 7degrees, but i certainly wasn't, and after waiting at the bus stop for hour the bus was cold, little if any heating on and by sitting down i could feel the damp come through my clothing to my body... it was blooming great...
and to Mom in hospital in Watford, i had another talk the doctor, Mom has been saying about coming home, seems its not quite yet, and her kidney count has to come way down yet for it to be safe, and she needs to get up and move about a bit with a phiso, and eat!!!
she only being given drinks now, and a thick yoghurt thing, they all contain something to help her, and i passed this info on to her as the more she has of it the quicker she will be home!
i did warm up in her room forsure, and then it was back out into the cold.
i had a really bad ache in my stomach all day, a cramping ache coming and going, i wont tell the neighbour in case it was her pie!!!! and i stayed well away from Mom even though i had used the hand wash thing.
the walk to hospital too proved harder than before? my legs ache something awful, as though i been exercising?? yeah right!
but ride back to Berko was a bit of a nightmare, i just wanted to sleep, i feel absolutely exhausted, and then the tummy ache! and i am so emotional, dont know whats happening, the slightest thing i am upset... i stopped off back in Berko to pick up a new duvet and cover set Mom wanted, i'm to get it on the bed pronto as she wants to see what it looks like tomorrow! so i will!!
got a cab home, too much to carry, with the above and a load of jellies for me to sneak in to Mom, did check with the doctor and its fine for her to eat them by the way!
got in changed and slept, i feel completely knocked out, even know, certainly not hungry and slightly head achey...legs still telling me i have gone round the gym ten times in one day!!!
thank goodness for the spell check on here is all i say, well apart from some of my quirky words which i wont change!
so early night tonight i think, although not too early or i will have a bad head in the morning!!!
h e l p..... oh how i wish Franco and Pippa were here, they make me stronger...
TTFN amigos..
Marian
Monday, January 11, 2010
.... well that was Thursday already four days ago, visited Mom in hospital a few times already, the first time was a great shock, she had had renal failure, i could hardly recognise her the first visit, in a ward with 5 others, she was cold and shivery, covered in a strange contraption that blew warm air over her to warm her through... she also had an x ray.
the x ray was to check her lungs, all ok there, also now the awful tubes in her hands are gone, and she is now in a side room on her own, a room they can heat to bursting point, she says she is just so cold all the time. today i bought her four thermal skull caps, she is complaining of having a cold head and she puts a towel over her head and the staff keep taking it way!
she is eating a little, very little, but a little more than she was which is better than nothing.
taken is lots of nice smelly stuff, Body Shop body lotion, took in one, bought another afterwards to take in tomorrow, face creams etc, and tasty drinks, she now has to flush through as much fluids as she can, and hates water with a passion!
had, at last, a good chat with her doctor today which helped a lot, they are hoping to get her up and walking a bit middle of next week, seems a long time.
a mate drove me in today, i bus'd to her house and then we went from there, the bus ride through Berkhamsted common was beautiful, the Castle and the common on the way to Potten End, all the beautiful snow, so much still un touched by human feet, everything we passed was picture perfect, wish i could bottle it and look at it over again and again...
now since last Thursday after i blogged...? well visit to Mom with Tony, or should i say i went with Tony as he was driving, through the snow and ice! we walked to the shops near the hospital and the paths were like ice rinks, i was holding onto Tony, don't know who was holding him up!!
and Friday after Thursday tiredness i slept too long this night and had a bad head all day Friday!
i did manage to giggle though all day at what i had done in the morning, which was threw out the remains of pizza onto the back garden... a garden maybe 6 to 8 inches deep in snow... the pizza therefore sinking down into it! DOH!!! i could see where it had fell, and so did the birds who had come out of hiding when i opened the door and broke up the pizza! it wasn't till Sunday when we had a bit of thaw and a feeding frenzy had taken place where the pizza had been kept chilling for two days! where the pizza had been were dozens of tiny birds feet impressions, still on snow, but a little less now....
we walked to Morrisons along the same path i took on Thursday, the old railway line, still snowy and still beautiful, and when we came out of the store... it was snowing again!
after lunch and watching a movie Kate and Tony brought me to Moms, i got the place all sorted out, all washing done, all lovely fresh and clean, hopefully she can come home, maybe have palliative care here...
i have eaten my way through almost another bar of chocolate i only bought this evening! its not as big as the one i got Thursday which took 3 days... but that's no excuse really is it, i think tomorrow i don't buy chocolate? what do you say??
