Saturday, March 31, 2007


photos 10, 11 and 12 of china... all so wonderful, so serene and peaceful looking, good place to put ones mind when its too busy!


this i say as my sleepless nights are not getting better, cant believe this, FM always, i think, effects sleep, but as in waking up often and going back to sleep again just as quick, never a deep sleep always dreams dreams dreams..


and now i am waking up and just staying awake, was awake about 115 this morning and i heard the clock strike 3 before i back to sleep, i got up at some point and made a milky honey drink which helped, but that was after ages of just staring up at the ceiling fan! some people say its not good to get up if you cant sleep because then the body thinks thats whats got to happen every night, so i dont know. so in all that time i lay there thinking of 'blog' stuff, and what the doc said last night, i might as well have come down and done it!

last night had an hours wait to see him, he was running very late! i had an ultra sound scan of my innards!!! liver kidneys etc, all ok, i have a calcium deposit somewhere i shouldnt! so not sure what will happen with that or why its there! maybe on a fibroid or node? but it wasnt there 3 years ago and has grown half a centremetre, so?

he gave me a cortisone injection, steriod shot to help with the inflamation, you can only have two or three, and he told me to take it easy over the next 24 hours, not sure if its made any difference yet though. and its back again tuesday evening!

while i trying to get to sleep last night all that was going on in my head, and its such a horrid time, a car drove past and i thought how horrible to be out then, and had some sort of flash back to when i would be driving home at that time, wishing i was already home, or had never even gone out! all alone in my car, was a horrible feeling, if only we could be more aware that one day everything will be alright. maybe not early on, or even half way through, but one day, all will be right with us. i wasted so much time worrying and lonely.

our life here in spain is certainly tough at times, but i am happy where it counts, inside in my heart and soul... see insomnia is getting me all philisophical now... believe me this would have been worse if i come on here in the middle of the night mis amigos!

and you know i am not drinking any more than one or two coffees at the most now... when i was on ten cups a day, no problems sleeping! T E R R I F I C!

God is always the same,
even though he may have a thousand names,
but you need to choose a name to call him by.

TTFN
Marian

6 comments:

forget me not said...

Everything WILL be ok, don't worry about it. I think it's the cortisone that kept you awake. That, too, will pass.

Your feelings remind me of Jesus in the garden of olives. His anguish was a million times more, but you know, the good thing is that you realize he (God) knows what anxiety is. He went through it, and that's why he's close to you right now, to let you know that.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful pictures. Thank you for sharing them.. as for coffee, hmm.. maybe you should have more! I have a friend who drinks coffee around the clock.. Hmm.. wait, no, on second thought, don't have more!
:-)

Now, as for that quote (it's from Paul Coelho, right?) What does he mean.. that we should have a little nickname for God, a little term of endearment -- as God has for each of us?

(Littlestorms)

forget me not said...

I think he means (Ive read a few of his books) that even though there may be many different religions, God is God. The important thing is to accept him in our lives no matter what name we call him by.

Marian said...

yes i think he means that also, that whatever god we pray to, by whatever name he goes by, ultimately there is but the one god.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, ladies. :-) But what does he mean by the last line: "We need to choose a name to call Him by"?

Marian, if I don't get back before Easter, a blessed Triduum to you, and the finest Easter Sunday ever.
:-) You and yours, too, FMN, and all who read this.
Love,
LS

Marian said...

LS... thank you, and a very happy easter to you also.
lovemxx