TTFN
Marian
the x ray was to check her lungs, all ok there, also now the awful tubes in her hands are gone, and she is now in a side room on her own, a room they can heat to bursting point, she says she is just so cold all the time. today i bought her four thermal skull caps, she is complaining of having a cold head and she puts a towel over her head and the staff keep taking it way!
she is eating a little, very little, but a little more than she was which is better than nothing.
taken is lots of nice smelly stuff, Body Shop body lotion, took in one, bought another afterwards to take in tomorrow, face creams etc, and tasty drinks, she now has to flush through as much fluids as she can, and hates water with a passion!
had, at last, a good chat with her doctor today which helped a lot, they are hoping to get her up and walking a bit middle of next week, seems a long time.
a mate drove me in today, i bus'd to her house and then we went from there, the bus ride through Berkhamsted common was beautiful, the Castle and the common on the way to Potten End, all the beautiful snow, so much still un touched by human feet, everything we passed was picture perfect, wish i could bottle it and look at it over again and again...
now since last Thursday after i blogged...? well visit to Mom with Tony, or should i say i went with Tony as he was driving, through the snow and ice! we walked to the shops near the hospital and the paths were like ice rinks, i was holding onto Tony, don't know who was holding him up!!
and Friday after Thursday tiredness i slept too long this night and had a bad head all day Friday!
i did manage to giggle though all day at what i had done in the morning, which was threw out the remains of pizza onto the back garden... a garden maybe 6 to 8 inches deep in snow... the pizza therefore sinking down into it! DOH!!! i could see where it had fell, and so did the birds who had come out of hiding when i opened the door and broke up the pizza! it wasn't till Sunday when we had a bit of thaw and a feeding frenzy had taken place where the pizza had been kept chilling for two days! where the pizza had been were dozens of tiny birds feet impressions, still on snow, but a little less now....
we walked to Morrisons along the same path i took on Thursday, the old railway line, still snowy and still beautiful, and when we came out of the store... it was snowing again!
after lunch and watching a movie Kate and Tony brought me to Moms, i got the place all sorted out, all washing done, all lovely fresh and clean, hopefully she can come home, maybe have palliative care here...
i have eaten my way through almost another bar of chocolate i only bought this evening! its not as big as the one i got Thursday which took 3 days... but that's no excuse really is it, i think tomorrow i don't buy chocolate? what do you say??
TTFN
Marian
Thursday, January 07, 2010
Day Trip...
Day Trip...
What a day yesterday! checked out net and Luton airport open!
arrived and lined up about 9:50am, check in desks didn't open but there were people there advising of cancelled flights with Monarch and times and departures... eventually check in opened and i did so about 11:15am...
i learnt my flight was now leaving at 7:30pm so Franco and i headed out of the airport, to have a coffee maybe or go further afield... but then i got a text from Tony saying flight was still coming in at 1:30pm? i checked my ticket and it said time of departure 12:00noon? so with haste we rushed back to passport control, said goodbye, i rushed through and then straight to the departure gate as the boarding gate was open!
i got through but the time on the gate was 2:30pm? anyway, we started to board about 1pm i got most of the way down the gantry thing to board when the girl called me back, made a call and said i was on the flight at 7:30pm! same flight number and although the ticket said 12noon, that was just because that was the original time!
what happened was people of the flight the day before, they left and half hour later returned because the wind-shield had cracked and they were not sure they could make it all the way... so returned to Malaga, those people were kept waiting at Malaga airport until one in the morning when told to go to baggage reclaim and taken to a local hotel, arriving gone 2am, brought back and were all on OUR flight!!!!
so nothing to do with the snow at all!
anyway i did the walk of shame and retraced my steps all the way back to the departure lounge area! had a coffee, read a while down stairs, then back up to restaurant area, more coffee!
a couple joined me after a while, who were supposed to fly the day before, and had then not heard of seen the flight they should have got in the morning so were getting on the next one!! we were then joined by another couple, my flight, turned out she had worked for Welcome Foundation same as me, but when it was Cooper McDougall & Robinson, which was the name of the company when Mom worked for them!!!
they are from Watford, and another friend of theirs joined us then, she works at the hospital Mom is in!
and finally we were joined by a guy who is a musician! and played with some very famous people in some very famous places around the world, especially in London where he still plays!
so we had our little gang, we called our selves the Luton 7!! we felt like hostages, leaving things to go for walks, or coffee or bathroom breaks...
we were given no official information, only relying on families checking out on the net or phone for us.
the time kept changing from bad to worse, i wont bore you any more but the last and final time change showed 12 midnight boarding for a 12:30am flight! at any time we thought the flight would be cancelled and no flights with Monarch till saturday!
we, the gang, all went down stairs and through to the gate area together about 11pm and we even boarded just gone midnight, we didn't actually take off though until 1am as we were apparently waiting for 28 missing people? they announced their baggage would have to be removed if they didn't turn up, but they didn't and ... they didn't! so i think they were just confused....
flight went fairly quick, bit of a tail wind and we landed 2hrs and 20 minutes later into a very white frosty and icy Luton airport, first time i worried about coming to a stand still!
we all stood up, don't know why we didn't get to disembark for about half an hour or more, they had no staff to move the stairs up to the plane... but the plane was actually rocking slightly occasionally so i think that the door may have been frozen....
and then problems of opening the hatch and removing the baggage... so we landed at 2:20am and i walked out to get a cab at 4:30am... a nice clean cut 2 hours!
i recognised a woman on the plane, hadn't seen her at the airport, she lives in AlhaurÃn and we had a good chat waiting in the freezing cold for our bags... four of us gang were still together and said our good byes.... like ships in the night...
so 13 hour delay, 2 hours arrival, as you do, before flight time... then trip to Tony's and i got here about 5am... now this is English time, so 6am in Spain, i had got up at 6:30am yesterday so i great 23 hour day...
i got up about ... whatever time Tony went to work this morning so about 3hours sleep, maybe, ready again for a bit of a nap i must say!
but i have walked to the local shops for milk and then cleared a bit of the drive! of snow! glad i bought my wellies that's for sure!
ok amigos... seeing Mom later..
TTFN
Marian
What a day yesterday! checked out net and Luton airport open!
arrived and lined up about 9:50am, check in desks didn't open but there were people there advising of cancelled flights with Monarch and times and departures... eventually check in opened and i did so about 11:15am...
i learnt my flight was now leaving at 7:30pm so Franco and i headed out of the airport, to have a coffee maybe or go further afield... but then i got a text from Tony saying flight was still coming in at 1:30pm? i checked my ticket and it said time of departure 12:00noon? so with haste we rushed back to passport control, said goodbye, i rushed through and then straight to the departure gate as the boarding gate was open!
i got through but the time on the gate was 2:30pm? anyway, we started to board about 1pm i got most of the way down the gantry thing to board when the girl called me back, made a call and said i was on the flight at 7:30pm! same flight number and although the ticket said 12noon, that was just because that was the original time!
what happened was people of the flight the day before, they left and half hour later returned because the wind-shield had cracked and they were not sure they could make it all the way... so returned to Malaga, those people were kept waiting at Malaga airport until one in the morning when told to go to baggage reclaim and taken to a local hotel, arriving gone 2am, brought back and were all on OUR flight!!!!
so nothing to do with the snow at all!
anyway i did the walk of shame and retraced my steps all the way back to the departure lounge area! had a coffee, read a while down stairs, then back up to restaurant area, more coffee!
a couple joined me after a while, who were supposed to fly the day before, and had then not heard of seen the flight they should have got in the morning so were getting on the next one!! we were then joined by another couple, my flight, turned out she had worked for Welcome Foundation same as me, but when it was Cooper McDougall & Robinson, which was the name of the company when Mom worked for them!!!
they are from Watford, and another friend of theirs joined us then, she works at the hospital Mom is in!
and finally we were joined by a guy who is a musician! and played with some very famous people in some very famous places around the world, especially in London where he still plays!
so we had our little gang, we called our selves the Luton 7!! we felt like hostages, leaving things to go for walks, or coffee or bathroom breaks...
we were given no official information, only relying on families checking out on the net or phone for us.
the time kept changing from bad to worse, i wont bore you any more but the last and final time change showed 12 midnight boarding for a 12:30am flight! at any time we thought the flight would be cancelled and no flights with Monarch till saturday!
we, the gang, all went down stairs and through to the gate area together about 11pm and we even boarded just gone midnight, we didn't actually take off though until 1am as we were apparently waiting for 28 missing people? they announced their baggage would have to be removed if they didn't turn up, but they didn't and ... they didn't! so i think they were just confused....
flight went fairly quick, bit of a tail wind and we landed 2hrs and 20 minutes later into a very white frosty and icy Luton airport, first time i worried about coming to a stand still!
we all stood up, don't know why we didn't get to disembark for about half an hour or more, they had no staff to move the stairs up to the plane... but the plane was actually rocking slightly occasionally so i think that the door may have been frozen....
and then problems of opening the hatch and removing the baggage... so we landed at 2:20am and i walked out to get a cab at 4:30am... a nice clean cut 2 hours!
i recognised a woman on the plane, hadn't seen her at the airport, she lives in AlhaurÃn and we had a good chat waiting in the freezing cold for our bags... four of us gang were still together and said our good byes.... like ships in the night...
so 13 hour delay, 2 hours arrival, as you do, before flight time... then trip to Tony's and i got here about 5am... now this is English time, so 6am in Spain, i had got up at 6:30am yesterday so i great 23 hour day...
i got up about ... whatever time Tony went to work this morning so about 3hours sleep, maybe, ready again for a bit of a nap i must say!
but i have walked to the local shops for milk and then cleared a bit of the drive! of snow! glad i bought my wellies that's for sure!
ok amigos... seeing Mom later..
TTFN
Marian
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
On my way...
back to Luton airport in the morning... only been just over two weeks, seems like months!
i am so panicking about the snow, its just started in the area and about 16cms is forecast, goodness knows what will do if the flight is either cancelled or diverted... dont want to think about it, the luton airport site says no problems yet, will keep on checking and pray in the morning the plane leaves for here ok, at least, i suppose i will be in England...
rain and sun today, and The Three Kings tonight made their route through town, showering the streets and people with sweets... Franco got into the car park a round about way, with so many streets closed.
ok, just wanted to give a quick up to date, speak to you soon, from England, watch for my Twitters...
TTFN
Marian
i am so panicking about the snow, its just started in the area and about 16cms is forecast, goodness knows what will do if the flight is either cancelled or diverted... dont want to think about it, the luton airport site says no problems yet, will keep on checking and pray in the morning the plane leaves for here ok, at least, i suppose i will be in England...
rain and sun today, and The Three Kings tonight made their route through town, showering the streets and people with sweets... Franco got into the car park a round about way, with so many streets closed.
ok, just wanted to give a quick up to date, speak to you soon, from England, watch for my Twitters...
TTFN
Marian
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Well here it is amigos... 2010! and the sun is shining... the sky is blue, please stay that way now, we had an horrendous amount of rain, the reservoirs are so full now, they were full after last winters rain so we really didn't need any more!
did i tell you Barry bought me a mouse for my little note book here? i still find it confusing sometimes, i am typing away and then use the mouse pad, forgetting i have the mouse separate now and much easier for my hands to use with lots less pain. especially when playing solitaire, although that is forgotten now!
and i forgot to give him his sugared mouse! just remembered this morning... there they are in a little white bag!
yesterday afternoon i got a *Mafia wars* gift on facebook and checked out Café World... well that's it i am hooked well and truly, i couldn't or rather didn't understand all the stuff on facebook where people were logging their trials and tribulations from *Mafia wars* or *farmville* but now.... different story, i got on to it, told Franco and then he was, is hooked, we didn't even go to bed till nearly 1am last night, caught up in cooking and cleaning and food preparations!! and Franco even got up early knowing a dish was ready... yes this is very weird... but strangely good, takes your mind of your worries momentarily for sure... and that's not a bad thing sometimes.... the game is playing in the back ground now, i can hear the cash registers clanging away, ca'ching! earning me points and coins etc! dont know how long the addiction will last, i suppose back in England it will keep me from thinking too much...
mom cant wait for me to arrive now, understandable, only been gone two weeks, but seems like ages now... she fell down the other night, not badly, just sort of slipped down the closet door, she had her alarm round her neck thank goodness and buzzed them, a guy came out, picked her up, and later tucked her back into bed! hope she wasn't too cheeky eh! she said she made him blush!!!!
we went over to CoÃn this morning and to Mercadona, remember mercadona man amigas??? anyway... lots of cars on the road and the supermarket was heaving, obviously everyone had run out of food already! really???
Franco and i were even talking about our cafés in café world! its a good thing this addiction is harmless.........?
cant remember, Franco bought me some of those wonderful long sticks of sweets, red outside and white inside, they were so full of MSG... i looked like a strawberry! all over my face, down my neck, my scalp... and inside my elbows??
well i had to stay away from all things MSG over the last week, including pectin, gum, and a million other things that hide they're msg in other names! so i am looking better now, still a bit itchy though! and getting into the car earlier i got bitten on the hand, maybe a spider? but it made my fingers hurt!
a lovely warm day today... and so take care amigos, hasta luego...
New Year’s Reflections Looking back on the months gone by,
As a new year starts and an old one ends,
We contemplate what brought us joy,
And we think of our loved ones and our friends. Recalling all the happy times,
Remembering how they enriched our lives,
We reflect upon who really counts,
As the fresh and bright new year arrives. And when I/we ponder those who do,
I/we immediately think of you. Thanks for being one of the reasonsI'll/We'll have a Happy New Year!
By Joanna Fuchs
TTFN
Marian
did i tell you Barry bought me a mouse for my little note book here? i still find it confusing sometimes, i am typing away and then use the mouse pad, forgetting i have the mouse separate now and much easier for my hands to use with lots less pain. especially when playing solitaire, although that is forgotten now!
and i forgot to give him his sugared mouse! just remembered this morning... there they are in a little white bag!
yesterday afternoon i got a *Mafia wars* gift on facebook and checked out Café World... well that's it i am hooked well and truly, i couldn't or rather didn't understand all the stuff on facebook where people were logging their trials and tribulations from *Mafia wars* or *farmville* but now.... different story, i got on to it, told Franco and then he was, is hooked, we didn't even go to bed till nearly 1am last night, caught up in cooking and cleaning and food preparations!! and Franco even got up early knowing a dish was ready... yes this is very weird... but strangely good, takes your mind of your worries momentarily for sure... and that's not a bad thing sometimes.... the game is playing in the back ground now, i can hear the cash registers clanging away, ca'ching! earning me points and coins etc! dont know how long the addiction will last, i suppose back in England it will keep me from thinking too much...
mom cant wait for me to arrive now, understandable, only been gone two weeks, but seems like ages now... she fell down the other night, not badly, just sort of slipped down the closet door, she had her alarm round her neck thank goodness and buzzed them, a guy came out, picked her up, and later tucked her back into bed! hope she wasn't too cheeky eh! she said she made him blush!!!!
we went over to CoÃn this morning and to Mercadona, remember mercadona man amigas??? anyway... lots of cars on the road and the supermarket was heaving, obviously everyone had run out of food already! really???
Franco and i were even talking about our cafés in café world! its a good thing this addiction is harmless.........?
cant remember, Franco bought me some of those wonderful long sticks of sweets, red outside and white inside, they were so full of MSG... i looked like a strawberry! all over my face, down my neck, my scalp... and inside my elbows??
well i had to stay away from all things MSG over the last week, including pectin, gum, and a million other things that hide they're msg in other names! so i am looking better now, still a bit itchy though! and getting into the car earlier i got bitten on the hand, maybe a spider? but it made my fingers hurt!
a lovely warm day today... and so take care amigos, hasta luego...
As a new year starts and an old one ends,
We contemplate what brought us joy,
And we think of our loved ones and our friends.
Remembering how they enriched our lives,
We reflect upon who really counts,
As the fresh and bright new year arrives.
I/we immediately think of you.
TTFN
Marian
Thursday, December 31, 2009
próspero año nuevo & a Blue Moon!
This morning friends around the world i just want to share todays Go Gratitude with you all, today at the end of this decade, cant believe its been ten years since the Millennium celebrations...
i am on my way back to Mom's, will be back within a week. she seems to be living on wafer biscuits at the moment, saying all the other food she has doesnt seem appealing at all. she had such a huge delivery on sunday of easy foods, the list sounded very strange when i had finished it and the tesco guy was surprised at the quantity! and i will be there to go with her to Mount Vernon on thursday and see what the professor has to say... and make sure she eats all that food!
mom and i have a system, i gave up phoning her all day, the phone is in another room and she mostly just lets it ring, so when she is up she calls me and i call her straight back, but nearly everyone else who phones just gets no reply but are left worrying, and my poor mom has the phone ringing all day she says!
thing is people understandably want to know how she is but are getting her out of bad to do so! no matter i will be there soon to answer the phone for her...
rain again today... same ol' same ol' story from here on that then! although yesterday Franco and i went down to Fuengirola and the day was quite bright and dry, took para agua just in case though! lots of hard wind and rain over night, dare not go up on the terrace as whereabouts of washing could be a mystery!
Barry got off ok on tuesday evening, friends dropped him off for us, i hated just leaving him there at the drop off zone... the plane left a bit late too... so he is back in Nottingham now, with snow? not sure, i think his airport was closed yesterday morning with it!
ok amigos read below and here's to 2010 may it bring prosperity to you all, in health and happiness if not wealth also!
***********************************************************************************
To our Community of the Heart:
Thank you for being a part of our lives, and sharing time
in 2009 together!
May this New Year be one of Joy, abundance, good-will, peaceful
awakenings and graceful journeys. May we have courage
to look for the blessing in every moment, and the audacity
to celebrate it!
May compassion reign in our hearts and kindness ring
through every word. May our waking dreams be filled
with joy, creativity and passionate pursuits. May our
hearts and minds be joined as One; unified within, so without.
May we remember we are all Children of the Earth: kindred
spirits, brothers and sisters, members of the Great family
of Love.
May we choose Love over fear; unity and harmony over
separation and discord. May we have the strength to claim
our authentic power; standing true in Word, action and deed,
and with firm resolve BE the change we wish to see in the world.
May our children see the Light of Love in our eyes. May our
elders be honored for the wisdom each bears. May every Heart
trust they are Divinely endowed with the birth-right to thrive,
and wake each day celebrating the Great-Full-Ness of life.
May we remember Heaven is within our Hearts, opening our
eyes to the sacred in all things. May we breathe prayers of
thanks into each moment, and with reverence honor the gift
this Life brings.
This is our prayer. We give thanks it is so! And so it is!
***
Come one, Come all! Did you know ...
New Years Eve 2009 is also Day 42 of World Gratitude gathering?
As we prepare to complete this wave, and this year, we invite
you to join us, wherever you may be, at 11:11 am or pm on
January 31st for a silent world-wide Gratitude meditation.
Simply breathe into the heart, allowing Gratitude and appreciation
to flow thru you. Allow this wave to roll beyond you, to the heart
of the earth and to the heart of the Universe. Feel yourself
being connected to our global family, to Source, to Love.
Let go of any thoughts, intentions, or distractions. Rather, allow
yourself to BE the Great-Full-Ness of Life, fully present to the
gift of this moment and to the power of Now.
Whether you are able to join us at the appointed time, or simply
choose to spend one moment - maybe this moment! -- in the
energy of Gratitude, know that you are part of a wave of
appreciation flooding the planet, our hearts - yes! all creation -
with Love.
What better way can we give thanks for this year, and prepare
to enter the New - with a heart full of Love and Gratitude!
Thank you to all who joined us for this wave of World Gratitude.
What a beautiful way to complete 2009, and begin 2010!
For those interested in joining our next wave, we're charting our
2010 schedule and be sharing here soon!
Thank you, Beloveds, for joining us in this experiment in Gratitude.
We are blessed by your prayers, notes of insight and kindness,
generous support, and expressions of Love and Gratitude.
We look forward to 2010, and beyond, and to the continued
growth of our Community of the Heart - which most blessedly
includes YOU!
Ukehi shi'bijii (Thank you for being our heart)
Stacey Robyn
and the ground crew of Go Gratitude!
P.S.When we have the courage to look for what is right with
the world, we will find our hearts, and the world, filled with
Gratitude! In-Joy this 20 min. journey with Dewitt Jones, as
he shares his stories on finding more and more to be grateful
for.
TTFN mi amigos see you in 2010!
hugs Marianxx
ps... hey i nearly missed this its a blue moon this evening! second full moon in a calender month, so if there is something you only do once in a blue moon.... todays the day folks.... enjoy!!!?!!
i am on my way back to Mom's, will be back within a week. she seems to be living on wafer biscuits at the moment, saying all the other food she has doesnt seem appealing at all. she had such a huge delivery on sunday of easy foods, the list sounded very strange when i had finished it and the tesco guy was surprised at the quantity! and i will be there to go with her to Mount Vernon on thursday and see what the professor has to say... and make sure she eats all that food!
mom and i have a system, i gave up phoning her all day, the phone is in another room and she mostly just lets it ring, so when she is up she calls me and i call her straight back, but nearly everyone else who phones just gets no reply but are left worrying, and my poor mom has the phone ringing all day she says!
thing is people understandably want to know how she is but are getting her out of bad to do so! no matter i will be there soon to answer the phone for her...
rain again today... same ol' same ol' story from here on that then! although yesterday Franco and i went down to Fuengirola and the day was quite bright and dry, took para agua just in case though! lots of hard wind and rain over night, dare not go up on the terrace as whereabouts of washing could be a mystery!
Barry got off ok on tuesday evening, friends dropped him off for us, i hated just leaving him there at the drop off zone... the plane left a bit late too... so he is back in Nottingham now, with snow? not sure, i think his airport was closed yesterday morning with it!
ok amigos read below and here's to 2010 may it bring prosperity to you all, in health and happiness if not wealth also!
***********************************************************************************
To our Community of the Heart:
Thank you for being a part of our lives, and sharing time
in 2009 together!
May this New Year be one of Joy, abundance, good-will, peaceful
awakenings and graceful journeys. May we have courage
to look for the blessing in every moment, and the audacity
to celebrate it!
May compassion reign in our hearts and kindness ring
through every word. May our waking dreams be filled
with joy, creativity and passionate pursuits. May our
hearts and minds be joined as One; unified within, so without.
May we remember we are all Children of the Earth: kindred
spirits, brothers and sisters, members of the Great family
of Love.
May we choose Love over fear; unity and harmony over
separation and discord. May we have the strength to claim
our authentic power; standing true in Word, action and deed,
and with firm resolve BE the change we wish to see in the world.
May our children see the Light of Love in our eyes. May our
elders be honored for the wisdom each bears. May every Heart
trust they are Divinely endowed with the birth-right to thrive,
and wake each day celebrating the Great-Full-Ness of life.
May we remember Heaven is within our Hearts, opening our
eyes to the sacred in all things. May we breathe prayers of
thanks into each moment, and with reverence honor the gift
this Life brings.
This is our prayer. We give thanks it is so! And so it is!
***
Come one, Come all! Did you know ...
New Years Eve 2009 is also Day 42 of World Gratitude gathering?
As we prepare to complete this wave, and this year, we invite
you to join us, wherever you may be, at 11:11 am or pm on
January 31st for a silent world-wide Gratitude meditation.
Simply breathe into the heart, allowing Gratitude and appreciation
to flow thru you. Allow this wave to roll beyond you, to the heart
of the earth and to the heart of the Universe. Feel yourself
being connected to our global family, to Source, to Love.
Let go of any thoughts, intentions, or distractions. Rather, allow
yourself to BE the Great-Full-Ness of Life, fully present to the
gift of this moment and to the power of Now.
Whether you are able to join us at the appointed time, or simply
choose to spend one moment - maybe this moment! -- in the
energy of Gratitude, know that you are part of a wave of
appreciation flooding the planet, our hearts - yes! all creation -
with Love.
What better way can we give thanks for this year, and prepare
to enter the New - with a heart full of Love and Gratitude!
Thank you to all who joined us for this wave of World Gratitude.
What a beautiful way to complete 2009, and begin 2010!
For those interested in joining our next wave, we're charting our
2010 schedule and be sharing here soon!
Thank you, Beloveds, for joining us in this experiment in Gratitude.
We are blessed by your prayers, notes of insight and kindness,
generous support, and expressions of Love and Gratitude.
We look forward to 2010, and beyond, and to the continued
growth of our Community of the Heart - which most blessedly
includes YOU!
Ukehi shi'bijii (Thank you for being our heart)
Stacey Robyn
and the ground crew of Go Gratitude!
P.S.When we have the courage to look for what is right with
the world, we will find our hearts, and the world, filled with
Gratitude! In-Joy this 20 min. journey with Dewitt Jones, as
he shares his stories on finding more and more to be grateful
for.
TTFN mi amigos see you in 2010!
hugs Marianxx
ps... hey i nearly missed this its a blue moon this evening! second full moon in a calender month, so if there is something you only do once in a blue moon.... todays the day folks.... enjoy!!!?!!
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